Wednesday, June 28, 2006

I Was Dreaming When I Wrote This...

...Forgive me if I go astray.

I just had a dream that made me cry in my sleep. I’m going to try to type as much as I can remember but I’m sure I’m going to forget stuff. It maynot make any sense but here we go.

I was going to Six Flags with a couple of fellow bloggers. One of whom I was really feeling. It was supposed to be the 3 of us, but when I met up with them, they had brought boyfriends with them. They were straight lovey dovey and everything. Holding hands. Arms around shoulders and shit. I was a true 5th wheel. I expressed my concerns to the Blogger I was feeling and she reassured me that I had nothing to worry about, it was just an old friend. So the 4 of them were riding in a golf cart from ride to ride and I was following along by running. I know, I don’t fucking run, but I was in the dream. I even followed them on the Smurf ride, which was a water ride. They rode in the car down the water ride and I followed on foot, walking down a huge water plume and sliding down without the car. Anyway, I finally got frustrated and decided to leave, then the Blogger I was feeling tells me she needs my help. We lauch into a flashback and we are sitting in her hotel room. Flashback ensues: She hit her fake boyfriend over the head with a candle stick and he died. We roll up his body in a rug and throw him in the trunk of the car, I don’t know whose car but it was in a car trunk and the body was extremely light, like carrying a little dog or something. We drive from fake ATL to fake Arizona and are being chased by a[puppet in a cop uniform and he is relentless like the terminator 2 cop. The car turned into a convertible and I start throwing fruit at him so he will get off of our trail and stop chasing us,. At one point he falls down a cliff and we stop the car to celebrate by making sweet love. Just as I am about to climax, the cop puppet drags his lifeless body up the Cliffside and says freeze stay where you are . I pelt him with rocks and bricks but eventually I run out of shit to throw at him and he arrests us. She gets 10 years for manslaughter and I am let out of jail without a charge and sent back to home

When I get home, I am in a relationship with my ex girlfriend. We are married with a child. Only she looks like she did when I met her in 1999 instead of how she looks now. I also look different in that I am skinny, I mean like Keith Sweat skinny. We hug and we kiss and we talk about our child. It’s a beautiful baby boy and all is perfect with the world. I hear a ripping sound and all of a sudden things ain’t perfect anymore. The tear reveals that I have been seeing things that weren’t really true. For instance I ain’t Keith sweat skinny and my ex doesn’t look like she did in 1999 or even now. She is horribly disfigured. Like a burn victim. But that flash only lasts a few seconds and its back to the fantasy life. I tell the ex what I saw and she starts looking nervous. I get the feeling that she knows the fantasy life isn’t real. I press her for awhile and then shit is revealed. I am normal me, 2006 version, she is an Emmett Till look alike and we don’t have any kids. We live in a rundown shack, and it’s dirty and roaches all over the place. I don’t like this reality so I say “how could I be so fooled?” She tells me “You see what you want to seee instead of the truth.” I respond “how do I know it’s the truth, this can be another construct of my imagination,” She says “look into your heart.”

I look into my heart literally, I mean it was like a scene on House or CSI when the camera zooms into the part of the body that’s fucked up and I find out another reality. This time we look normal but carry heavy emotional scars. I’m an alcoholic who neglects my family; she’s a cheating harlot with no regard for me as a person. We have a shambles of a marriage and our son is nowhere to be found. I’m appalled by this reality and I try to rip it down, and get back to the happy life. My life is then revealed to be a movie directed by David Heffernan, for the Holiday Inn Hotel Chain. The tag line is if you want to keep your children off of drugs have them watch this movie. So even though I know it’s a move, I still am living the script. I want to see my son, I want to do better. I ask the ex where he is and she takes me to a dark room and says he’s not ready yet. I am eager so I look around the room looking for him, but I can’t find him. Next thing I know I am outside the house and there are 2 holes cut into the wall. Hold up back up, I had even saw those holes in the earlier versions of my reality, but didn’t really think anything of them. So this time I stick my hands into the hole and there’s latex tubing going all the way through to some rubber gloves like in Outbreak. I reach around for a minute then something grabs my arm. I look through the hole and hear a voice say daddy. I look in the windows that all of a sudden appeared and its an eight year old version of me, complete with curly afro I used to rock back in the eighties. The ex comes out and explains to me that my son, or me, or however it was in the room is a bubble boy and can’t experience the outside world and will never know his fathers touch. I busted out in tears in my dream and woke the fuck up.

That was some sick shit and I wrote it right after I woke up. I haven’t even opened my eyes yet. It's now 3:30 Am, and I dont want to go back to sleep. I wonder if this will make any sense in the morning. What the hell does this dream mean? Any amateur analysis for me?

EDIT: 9:15 AM - I DON'T EVEN REMEMBER POSTING THIS. I'VE STARTED WRITING DOWN MY STRANGE DREAMS FOR MY DREAM JOURNAL BLOG I WAS GOING TO START, BUT I DIDN'T INTEND TO POST THIS. OH, WELL.

20 Comments:

Blogger VerseOne said...

wow! first i'm amazed that you are able to remember that much of your dream... and secondly, i have no idea what to tell you that means.

well, the whole blog-crush-chic, could be a sign that you should approach her before she finds love and the only way to have for yourself is to kill her boyfriend...

Peace

Wed Jun 28, 08:15:00 AM  
Blogger 4EverJennayNay said...

wow...
what did you eat/listen to/watch before you went to bed. Has anything in particular been drifting throughout your mind? That may have something to do with it too. I won't even ask the seemingly random things because dreams are rarely sensible.

Ok, my amateur analysis of the theme park situation is that maybe you want something that you see a lot of people with but just can seem to chase down. That may be the happy fantasy life.
My analysis of the second part is that maybe repeating the mistakes of your father is something that deeply concerns you. Some times that's a child's deepest fear, I know that's true with me. In your Father's Day post you talked about the problems your father had. The movie could have been his life, his role played by you. You watched the movie in your dream and then in real life as well.

It's interesting how initially you were running to something, and then running from something. Settling down forever & ever amen maybe?... Meaning marriage? I dunno. Caution would definately be a wise choice. It seems like there's something big in the back of your mind.

Wed Jun 28, 08:48:00 AM  
Blogger thee modern isis said...

damn.. i swear i was thinking of Alice in Wonderland while reading that when she was chasing the rabbit. lol no pun intended.

I say whoever the blogger is, you need to voice your feelings before she settles for someone else.

I would prescribe something but I can't have you trying to sue me for malpractice.

Wed Jun 28, 08:50:00 AM  
Blogger Mocha_Grl said...

lol@thee

Damn T, that's quite a dream!!
I got to agree with 4ever, seems like you were chasing down the fantasy happy life, and tryna keep the fantasy life as your reality...even though the "truth kept peeking through"

Sounds like you got some concerns for the future....

Of course you could've just eaten a late night meal at IHOP and had fucked up dreams...lol.. you know better than to go to sleep with your belly too full!

Wed Jun 28, 10:02:00 AM  
Blogger Knockout Zed said...

I don't even know what to say, Cas. That shit was psychologically complex. The first part of the dream I thought was just part of the desire to be boo'd up, but it got progressively deeper.

One of these damn know it all bloggers will be able to figure this out.

KZ

Wed Jun 28, 10:46:00 AM  
Blogger NegroPino™ said...

U lost me when u said your blogger crush killed her "fake" man.........that is is crazy.........

Wed Jun 28, 11:06:00 AM  
Blogger JoJo D. said...

I concur Missy. That is crazy, Tcas. I think it might mean that you have too many people living in your head, LOL. I think we all have multiples, LOL! I know I did not just say that...LOL.

I peeped you on my street this morning. Thanks for reading.

Wed Jun 28, 11:50:00 AM  
Blogger Cool AC said...

Wow! That was a crazy dream. I had a crazy dream that I was in a spelling bee the other night. My friend asked me what I ate before I went to bed (I had icecream)... maybe you should think about that too?

Wed Jun 28, 02:31:00 PM  
Blogger chele said...

I'm not even gonna try to touch that one.

"Emmett Till look-a-like"? WTH?

That whole thing was just crazy.

Wed Jun 28, 02:38:00 PM  
Blogger Cocoa Girl said...

I agree with Zed on the boo'd up bit for the first part of the dream.

After that, you lost me...you need a professional reader!

Wed Jun 28, 02:52:00 PM  
Blogger i like liquor and tv said...

goodness.. that sounds like something you experience when you do shrooms...so I've heard.

The second part sounds like Vanilla Sky.

about the childhood part:

To dream of your childhood, indicates your wish to return to a life where you had little responsibility and worries. It also represents innocence. Alternatively, it suggests that certain aspects of your childhood has not yet been integrated into your adult personality. Or on the other hand, some childhood anxiety has yet to be resolved in your adult life.

from dreammoods.com

Wed Jun 28, 03:01:00 PM  
Blogger P said...

Who iz yo blogger crush, yo?

Wed Jun 28, 04:26:00 PM  
Blogger SistaGirl said...

First of all I was shocked to see t.cas say that he cried :-)..This is a hell of a dream I agree with the others that you need to tell your blog crush that you are feeling them..just do it, you wont know what can happen until you say somethin

2nd part..I think you are feeling that the fantasy life you dreamed of with ex from '99 was just high hopes and had anything ensued it could have ended with you being the alchy and her being the cheater as far as the child not knowing his fathers touch it sounds like you're consciousness is telling you that there may not be a child between you and the ex for you to get to know. It does sound like your stressed about your future, but look into your heart youll be fine...
ok I'm done taking up your comments I havent read in a while nice post.

Wed Jun 28, 04:48:00 PM  
Blogger Nika Laqui said...

DAMN, that was some dream, don't you hate those vivid nightmares....

But that was funny you runnin alongside the waterslide and the golf cart...
Maybe that means you may be laming yaself out over your "blog crush"...or you would do anything to be with her...either or....

As far as the other part of the dream, I would need to know your life a bit more to analyze....

Have you been exposed to long periods of sunlight? The melanin in our skin helps us have vivid dreams...

Wed Jun 28, 05:24:00 PM  
Blogger T. Cas said...

@ verseone - I only remembered cuz i went straight to the computer and wrote it. If i had did anything else, i would have forgotten it

@ jennaynay - that was a damn good analysis. I have my own theories but i like yours better.

@ thee modern isis - I felt like Alice in Wonderland during the dream. Shit was weird

@ mocha - I actually didnt eat anything that night, maybe I was hungry in my sleep

@ Zed - that was some strange psychological shit. Made me think definitely

@ NeGroPiNo - I know its crazy, I was bugging out in my dream, but I couldnt wake up

@ insanity - lol @ multiples, too much stuff in my head indeed

@ cool ac - like i told mocha, I didnt eat, i think it was a remnant from the heat earlier in the day

@ chele - yeah, it was crazy. that emmett till image stayed with me all day.

@ cocoa - I think i got my own amateur analysis going on, but a professional would be nice

@ liquor and tv - its funny that you mention Vanilla Sky, cuz i kinda felt like that when I was trying to wake up from the dream but couldnt

@ P - she knows who she is, no need to put people on blast. LOL

@ sista girl - you coming back on the scene? and for the record, T. cried in his dream not real life. LOL

@ Nsane - i was in the sun and heat all day, maybe thats whats up. I don't know where my mind comes up with this stuff.

Thu Jun 29, 03:27:00 AM  
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