Get At Me, Dog

Inspiration- "Get At Me, Dog" - DMX "Yo, yo ya niggaz wanna be killers (get at me dog)/Ya niggaz wanna feel us (get at me dog)/Ya niggaz want the real (Get at me dog)/Rrrrrr arf arf what the deal"

What I'm Listening To - "Doggystyle" - Snoop Doggy Dogg

Question(s) I Asked Myself Today - "Why am I so fly? I don't know. But why am I so high? It's that indo" I had a Snoop flashback today. (G'z Up, Hoes Down)

It was a cold winter morning in Spring Valley, New York. I was chilling in my bomber jacket with my rainbow coalition of friends. You know how it is when you are kids, race doesn't really matter. I had a white friend (Timmy), a Jewish friend(Ira) and a friend from India (Gautam). The year was 1983 or 84. I can't really remember. I think my Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is affecting my memory of this day, but I'll try to relay the story as best I can. There was a fresh sheet of snow on the ground that morning. Snow that had yet to be corrupted by car emissions and other air pollutants. Some may even say that it was beautiful. Me and my three friends, were waiting for the school bus at the front of our apartment complex. We were in 3rd or 4th grade at Elmwood Elementary. We talked about the latest cartoon or Choose Your Own Adventure book as we tossed around a football. We threw snowballs at the little girls who protested, but secretly loved the attention. Then it happened. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw what was going on across the street. (Cue the Dee-Bo music from Friday.)

The older kids went to Kakiat Junior High School and their bus stop was directly across from ours. Generally, they didn't mess with us and we didn't bother them. I do remember being fascinated with their behavior. In second grade, I heard one of them say the word fuck and I have had a love affair with that word ever since. To me they were the coolest of the cool and I couldnt wait until I was old enough to be like them. This morning though, their actions caused me a problem that I would have for the next 20 years.

In my part of New York, there were tons of stray dogs. I think when people got tired of feeding their pets they would just put them out of the house. Consequently, it was no big deal to see packs of dogs roaming the streets. That morning was no exception. 2 big ass, mean looking Doberman Pinchers (that's what we called them, I know it's really Pinscher) strolled up to the Junior High School bus stop. For some reason, the older kids decided it would be fun to pelt the animals with snowballs. The dogs were agitated, but not really phased. A little bit of snow wasn't enough to get rid of them. The rainbow coalition sat back and laughed at the antics of our elders. Then this kid, Brian decided that he would up the ante. I guess he thought it would be funny to throw an ice ball. For those raised in the south, an iceball is basically a snowball with water on it. The water freezes and the ice gets hard. Believe me, from experience, that shit hurts like hell if you get hit. Many a snowball fight has ended because someone decided to hurl an iceball. That was enough to dead all the playing and start a real fight. Anyway, enough of my digression. Brian chucked the iceball at one of the dogs and hit it square in the head. His schoolmates apparently became inspired and decided to follow suit. Iceballs were flying like Scud missiles in Kuwait. You can only imagine how the dogs reacted. (Cue the music to Jaws.)

The rainbow coalition and I stood at our bus stop unaware of what would happen next. We were just innocent spectators. Who knew that they would take out there wrath on us poor unsuspecting elementary school students? Like a lion picking off the weakest gazelle, the two dobermans (or is it dobermen?) darted towards our direction. We scattered like White women in a horror movie, not knowing where to go to escape their murderous intent. I scampered up a tree, unaware that my ass didn't know how to climb a tree. Timmy and Gautam were not so lucky. One doberman grabbed Gautam and took a chunk out of his leg. I heard his wailing from atop my perch in the tree. The bite went through his yellow plastic boots. Meanwhile, the other dog had a mouthful of Timmy's pants leg. I can still see Timmy's face turning red as he frantically tried to extricate the doberman's incisors from his flesh. Ira ran away to parts unknown. I had no idea where he disappeared to, nor did I care. He was safe. The other students fled as well, but I was fixated on self preservation at that point. After what seemed like an eternity, our bus pulled up. Finally, we were rescued! However, our punk ass bus driver took one look at what was happening and drove off, leaving us to fend for ourselves against a pair of manaical canines. (cue Psycho music)

Eventually, the attack was over. I slithered down from the tree and helped Gautum (who had the worst wounds) to his feet. Timmy managed to stand up under his own power. Since the bus had left we staggered to the back of the apartment complex to go to our respective apartments and call our parents. About halfway there, we were accosted again by the sounds of loud barking. I looked over my shoulder and screamed "THEY'RE BACK!!!" Now, I was the only one without any bites so I was moving quicker than my friends. I sprinted to the first open door and begged for Timmy and Gautam to hurry up. Just in the nick of time, they reached the door and I slammed it shut. We sat in the hallway, and looked out at the snarling dobermans barking like they they just found a dimebag in one of our bookbags. We knocked on doors until we finally found an adult that had enough heart to chase the dogs away.

Ever since that day I have hated dogs and I don't mean a little bit. I mean full on phobia shit. It doesn't matter how big or small, I can't stand to be around them. Imagine a grown ass man fleeing from a shitzu and that's me. When I was living with my ex, she brought home a little mutt, a Jack Russell terrier I think. I tried my best to live with 'Lady' but I couldn't do it. The thought of this little demon dog roaming around the house while I slept was too much for me. So, what did I do? I lied and said that I was allergic to dogs. I acted like I couldn't breathe when 'Lady' was around. I mean I could have gotten an Oscar for my performance. So the ex gave the dog up. I never told her I was making that shit up until recently. Yeah, I admit it, T.Casanova is a little punk when it comes to dogs. But I have a pretty good reason, dont ya think?

It was written...