Monday, September 11, 2006

The Blog Real World: Part 2 - The First Night

BACK FROM COMMERCIAL (Click here for the first part)

The door opens to reveal none other than Nsane Lee Sane. Everybody rushes to greet the final roommate. Nsane backs up in a defensive posture and says:

Nsane: Did you wash your hands? You know I’m a germophobe.

Undeterred, Rob Mack takes his Chicago sister by the hand and shows her the mansion. Later that afternoon the roommates are gathered at the bar discussing their plans for the evening.

T. Cas: Y’all have fun. I’m just gonna chill for the night. I don’t feel like being around a bunch of people.

Rob Mack: Come on, man! It’s our first night in the Real World house. You can’t be sitting at the crib.

Nikki: I keep telling him, he needs to get himself out there. There are some cool people in the world.

Nsane: Let’s find the hood. It’s always some stuff popping off there.

KZ: I heard the AKA’s were having a set tonight.


Rob Mack: Yeah, let’s hit that. Redbones all over.

Missy: I’m a redbone, Mr. Mack. *winks*

Liquor and TV: I’m with T. I ain’t tryna go out tonight. I can chill here and watch TV and enjoy this bar.


The doorbell rings and Nikki answers it. She is handed an envelope from a fed ex delivery man. She signs for it and brings it to the bar.

Nikki – That Fed-Ex guy can deliver his package to me anytime.

Missy: I didn’t see him, was he sexy?

Nikki: Hell yeah! He was about 6’ 2”. Chocolate skin, perfect teeth…

T. Cas: Damn, Nikki!!! We get it, you horny. What’s in the package?

Nikki: It says here that we are supposed to go to a party tonight. It’s to welcome us to the Blog Real World.

Nsane: Does it say where it is?


Nikki: No, it’s a surprise. It just says to dress casual and that a limo will be picking us up at 10:00

T. Cas – That’s less than 2 hours. I hope we can all get ready by then.

KZ – Any of you ladies wanna take a shower with me? I mean to save time, of course.


END SCENE

KZ, Mack and T. Cas are in the bedroom getting ready for the party. They have their first talk as roommates.

Rob Mack: Which one of you is the gay roommate? You know they always have one gay dude on this show.

KZ – *African*, I’m trying to get as much blogger pussy off this shit as possible. I ain’t gay.

T. Cas- Come on, Ak… I’m straighter than 6 o clock.

KZ – That’s a Grand Puba line, right?

T. Cas – Yeah, I got all of Brand Nubian joints. That was the classic hip hop era.

KZ – I know, that was when cats really could rhyme.

T. Cas – Tribe, EPMD, Main Source…


Confessional Video

Rob Mack: I really felt kind of left out when T. and KZ were talking about hip hop. I mean it’s not my fault I was born a few years after them. It would have been nice if they would have at least tried to include me in the conversation.

END SCENE


Nikki and Nsane are in their bedroom talking and shooting the breeze. As is to be expected the topic of conversation is men.

Nikki – I’m so horny right now. I hope there are some fine brothas at this party.

Nsane: I ain’t stressing it. Most of these dudes out here scared of me anyway.

Nikki – Noooo! You are a beautiful sista. And if these niggas can’t see it, then fuck them. They ain’t worthy of you.

Nsane – I’m gonna make it my mission to hook you up tonight. I’ve been reading about your celibacy for too long.

Nikki: It’s a personal choice. I ain’t ready for just random dick. I need some substance behind it.

Nsane: No, what you need is to get hit from behind.

Confessional Video

Nikki: Nsane is my girl. I’m glad she was picked to join us in the Real World house. I can’t imagine anyone else I would rather be roommates with. She’s such a strong sista!

End Scene.

Missy is sitting on the orange sofa sending text messages to somebody. She has changed clothes and is ready for the party. Liquor and TV has also changed clothes and is at the bar making a batch of drinks for the roommates. She pours some red liquor in a glass and hands it to Missy.

Missy: Da fawk is this?

Liquor: I call it a Slurrycane. Be careful though cuz it will sneak up on you.

Missy: I can handle my liquor, Liquor!

Liquor: I’m just saying, son! Be easy with it.

Confessional Video

Missy: I didn’t appreciate the way Liquor tried to make it seem like I was a lightweight. I keep a fifth of Henny in my trunk. I think I can handle a little fruity drink like this. Da hell does she think she is? Isaac from the Love Boat?


RESUME SCENE:

T Cas comes downstairs and gets a drink from Liquor and TV. KZ follows shortly after conversing with Nsane. Rob Mack and Nikki bring up the rear and appear to be having an animated discussion. The clock reads 9:45 and the roommates gather in the living room. They break out in conversations amongst themselves.

Liquor: Hey T. What’s your favorite Wu-tang album?

T. Cas: Are we talking just Wu or any of the members?

Liquor and TV: Any of the Wu affiliates.


T. Cas: Definitely Cuban Linx followed by Ironman and Liquid Swords.

KZ: Yeah, those are dope! You like MF Doom?

Liquor: I love Doom!

T. Cas: I don’t know. I’m gonna have to disagree with you. Whenever I listen to that cat, it’s like there’s some private joke I’m not getting. It’s like “cuz I don’t understand him it don’t mean that he nice/It means I don’t understand the bullshit he say on the mic.”

Nikki: Aww damn! Cas speaking in lyrics again. Who did you steal that one from?

T. Cas. That’s Jay-Z – Blueprint 2

Nsane – My favorite Jigga song is “All I Need.” I guess I got my swagger back…

Rob Mack: Not you too! You guys gonna be quoting lyrics the whole time we are in the house?

T. Cas – Okay, I’ll chill. Just let me get another drink before the limo arrives.

T. Cas gets another drink from Liquor and TV and plops down on the couch a little too close to Missy. She scoots down a little to regain her personal space.

T. Cas: (words slurring) Hey, Missy! I remember when I first started reading you, you were called Missy. Then you changed to Ms. New Booty. Then Ill NaNa, now what are you? Negro.. Negro.. Negropino?

Missy: Yeah that’s me.

T. Cas: No matter what you’re name is… you’z a sexy muhfucka, you know that?

Missy: Thanks Tee!!!

Confessional Video

T. Cas: Man, I don’t really know what I was saying to Missy. I think Liquor and TV did something to my drink. I hope I didn’t say anything to offend her. I was gone.


Confessional Video

Liquor and TV: I wanted to see how T. would react to the absinthe before I tried it myself. Yeah, it was dirty, but everything is everything. He looked like he was having a good time, so I’m going to have to try that.



The clock strikes 10 and the doorbell rings. Missy rushes from the couch and T. to answer the door. It’s a limo driver. The camera reveals a stretch Hummer down on the street.

Missy: C’mon guys! Our whip is here.

T. Cas: How did you get over there so quick? You were just right here next to me..

KZ: Shake it off, Cas! It’s time to get up on some broads.

Liquor: You ain’t drunk off of 2 drinks are you T.?

T. Cas: Nah, I’m cool.


T. Cas staggers out the front door followed by the rest of his roommates. They get in the limo and drive off into the night. The street lights are reflecting on the pavement, reminiscent of a Hype Williams video. The roommates are talking to each other and sipping drinks out of cocktail glasses. Nsane pushes a button and the partition comes down. The limo driver looks back at his passengers.

Nsane: Where we going, Joe?

Limo Driver: I can’t tell you. The producers want it to be a surprise.

Missy: Can you give us a little hint?

Limo Driver: Sorry. I’m sworn to secrecy.

The limo driver raises the partition back up and the roommates speculate on where they are going.

Nikki: I bet they taking us to a club.

T. Cas: I hope it’s a strip club. I ain’t been to one of them in a minute.

Missy: Oh, me too!!! I wanna see some ass shaking tonight.

Rob Mack: I’m with that. But they probably won’t do that. It costs too much money to be editing out all that ass.

KZ: Maybe it’s a concert. I might be able to catch some leftover groupie ass.

Liquor: I don’t care as long as the alcohol is flowing.

Nsane: Shit, I don’t know where the fuck we going. I should have brought my knife with me.


The limo comes to an abrupt stop at what looks like an abandoned warehouse. There are no cars in the parking lot and no signs that anyone has been there in quite some time. The roommates get out the limo and stand around dumbfounded.

Limo Driver: This is it. Your destination is right behind those doors.

Nsane: I knew I should have had my shank. Where the fuck are we?

T. Cas: My man… what is this place?

Limo Driver: You just go in and find out. I’ll be back when its time to take you home.

Liquor: Nah, son! You ain’t bouncin’ on us. How about you wait right here?

Nikki: Come on, guys! Let’s check it out.

Missy: Fuck that white girl-horror movie stuff. I ain’t going in there until I know what the deal is.

KZ: Aiight! I’m going in. Mack, you with me?

Rob Mack: Let’s do this!

Confessional Video

Rob Mack: I was scared as hell. I thought they had signed us up for Road Rules instead of Real World. I know I’m getting in shape, but I ain’t trying to be running from bulls or some stuff like that. I’m glad KZ stepped up in the leadership role.

RESUME SCENE

KZ and Rob Mack walk deliberately to the doors of the warehouse. The limo driver pulls off leaving the roommates stranded. Missy and Nsane throw rocks at the rapidly departing limo.

KZ: On three, we are going in… Count it off.

Rob Mack: 1!


The camera focuses on Nikki, Liquor and TV and T. Cas. They have nervous looks on their faces, the result of some creative editing.

Rob Mack: 2!

The camera focuses on Missy and Nsane. They are holding each other’s hands and look scared.

Rob Mack: 3!

KZ opens the door and…

Commercial Break.

31 Comments:

Blogger nikki said...

FUCK!

this is getting better and better...

Mon Sep 11, 07:15:00 AM  
Blogger thee modern isis said...

This was extremely creative. I'm hooked already.

lmao@ the confessional's

Mon Sep 11, 08:37:00 AM  
Blogger i like liquor and tv said...

rofl..man I am dying laughing.

lol@Nsane talking about going to the hood and Nikki "Chocolate, perfect teeth, etc" .

Mon Sep 11, 08:51:00 AM  
Blogger Blah Blah Blah said...

This is great!...ummm, minus the fact that Bloopty Blop was left out...
...it's all good though...

Mon Sep 11, 09:07:00 AM  
Blogger Royce's Daughter said...

LMAO @ Nsane: "I knew I should have had my shank. Where the fuck are we?"

This shyt is hilarious!!! Can you hurry up with the next part cause ummmm I am lacking in the patience department. Oh and I'm with Blah...dayum dayum dayum we ain't make the friggin cut LMAO!!

Mon Sep 11, 09:13:00 AM  
Blogger Dynasty said...

You have really been paying attention to people and their blogs. All I know is...I better stop by to kick one point...LOL!

Mon Sep 11, 09:19:00 AM  
Blogger Dynasty said...

I meant to say: I better stop by to kick IT AT one point...

Mon Sep 11, 09:19:00 AM  
Blogger Isha said...

Maaaan, I'mma' be late for work reading this stuff...Good writing skills T. Great mind.

Gotta finish later...white folk are calling.

Mon Sep 11, 09:50:00 AM  
Blogger onefromphilly said...

Owwww this is good. I'm hooked. But I wanna play too!!!!!! Can I be an extra??

Mon Sep 11, 09:52:00 AM  
Blogger JoJo D. said...

LOL! I'm waiting on the next scene!

Mon Sep 11, 10:29:00 AM  
Anonymous Chele said...

Your creativity and attention to detail is amazing. Great work.

Mon Sep 11, 10:30:00 AM  
Anonymous The Goddess said...

Maaaannnn! You have me over here cursing and I DONT EVEN curse anymore. You really know how to leave us hangin! This is great, and I'm loving the confessionals. They are too funny.

Mon Sep 11, 12:55:00 PM  
Blogger Robert L. Mack said...

LOL.
So I'm the young boy here huh....Hey I know some lines too..maybe I evolve as the "season" goes on...lol

You had me scared for a minute when I read the first confession, I was like "I hope he dont make me gay.." lol...

A lil courage juice goes a long way huh? Cheers to Liquor and TV for spiking your drink...and yeah I'm glad Zed did jump in there...

I could imagine Nsane saying something like that too (germaphobe)

damn I'm ready for part 3 like I'm ready for next weeks episode of flavor of love!!!!

Mon Sep 11, 01:29:00 PM  
Blogger NegroPino™ said...

YOu know i aint even mad..u hitting em rihgt on the head with me......so im the bi,boy crazy rowdy, energetic party girl ....and Nikkis the den mother AND we already have the resident alcoholic but she needs a drinking buddy. Is there gonna be any HLA? Whose gonna hook up.....is everybody gonna end up in the bed with moi? And so u know, if u came to sit next to me i wouldnt scoot over :)

Mon Sep 11, 02:17:00 PM  
Blogger Tenacious said...

aww hell naw lololololol

this shit is hilarious i cant wait 4 the next installment lololol

Mon Sep 11, 03:01:00 PM  
Blogger i like liquor and tv said...

I have a feeling I'm going to end up like Ruthie by the end of this episode.

Mon Sep 11, 03:14:00 PM  
Blogger ChezNiki said...

Classic!

Mon Sep 11, 05:06:00 PM  
Blogger ----- said...

LMAO ~ I'm not gonna ask for my cameo. I got a public declaration of love for goodness sake. I'm not THAT needy...(or am I?) :D Naw - I'm only kidding. You already know I think you're a genius with this. I'm gonna be your agent, k?

Quit letting them overwork ya...but I gotta know if ole girl is still acting a fool.

~Trizzy

Mon Sep 11, 05:19:00 PM  
Blogger Nika Laqui said...

AAAAAHAAAAAHAAA...ROFLMBAO....

T. you are too much for me....
I'm mad you got me out there like that...*lol*

Bets believe, I will have my shank with me, especially, when its a surprise...

"I gotta lil 22 I call her Peggy Sue..she fit right in my shoe...gotta switch it to my waist, just in case..."

Cuban Linx is the hottest, I find myself hip hop dancin non stop to all the tracks...

HOLD ON, Joe...*lol*

I ain't that ghetto now, to be throwin rocks at the limo....*LOL*

You crazy, Joe...*lol*

Mon Sep 11, 05:59:00 PM  
Blogger Nika Laqui said...

And for some reason, I was hoping when I clicked on the second installment, that I wasn't the last guest.....cause I know you was gone clown...

LOL @ ROBMACK, for hoping he wasn't the gay roomate....*ROFLMBAO*

Mon Sep 11, 06:02:00 PM  
Blogger Nika Laqui said...

Ok the last comment, I'm so scared of what you gone have me saying in my CONFESSION....

Mon Sep 11, 06:07:00 PM  
Blogger Knockout Zed said...

Gotdamn, this shit is soooooo funny! You got muthafuckas personalities (as far as I can tell) down pat! I can't wait to see the rest of it. This is some real imaginative stuff.

KZ

Mon Sep 11, 06:58:00 PM  
Blogger Miss Ahmad said...

you might as well start printing this out and start working on your short film.

I mean you clearly are on to something here, and we can market it on myspace!

Mon Sep 11, 08:12:00 PM  
Blogger Single Ma said...

You'z a talented mu'fvcka!

The GLAMorous producer has blessed your skillz, so gone put 'em to work and make that paper!!

*whispering* then have ur ppl call me when you need that financial advisor. Ha!

Mon Sep 11, 09:05:00 PM  
Blogger fallen angel said...

i am sitting here laughing out loud because i hate that your writing is so damn good!!!! damn you and your intellect rashan! damn you! this is fckin' awesome!

one last question, can i at least be in the audience of the reunion show? ;-)

Mon Sep 11, 09:11:00 PM  
Blogger 1969 said...

I am hooked. T.Cas, you are a genius. Love the concept and can't wait to see what happens next cause someone ALWAYS hooks up in the Real World house.....LOL

Tue Sep 12, 08:52:00 AM  
Blogger Miz JJ said...

Lol. This is hilarious. I wanna know who is gonna fight.
Fight!
Fight!
Fight!

What can I say. I am an instigator.

Tue Sep 12, 09:23:00 AM  
Blogger tjeanise said...

Rashan you are very creative and quite talented..you need to do something with this...

Tue Sep 12, 10:15:00 AM  
Blogger Honey-Libra said...

Man come on...

this is insane I was all up in the screen the phone was ringing good thing the boss isn't hear LOL...hmm I wonder if it's party or a game or something....

Tue Sep 12, 03:46:00 PM  
Blogger Organized Noise said...

I'm feeling this show, but just wondering how you could do this without a single solitary New York Bloggers. . . Hmmm . . . then again . . . is it too early for a spinoff?

Thu Sep 14, 08:25:00 PM  
Blogger 4EverJennayNay said...

twas a busy week so i'm catching up on blog reading.

very creative...

Sat Sep 16, 12:55:00 PM  

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home