Monday, July 17, 2006

All You Want Is Love and Affection

Inspiration - "Eric B is President" - Eric B. and Rakim - First you said all you want is love and affection/Let me be your angel and I'll be your protection/Take you out, buy you all kinds of things/I must have got you too hot and burned off your wings/You caught an attitude, you need food to eat up/I'm scheming like I'm dreaming on a couch wit my feet up/You scream I'm lazy, you must be crazy/Thought I was a donut, you tried to glaze me

What I'm Listening To - "Stunts, Blunts, and Hip Hop" - Diamond D and the Psychotic Neurotics. I had to pull this out after hearing the 2 versions(Busta Rhymes and Talib Kweli & Jean Grae) of "NY Sh*t" that use the same sample from "I Went For Mine"

Question(s) I Asked Myself - "Is gas really $3.03?" That shit is ridiculous, man!

I went to the grocery store late last night. I specifically waited so late because I didn't feel like being around people while I shopped. My hope was that there would only be a few people in the store with me and I could get in, get out and go about my business. I went in, got my shopping cart and since I needed everything, started going up and down the aisles throwing stuff in the buggy. When I got to the cereal aisle, I noticed a couple in front of me shopping. What struck me about them was the look in their eyes. They seemed to be genuinely happy and in love. In fact they looked like they were going to tear each others clothes off right there in the grocery store. It was pretty cute. I can't be mad at young Black love (at least I think they were Black. They might have been Dominican, but that's close enough.)

After picking up my Cinnamon Toast Crunch, I quickly left that aisle and continued my shopping. A few minutes later, the young couple were in the same aisle as me again. This time I noticed, that the woman was walking behind the man and had her hand in his back pocket, while he was pushing the cart. I was thinking to myself, "what's up with the PDA?", but I kept it moving. The next time I saw them was in the milk and juice aisle. The woman was sitting on the shopping cart, legs open while her boyfriend pushed the cart. She was leaning forward, hugging him and playing in his fro. It wasn't sexual or anything, but they were just all lovey dovey at Kroger. It wasn't cute anymore... it kinda made me sick.

I gave that background to ask this question. How do you feel about public displays of affection (PDA)? I think I have mixed feelings about it. I'm usually not the type to be overly affectionate in public like that but I have to admit that I have sometimes fallen victim to the allure of the PDA. Let me give you a few examples from my past. I wonder how you would handle these situations. I'll tell you what I did later today.

Scenario 1 - I was in a relationship with this girl awhile back. We'll call her Anna. She was a lot like me in that she wasn't big on the public displays of affection. She knew I was with her and I knew she was with me and that was enough. Anyway, we used to double date with my homeboy Kareem and his girl. Kareem's girl was one of those touchy feely types and couldn't keep her hands off of him. It was sickening. I felt like George Costanza in the Shmoopy episode of Seinfeld. It got so bad, that Anna and I didn't want to hang with them anymore. What would you do?

Scenario 2 - I was dating Stalker #2. For those who don't remember that story, she was waaaaaay more into me than I was into her. She wanted to be up under me at all times and that just annoyed the hell out of me. One day, we were in Wal Mart and she grabbed my hand and held on tight like a vice grip. I kept trying to sneak my hand back to no avail; she wasn't having it. I wasn't trying to be hugged up around people like that, so I had to do something. How would you stop this unwanted public display of affection?

Scenario 3 - In this scenario, I was a sucka for love. I was doing all the typical things that couples do when they are in love. For the one of the few times in my life, I wasn't afraid to show emotions and affectionate behavior. We were much like that couple I saw in the store. No matter where we were, we would be touching, kissing, hugging. Then it hit me that we were one of those PDA couples that make people sick. What should I do? Should I continue doing what I was doing or dial it back a bit?

Those are my scenarios. I'll let you know what I did later this afternoon. I'm also interested to know how you act when you are in a relationship. Do you reserve your affection for the privacy of your home or do you let the whole world see? Let's make this interactive people. Don't be afraid to share. LOL.

It was written...


Blogger Miz JJ said...

Hand holding is the limit. Anything else is excessive. The aiport is the exception. At the airport you can kiss, hug, cry because it's a goodbye.

If I was on a double date with my friend and they were acting like all shmoopy with their man I would say something to her like "What you don't have a bedroom for that mess?" Seriously, I don't need to see all of that.

Mon Jul 17, 11:39:00 AM  
Blogger nikki said...

scenario one and three are basically a reflection of the person you're with and what you feel like doing with that person. evidently you ARE down with pda if you're that much into her. you ain't down when you're not.

i'm down with pda. i like holding hands and rubbing his head and kissing his cheek or lips when i wanna. that's just how i am. i make a point of being with someone who's cool with that cuz that's how i am.

Mon Jul 17, 11:45:00 AM  
Blogger Knockout Zed said...

This is sick!!!! I've been listening to that Diamond D shit for the past 3 days.

"Ay yo wait a minute/Yo that's that shit!"

When I first heard that Busta "NY Shit", I was pissed about the state of hip-hop 'cuz that shit was a straight jack!

Damn, I miss hip-hop


Mon Jul 17, 12:10:00 PM  
Blogger i like liquor and tv said...

First of all, the couple that you saw in the store that night was obviously cheating. They were just happy to be away from their spouses.

PDA is a NO NO! Now don't get me wrong, I'll have sex in public, but holding hands? That's just sick.

Mon Jul 17, 01:32:00 PM  
Blogger NegroPino™ said...

I only had 1 man where we was really affectionate..i mean picture taking affectionate..hand holding -we-had-to-hold-each-other@ nite to go sleep tyep shit...i mean i had to hold him at nite.....and he would hold me..all the time......i was never like that before..........but I can be i know i have it in me.....

Mon Jul 17, 01:34:00 PM  
Blogger Blah Blah Blah said...

I am in general a very...did you see that...VERY touchy feely person. I'm also a horny sumptin or ' I feel, I touch I touch and feel!

...yet, if I ain't diggin' you PLEASE OH PLEASE don't try an hold my hand or put your arm around me...get off me!

my buck 69

Mon Jul 17, 01:35:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

In scenario 2, I would have farted on her. I am dead serious. It would have cut all that PDA mess short.

Mon Jul 17, 01:45:00 PM  
Blogger fallen angel said...

i like PDA to an extent. hell naw for "raw black love gone wild" in the middle of some damn place. there rae certain times and occasions that when i'm feeling lovey-dovey, i just cannot wait. but again, everything in moderation. hand holding is cool, but i have to REALLY be into a guy to do that because i'm an interlocking-fingers type of girl and that shyt is crucial to me!

Mon Jul 17, 02:02:00 PM  
Blogger Tenacious said...

1. Tell them to get a f*cking room, Niggaz trying to eat we aint tryin to see her cup your nuts and sh*t *9 times out of 10 you know she's going to touch something, or you, who wants that sh*t on them?*

2. "In scenario 2, I would have farted on her"

^^LMAO U dumb as hell LOL

But that do seem like a good idea...And one of those loud ones too...LOL

I would've yanked my damn hand away, like "Would you f*cking STOP! Making my damn hand ashy and sh*t!"

3. Dial it Back T...See #1, do you really want ur girl cupping your nuts in public and then touching your fork?

I'm not really the PDA type, you'd be lucky if I kiss your cheek in public but I am a very affectionate person. In private...where the sh*t belongs. In public, I'm usually like "Mooove, Get offa me nigga". I dont mind if you pat the booty a little bit but dont be trying to put ur fingers *not hands, jeans be too tight for that* in my back pockets or anything like that. But I can't hate on Black Love, it's a beautiful thing

Mon Jul 17, 02:12:00 PM  
Blogger Nika Laqui said...

*lol* Tenacious would've farted on her....TAAAAHAAAA

I don't mind a peck, a hug from behind, but not too mushy....depending on who it is....if I like you then I won't mind, but if you just "some nigga" get yo MF'n hands off me BASTID...don't hold my hand DAMMIT!! You lucky you out on a date with me, shit...

But sometimes starting outside is only a prelude to what happens once you get inside....

Like me and my BD, we could be mushy outside like that `cause that was love....

But at the same time, we wouldn't be out with friends being all like that, unless we go into another room or area....where they weren't privy....

Mon Jul 17, 02:21:00 PM  
Blogger Nika Laqui said...

And during visitation,this weekend, it got really mushy...

At first, I felt uncomfortable kissing in front of all those people, but hell, he was looking all GOOD and SEXY, I didn't care no more....if I could jump his bones, I would have....

Mon Jul 17, 02:24:00 PM  
Blogger Mocha_Grl said...

Well I'm really not big on the PDA, but I guess it does depend on who you're with and what you're feeling... I'm not big on people touching me, but when I saw my long distance guy recently I felt cool about him having his arm around me cuz I never get to spend time with him. But usually holding hands is as good as it gets.

Curious to hear how you handled yours

Mon Jul 17, 02:31:00 PM  
Blogger blue butterfli said...


This is a very interesting question. I don't see anything wrong with public displays of affection. I think they're cute.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not talking about tonguin' me down in the middle of a crowded mall; but, when I'm in a relationship with someone, I like to touch and be touched.

I like holding hands. I like it when he puts his arm around me while we're standing in line at the movies. I don't mind a kiss on the forehead or a peck on the lips while we're going into Wal-Mart.

I'm an affectionate person. I was raised that way. In my family we hug everytime we meet or leave each other, no matter where we are, and that same thing has extended to include my close friends. So, it's only natural that I would touch my man.

I guess what it all comes down to is you have to know who you're dating and if PDA makes them uncomfortable, then you two can compromise and reach a happy medium for those times you're out and about together.

Great post T. Cas!


Mon Jul 17, 04:10:00 PM  
Blogger Honey-Libra said...

I would have to say I love hand holding but that's about it a peck every no and again is aight but I don't tongue down in public that's gross or excessive groping...I don't even do that in front of my parents if they've met the boo somethin for later

Mon Jul 17, 04:28:00 PM  
Blogger JoJo D. said...

PDA in moderation is fine. A quick peck. A nice hug. An arm around the shoulder. Fine. All good.

But a mofo BET NOT take my breasts out my bra in front of everybdoy else, he BET NOT grab my ass in public, and he BET NOT wait until we get in public to talk dirty within ear shot of everybody else.

Mofos who go that far are just looking for attention and they really not showing you affection, per se...

Mon Jul 17, 07:55:00 PM  
Blogger 4EverJennayNay said...

Ummm... not too big on PDA.

I just don't think its for me. I made the mistake of taking a guy that was real extra heavy on it around family and friends. I was very embaressed mainly because we weren't even that serious and he made it seemed like we were living together or something.

Never. the. fuck. again.

you gotta be damn near down the isle before you meet the fam.

Mon Jul 17, 08:43:00 PM  
Blogger "N" Search of Ecstasy said...

So gas is $3.03 there?!?!? That is ridiculous! Its about $2.87 here.

I cant see myself going to the store that late on a Sunday nite. I’m trying to get my relax on…I can’t help but smile at the thought of you eating that Cinnamon Toast Crunch ;-)

I don’t have a problem with public displays of affection as long as its not VULGAR. A sweet kiss or a hug…there is nothing wrong with that.

Mon Jul 17, 09:49:00 PM  
Blogger T. Cas said...

Scenario # 1 - Kareem was my brotha from anotha mother, so I just straight up told him that they were making us sick. He told me he hated it too, but he wasn't about to fuck it up with his girl. So, I just had to wait that situation out.

Scenario # 2 - I pretended that I had a phone call so I could get my hand free. I then made sure I walked a couple of paces behind so she couldnt grab my hand. I know I could have just been honest, but Stalker # 2 wasnt exactly the most rational person.

Scenario 3 - I said the hell with it, and just rolled with the PDA. I was in love so i didnt care what anybody else thought or how sick we made them. LOL

Tue Jul 18, 04:01:00 AM  
Blogger T. Cas said...

@ everybody - I just realized why men(and some ladies) dont like PDA. It eliminates the potential for attracting someone else. Even if we ain't gonna act on it, its good to know that other people are checking you out. Just a theory!

@ miz jj - I agree with everything you just said.. for real

@ nikki - I can see that with you. You probably be smothering ya man with the PDA LOL

@ KZ- I fucking love that CD... Stunts are a man's best friend...

@ liquor and tv - *speechless*

@ ill nana - you'll get back there again.

@ blah blah blah - that about sums it up. it really depends on the level of intimacy

@ eps - LOL a loud ass fart? you funny, yo!

@ fallen angel - I guess I dont see nothing wrong with hand holding, but all that other stuff was "extra"

@ Tenacious - LOL - no digging in the booty in public for you.

@ nsane - yeah, in another room is okay. like this one time, I was at a get together and we went into...nevermind

@ mocha - why you lying like that? You was all over me in Atlantic Station... wait, no that was a dream LOL

@ blue butterfli - you think everything is cute. LOL That happy medium is good advice

@ honey-libra - in front of the parental units is a no go. that will never happen even after i'm married.

@ insanity - maybe i just dont like attention like that in real life.

@ jennaynay - my family would clown me if i brought someone like that around. I already decided, that my mom aint meeting no one else til I put a ring on her finger, but thats a different post for a different day

@ N Search - cinnamon toast crunch was my dinner tonight. I think the problem comes when you trying to decide what crosses the line between sweet and vulgar

Tue Jul 18, 04:22:00 AM  
Blogger Royce's Daughter said...

I'm not a big affection other words I'd rather not. Behind closed doors is cool but in public no kissing and huggin and what not...UNLESS I am in love.

That makes all the difference. When I am dating a guy I like...just like. I am reluctant to do the hand holding, huggy, kissy bit! But when I am in love I forget I'm in the outside world and for all I know it's just me and him.

Sunday I was with the "Love of my Life" we did brunch, took a walk in the fukin heat (and I didn't even realize how hot it was LOL), and went grocery shopping. Everytime he touched me...even on accident it was like a slice of heaven. Unfortunately we have made the decision to just remain friends (long azz story) but I swear even as friends he could hold my hand, hug and kiss me and I don't care who watches.

Love makes the difference...when you fall in love there is no such thing as PDA...who gives a follow your heart!

Wed Jul 19, 04:35:00 PM  
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