Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Here's A Little Story I Gots To Tell

Inspiration - "Paul Revere" - Beastie Boys "Here's a little story I gots to tell/about three bad brothers you know so well/It started way back in history/with Adrock, MCA and me, Mike D."

What I'm Listening To - "Jagged Edge" - Jagged Edge. LOL I'm glad they came up with such an original title for their album.

Question(s) I Asked Myself Today: "Am I the only one digging that new Nelly Furtado song with Timbaland?" and "What race is Nelly Furtado anyway?"

As I promised in my 100th post, I'm gonna try to stop censoring myself on my blog. In the spirit of full disclosure I need to tell y'all something about me. For the last 4 months, I have been the other man. This is what happened.

Back in January, my ex infiltrated the bloggy. I at first wanted nothing to do with her b/c she broke my heart once before. But we sparked up a friendship, through IM and phone calls and I found myself getting caught up again. She came to visit in February and by the time she left, I thought I was over her again. I mean, it was really cool seeing her, but she was married. T. can't get caught up with no married woman, can he?

Apparently the answer is yes. Despite my best intentions, I was drawn more and more to her. Hell, I still loved her five years after the fact. We began talking more and more, and I put all my other prospects to the side. As for her, she was in tough situation. Trapped in a loveless marraige, but trying to make it work for the sake of her child. I did everything I could do to be supportive, even postponing my happiness so she could handle her business. But as I fell deeper and deeper in love, my selfish side started coming out. I felt that I deserved more than late night phone calls and instant messages when her husband was sleep. We kind of put the brakes on things until she could sort out her situation

That lasted all of about 24 hours. Then we were right back where we started from. The subject of divorce came up and although, I wasnt pushing for it at first, I certainly was open to the prospect. We talked about her moving back to Atlanta, she even applied for jobs here. Soon reality reared its ugly head and she realized that it would be difficult for her to move across country taking her son away from his father. Just like that, the love I thought I was going to have, was put on hold indefinitely again.

Eventually, she moved out of the house and we talked about having a future again. I mean we got way ahead of ourselves. Talking about marraige and children and where we would live. I started looking for gigs out on the west coast, so we could be together, and her son could still be near his father. I was going to fly out there for a weekend, cuz I just had to see her. A couple of days before I was supposed to leave, she decided that we were not being fair to her family. I say she decided because even though I knew it wasn't right, I didn't really acknowledge that fact. She moved back home to give it a try, but again that lasted about 24 hours. Next thing I knew she was on a flight to ATL and we were having a fun filled sex filled weekend. I mean we did it every where and in every way, all the while expressing our love for each other. That weekend was supposed to tide me over until the next time, but it did nothing but make me want to be with her even more.

Over the next couple of weeks, we had marathon phone sessions. She was the first voice I heard in the morning, and the last voice I heard at night. The end all be all, if you will. The only problem was that she was still in the house with her husband. I played it as cool as I possibly could, but in the back of my mind that living arrangement was fucking with me. I noticed that our conversations were punctuated with more silence than usual. Then she told me something that pretty much ended it for me. She said that she had sex with her husband. I should not have even been mad, thats what she is supposed to do, but to me that felt like a betrayal. It was the tipping point for what I knew was a messed up situation. I acted like I was the wronged party but in all honesty i knew that I was the transgressor. I was determined not to wait around for her. Its time to live my life and find that one woman that I would not have to share. It even would have been different for me if she was at least out of the house, but financial concerns prevented that.

Fast forward to last week. We had resumed contact and fell into that old familiar trap. It was like my epiphany from the previous week didn't happen. My addiction led me back to an unhealthy situation. What about her family? They don't deserve me being a home wrecker. What about me? I don't deserve being the other man. I deserve someone who can be all mine. What about the divorce? Well, it hasnt happened yet. I truly believe her feelings are genuine, but I can't just sit idle, while she handles her business. I broke it off with her, at least until such time as she actually gets divorced. So as of this writing, I am no longer the other man. I am a free agent, ready to sign with whatever team makes the best offer. Finally, I am emotionally free. Lets just hope it lasts longer than 24 hours this time. Hows that for honesty?

It was written...

51 Comments:

Blogger nikki said...

that's "crabs in my crotch" honesty for ya. great post!

and you're human. shit, it might not last 24 hours and if it don't, so be it. if it does, good for you!

one thing i've heard is that 'other folk' sex is like the best sex ever cuz there's a sense of urgency to it, like it's that 'forbidden' thing. i wonder how true that is.

you get props for putting this out there. i hope the sista involved is cool with it, though. then again, the whole episode is part of the growth process, huh?

Wed May 31, 12:02:00 PM  
Blogger Mocha_Grl said...

Before I read the whole thing, i'll tell ya Nelly is Portugese-Canadaian..now Imma read what you had to say ;)

Wed May 31, 01:29:00 PM  
Blogger ScarlettRae said...

What an amazing 100th post, T. Often times, it's hard to admit to ourselves that we're in a situation that just plain wrong. I commend your courage, and altough you were the "other man," I feel for you, I really do. It's hard when your heart and your head can't come to a compromise about these things...
It will get better as time goes by. Hopefully the next 24 hours won't prove too disappointing.

Scarlett

Wed May 31, 01:31:00 PM  
Blogger Mocha_Grl said...

whew.

it's tough when what you know you deserve conflicts with what your heart tells you, you want.

It sounds like you made the healthy, logical decision, but as we all know healthy doesn't always feel good and logic doesn't always last.

I agree with Nikki, if it's really what you want I hope it lasts more than 24 hours, but if it doesn't dont' be too tough on yourself.

That's sum kinda honesty. I'm hoping that whatever happens, it ends with you being happy.

Wed May 31, 01:38:00 PM  
Blogger Miz JJ said...

Wow. That was an intense post. It really brought me back to a place and time in my life. I can only say that nothing good can come of being with someone who cheats on their spouse even if the marriage is 'loveless'. In my opinion you deserve better than her and that situation.

Wed May 31, 01:39:00 PM  
Blogger LivingSingle said...

I ditto what MizJJ said. You do deserve better. But don't beat yourself up if the feelings just don't go away overnight. It happens to the best of us.

Wed May 31, 01:49:00 PM  
Blogger Cocoa Girl said...

Dayum.

Wed May 31, 02:36:00 PM  
Blogger So...Wise...Sista said...

How does it feel to let it out? Good, right?

Excellent post, T.

Of course you deserve better, you know that. Problem is, what you have is not better. And what you want isnt yours to have. Sucks. I will refrain from providing any "advice" bec you already read word for word how wise I am. lol But I will say, stay up. You made the right decision, even if you only manage it in spurts.

Why did you guys break up in the first place?

Wed May 31, 02:39:00 PM  
Blogger i like liquor and tv said...

Get you a girlfriend. I bet she'll speed that divorce up.

Stop answering her calls for about 2 weeks straight. I bet she'll speed that divorce up.

Block her IM's for about a week. I bet she'll speed that divorce up.

My point is...why should she leave her husband when she's having the best of both worlds?

Wed May 31, 02:54:00 PM  
Blogger The Stiltwalker said...

how you gone be the other man in another state? what kind of shit is that? you could actually be man #6 for all you know.

I just hope you're truly over it cause that's a jacked up situation to be in. And dangerous.

Wed May 31, 03:05:00 PM  
Blogger So...Wise...Sista said...

Liquor & TV makes a damn good point. lol

Wed May 31, 05:56:00 PM  
Blogger Nika Laqui said...

Liquor &TV is right...
So yes if you don't want to be the other man, then you have to nip it in the budd...

I'm glad you posted this...there are always pros and cons of being the "other".

So yall did it everywhere huh? Did yall do it in the garage with her BD in the house?....*lol*

Wed May 31, 06:37:00 PM  
Blogger Nika Laqui said...

Nikki it is true...
Forbidden sex it the best...you cum from thinking about it while you're cumming from the action...*lol*

I know all about forbidden sex...*lol*

Wed May 31, 06:39:00 PM  
Blogger nikki said...

liquor is on point, no doubt. that shit's true for guys, too. lol

Wed May 31, 06:50:00 PM  
Blogger Tenacious said...

**yanks off wig**

That's what I'm talking 'bout! I <3 the honesty!

I'm conflicted with the situation due to my own personal opinion but I would just advise you to guard your heart. Situations like this never end in the way that you want although Liquor & TV brings up a very good point as well the stiltwalker. It could become very dangerous for you. Just be safe and like I said, guard your heart.

Wed May 31, 07:35:00 PM  
Blogger chris said...

i really like this post because of your honesty. Especially your honesty about you deserving better. You do deserve better and so does her husband. I know you have feelings for this girl, but be careful.....if she cheats on her husband who she has made a vow to she will do the same to you or whoever else crosses her path. There is no way she can work on her sitution at home while riding you in atlanta.
be careful...get out before anymore hurt is done.

again, excellent post, very powerful.

Wed May 31, 08:42:00 PM  
Anonymous Collipark said...

Whoa...you's a ho!!!

Just kidding homie, you know I luv ya. But don't worry, the right woman will come along and hopefully she won't have that "jaded" look.

Wed May 31, 09:14:00 PM  
Blogger fallen angel said...

the only way that something is gonna change is when you get fed up with not having. not having enough time. not having enough attention. not having enough sex. not having enough control. being the "other" is a difficult ass place to be. believe me, im currently trying to "release" myself from some similar demons...
~fallen angel

Wed May 31, 10:10:00 PM  
Blogger "N" Search of Ecstasy said...

Damn, T. Cas…what a situation. I don’t even know what to say, but I feel for you on that one. That's just so sad. I agree with Mocha, whatever happens, I hope that it ends with YOU being happy ;-)

That’s honesty for you – most definitely!

Thu Jun 01, 12:16:00 AM  
Blogger ChezNiki said...

The married people who cheat usually dont leave their spouses...its cheaper to keep...him. Especially when there are kids involved. The child custody issue alone may keep her with her husband until the children are of age...even if she is unhappily married.

Protect yourself, buy some shorts and sunblock and find yourself a free (available) woman on the EAST coast to ride your rollercoaters with.

We Bloggers just dont want you to get hurt, Boo!

Thu Jun 01, 12:37:00 AM  
Blogger The Mistress said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

Thu Jun 01, 04:02:00 AM  
Blogger The Mistress said...

Ok, did I mention that I love this blog of yours? Well I do!

You have no idea how much I relate to this post...I'm in a similar situaion with one of the guys I'm seeing back on the east coast. I moved to Phoenix and he got desperate and let his wife move back in! We're still continuing our madness and I saw him when I went back home a few weeks ago. This type of thing is like an addiction and it's HARD to break! If you truly want to stay out of this relationship, I really hope you succeed! No judgement though,not from me!

I just wanted to convey to you that I read this post and felt completely in sync wth you and your feelings!

Thu Jun 01, 04:03:00 AM  
Blogger T. Cas said...

Thanks everybody for the non judgemental discussion. I appreciate everybody's feedback.

Thu Jun 01, 05:30:00 AM  
Blogger Delaleuverses said...

This was a very interesting post...wow

Thu Jun 01, 08:30:00 AM  
Blogger NegroPino™ said...

i LIKE THAT SONG BY NELLY FURTADO TOO ITS ON MY MP3 PLAYER

Thu Jun 01, 02:40:00 PM  
Blogger Sangindiva said...

Damn T -
I think we all have been the other at some point...
I mean I know I have!
But all it does as you can see
is break your heart in the end.

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