Saturday, June 24, 2006

No, You Get Over It!

I feel the need to respond to a post I read yesterday. Nikki basically told me and the other male bloggers to Get Over It. Her post addressed the "problem" of men not commenting on other men's blogs. It was a great post from her point of view, but let me tell you mine. Here's why I don't comment on most male bloggers blogs. I don't expect most of the women to agree with me, but this is my opinion. Nikki's comment section didn't give me enough space to give you the real deal and plus, she was moderating the forum so it was skewed to her perspective. Here is my perspective:

1. The Gay Issue - There are a lot of gay writers in the blog world. And as open minded as I try to be, the subject matter on these blogs doesn't appeal to me. I don't have anything constructive to add to the topic. Therefore, I don't read or comment on them. It's not homophobia it's just not what I want to read about, the same why that I don't like to read about Black Republicans or celebrity gossip blogs. Gay male bloggers are just not my demographic.

2. I'm Not A Poet (and didn't even know it) - There are some male bloggers with a real cool vibe and might be good people, but I'm not into poetry like that. While I do respect what they do, and occasionally like to read a verse, I don't make that my regular routine. That eliminates a large segment of male bloggers.

3. Dick Bragging - There are a gang of blogs out there about sexual conquests. It seems like everybody wanna be a player or a pimp. Now, I'm not saying that these bloggers are making it up, in fact in doesn't matter. What you eat don't make me shit. What I mean by that is this: I don't get any satisfaction from the girls they are boning. For me to comment on these blogs to me is the equivalent of high school locker room talk, where guys bragged on their dicks to no end. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a prude and I understand that sexuality is a part of life, but to read some of these blogs, they have a different girl every night. Do You! I just don't really care that much.

4. Male Friends - In real life I don't have any male friends. Every one in my cipher is a female. I just get along better with the ladies. I'm not sure why that is so hard to believe. Most women I know get along better with men and vice versa. That translates to the blog world to me. We don't always have the same perspectives or opinions, but they are never hesitant to check me if I'm wrong or give me good advice if I need it. In fact I expect some of that in the comments section after this joint.

5. The Alpha Male Syndrome - This is the most important reason I don't comment on a lot of male blogs. In this blog world, the writer of the blog is king, or emperor, or dictator. I previously mentioned my opinion that a lot of male bloggers are extremely arrogant, and yes this includes me. I don't see the need to feed someone else's ego. When I first started reading blogs, I would comment on male and female blogs alike. I noticed that women appreciated my comments, while the males merely tolerated them. Before you accuse me of stereotyping, I know not all male bloggers are like that. But from personal experience I've literally seen them respond to all the female commenters and skip over the men. It's the Alpha Male syndrome. There can only be one dominant male, and it's the one who owns the blog. That also doesn't mean that it's competition, it's just the nature of men. I have my blog to shine, and I let them have their spot.

I offer this post as an explanation of my behavior, not an apology. I probably still wont comment on men's blogs on a regular basis. In fact, as anybody that knows me in real life or IM knows, I am extremely stubborn and getting called out may have the opposite effect. LOL. That being said, if any men are out there and want to comment I welcome it. Gay, Straight, Black, White, its all good. I may not agree with you, but I respect your right to say it here. Not to mention that I am a comment whore, so the more comments the better. And now just to show that I'm not a complete hater here are a few of the guys whose blogs I'm digging.

The Humanity Critic - I share his love of music and asshole mentality

Leon - This cat is hilarious. He's actually one of the first bloggers that I read.

Knockout Zed Brother can tell a story. We comment on a lot of the same blogs

There are probably a ton of other men's blogs I would enjoy, but my blogging habit is already at epic proportions. I'm sure the male bloggers don't care one way or another if I comment on their blogs. Anyway, tell me what you think and be brutally honest. If you think I'm being ridiculous, then tell me. It ain't gonna change anything (see aforementioned stubbornness), but I want to know what you think. Peace Fam!

It was written...


Blogger nikki said...

1. most heterosexual male bloggers don't comment on homosexual male blogs, so you're not alone. that doesn't explain why you don't post on the heterosexual blogs, though.

2. there are plenty of brothas out there just like you who aren't poets, yet have amazing blogs just like yours. a few have actually commented here.

3. nobody likes a dick bragger but that ain't even most of the male bloggers.

4. you used to have male friends...cats you were really close to, so it would stand to reason you not only have the ability to get along with other males but you are capable of developing friendships with them, too. you said it don't get out. just cuz you don't have male friends now doesn't mean you won't ever have male friends. sistas might be able to offer a different perspective but the downside is that we can only empathize but so much with you because you're a male and have experiences unique to men.

5. this proves just what i said. you call it alpha, i call it competitiveness based on insecurity. the act of commenting isn't only about feeding a person's ego. do you think that when we comment on your blog? do you think the guys who come here only comment in order to feed your ego or because they can relate to what you've said and wanna support the fact that you were brave enough to share your shit with the world? i can understand you wanting to be king, but the only reason i see a king keeping his kingdom all female is cuz he's easily threatened by the presence of a male who might take him offa his throne.

it's cool you can admit to reading the listed blogs. meanwhile, all three of those blogs have male commenters, so basically, nothing you've said even applies to them. they're heterosexual, good writers (not poets), respond to all posters, including the men, and for the most part don't brag about the dick (zed doesn't do it all the

Sat Jun 24, 06:48:00 PM  
Blogger Tenacious said...

Well I just read blogs that are interesting although I am fancinated(sp?) by the male gay bloggers *shrugs* But hey if you don't like or come across a lot of male blogs, don't feel bad *i'm sure you don't*

What works for the goose doesn't work for the gander

Besides I think it's the same for women sometimes. Although I do comment on other womens' page.

Oh yeah I heart Humanity Critics and Leon :-) Hilarious ass dude. For another great laugh check out, he is so damn funny it hurts!

Sat Jun 24, 08:13:00 PM  
Blogger 4EverJennayNay said...

The majority of male bloggers I run into are gay. I don't expect to any hetro males comment on their blogs for the same reason I don't expect to see (many, if any) homosexual & hetro friends... I mean cool, close, kick it on the regular type friends. While the content of gay male prolly isn't appealing to hetro males, it isn't hard for me to believe that commenting on a gay male's blog could be viewed by some as a challenge to a hetro's "str8ness". Yea, we all try to be open minded, but mental blocks can prevent that.

On the Alpha Male deal...
I'm gonna save space and just cosign with Nikki. I think its a competition thing. All the women commenting on your blog are in your turf and for the moment are "yours", so to speak, because you have their attention. And who doesn't love attention? Especially in the blog world, part of the experience is having people visit your spot, giving you attention.

There is never a need to apologize for opinions and they shouldn't be expected. But I also think most hetro males in the blog world would offer a reasoning similar to yours. This goes back to the whole competition thing because I think a lot of hetro males would be thinking along the same lines for their actions.

Sat Jun 24, 08:50:00 PM  
Blogger fallen angel said...

if it was really about people commenting only to blogs or posts that they were interested in, there would be times that NONE of us would have ANY comments at all. the fact that we are all individuals is enough to warrant a gander (to borrow tenacious's adage) at someone else's thoughts.

there is not one single blog that has every single person agreeing with every single thing they say. and if/when that does happen, it's because either you've been there before, you're going through it currently, or anticipate it for the future.

i say all that to say this, male or female, we all learn from each other. none of us know every single thing there is to know about every single thing. so i usually encourage people to look at it this way, you never know whether or not your comment is going to not only make the author think about something possibly with a new perspective, but the other commenters as well ('cause you know we LOVE to read each other's comments). :)

Sun Jun 25, 04:22:00 AM  
Blogger TTD said...

i can understand nikki's point.. and ur's as well.. as tenacious says.. ur going to read what interests you & if you dont feel what you read warrants a comment.. then you wont leave one...

Sun Jun 25, 11:21:00 AM  
Blogger chele said...

I understand your reasoning. Men will be men and thank God for 'em. The whole 'alpha' male thing gets me though ... you guys are like cavemen in most respects ... not necessarily a bad thing but you never see women doing that in blogland.

Sun Jun 25, 12:00:00 PM  
Blogger nikki said...

i'm not trying to encourage men not to be men. the only reason this is an issue for me is because the prevailing reason i've been given recently for a guy not commenting on another guy's blog is the 'it'll look like i'm stroking his ego/riding his jock' thing. to me, that appears to be based solely on someone's fear of what other folk might think of them. what's worse is that brothas will swear up and down they don't care what folk think about 'em cuz men aren't supposed to care about stuff like that. that's something women do.

i think this is a misunderstanding which has prevented brothas from bonding and has instead created a distrust among them. why would giving praise for something or commenting on a blog be seen only in that light? that just doesn't make sense to me.

Sun Jun 25, 01:10:00 PM  
Blogger JoJo D. said...

Yo, Tcas. I'm vibing on you with this one. At least you do get a chance to visit blogs... I myself would like to do more visiting. I think men don't comment on other mens' blogs because it makes them feel inferior. I guess they're thinking: "Oh hell, I can write a better story than that." Kind of like competition. My blog has been up for a year now and I have not ever developed a following like I want to. Most male readers don't bother because I do not have a picture or pictures posted on my blog and we all know men are visual creatures. And I suspect some women visit me BUT they probably go away thinking: "Who the fuck she think she is?" On my bog, I talk about things women don't want to hear the truth on, so they leave and don't come back. But surely, somebody feels me... LOL.

I agree with all your reasons for not commenting on other mens' blogs.

Sun Jun 25, 09:31:00 PM  
Blogger T. Cas said...

@ everyone - I love a good discussion/debate, so your feedback is most definitely appreciated

@ nikki - I knew I could count on you to give me your opinions. let's just say, I respect your opinions and they make partial sense, but I'm a do me. I will concede that it's possible that is competition, but not because of insecurity. Are you competetive because of insecurities, or just because you want to be the best? And as far as not caring what people think of me, I think you know that's not how I feel. You know I do care what others think of me, its one of the reasons I have to force myself to be honest on the blog

@ tenacious - you right, I don't feel bad. LOL If i get a chance, I'll check bruthacode out, but as I said my blog plate is pretty full right now

@ JennayNay - I agree with much of what you say, except I don't view the women commenters as mine. I'm not naive enough to think that this goes deeper than blogging. I know once y'all leave your comment, you are on to the next blog.

@ fallen angel - for me, its not about agreeing or disagreeing. I don't judge someone elses experiences. But it is about being able to relate. For example, with your blog, I'm not a poet, but I can relate to the sensibilities you put in your poetry.

@ TTD - That's true. I just wanted to put my reasoning out there for not commenting

@ chele - Cavemen is a good analogy. Theres like an unwritten law that you don't infringe on another man's territory, even if it is blog territory. LOL

@ insanity - thanks for your input. I think its easier for me to develop a following because there aren't that many hetero Black men writing blogs out there. I know that the if there were as many male blogs out there as there were females, I wouldnt have as many women reading. I don't let it go to my head (most of the time.) LOL

Mon Jun 26, 08:31:00 AM  
Blogger nikki said...

i expect you to do you at all times, cas. i can see how competition can be based on the drive to want to be the best, but i'm not sure how that applies to not commenting on other male blogs. i mean, dropping a word here or there doesn't threaten that move, does it?

if there is an unwritten law about 'territory', what about the guys who come to your blog and comment and the ones who go to other male blogs and comment on them? is this a law they're just not aware of or one that you as an individual have chosen to abide by?

and i know you care what others think of you. however, i ask again...what do you think of the guys who comment on your blog if you assume that by commenting on other male blogs that they see you as a 'dick rider'? is that how you see them when they comment on yours?

Mon Jun 26, 08:42:00 AM  
Blogger T. Cas said...

Damn, nikki you ask too many questions. LOL - just playing lets see if I can answer them.

First, the competition analogy was to address the fact that insecurity doesn't have anything to do with not commenting. It seems like you want to chalk this up to being insecure, when it really is not about that all.

Guys that comment on my blog: I welcome anybody. The unwritten rule is something that I noticed, I dont expect everyone to feel the same way, or follow the same rules that I do. I can't answer for other people

And when men do comment on my blog, I go to thier blog and return the comment, assuming I have something to say. The "dick riders" comment on your post was related to MY reasons for not posting comments. It was a light hearted response to your blasting of us on your blog, trying to keep the mood light. I don't view other people like that. As I stated, I welcome anyone who wants to leave a comment. As far as men who comment on my blog, I can remember maybe 5 in 115 posts, so maybe they are following the same unwritten laws.

Any more questions?

Mon Jun 26, 09:27:00 AM  
Blogger nikki said...

i'm not saying it's about insecurity now that you've pointed out a valid reason why it's not. i'm asking what competition has to do with not commenting on someone else's blog. what kind of competition is this?

i know you can't answer for anybody else. however, if you welcome brothas to comment on your blog, why would you assume other guys would not? perhaps they don't comment much because you don't comment on theirs, which leads them to believe you don't really welcome them commenting on yours.

Mon Jun 26, 09:34:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dude, I was wondering about this whole male blogger commenting on other male bloggers thing the other day.

I do believe that the Alpha male thing has a lot to do with it. I (honestly) also figured that guys didn't want to fid other dude's egos.

Fact remains that we read what we like. I used to visit a lot of gay male bloggers' sites because they're fabu, hilarious and witty as hell. However, after a while, I realized that I am not gay and male, so why bother as much??

All this to say: I feel you.

Mon Jun 26, 10:20:00 AM  
Blogger Miz JJ said...

I don't comment on many dudes blogs either. I never really thought about it that deeply though. I just read the blogs I can vibe with.

Mon Jun 26, 10:26:00 AM  
Blogger The said...

My Brother,
I'm relatively new to the blog world and don't really get what all of the controversy is about. I'll visit people who visit people I like or who visit me. I usually go link to link to link to link, without lingering long enough to develop long lasting relationships. It's not that serious. It's reading and writing in a pseudo world. That's how I found you. I noticed we comment on a lot of the same blogs so out of curiosity, I decided to pop in.

All good.


Mon Jun 26, 11:06:00 AM  
Blogger mocha_grl said...

I feel Miz JJ on this. I don't comment on too many dudes blogs simply because i comment on those i can relate to. I never really thought about it too much.
I personally find it a great opportunity to see what's going on in the heads of other women, since i don't meet too many cool chicks in my day-to-day.

But the points you and Nikki bring up are interesting....

Mon Jun 26, 11:49:00 AM  
Blogger NegroPino™ said...

SO if i comment on the gay bloggers blog cuz we have alot in common, does that make me GAY? LOL

Mon Jun 26, 01:35:00 PM  
Blogger NegroPino™ said...

But then they never respond back to me I wonder what's up with that?

Mon Jun 26, 01:35:00 PM  
Blogger Nika Laqui said...

Negropino you crazy...*lol*

T. I feel you mayne, you have very valid reasons here...

Mon Jun 26, 02:12:00 PM  
Blogger "N" Search of Ecstasy said...

Wassup T!

Very good post and interesting point of view today. You definitely made some valid points. I also figured that the Alpha male thing had a lot to do with it.

Mon Jun 26, 09:26:00 PM  
Blogger T. Cas said...

@ nikki - I'm tired of talking about this now. LOL It is what it is. We gonna be aiight.

@ cocoa - you right, read what we like, comment when you want. whats wrong with that?

@ miz jj - I feel blessed that you comment on mine. Thanks

@ G - I think my point was that there really isn't a problem for me. I'm digging that piece you did with Fallen Angel

@ mocha -

@ NeGroPiNo - nah, that dont make you gay, but if you ever do decide to be, can I watch? LOL

@ Nsane - thanks, I just wanted to give my view on it

@ n search - thanks, I didnt write it so people would agree, but to put out my perspective. Give me a good meme to do and i'm all over it.

Tue Jun 27, 01:17:00 AM  
Blogger Knockout Zed said...

Cas, you summed that shit up to the fullest! Thanks for this post.


Tue Jun 27, 11:12:00 AM  
Blogger T. Cas said...

zed - I'm glad you felt me on this one.

Tue Jun 27, 09:06:00 PM  
Blogger So...Wise...Sista said...

I truly didnt know it was this deep. Wow.

Tue Jun 27, 10:41:00 PM  
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