Gotta Read The Label

Inspiration - "Labels" The GZA featuring the RZA "Lot of people, you know what I'm sayin, they be gettin misinformed thinkin everything is everything, that you could just get yourself a little deal, whatever, youknowhatI'msayin you gonna get on you gonna get rich. And all these labels be trying to lure us in like spiders, into the web, knowhatI'msaying. So sometimes people gotta come out and speak up, and let people understand, that you know you gotta read the label you gotta read the label if you don't read the label you might get poisoned..."

What I'm Listening To - "The Blueprint 2" Jay-Z

Question(s) I Asked Myself Today - I'm gonna switch this one up a little bit. This is the craziest question I heard today courtesy of Loquacious Girl: "T. I'm thinking about getting butt implants. Do you think I need them?" She then turned around and poked out her ass. I just walked away.

Have you ever been looking at a product and noticed the warning labels? They warn you about everything from sexual side effects to poison prevention. For example, a bottle of Cruzan Banana Rum warns you against operating a motor vehicle while drinking. Or the label on some eye drops warns you to keep out of the reach of children. I was thinking, what if people came with warning labels? I think the world would be a better place if you knew exactly what to expect. Here are some "people" warning labels I came up with.

First let's start with the people in your life:

That guy you met at the club: This guy has 3 baby mamas (that we know of.) Expect threatening late night phone calls from disgruntled exes and an appearance on the Maury Povich show.

That girl you met at church: Contents in this package may not be as saintly as they appear. May have already slept with your cousin, brother, and homeboy.

Your ex boyfriend: May cause you to display unsound judgment, including (but not limited to) cosigning for his car when he doesn't have a job, holding his stash when you get pulled over by the cops, and defending him to your friends after he cheats on you for the 3rd time.

Your ex girlfriend: In rare instances has been known to steal your favorite CD's and use your SSN to get a phone line put in her new boyfriends house. May also tell all her friends about the time that you came after 2 strokes.

Your boss: May cause bewilderment and anxiety as you try to figure out who he/she slept with to get their job.

Now for the public figures:

George W Bush: May lead the nation into financial ruin, martial law or nuclear apocalypse. Elect at your own risk.

Jermaine Dupri: Artist may infuriate you by dating your childhood celebrity crush. Also may steal whatever production and marketing style was popular last year and claim it as his own (i.e. day Brat channeling Snoop in 96, Kriss Kross jumping like Naughty by Nature and all of a sudden trying to produce Down South music for Dem Franchise Boyz)

Gabrielle Union: May cause loss of seminal fluid and unintentional touching of oneself. Do not use around girlfriend, mother, clergy or co workers.

Star Jones: Prolonged exposure may lead to an uncontrollable urge to slap the shit out of her. Also may lead to desires to perforate eardrums and detach retinas, and self immolate.

Lance Bass: May cause you to say duh! upon hearing that he is gay. May also lead you to wonder when Justin Timberlake is coming out of the closet

And since I'm a good sport, lets talk about me:

T. Cas: May contain up to 72.3% sarcasm. Proceed with caution.

T. Cas: Dating this man may result in weight gain. (It has happened to all the previous girlfriends)

T. Cas: May cause you to wonder why he all of a sudden stopped calling you or answering your calls.

T. Cas: Eyesight may suffer as you read yet another one of his lengthy 3 part posts.

T. Cas: Caution: In rare instances, T. has been linked to craziness, stalking, and obsession. As a result, he is guarded when it comes to meeting new people. If such an occasion should arise, it is recommended that you give him a chance to know the real you, despite his abrasive first impression. For best results, allow 1-2 weeks of conversations to become fully comfortable.

That was fun!!! Do you have any warning labels you'd like to share? Hit me up in the comments section. I hope everybody has a great weekend.

It was written...