No Doz Girl

I need to keep this short cuz I'm supposed to be going out with my friend Jessica. But I had to tell you about the ill sh*t that happened at work today. I'm minding my own business walking around like I always do, when I see this girl, slumped on the desk crying. My natural reaction would be to keep it moving, but something told me that something was amiss. So, I ask her what's going on and she tells me that she took 2 no doz with a coke and now she cant stop shaking. There's a couple of other people around, but they are looking at her like she is faking, and not taking the situation very seriously. I sat down next to the girl and looked at her and she literally looked she was going through some Parkinson's disease tremors. Her hands and face were shaking and she couldnt stop her leg from moving. I told one of the other manager's that we need to call an ambulance, partly because the girl looked horrible, and partly because if anything went down, we would be responsible. The girl kept insisting that she didn't want to go to the hospital, and to just call her baby daddy to pick her up. Against my better judgment, I went along with it. One of the other women grabbed her cell phone and called the guy. In the most niggerish tone imaginable, this mf said: "What the f*ck am I supposed to do? Tell her to take her ass to the hospital." I was in shock, the mother of his child is damn near about to black out and he showed no sympathy at all. Then they give No Doz girl the phone and they commence to have an argument while she is in the midst of her caffeine induced tremors. I was like ok that's enough. So I take the phone away from her and attempt to calm her down. She is now hyperventilating, and telling me that her heart was beating really fast. I don't know what came over me but I went into save the day mode. I motioned for the other manager to call 911, while I took care of No Doz girl. She was still insistent that we not call an ambulance, so I told a little white lie to keep her calm and said that we wouldn't. In the meantime, Baby Daddy got a conscience and decided to call back, which just upset No Doz girl even more.

SIDEBAR: (D~ did I steal this from you?) No Doz girl has a major crush on me. She has made no secret of this. I don't say this to make myself sound like a pimp, but its important to know for the rest of the story. Okay, let's continue!

I'm trying to keep her alert but calm at the same time. It's not working. I'm thinking to myself, "where the hell is the ambulance?" The other manager goes downstairs to wait for the paramedics so she can let them in the building. The other employee was talking on the cell phone to No Doz's baby daddy. That left me alone with a convulsing, hyperventilating woman, whose 5 foot nothing frame could not handle 1 pill, let alone 2. I know CPR, but I don't know what to do in case of an overdose. I just remembered from a very special episode of "Family Ties" that you need to keep the person awake and alert. I suggested that she stand up and walk around, but her leg was shaking too much for that to work. She reached for my hand as a sign of comfort. As a male manager, I am very careful about touching female employees, I ain't trying to get a lawsuit. But I realized that I had to do something in this situation. I grabbed her hands and every time she looked like she was going to drift off, I squeezed them to snap her back to consciousness. This worked for a while, but the damn EMS still wasn't there. She alternated between being hyper and being groggy. I figured I had to calm her down as much as possible so I spoke to her in soothing tones normally reserved for late night pillow talk or a therapy session. I don't know where the encouraging words came from but she seemed to respond. No Doz girl was actually lucid for a quick second. She smiled at me with the admiration of a school girl with a crush and said "Thank you."

This moment was fleeting as in the next minute she blacked out and fell into my arms. Almost simultaneously the paramedics arrived and took over. Two firetrucks and an ambulance full of life savers relieved me of my duties. They put an IV in her and eventually drove her to the hospital. When she left she was conscious, but this situation scared the everloving sh*t out of me. What if she died and I was the only one there? That's way too much responsibility for me. I admire anyone who can deal with this kind of thing on a daily basis cuz this one time was one time too many for me. This turned out way longer than I planned, and I am now officially late.

It was written...