Tuesday, April 04, 2006

No, I'm Not Havin' It

Inspiration - "I''m Not Havin It" - MC Lyte and Positive K "

What I'm Listening To - "Fish Scale"- Ghostface Killah

Question(s) I Asked Myself Today- Why can't I find the lyrics to this song anywhere?

I read a lot of blogs and most of them are written by women. Recently, a lot of the discussion on these blogs has been centered around the wack pick up lines that guys use and the excuses that women use. I see a lot of what females don't wanna hear, but not too much of what we can do to grab your attention. So, today I want to pose that question to all my female readers. First of all, let me admit that I have no game at all. The whole idea of using a line is foreign to me. Maybe its my Social Anxiety Disorder, but the prospect of going up to a woman in a club and putting myself out there makes me extremely nervous. I prefer to have a conversation with someone I know and dazzle them with my wittiness and sense of humor. I just can't do that with a stranger. But that's me. I know there are guys out there that are fearless and have no problem getting rejected. What I want to know is this: What can a stranger say to you to make you give him the time of the day? What is the best line a man has used with you? And when a man approaches you, what goes into your decision to either let him keep talking to you or get rid of him? If there are any guys reading this and want to answer these same questions, I welcome your input as well. For me, it is flattering anytime a woman approaches me. I look at that as an opportunity for a conversation, even if it goes nowhere. I don't think she could say anything that would make me come up with an excuse to get rid of her. The best line a woman has used on me was a simple one. I was at a bar and a woman came up to me and said "you look like you need someone to talk to and I wanna volunteer my services." That was a cool way for her to start the conversation and we just took it from there. As far as what I notice, I initially notice the physical appearance and then once the conversation starts I see if she can keep up with me. So, short post today, but ladies help a brotha out. What do you want from us? What makes you say "no, I'm not havin' it"?

It was written...


Blogger BBB_0202020 said...

Hello T and well I like it when a guy actually isn't using a line, becuz usually when they do they are overcompensating for something. I look for the "it" factor and that is just something not obvious to the eye. I hate it when a man uses lines just be confident in yourself. Confidence=sexy, Arrogance=idiot

Tue Apr 04, 11:07:00 AM  
Blogger NegroPino™ said...

I dont have a problem with giving out the number cuz there are som sickos out there..so best give them what they want...but for me to ACCEPT thier phone calls the first meeting has to leave me wondering, excited....the guy I met recently...on the bike...stopped,turned around....coulda crashed his bike...and pulled me over and said something corny and he told me i was JAZZY.....something different...and he only seen my face so I know he wasnt interested in my body*(or lack of)......and after talking for a good 10 mins, he had a good head on his shoulders, like somebody i could kick it with..and wasnt throwing what he has, what he can do, who he knows around....

Tue Apr 04, 11:08:00 AM  
Blogger NegroPino™ said...

But um If I have BAGGED men before..i on't have a problem going up to a male..........

Tue Apr 04, 11:08:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I like a man that is shy. I say that because I am shy in a sense and I feel that quiet people are more intuitive and we think first and we go with our guts alot. I prefer to not be approached by someone who has to be cocky and has to be seen, is a total turnoff for me. I feel that if you approach me like a gentleman and with respect then you have my attention. But if you step to me talking about where your man and d@# you sexy, you have already messed up because. I am moved more by a persons intelligence and ability to keep me engaged in a conversation, than damn he is fine, because he may open his mouth and be the most ignorant brother I have ever met.

Tue Apr 04, 11:40:00 AM  
Blogger chele said...

Once a guy approached me and said I was "breathtaking". I laughed in his face and walked away. It was too over the top and corny. I doubt he could even spell "breathtaking".

I think the best approach is an honest one. Make a specific comment about something she has on, or how she wears her hair, etc.

I think the biggest mistake a guy makes is to try too hard ... a woman knows within the first few seconds of contact if she's interested in a guy. Really all you need to do is show up and say as little as possible. Many men who started out having a shot lost it because he opened his mouth. Don't misunderstand, you have to let her know that you can put two sentences together but know when to shut it up.

Tue Apr 04, 11:42:00 AM  
Blogger i like liquor and tv said...

To tell you the truth, a lot of it has to do with appearances. If the dude looks wack, there's nothing that he can say that will make me give up the digits. And I don't mean wack, like ugly, I mean wack like has a part in his hair... or wears a vest and no shirt underneath (yes I've seen both lately).

But for me, the best pick up line is buying me a drink.

Ehh, I guess I didn't help much.

Tue Apr 04, 12:55:00 PM  
Blogger VerseOne said...

When I used to try and get at a woman, I wait til they played a song i liked, like so off the wall banger (music from Mos Def, Talib, The Roots, some Nas, or Common). If she was either dancin' to that or singin the words i'd approach. In Florida most dudes evacuated the floor at that time so i had plenty of room to get at her. I'd dance with her for a sec and ask the preliminary questions ("how she feelin", "name", etc.) after that we'd stop dancin' and just talk. That way i atleast knew we liked a similar type of music, so we had one commonality.
Find atleast one similarity and you almost in there.


Tue Apr 04, 01:04:00 PM  
Blogger Mocha_Grl said...

If you can make me laugh your 70% on your way to getting the number.

Best line: (After my girls and I watch some groupies flock around Morris Peterson) "Hmmm, now you think if I buy a pair of extra long pants and wear some stilts, I could get chicks to follow me like that?"

He's still my boy to this day...

Tue Apr 04, 01:39:00 PM  
Blogger The Stiltwalker said...

I've had corny lines, casual lines, dudes grab my arm (BIG NO NO), throw some paper across the room (no no #2), block my car in (no no #3), send a friend to say something (no no #4) and lick out they tongue from across the room (no no #5), etc.

But I think I like it best if someone just acts normal and starts talking. Ask me what my name is, say nice to meet you, shake my hand, tell me what brought you to this spot, etc. Just normalcy. There's no need for big neon signs and gimmicks.

The last guy I met he and his friend just came and sat with my girl and I and just started talking. Nothing spectacular.

But I must say if you sit at a table with someone, you shouldn't let more than 5 minutes pass before you offer to buy a drink or something.

Tue Apr 04, 02:08:00 PM  
Blogger Unsaid said...

i like the honest approach. I know what my best features are, if my perfume is on point tonight, what about my outfit is cute...if you honestly walk up to me just with the intention of complimenting me on any one of those things that I know is true, I'm down for a conversation and my first thought of you is that you are genuine. That's also my game when I approach men. If he smells good, I tell him. If I like his watch, I tell him. I really just want to give him props about something and if we click we continue, if not...I'm cool, I was just giving you a quick shout out for being fly and that's it.

Honesty works.

Tue Apr 04, 02:12:00 PM  
Blogger T. Cas said...

Peace Fam:

Just stopping by for a minute to read the comments. I'll respond later this afternoon when THE MAN is finished stomping on my neck, making me actually work for my paycheck.

T. Cas

Tue Apr 04, 02:46:00 PM  
Blogger muffin said...

it's all about ghostface!!!

oh i have a laundry list of "i ain't havin it" but put it like this:

Same things that you hear everyday like
"Hey ma, hey boo, baby whats your name"
(c) little brother

i hate it when a guy just comes at me all wrong from the very beginning. 1st RED FLAG should be the last!

and don't let no one try and brush up on me or cop a feel on the dancefloor! *SLAM*

btw, ohhla

Tue Apr 04, 04:19:00 PM  
Blogger Mrs A. said...

oooh, well, wit and intellect and sincerity do it every time. no noise-making, or block-hollering. no lines or loud jaw-jacking. just hello or excuse me followed by the reason you are in my space. be creative BUT mature!

Tue Apr 04, 04:38:00 PM  
Anonymous Kita said...

Lines that work have to be mature, funny or witty and a little convo showing intelligence helps. Comments about my perfume, what I have on or compliments work. Ying yang twin language does not work with me. That is good for the radio and great for trippin' around but ya' don't know me, so approach me with a smile first and let's move forward from there.

Tue Apr 04, 05:23:00 PM  
Blogger SistaGirl said...

I haven't fallen for a pick up line in a while. I usually dance with the cutie smiling across the way or the cutie that grabs my hand onto the dance floor..I love to dance.

I like being the one to approach and I usually go for the quiet guy at the bar, just buy a sista a drink please :-)

Tue Apr 04, 05:57:00 PM  
Blogger ChezNiki said...

1."Hello" followed by a compliment.

2a If we are at a sports bar, offer a drink. 2b At the club? offer a dance immediately followed by a drink.

3. Intelligent but provocative convo.

4. Smile with a look of hunger but not scary/stalkerish

5.VERY IMPORTANT!!! Give me some way to get in touch with you! Not your babymomma second cousins beeper number! Im gonna need YOUR cell or YOUR home phone number, meaning a number where the bill comes in YOUR name and it is paid up.

Thank You! LOL

Tue Apr 04, 10:20:00 PM  
Blogger ChezNiki said...

...oh and the first thing I notice is your swagger, how you carry yourself, how tall you walk...even if you are 5'9", as a man, you have to exude confidence to get my attention...LOL

Tue Apr 04, 10:32:00 PM  
Blogger "N" Search of Ecstasy said...

I'm w/Niki -- provocative and intellent convo is good! I also love someone that can make me laugh. I cute smile and smelling good definitely grab my attention.

I'm going to have to use this line (smile): "you look like you need someone to talk to and I wanna volunteer my services."

Tue Apr 04, 10:55:00 PM  
Blogger nikki said...

i agree with chez, too. if you got the confidence, it will at least get you a few minutes of my time. now if you coming with the bullshit convo, i.e. all the false stuff with obvious motives, don't be surprised if you get dissed. it's one thing if you trying to get to know me with the possibility of fucking down the line. it's another thing entirely if you're just trying to make contact in order to get the ass that night. sistas by and large know the difference.

Tue Apr 04, 11:25:00 PM  
Blogger T. Cas said...

Thanks to everyone who stopped through with your comments. You have def. satisfied my curiousity.

@ Tigerkiss - sounds abstract, like you just know it when you see it. I can dig that

@ Ms. New Booty - are you sure he wasnt looking at your new booty? okay, say something corny and then follow it up. and I dont doubt at all that you would go up to a guy.

@ anonymous- I feel you on that, just looks ain't enough. One thing about the shy thing, from what I experienced, its a good concept, but people like us often miss out b/c we don't speak up.

@ chele - breathtaking? see that sounds like game to me. I like that honest approach. I think sometimes we get too wrapped up in trying to say something different instead of what we really mean.

@ liquor and tv - LOL @ the vest with no shirt. I swear I just saw Shabba Rank in some old performance with a part in his hair and a vest with no shirt. Too funny.

@ VerseOne - damn, brother that's a good move. Especially if you into hip hop like me. good looking out.

@ mocha - I like the humor approach. The only problem is you have to know me to get my jokes sometimes. I have a strange sense of humor.

@ Stiltwalker - just start talking, huh. It's that easy? LOL at the big no-no's

@ unsaid - another vote for the honest approach. I'm learning something today.

@ muffin - I can't stop listening to "beat you with a strap" and "9 milli bros" off Ghostface's joint. You know you getting mad points in my book for the LB reference too. I got ohhla in my favs, but I couldnt find it on there.

@ Miss A - some grown man stuff, huh?

@ kita - More grown man stuff. I can't beleive guys say things they hear on the radio. That aint gonna work in real life

@ SistaGirl - what's your line when you approach the quiet guy at the bar?

@ chezniki - How you gonna call out my height? LOL Great list though.

@ N search of Ecstasy - yeah, I feel you on all counts. A woman with a cute smile and smelling good would grab my attention too.

@ nikki - so, if I'm reading this right, the brother can't be too eager but still gotta have the confidence.

Wed Apr 05, 12:26:00 AM  
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