Friday, February 24, 2006

Public Service Announcement

This one's for the ladies. Today's Public Service Announcement is designed to help you decipher the games and bullshit you get from us fellas. I'm going to let you in on the secret unspoken male language so you can really understand what he's thinking. Fellas, this isnt meant to salt your game, but improve your communication with the fairer sex. Besides, if she knows whats really on your mind, maybe you wont have to hear that dreaded "what are you thinking?" question 20 times a day.

If you are arguing and a guy says "huh?", he's really trying to remember his lie. "Huh?" is a classic stall tactic. Its not always easy to remember what you said in the past and guys have to think for a minute to make sure that the story is consistent. You women have a way of being perceptive and bringing up old shit that we forget about. Sometimes we have to just take a step back to refresh our memories.

If a guy gets off the phone with you to talk to his mother this can mean one of 2 things. He is either going to talk to another female, or he is a momma's boy. A man just doesn't give up the opportunity for sex to talk to his mother. He will call her back at a more convenient time. There's probably some other chick on the other line and he just wants to keep the peace. Women don't question men if they think we are talking to our mother. Conversely, if his mother really is on the other line, that guy has some Oedipal issues to resolve. A grown man who is still under the thumb of his mother is not going to make an ideal mate.

When a guy wont let you come to his house, more than likely he got someone there already. I know a girl was dating a guy for six months but has never seen the inside of his house. Every time they hang out they go to her crib. I finally had to break it down to her. He wont let you come over because he has another woman there. He may say that he doesn't like a lot of people coming over to his house or his house is dirty, but if he continues to come up with excuses every time, you have to ask yourself (and him) what's really going on.

If you have to ask if it feels good, you probably ain't doing it right. If you are giving a man head, and he seems bored or disinterested, you might want to watch a few episodes of Real Sex for some tips. It shouldn't be that hard to tell if he likes it. All men like getting brain. If after the first time, he says that he don't want you to do that anymore, that's because it wasn't good. While I'm at it, let me give you a few pointers from the male point of view. #1. Don't be scared of the dick. Like Puffy said "Take that, take that." Nothing annoys a man worse than when a woman acts all hesistant and timid during a head session. #2 Stop thinking so much. Giving head doesn't make you a hoe, it means that you are taking care of your man. What 2 consenting adults do in the privacy of their bedroom aint nobody else's business. You can be a lady in the street and a freak in the bed. #3 Stop talking so much. Haven't you ever heard that you ain't supposed to talk with your mouth full? A man is not in the mood for conversation while getting head. He is concentrating and all that small talk during the session can kill the vibe. We do, however, make an exception for dirty talk.

When a guy sees a pretty girl, he IS going to notice. It doesn't mean he loves you any less. If you catch your man glancing at another woman, it's not the end of the world. Men are attracted to sexy women and it is our biological imperative to check that out. Same thing goes with strip clubs. This is not a sign that you aren't keeping him happy, but every now and then a man wants to see a different woman naked. If this bothers you too much, perhaps you should go to the club with him or watch a porno together. This way you are included in his pursuit of sexiness. And if you really wanna blow his mind, point out a woman to him and tell him that you would do her. That'll keep him harder than Chinese arithmetic.

If your man keeps trying to get you to go out with your friends, he really just needs some time to himself. Sometimes when we are in relationships, our whole world is wrapped up in that woman. Every now and then, a man just needs some time to himself to sit around and watch sports or drink a beer without you hanging on him. It doesn't mean he don't love your possessive ass, it just means that he wants to remember a time when a woman didn't control his every move.

If your man will do anything to avoid being around one of your female friends, she probably tried to hit on him. True story: I was dating this girl once. It was nothing serious but every time we would hang out she would bring her lonely single friend with her. One night we were at a bar drinking and just shooting the breeze. My date went to the bathroom and I was alone with her friend. No sooner did she leave than her friend tried to kiss me. After that I made a conscious effort to avoid her at all costs. This happens more than you think. You may wanna consider leaving single Black female at the crib when you spend time with your man.

These are just a few tips to get inside of a man's head. I can't give away all the secrets in this post, but if you need some advice on your relationship, hit me up at visionz74@yahoo.com or in the comments section. I'll channel my inner Dr. Phil for you. (This is just a joke, don't really ask me for relationship advice. I can't take responsibility for fucking up your situation.)

It was written...

11 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am already hip to the “huh” pause but what about the classic “What I meant to say was”. I don’t agree with the not coming to the house thing, I’ve learned that if a man is that sneaky to go out with another woman when he has one at home then 9 times out of 10 the other girl already knows about the mrs at home, she just don’t care. And I do know that there are some guys that wont invite a girl over because the crib really is dirty , mmm there is nothing like getting your freak on, on top of a pile of dirty clothes LOL. Now I am the type of girl that “asks the dreaded question what are you thinking?” but I figure he better be happy as hell that I’m asking because my disinterest in what’s going on in his mind also means I aint too interested in anything else either. You’re right about the single black female thing, not that every woman is trifling like that but some people can’t stand to see other people happy.

-c

Sun Feb 26, 10:30:00 PM  
Blogger Mocha_Grl said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

Mon Feb 27, 11:01:00 AM  
Blogger chele said...

I really enjoyed this. Most of the things listed, I was already aware of. But I do have a question regarding the 'giving head' thing: if she's not doing it right, why doesn't the guy take the time to show her how to do it? If he does it in a way that doesn't make her feel like an idiot, she'll be receptive and everybody will be happy!

Mon Feb 27, 11:12:00 AM  
Blogger Me said...

Hey hey - stumbled by your spot. So I already do the strip clubs with my man, give head and dont talk - except dirty ..and all that jazz.. I even point out women I would do ..

My question is this however. He isnt the most affectionate type. I usually initiate affection. he says i should look at the things he does do to see his love..is this true?

how can you tell if you are more into a guy than he is you ? he does everything for me ..money wise, helping out etc etc..

Mon Feb 27, 11:40:00 AM  
Blogger TheOneandOnlyInsanely said...

Good shit!!!

Most are common sence, like thehouse thing and when the mother calls.

Mon Feb 27, 01:21:00 PM  
Blogger Cool AC said...

Good stuff! But I don't know about the mom on the other line thing. If my mom calls, I'm getting off the phone with my guy. There may be an emergency. Now, If he doesn't call you back till the next day, uh yeah, it was another chick.

Mon Feb 27, 05:23:00 PM  
Blogger T. Cas said...

Sorry so late responding, but they had the nerve to expect me to work on a Monday.

@ everybody: you'd be surprised how many women don't know this stuff. Most of these are things I've had to tell my female friends.

@ c - getting freaky on a pile of clothes? I think I've done that before. oh shit, i think I just told everybody my crib is dirty.

@ chele. if you tell her she aint doing it right, she aint gonna do it again. we always hold out hope that it will get better. Women can say what they want and get it, men have to walk that fine line or risk never getting served again.

@ me: some cats (including me) just ain't that affectionate. If a guy spends money on you, that might be the only way he can express his affection. Some of us are emotionally stunted. I wouldn't worry about it. If he cares enough to pull out the wallet, he probably cares about you.

@ insanelysane thanks for the kind words. yeah, its common sense, but a lot of people dont have that. some of my female friends dont have a clue what their man is thinking.

@ cool ac: it's usually another girl on the line, but there are exceptions. I actually got called out on this yesterday by a friend who read this post. Apparently I used the mom excuse a few weeks back, and I'm far from a momma's boy.

Mon Feb 27, 06:58:00 PM  
Blogger Hali said...

Good Post. Most of the mentioned were not new to me but it was still good to read it coming from a man.

Mon Feb 27, 07:14:00 PM  
Blogger Honey-Libra said...

Great post. I saw myself in some of the recieving end and glad I listened to what I figured was going on..good post!

Tue Feb 28, 11:08:00 AM  
Blogger Dragon said...

Great post. I don't need relationship advice, but I could use some jumpoff advice. You got any?

Fri Mar 03, 06:00:00 PM  
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Mon Oct 05, 04:07:00 AM  

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