Am I That Difficult?

This is not the post I intended to write today, but I'm waiting for my editor to get back with me before I post that other one. So, instead I'm going to talk about me. Apparently, I am a difficult person to get to know. I didn't think that was the case, but when you hear that two times in a week, there may be some validity to it. I thought about what makes me so difficult and this is what I came up with.

1. Sarcasm - I am extremely sarcastic to the point of being an asshole sometimes. I don't mean anything by it, I just like to make jokes. All in the name of fun is how I see it. But some people are "sensitive" and can't take it. I'm never just out and out mean, so I don't really see what the problem is.

2. My two personalities - Jamal and T. sometimes fight for control. Whereas T. is outgoing and friendly, Jamal wants to be left alone sometimes. Whereas Jamal is a nice guy, T. is the one who takes things too far. T is abrasive, Jamal is vulnerable. I think everybody has this problem, but they call it moods. I just so happened to have named my moods.

3. Don't Ask, Don't Tell - I have a strict policy against volunteering information. I figure that if you want to know then you should ask. If you don't, why should I tell you every little thing about me. I hate when people tell all their business unsolicited. Now, I realize that I may take it to the extreme by not telling anything, but thats just my personal preference. Its not because I'm guarded or jaded as I have been recently accused of.

4. Stubborness - To say that I'm stubborn is an understatement. I am always right, even when I'm left. It takes a helluva lot to change my mind about something. I mean, seriously, unless you come hard, don't even bother trying. I don't judge anyone for having a different opinion, but that doesn't mean that I am going to subscribe to it. I'm nobody's sheep. Nas and Tony Montana told me The World Is Mine. I don't just give you your way. Besides, women always tell me that they don't want a man they can run over. Is that a lie?

5. Eagerness turns me off - If someone is what me and my homeboys used to call "thirsty," I think I react in the opposite manner. I'm trying to find a way out of the situation. That doesn't mean that I want someone to act aloof, but preserve a little bit of the chase for me. I know it seems like a game, but my fight or flight instincts are what they are. If you come on too strong, I'm subconsciously asking myself why is she like that? What are her intentions? Will she be my next stalker?

I analyzed myself and I realize now that I can be difficult. Will I change this behavior? Probably not! Remember I'm always right and for me to change up would be admitting that I'm not. And I don't think I am that hard of a person to get to know. You may not figure me out in the first conversation, but I'm pretty much an open book. Besides, I think I'm worth the challenge. If you actually get to know me, I think you'll like the real me.

It was written...