Friday, July 28, 2006

Gotta Read The Label

Inspiration - "Labels" The GZA featuring the RZA "Lot of people, you know what I'm sayin, they be gettin misinformed thinkin everything is everything, that you could just get yourself a little deal, whatever, youknowhatI'msayin you gonna get on you gonna get rich. And all these labels be trying to lure us in like spiders, into the web, knowhatI'msaying. So sometimes people gotta come out and speak up, and let people understand, that you know you gotta read the label you gotta read the label if you don't read the label you might get poisoned..."

What I'm Listening To - "The Blueprint 2" Jay-Z

Question(s) I Asked Myself Today - I'm gonna switch this one up a little bit. This is the craziest question I heard today courtesy of Loquacious Girl: "T. I'm thinking about getting butt implants. Do you think I need them?" She then turned around and poked out her ass. I just walked away.

Have you ever been looking at a product and noticed the warning labels? They warn you about everything from sexual side effects to poison prevention. For example, a bottle of Cruzan Banana Rum warns you against operating a motor vehicle while drinking. Or the label on some eye drops warns you to keep out of the reach of children. I was thinking, what if people came with warning labels? I think the world would be a better place if you knew exactly what to expect. Here are some "people" warning labels I came up with.

First let's start with the people in your life:

That guy you met at the club: This guy has 3 baby mamas (that we know of.) Expect threatening late night phone calls from disgruntled exes and an appearance on the Maury Povich show.

That girl you met at church: Contents in this package may not be as saintly as they appear. May have already slept with your cousin, brother, and homeboy.

Your ex boyfriend: May cause you to display unsound judgment, including (but not limited to) cosigning for his car when he doesn't have a job, holding his stash when you get pulled over by the cops, and defending him to your friends after he cheats on you for the 3rd time.

Your ex girlfriend: In rare instances has been known to steal your favorite CD's and use your SSN to get a phone line put in her new boyfriends house. May also tell all her friends about the time that you came after 2 strokes.

Your boss: May cause bewilderment and anxiety as you try to figure out who he/she slept with to get their job.

Now for the public figures:

George W Bush: May lead the nation into financial ruin, martial law or nuclear apocalypse. Elect at your own risk.

Jermaine Dupri: Artist may infuriate you by dating your childhood celebrity crush. Also may steal whatever production and marketing style was popular last year and claim it as his own (i.e. day Brat channeling Snoop in 96, Kriss Kross jumping like Naughty by Nature and all of a sudden trying to produce Down South music for Dem Franchise Boyz)

Gabrielle Union: May cause loss of seminal fluid and unintentional touching of oneself. Do not use around girlfriend, mother, clergy or co workers.

Star Jones: Prolonged exposure may lead to an uncontrollable urge to slap the shit out of her. Also may lead to desires to perforate eardrums and detach retinas, and self immolate.

Lance Bass: May cause you to say duh! upon hearing that he is gay. May also lead you to wonder when Justin Timberlake is coming out of the closet

And since I'm a good sport, lets talk about me:

T. Cas: May contain up to 72.3% sarcasm. Proceed with caution.

T. Cas: Dating this man may result in weight gain. (It has happened to all the previous girlfriends)

T. Cas: May cause you to wonder why he all of a sudden stopped calling you or answering your calls.

T. Cas: Eyesight may suffer as you read yet another one of his lengthy 3 part posts.

T. Cas: Caution: In rare instances, T. has been linked to craziness, stalking, and obsession. As a result, he is guarded when it comes to meeting new people. If such an occasion should arise, it is recommended that you give him a chance to know the real you, despite his abrasive first impression. For best results, allow 1-2 weeks of conversations to become fully comfortable.

That was fun!!! Do you have any warning labels you'd like to share? Hit me up in the comments section. I hope everybody has a great weekend.

It was written...


Blogger nikki said...

Lance Bass: May cause you to say duh! upon hearing that he is gay. May also lead you to wonder when Justin Timberlake is coming out of the closet

yanno??? lol

anyway, great entry. you were up late on this one!

i'll have to come back with one of mine after i think on it.

Fri Jul 28, 07:24:00 AM  
Blogger chele said...

This was hilarious.

You are one curious character. Why do you make women gain weight? What do you put on these women that make them want to stalk you?

Fri Jul 28, 08:37:00 AM  
Blogger The Stiltwalker said...

warning: flammable

Fri Jul 28, 09:22:00 AM  
Blogger onefromphilly said...

CAUTION: Volitile When Shaken

Fri Jul 28, 09:29:00 AM  
Blogger Blah Blah Blah said...

Cauiton: Trouble...trouble...trouble.
Causes a loss of paycheck, savings, stocks...basically a loss of networth.

May cause dehydraton after boughts of hot sex.

Also not recommended if you don't have a car, a job or live at hime with your momma.

Fri Jul 28, 10:00:00 AM  
Blogger i like liquor and tv said...

lol@Lance b"ASS"

Warning: Hanging around this chick will cause liver damage and possibly kidney failure

Fri Jul 28, 10:07:00 AM  
Blogger SLUMP FACADE said...

Good to know I can log on and get a laugh early in the morning. Sidebar, my ex never told her friends about me cumming in two strokes mainly because I came in only one. Damn!

Fri Jul 28, 10:29:00 AM  
Blogger Tenacious said...

yeah what were you doing up this late? LOL

Warning: Angry when denied food, sex, or the remote control.

Warning: Slaps without warning

Warning: Will probably trip and fall, taking you and whatever small child that's around down with her

Warning: Heart Breaker :-)

Warning: Bad Cooker ahead, bring nourishments as back-ups

@T, you have to log on 2night so u can tell me who u think it is, I'm so nosy :-) And I don't flirt...I talk *type* suggestively...

Fri Jul 28, 11:27:00 AM  
Blogger T. Cas said...

@ nikki - I have a warning label for you. May cause you to think, when you really want to be superficial.

@ chele - I'm not sure, I guess they fall into being lazy like me. I aint complaining, but they dont seem to like that

@ stilt - well, yeah. I can see that one

@ onefromphilly - is this one literal? I'll be sure not to shake you

@ blah blah blah - I think the dehydration one is more of an perk than a warning.

@ liquor and tv - I can see that one. You also want to warn them about the potential laughing fits.

@ slump - you know I almost left that line out. I didnt want people thinking I was talking about myself. LOL

@ tenacious - I just left you an offline message. Let me know if Im reading it wrong. Those are great warnings.

Fri Jul 28, 12:35:00 PM  
Blogger Royce's Daughter said...

Warning: She's a woman who responds like a other words, don't call her too much or she'll run; don't attempt to spend too much time with her or she'll run; don't attempt to express any emotional feelings for her or she'll run; don't talk about being in a relationship or she'll run; and finally, if you want to continue dating or even get close to the possibility of having sex...don't mention marriage or she'll fukin pack her shyt move to another state and leave no got dayum forwarding address.

Fri Jul 28, 12:36:00 PM  
Blogger T. Cas said...

@ royce - DAMMMNNNNN!!!!!!!!

Fri Jul 28, 12:41:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Warning: Epsilonicus seems bring out the insanity in women. Dealing with him may bring out unnecessary clinginess, stlkerish behavior, and a number of other insane characteristics from women. Also, dealing with him (epsilonicus) can cause the desire to immmediately remove panties in the opposite sex.

Fri Jul 28, 02:32:00 PM  
Blogger Nika Laqui said...

Thats what I said about Lance, duh...NSync is gay as a that was a NewsFlash...

Warning: Don't make her mad, she will get medievel on ya takes a great deal to get her angry, but once she does, watch out.

She has the tendency to play jedhi mind tricks and get you to tell on yourself, be careful.

She never forgets, so make sure you remember yo lie, but best thing is not to lie to her. Cause she'll get the truth in her own little way.

If you can't go for at least an hour, don't try to get her in bed.

If you are a terrible lay, please refrain from trying to lay her. She will tell it all. And to all, including the World Wide Wed, pics included...*lol*

If you don't eat coochie, she will make you change yo mind and if not, she won't give you the time of day.

Do not appraoch if you are always hanging on the block, she will remian cordial for fear of getting shot, but she'll never give you the time of day.

Fri Jul 28, 03:24:00 PM  
Blogger Knockout Zed said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

Fri Jul 28, 04:14:00 PM  
Blogger Knockout Zed said...

Warning: Harmful if not swallowed.


Fri Jul 28, 04:15:00 PM  
Blogger NegroPino™ said...

ME:Slippery when WET

Fri Jul 28, 04:35:00 PM  
Blogger The Mistress said...

This post is a true stroke of brilliance. Speaking of "strokes" though, LMAO @"Your ex girlfriend: May also tell all her friends about the time that you came after 2 strokes". That is hilarious!

As far as a warning label, I think mine should say "Beware of powerful, explosive, repetitive orgasms if you hit the right spots." Other than that, I'm pretty harmless.

Fri Jul 28, 05:16:00 PM  
Blogger The Phoenix aka ThatGirlTam said...

I have a headache and can't read everyone's comments like I'd like to...but here goes MY warning labels (which may also be disputed by my husband):

WARNING: Crazy runs in her family. Engage with caution - enter at your own risk.

WARNING: Known to run rampant with the word "FUCK" flyin out of her mouth several times a day. Do not be offended.

CAUTION: Contents within have been known to cause loss of income, savings, 401K and any loose pocket change. She IS EXPENSIVE!

CAUTION: High sex drive will leave you drained and worthless.

WARNING: Will get pregnant if you stare too hard.

WARNING: Has low tolerance for bullshit. Yours, your mama's, your baby mama's, your sister's, HER kids and YOUR kid's.

WARNING: Prolonged exposure will FOR SURE gain you about 20lbs.

WARNING: Prolonged exposure will have your friends calling you boughetto and whining like bitches when they don't see you anymore.

She has also been known to turn people into stalkers.

Fri Jul 28, 05:37:00 PM  
Blogger Nika Laqui said...


Fri Jul 28, 09:05:00 PM  
Blogger JoJo D. said...

Tcas, here's my warning label:

"Please exercise extreme caution. Will strike without warning."

Also, I'ma break down the crooked stick/ashes proverb: I believe it means that if you deal crookedly with otherwise good people, you can expect to have all your dealings burned down and you will have all your crooked dealings returned back to you crooked. You can't deal crookedly and expect to have "straight" results.

Have you ever seen a crooked stick/limb burn to ashes? The ashes will burn down to the crooked shape of the crooked stick.

Fri Jul 28, 09:27:00 PM  
Blogger T. Cas said...

@ epsilonicus - LOL, I feel you homey.

@ Nsane Lee sane - That's what i'm talking about!! Great list (and you wonder why I'm scared of you)

@ KZ - I'm gonna have to steal that one! LMAO

@ Papi's Princess - *taking mental notes*

@ The Mistress - Thanks, if you put that as a warning label, you gonna attract a gang of dudes.

@ The Phoenix - I loving your list.

@ Insanity - Thanks for breaking that down. Mr. President couldn't really explain what that meant.

Sat Jul 29, 11:02:00 AM  
Blogger ChezNiki said...

Okay so, if dude cums in two strokes, he deserves a bad reputation...sayin' hang in there a little longer, Bro! Buy some viagra, think of a brick wall. What's the hurry? Where's the fire?

Anyway, my warning? Maybe:
"Walks softly but carries a big stick"

or maybe
"Has Google and knows how to use it"

or how 'bout
"Do not poke, prod or annoy excessively. Black Bronx Lawyer B*tch may come out at any moment. In case of eruption, just take your headlumps, 'cause you shoulda known better, ya Dumb A$$"


Sat Jul 29, 02:52:00 PM  
Blogger TTD said...

this was funny as hell! hmmm.. a warning: damn i cant think of one! a lot of the ones in the comment section are funny as hell too!

Sun Jul 30, 08:58:00 AM  
Anonymous The Goddess said...

My warning lable would read...

1. May lead to foot up your butt when irritated

2. May cause temporary insanity due you falling in love after two weeks (ask all my ex's)

3. May cause a 30 pound weight gain over two year period due to home cooked meals (ask The God he knows first hand)

4. BEWARE of the sweet and innocent appearance *see warning #2

I could go on for days......

This was fun. I loved this post. It was HILARIOUS!

Sun Jul 30, 01:08:00 PM  
Blogger Sangindiva said...

This was a great post t-cass!
I think me and Royce are twins hahaha!

Sun Jul 30, 02:05:00 PM  
Blogger T. Cas said...

@ chez niki - maybe brothaman just had a bad day LOL

@ ttd - thanks, but i'm sure you got some side effect people should be aware of

@ the goddess - great warning list
thanks for playing.

@ sangin diva - guess i better not ask you to marry me. Anybody wanna buy a ring? LOL

Mon Jul 31, 04:05:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

Mon Jul 31, 10:20:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow...this was an excellent post - sorry, I missed it.

My warning label:

Warning: Cocoa is dangerous when too hot. At boiling temperature (which may be the cause of absolutely nothing), she may expect you to tolerate verbal and physical abuse while secretly desiring you to put her in her place.

Taste at your own caution.

Mon Jul 31, 10:21:00 AM  
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