Cheatin'
Inspiration - "Cheatin' " Little Brother - "You was cheatin' (yes you was)/, caught you creepin' (yes I did)/To the window, to the wall, [to the wall] skeet-skeetin' (you cold busted)/Heavy breathing (out the door), now I'm leavin'.."
What I'm Listening To - Jay - Z - "Kingdom Come" on my work speakers. I'm probably not supposed to do that. LOL
Question(s) I Asked Myself Today - "Am I really getting paid to do crossword puzzles and surf the net?"
I was having an interesting conversation earlier and I wanted to open it up to the readers to see what you think. A female friend and I were talking about cheating. She said that cheating was worse for a woman if it was emotional in nature rather than physical. She would be more apt to forgive a transgression if it was just sex than if the man had an emotional connection. It makes sense; I've heard that from women before. But for men, I think it would be different.
My opinion, in this hypothetical situation, is that a man may not be able to forgive easily if his woman got down with another man. It seems like that would be the ultimate blow to a man's ego. If it's just emotional, then there's still a chance that you can win the woman back, but once she takes the steps to consumate that union, its a wrap. To quote Jay -Z "once a good girl is gone bad, she's gone forever." It may not be right, but I think that's how most men think. I know there probably aren't many men who would admit being cheated on, but I'm interested in how they would handle that situation.
Personally, I don't know if I could just forgive and forget. I think that if I knew, that would be the end of the relationship right then and there. There is no cooling off period, or trying to work it out. Perhaps it's a pride thing, but I think it would be easier to get past it if no sex was involved.
So, now I ask you... Which is worse, emotional cheating or physical cheating? How would you handle a situation in which your mate cheated on you? Is that a deal breaker for you? I know for a lot of people it would be ideally, but when it happens in real life, what have you done? If you don't wanna put your business out there, leave it anonymously if you like. I'm interested to read your opinions.
It was written...
What I'm Listening To - Jay - Z - "Kingdom Come" on my work speakers. I'm probably not supposed to do that. LOL
Question(s) I Asked Myself Today - "Am I really getting paid to do crossword puzzles and surf the net?"
I was having an interesting conversation earlier and I wanted to open it up to the readers to see what you think. A female friend and I were talking about cheating. She said that cheating was worse for a woman if it was emotional in nature rather than physical. She would be more apt to forgive a transgression if it was just sex than if the man had an emotional connection. It makes sense; I've heard that from women before. But for men, I think it would be different.
My opinion, in this hypothetical situation, is that a man may not be able to forgive easily if his woman got down with another man. It seems like that would be the ultimate blow to a man's ego. If it's just emotional, then there's still a chance that you can win the woman back, but once she takes the steps to consumate that union, its a wrap. To quote Jay -Z "once a good girl is gone bad, she's gone forever." It may not be right, but I think that's how most men think. I know there probably aren't many men who would admit being cheated on, but I'm interested in how they would handle that situation.
Personally, I don't know if I could just forgive and forget. I think that if I knew, that would be the end of the relationship right then and there. There is no cooling off period, or trying to work it out. Perhaps it's a pride thing, but I think it would be easier to get past it if no sex was involved.
So, now I ask you... Which is worse, emotional cheating or physical cheating? How would you handle a situation in which your mate cheated on you? Is that a deal breaker for you? I know for a lot of people it would be ideally, but when it happens in real life, what have you done? If you don't wanna put your business out there, leave it anonymously if you like. I'm interested to read your opinions.
It was written...
posted by Rashan Jamal at 11:04 PM
28 Comments:
Personally, both are bad. Now if he got emotionally involved first then sexed her that is worst.
The thing I find ironic is the double standard. I think more men got let egos go cause forgiveness is not gender-specific. Bump pride. Where is the pride for the same cheating brotha. But I digress. LOL.
Cheating does not have to be physical, emotional infidelity can be very devastating in that intimacy is much deeper than intercourse. To be open to another and come back to me closed that hits the heart.
I have been cheated on but found out after the breakup. It did not felt any better to know I was betrayed especially with all the lies and mistreatment because of his guilt.
I am so used to be alone, not lonely, I would end a relationship because of cheating.
Emotional cheating is worse imo. To me if you keep physically stepping out with the same person emotions will come to play eventually.
When my ex stepped out a few times, I forgave (I was dumb and in love) and forgave and forgave till I had enough, then I rolled out.
The transgression didn't hurt as much as the lies afterwards. Men don't seem to understand that the woman ALWAYS finds out. I'm not the most forgiving person in the world but I do understand that people make mistakes. But if after you're caught, you don't come clean and say what happened like: "it was a mistake", "I messed up and found myself attracted to her and didn't pull back", in other word the truth, I can't forgive it! Because without a true explanation I will always feel that it wasn't a mistake and that he cheated becuase he just felt like it and assumed I'd forgive and forget. And that IS a deal breaker! Cheating doesn't destroy the realtionship LIES do.
I think both are bad however I have been cheated on and it was physical and somewhat emotional I guess from the emails I read...I think the part that hurt worse was the emotional part of it though. To think someone loves you and to find out that they love someone else is a blower or that they are telling someone else that they love them...you can stop having sex with someone but thinking about them and loving them doesnt' stop so easily in my opinion..but you can get over it and move on I guess
There is a lot I can say about this, but people forget that genetics sometimes play a role in this type of cheatin. I can't go into details here it would be too long.
But yes, often men are not willing to stick around if the woman cheats, and often when men do stick around it is because in their minds they veiw the woman now only as a sex object. And if she stops having sex with the boyfriend he will then leave.
Cheating however you put it, I'm out. "I can have another you in a minute..."
Emotional is the worst...cuz somebody could be with somebody physically but if that person has somebody's heart( I been in that situation) that is rough. I would rather have somebodys' mind and soul than thier body
There was a relationships I was in my past where I was cheated on and found out and tried to move on. There was always problem with me trusting that person from that point on, which led to numerous fights, and eventually the end of the relationship. There were other transgressions along the way.
For me, cheating is cheating. My feeling is that if you are going to cheat and I forgive you, that's just giving you permission to continue that behavior.2wqazx We train others how to treat US and by saying it's ok is just opening yourself up for more of the same.
Now with all that being said, I do believe there are some VERY RARE occasions when I would probably be willing to forgive, and I do mean PROBABLY!
This is just my opinion, I'm sure there are millions that disagree totally.
I had a girlfriend that cheated and got physical with another dude. She begged for my forgiveness, and I actually took her back. Got clowned by my boys and basically sucked up the ridicule.
The funny thing is, after I forgave her, I felt her losing respect for me, day by day. I was supposed to keep moving. I played myself. That was a hard learned lesson.
If a chick cheats emotionally or physically, it's time to dip.
KZ
Emotional, like what? Him calling the chick up, reading her poetry, and feeding her grapes? I don't care about that. More time for me to work on my miniature furniture making.
But if there was any intercourse involved, I'm out.
Honestly, you can look at a pride for the answer to this one. Usually there is one male (maybe two) and maybe 5 to 6 different lionesses. If ever one of these lionesses decided to mate with someone outside of their pride, then she would be outcast. But none of the lionesses look at the lion cross ways when he is goin from sister to cousin to sister number two. That is just the nature of things in the wild. Men are visual creatures and whenever they know u done wrong, they see it in their mind's eye. Women are emotional creatures and when he admits to catchin feelings for someone else, she already know because you didn't look at her the same.
I personally don't know how I would react to the cheating situation... I can say all day what I think I would do, but 'til I'm in it... i really don't know, do i?.....
Cheating is cheating. Play that game if you want to. I was married in '98 and quickly divorced in 2000 after being betrayed in that fashion shortly after a year of being married. The entire story of her cheating is a very long one, but not a situation where it didn't occur or one where I was without proof in-hand. I'll give you the abbreviated version. A cat like me sat at home every night for weeks knowing that she was doin’ something but I just couldn’t prove it. I looked at her and honestly asked her if there was something wrong and she lied. Then she had the nerve to try and say that I should pray about my insecurities.
I then decided that enough was enough. I put a secret caller ID box in the basement of the house which kept track of all the numbers that called my house. When I got home after work she'd be home most of the time. The numbers of the cordless phones in the rest of the house did not match the numbers on the box that she had no idea about. Obviously she was deleting those numbers. I logged every number from the box and had traces ran on the numbers. I then got the name, address and ALL vitals of all those cats callin’ my crib. The next time she had to ‘work late’ I staked out the crib of the cat who’s number appeared the most. Sure enough, her car was there. Little did she know that I was sitting there with a loaded 9mm in my lap. I was going to pop both of them. However, by the grace of God and thinking about possibly spending the rest of my life in prison, I drove away from the house that night.
Basically I went from being a happy husband to being a very angry one. It angered me that she thought she could play me for a fool and think she'd get away with it. I was determined to make her pay some how some way. I wanted to kill her, I wanted to hurt her, I wanted to show the world that I wasn't this punk azz nicca that she could toy with. I had many opportunities to hurt or kill her even after the night I described, but in the back of my mind I kept saying to myself "I don't understand why she did this to me. I honestly in my heart still love her and don't want her to die, but she needs to pay for this somehow". I realized that having a very powerful 9mm at my disposal was my worst enemy, so I got rid of it.
I'm only here to talk about that night, because I drove away from the house that night and took the legal route of dissolving the marriage. It wasn't easy though. I lost a lot emotionally and financially and it took years before I could trust a woman again. Betrayal in any, shape, form or fashion in a relationship will not be tolerated. If I sense it, I'm rollin'...
Society basically says its okay for men to cheat and women should get their heads chopped off, if they do it.
I've come to understand the harsh reality that people cheat, man or woman. I think if people could be honest with one another before the infidelity starts, it would then give the other person the chance to make the decision on the relationship, before the cheating happens. That way yall can come to a mutual agreement to separate.
But that never happens cause most people want they cake and eat it too and will deal with the consequences once its too late.
its hard to say what you would do until you're there. i know people who have been impacted by adultery. they always said they would immediately leave. but when it came down to it, they couldn't.
i also have no idea which would hurt me more. i think the regularity with which the cheating happened would weigh most heavily. then you have to deal with the subsequent stabbing and theivery of your trust. too much. how bout you just don't cheat on me?
Physical and emotional but an emotion other than anger will probably form for emotional.
It's a deal breaker b/c my trust will disappear.
when a guy cheats on me...personally it's 2 fingers. Holla back youngin'. I dont have time for the whining and "baby baby" pleases...just get out of my face.
Both hurt like hell, but for me, emotional would be worse.
All men cheat. I only cheat if I have to. But the worse type of cheating is FINANCIAL. When a dude spends his money on drugs, gambling, another girl (or another guy), preventing him from taking care of me properly!
Share your d*ck in a box if you must, but like Gladys said, Save the overtime (pay) for me!
LOL!
I dont care if it is emotionally or physically, you cut if you cheat. I have a zero policy for cheating. I just do not think I could do. There is one person who I would have forgiven if she would have stepped uout. But she did not so there is a zero tolerance policy for anyone else.
I feel that I will be able to forgive but.... as most men, the thought of the actual act will probaly never leave the back of my mind with the pictures my mind will have mustered in my head, will probablt never cease.
But to be quite honest, If my mate were to do like 1% of the dirt that I have done behind her back.. I would consider us even....imagine that.
ThatsMyStory.....
Happy Holidays.I think emotionally cuts deeper.
Any form is cheating is bad especially when you find out that you were cheated on by way of a venereal disease. Happened to a "friend" and he forgave like a fool. Once a cheater always a cheater.
both styles are bad.. one isn't worse than the other.. previously, i have been cheated on (both physically & emotionally - but i also was cheating..) we decided to work things out.. but once the cheating has been put out there, that trust factor comes into play and forgiving is one thing, but forgetting is another.. it's hard to forget something like that.. and that makes the relationship crumble.. and b/c of past experience, if my man were to cheat on me, it's a done deal.. life's too short & im moving on!
as a reformed cheater i can say in all honesty affairs of the heart are nothing to fool with.
i had one once, with someone who wasn't "available" and although we never did more than kiss...we spent the next ten years emotionally entangled in a way that couldn't really be described as anything else but loving each other.
i took a long time for me to realize the extent of our relationship...although his primary relationship has long since ended, we cheated life a little and that ain't right.
I think both of them (emotional and physical cheating) conjure up different emotions in someone.
However. . .
I know for sure that the triggers that attach someone to someone else emotionally are binding, and are the cause of many tears, questions, jealously, and fights. Normally, you get with somebody for how they look; you stay with them for how they make you feel.
Emotional attachments are a mofo.
i think that both are bad, but as a man....to be physically cheated on is worse(ego crusher), with me there is no forgiveness it is simply time to move on and find a woman that is worthy of me as a person point blank. As a "good" black man...i fully realize and love that we are seriously outnumbered by beautiful,educated, black women......my point is that if there is a woman that wants to cheat, MOVE ON, and do so FAST (or better yet let urself heal), but always, always realize that we are outnumbered in a very good way and take advantage of that fact when dealing with dick-happy women.
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