Thursday, July 20, 2006

A Day in the Work Life

Inspired by Stilt's rant about her coworkers: This is what I did at work yesterday:

9:30 Am -Log on to my work email from home to see what's going on. Got 75 emails since 10 PM last night ranging from "can I go home early tomorrow?" to "please handle this or that for me" Did what I could from home, and left the rest to when I got to the office.

10:00 - Procrastinate by reading (or attempting to read b/c blogger was acting up) blogs.

11:00: Get a call on my cell from one of my telecommuters saying her computer isn't working and what should I do? Answer: Bring your ass into the office.

11:15 Get another call from the telecommuter saying that her computer is now miraculously working. Did she think I was going to give her the day off?

11:45 Leave the crib and drive to work. I was supposed to be there at 11:30, but I never get there on time. Bumping Busta Rhymes - The Big Bang album.

11:51 Get to work and wait for the elevator. Older white lady decides to tell me about her "frozen shoulder." Resist urge to ask what that hell that means and get on the elevator making small talk.

11:53 Get to the 3rd floor, and make my rounds saying what's up and good morning to my team. They love me. Well, most of them do.

11:55 Loquacious girl disrespects my 5 minute rule and asks me a work related question. I don't answer any questions for at least 5 minutes after I walk in the door. Give me some time to turn on my computer. I remind her of the rule and she pouts.

12:00 See what Loquacious girl wants. She dont want shit.

12:05 Check my voice mail. I have 6 messages from people calling in "sick." So, its gonna be one of those days. I respond to emails and answer questions for the next 30 minutes.

12:35 Chi-Town comes back from lunch and asks "did you miss me?" She was out of town for about a week. I think about lying and saying yes, but decide to be an asshole and say "ummm... you were gone? I thought it was quiet in here."

12:36 Annoying slacker ass middle eastern terrorist manager (or Al Qaeda for short) appears in the doorway. I quickly pretend that I am on the phone in hopes that he will leave. Al Qaeda stands at my desk for 5 minutes while I have a completely fake phone conversation with my voicemail.

12:41 Al Qaeda leaves.

12:41 and 30 seconds.- I hang up the phone and go talk to some of my employees. Not really work related, just shooting the breeze.

12:42 Al Qaeda is back. Was this nigga watching me from the doorway? He starts in with his speech. "T., quick question" Only its never quick. I could read War and Peace in the time it takes for him to get to the point. And he stands way to close to me. And his breath smells like a small animal died in his mouth. And he always sighs when he talks.

12:45 3 minutes later and he is still talking and has yet to get to the point. Finally I interrupt, "Al Qaeda, what is your question?" He asks something, I tell him what to do. He says "you are so much better at this, can you..." I say, "no, I have my own team to deal with and my own work to do" I curse him out in my head, remembering about how he tried to get me fired last year. Weak, jealous muhfucka. I even remember the battle rap I wrote about him earlier this year. I want to slap the shit out of him. I don't wanna punch him, cuz a slap is more emasculating. I snap out of it and say "Is there anything else?" He hesitates, then says no and walks away. I'm sure he'll be running to the center manager about this, but I don't care. I ain't doing his work for him.

1:30 - I'm sitting at my desk going over this week's payroll and making a personal phone call. Bridezilla comes back from lunch with her wedding rings that she just picked up. She wants to show them to me. I can hardly contain my excitement. (Can you sense the sarcasm in that statement? LOL) Great, now we get to talk about her wedding again.

1:35 I ignore Bridezilla and Loquacious as they talk about the wedding. I'm on the phone, and I'm approving payroll. I hear "I wonder who T. is bringing to the wedding?" "I don't know but she better be hecka fine!" What the hell? I put the phone on mute and join this conversation. We come to a consensus that I have to bring a hot chick to the wedding or they will talk about me.

1:37 I ask the hot chick on the phone if she wants to go, but she thinks I'm kidding.

2:30 I get tired of looking at payroll, so I decide to get up and take a break. I'm outside puffing on an apple Black and Mild when a group of new hires comes outside. They start asking me about my department and how long I been working there and this and that. I'm in charming welcome to the company mode. They go back inside, and I'm checking my phone messages. One new hire comes back outside to talk some more. She's giving me the "please sexually harass me" look. I brush it off and make small talk then go back to work.

3:00 Sit on a boring conference call that I don't need to be on. I say nothing for the hour long call except "hi" and "bye."

4:00 - Go back to approving payroll, amazed at how some people try to get over on me. This one cat gave himself 32 hours of overtime for a week that he only worked 8 hours. Send a few nice/nasty emails emphasizing that if they dont fix their timesheets, they will not be paid. I got 40 people to approve, so this takes a couple of hours. Especially, because I keep getting interrupted to answer questions.

6:00 Take another break. I intended to take 15 minutes, but was on the phone and took 30 minutes. Got back on the elevator to go back to my desk and my cell rings. Its the ex calling for her monthly "fuck with my head" session. (I told you I was gonna blog about this. LOL) Actually, it was a cool conversation, no head games or anything. I'm good, she's good. Lets move on.

7:00 Pretend to be working, when I'm actually catching up on my blog reading.
Mr. Softee AKA BAN (Bitchazznigga) calls with some sob story and asks if he can take Friday off. I tell him that if he doesn't come to work, he will be put on probation for attendance. He whines and I am unsympathetic. He shouldn't have used all his sick time earlier in the year. It ain't my fault.

8:00 Time to go home, but I had to finish up some employee reviews including Mr. Softee's. He's not going to like his review. Knocked those out in an hour.

9:00 Finally left the plantation.

It was written...

33 Comments:

Blogger chele said...

Life at the plantation. Ain't it great? It sounds like you have pretty good relationships with your employees. LOL at the chick who wants you to sexually harass her.

Thu Jul 20, 12:08:00 PM  
Blogger Tenacious said...

*sigh*

I'm with Chele...isnt life great?

Is ol' girl the same female that has been trying to get with u for a while now?

Thu Jul 20, 12:29:00 PM  
Blogger nikki said...

lmao@fake conversation with voice mail. oh my GOODNESS. i'm gonna have to try that one.

Thu Jul 20, 12:32:00 PM  
Blogger Epsilonicus said...

Your job really does have a lot of annoying people.

Thu Jul 20, 12:46:00 PM  
Blogger fallen angel said...

HELL TO THA DOUBLE NAW!!!! i thought i was the only one with the "five-minute rule" when i first get to the office???? i swear, people will jump all on you AS SOON AS YOU WALK IN THE DAMN DOOR!!!! fcking vultures!!!!! know your ass wasn't in here working no damn way! too busy trying to get the high score on muthafcking "text twist" so why you interested in talking to me all of a sudden???? AAARRRGGGHHHH!!!!

on a side note, t. cas, everytime i come to your page, i find something else that i like about you. just so you know, this might be a relationship. if you keep this up, we'll be married soon and i DEFINITELY wanna meet the fam'! ;-)

Thu Jul 20, 01:51:00 PM  
Blogger Miz JJ said...

You work some long hours. I am hating work lately. Why do people try to pull a fast one on you at all times. I'm like you ain't that slick. Man, the more I work the more I realize that I really dislike people.

Thu Jul 20, 02:16:00 PM  
Blogger Royce's Daughter said...

Where the hell you work that you don't gotta be in until 11 something LOL!!

And stop smoking them dayum nasty azz cigerettes. Ok I know I'm not your Momma but SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! I'm looking out for your freaking health LOL!!

Thu Jul 20, 02:35:00 PM  
Blogger i like liquor and tv said...

lol@you thinking your team likes you.

lol@you battle rappin your coworker

lol@the telecommuter whose computer wasn't working. I used to lead this help desk a few years back and this slacker that I used to work with called in late..an hour later, he called in late again...finally he showed up at about noon..WITHOUT his machine. I walked by his desk like Where is your computer. He goes "I accidentally left it at home". I have no idea why he even showed up to work that day.

Thu Jul 20, 02:36:00 PM  
Blogger T. Cas said...

@ chele - yeah, I can't complain. I get away with too much stuff here.

@ Tenacious - nah, this is a new one. I met her for the first time yesterday. JT RULES!!! LOL

@ nikki - its almost as effective as the fake conference call. I used that one on Friday.

@ eps - yeah, these are my annoying people, but with the exception of al qaeda, I wouldnt change them for anything.

@ fallen angel - I have to be like that, or they will attack me. Wow, my first blog marraige proposal. LOL Glad you like what you read.

@ miz jj - I feel you on the not liking people. I actually like some of them, but I hate when they try to get over.

@ Royce - yes Maam. I'll stop just for you. LOL It's a 24 hour type place, so I get to work late. It works out because I dont sleep

@ Liquor and TV - they do like me, dammit. LOL

Thu Jul 20, 03:04:00 PM  
Blogger Mocha_Grl said...

LMAO..I thought I was the only one to play the talking to my voicemail scam.

Shit, that has gotten me out of a lot of potentially tedious converstaions :D

Thu Jul 20, 03:15:00 PM  
Blogger NegroPino™ said...

IM glad my dept is small...u got too much going on..there are 5 characters who i work wit.......butAL QUeda........is he on the "DO NOT FLY LIST" he's making me nervous just by seeing u type about him

Thu Jul 20, 03:39:00 PM  
Blogger NegroPino™ said...

I wish u was my boss..I have over 300 hours of sick time i need to use....and i only called in 1x this year......

Thu Jul 20, 03:40:00 PM  
Blogger blue butterfli said...

Dang! I wish I had thought to do this as an entry. Still might. Especially since I've had the day from-fuckin-hell! Incompetence all-a-fuckin-round me! Negros acting brand-fuckin-new. People wanting all my-fuckin-attention and energy!

Ummm. Wait. This ain't my blog. My bad T. (LMAO)

Yeah. What I had meant to say was, "Wow. You sure had an interesting day!" (LOL)

Peace!

Thu Jul 20, 04:30:00 PM  
Blogger Knockout Zed said...

This is a long ass fuckin' day!

Don't you just love management? If people could only see what kind of children they act like sometimes, we'd be better off.

KZ

Thu Jul 20, 04:34:00 PM  
Blogger P said...

Oh God.

I'm sick from laughing so hard. I can't take it.

I don't know what to comment on first, so Imma just go back and forth on what hits me.

Can you tell Ms. Telecommute that Telecommuting is a privilege in and of itself and that's the oldest trick in the book.

Don't you hate when people walk up to you as SOON as you get to your desk, or worse, on your way to lunch, or a meeting, or the potty? Just foolishness.

And that classic: "Quick question". That may be true, but the quick question always leads to five more!

Ok: T you and the middle eastern manager. It must be a trend because they do that out here, too, they have NO shame standing at your desk, either. And I'm in HR so you KNOW how that goes.

I tell you, working as a manager in a call center environment type setting is an entire notha beast. You are working so much with attendance/performance/disability/workers comp/FMLA and anything in between issues that keep you gunning.

Thu Jul 20, 04:42:00 PM  
Blogger BBB_0202020 said...

This was hysterical...i dont even retan things enough to write them down like this...I mght have to use this idea!

Thu Jul 20, 06:37:00 PM  
Blogger Nika Laqui said...

Interesting look into the life of T.Cas...they better not ever let me be manager...*lol*

Thu Jul 20, 07:04:00 PM  
Blogger T. Cas said...

@ mocha - you do that too. great minds.

@ papi's princess - If I was your boss, I would love you for only calling in once.

@ blue butterfli - this was just an average day. I wish I woulda did this on one of those effed up days.

@ KZ - you aint never lied about that. I felt like apologizing to some of my old managers for what I put them through

@ P - al qaeda tried to talk to me in the bathroom today. I told him I dont talk business when Im doing my bizness. and please do not use the F word (FMLA) on my blog. I have nightmares about that mess. People just take advantage of the system.

@ Tigerkiss - I made up the times, but the facts are true.

@ Nsane - I said the same thing. dont let me be manager, I thought I was going to straighten everybody out, but theres so many stupid rules you gotta abide by.

Fri Jul 21, 02:13:00 AM  
Blogger The Mistress said...

Oh no T, you're dealing with Al Qaeda up in that piece? Please tell me he doesn't wear the towel on his head too!!!

Oh lawd.

Fri Jul 21, 03:31:00 AM  
Blogger Mocha_Grl said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

Fri Jul 21, 10:52:00 AM  
Blogger Mocha_Grl said...

hmmm.. or fools...

nevermind. I like your theory better.

Fri Jul 21, 10:53:00 AM  
Blogger The Stiltwalker said...

ok where the hell you work at a Piggly Wiggly? Everybody tried to call in sick!

LMAO @ frozen shoulders and small animals dying in people's mouths. HA!

Fri Jul 21, 11:19:00 AM  
Blogger Robert L. Mack said...

I couldn't be no one's boss/manager...too much hassle for me......Ok, so I see I aint the only one who is told that they have to have someone that is "hot"..lol

Fri Jul 21, 12:23:00 PM  
Blogger So...Wise...Sista said...

If we so scared of Bin Laden, why his boys always the boss? Never understood that. lol
What do you think your nickname is at work? Everyone has one, and as sarcastic as you are I'm SURE they got one for you...esp if you monitor their dough. ;)

Fri Jul 21, 02:41:00 PM  
Blogger T. Cas said...

@ the mistress - nah, get this, he's tries to pretend he's a Christian to assimilate, but he still dont eat pork or drink.

@ mocha - you know I would never call you, er me a fool

@ stilt - it wasn't just my team, theres a team in another center in Miami.

@ rob mack - my employees are on a mission to get me married, they think I work too much. They might be right.

@ so...wise - I'm either the asshole or "fuck that nigga" LOL

Fri Jul 21, 06:54:00 PM  
Blogger Tenacious said...

@ t

you had me laughin like a nut at the airport

you did not just break down the "old man at the club" look. i wish i did get the loafers and fake versace shirt i get the "casual" suit thats one stop away from being leisure the matching gators and the dobb hat...yeah i always get the fake pimps in the club...

talking about "lemme buy u a drink little sister check it heh heh..."

you'd never be the old man in the club lol i promise i will smack u if i catch you going into old man mode....

Fri Jul 21, 07:29:00 PM  
Blogger ----- said...

T...

I had a long weekend - buried Gramps and all - but this was hilarious. You're too much!

Thanks for making me laugh...again!


~Trish

Sun Jul 23, 09:46:00 PM  
Blogger Honey-Libra said...

Dang...you sound like a field slave....

Thu Jul 27, 11:53:00 AM  
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