Friday, October 27, 2006

Quick Question

This came from a phone conversation I had last night. For the intents of this discussion, assume that neither one of these people are using, pimping, or exploiting the other one and they are in a loving, serious relationship.

Ladies, would you ever give your significant other money? I'm not talking about once you are married and your funds are his funds and vice versa, but like if you were dating a man and he needed money, would you let him have it? If you did, would you look at him as less than a man?

Fellas, would you ever ask your significant other for money? If you didn't ask, and she offerred it would you accept? Would that make you feel like less of a man to take money from your woman?

My answer was that I would not ask for nor accept the money. I am way too independant to borrow money from anyone, much less my woman. I would do whatever I have to do (within reason) before I would take it. I was told that was my foolish male pride speaking, but I'm curious as to what you guys think about it. Now discuss in the comments section.

It was written...


Blogger 1969 said...

If it was for some money until payday and we were in a committed relationship...then I don't see what the problem is.

BUT....if he's talking, co-sign on this car loan or mortgage........HELL NO.

It could also depend on the circumstances like if his mom got sick and he had no loot for a plane ticket....I might be more apt to loan the money as opposed to, let me get $200 to go to Miami with my boys.

Oh depends on the situation.

Fri Oct 27, 11:36:00 AM  
Blogger SynSational said...

Hey, I'm with 1969, it depends on the situation. If I have it, and I know he needs it, I'll offer it to him as his woman, you know, having his back whenever. I've been in this situation and someone kinda soured me on it, but I think me being the person I am, I would do it for someone else again if they truly needed. I would offer without them asking and no, I wouldn't think they were less of a man. But I ain't co-signing for jack, fa sho.

Fri Oct 27, 11:59:00 AM  
Blogger Blah Blah Blah said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

Fri Oct 27, 12:21:00 PM  
Blogger Blah Blah Blah said...

A dude actually ask me for money? I don't understand that question. Come out of my wallet to give him some of my cash? I don't think I get what your asking Cas.
So...dude doesn't have a savings account? An emergency fund? A side stash? Family he can ask for money? Yea, I am not sure this question is a sane question Cas. LMAO

You know my answer to this one.

Fri Oct 27, 12:23:00 PM  
Blogger Tenacious said...

LOL @ Blah

It would depend on the situation. It's a difference between needing money for a bill verse money for Vanilla Delight down at the strip club.

I've given my guy money and vice versa. I don't think it's a big deal in a committed relationship to "loan" out money as long as it's understood I do want to a repayment sometime in the future.

I don't make it a practice of just handing over my hard earned money but if I know my honey's in a tight spot and pride won't allow him to form the words to ask me, I'd just slip him the money like "Oh I owed you this from way back..." so it's not like he's asking asking but he kinda understand that I know the male pride/independence thing.

I wouldn't look at him as less than a man over something like money, as my grandmother always tell me, "Chile money aint everything. You come in this world without a dollar and you die without a dollar."

But there is a difference b/w a man with no job begging for money and a man with a stable job asking for a short term loan. I damn sure ain't the Umemployment line!

Fri Oct 27, 01:31:00 PM  
Blogger DurtyMo715 said...

Been there done that *sigh*. The way I see it is.. Hard times don't discriminate and if I was in a situation where I was in need, I'd hope the one I'm with aint looking at me sideways cuz I'm asking for help. I think this is an awesome topic because it is just another enigma our society deals with. We want the man whose self assured, employed, degreed, yadda yadda yadda but yet we fail to realize that the reality is everybody has set backs, everybody can't save the way that they want for those rainy days AND whether we like it or not shit happens. I'd rather form my opinion of my man by how he treats me and his overall character more so if he in a bind and asked me for some change. If I'm in a relationship, what's mine is his and that's just how I roll...*steppin away from da podium*

Fri Oct 27, 01:39:00 PM  
Blogger Miss Ahmad said...

i'm kinda old fashioned when it comes to shit like that. i just don't think men respcet themselves a whole lot when they are down on their ass so my little $20 or whatever probably isn't gonna make matters any better.

now if he was man, meaning the one who paid to keep a roof over my head, food in the fridge and clothing on my back then maybe we can talk, but if he's some dude with a different address and budget than mine i'd probably have to put him on the prayer list.

because the reality is that if i really needed something i'm hitting up my parents and/or siblings not some nigga!

Fri Oct 27, 01:50:00 PM  
Blogger NegroPino™ said...

For my man, yeah...I have been with ppl that didnt want anything from me but my time and would give me money without asking.......but for some random dude to ask me i would say no...and if a man is with me, i feel i shouldnt hafta ask for money especially if he knows my situtions

Fri Oct 27, 01:52:00 PM  
Blogger G. Mo said...

I'm with you on this one T Cas. I've never asked for money from my woman or anyone else close to me for that matter. In situations where I needed the money and it was offered by her (whichever woman I was with at the time), I've never taken a dime. Call it pride, egotism or whatever, but I couldn't do it. Since I was a kid, I always felt that I had enough hustle in me to get the money or whatever I needed.

On every occasion where my need for money occurred in past, I was able to take care of business. I never said it was easy or that my ways of acquiring the much needed cash were be acceptable to the person offering to assist. However, they don't need to know how I got it. They just need to know that I greatly appreciate the monetary offer, but bruh man is gonna get it by any means necessary.

Fri Oct 27, 02:03:00 PM  
Blogger SLUMP FACADE said...

I would take the money if it was for her half of a trip the two of us planned, certainly. Everyone needs someone who can match all they offer...

Fri Oct 27, 02:08:00 PM  
Blogger Knockout Zed said...

Whichever thing most of the people said they'd do, I'll do the opposite.

I'm a contrarian.


Fri Oct 27, 02:33:00 PM  
Blogger Miz JJ said...

I don't tie money to self-worth so I have no problem lending out money. Money is fluid to me. I have never had to struggle or go without so I never really worry about money. However, I always follow one important rule when lending out money. Never, ever lend out more than you can afford to lose. If I can't afford to lose that amount of money I can't lend it to you. As for the pride factor everybody gets themselves into jams sometimes.

Fri Oct 27, 02:50:00 PM  
Blogger fallen angel said...

i would give and i have gave. it's not just a male ego/pride thing though. we women experience that shyt too! i look at it this way, the people we allow entrance into our lives are there because of something we see in them. considering these people arent starngers, why would i not give to them when they're in need? now, on the other hand, there is definitely a difference when a friend's ALWAYS in need. no one likes a leech nor do they like to feel used.

Fri Oct 27, 05:08:00 PM  
Anonymous The Goddess said...

You sound a lot like me. I was raised to be do for self and depend on NO ONE. I've always felt super uncomfortable even when people would give me gifts for b-day, x-mas or anything else. As I've gotten older, and have had conversations with significant others, I realize that every now and then EVERYONE needs help, no matter how independent you.

I do know that it's a little different from men as far as being independent and feeling less than if you cant provide for yourself or your family.

As far as giving $$ is concerned, if it was a serious relationship and I felt that he really needed it and had no other resources, I would give it in a heart beat. Of course it depends on what he needs it for. If it's to go kick it at the club or by a few dances at your local strip club, NO FREAKIN WAY! lol

Fri Oct 27, 09:29:00 PM  
Blogger Mr.Slish said...

In the past I have done it and regretted it oh sooo much.

Today I would not.Wouldn't even tell my lady I was in a bind. Men need to feel like men. Unfortunately some women Like to throw shit like that in your face when they're angry. So I have would have to agree with ya on this one bruh..

Sun Oct 29, 04:55:00 PM  
Blogger Isha said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

Sun Oct 29, 06:27:00 PM  
Blogger Isha said...

Wow. I have done it MANY times before. I am TOO giving and have done more than I care to admit for "my man". My bottom line is if I got yo' back. I got yo' back. But I've learned a lot about the difference between someone sho is in your corner and just around yo' place. Song answer short. Yes I'd help. Details, I'd expect help in return.

Sun Oct 29, 06:29:00 PM  
Blogger Epsilonicus said...

It would have to something very very serious before I even consider. This is because money can make things complicated. I would only ask or accept money from my woman if I could not get it from anywhere else or if going without is not an option.

Mon Oct 30, 08:45:00 AM  
Blogger Dynasty said...

If we were in a committed relationship, it was for something important and it was with a payback date in mind...yes. If not, then no!

Mon Oct 30, 10:41:00 AM  
Anonymous chele said...

I've tried to offer but my man will NEVER accept money from me. He won't even let me pay for dates.

Mon Oct 30, 11:36:00 AM  
Blogger Mocha_Grl said...

LMAO @ blah blah blah

I have given a man money, he was strugglin' in the music biz and I helped him out...luckily, when he hit it big, a sistah got hooked up and I never felt like he took advantage of me.

If I actually consider you my man (and it takes a lot to get me there), then of course I'm gonna help you out if you need it.

But it better be vice versa.

Mon Oct 30, 12:00:00 PM  
Blogger Robert L. Mack said...

Yeah I agree with Slish. I don't want anyone to have that over me....I will have my banking account in negative status before I ask for money. Fortunately it hasn't been that bad in quite a while.

Mon Oct 30, 12:22:00 PM  
Blogger X Factor said...

Lord have mercy have I been in this situation before. I was engaged to a man who had a job selling cars. SO when nobody was buying, he wasn't earining. If I told you how much money I gave him (but thought I was LOANING) over that period of time, you would shake your head, so I won't. Suffice it to say that we are't together anymore and I never saw ANY of that money.
However... I would (and have) still loan money to a man that I was in a relationship with without thinking of him as less than a man. I have even done it for a man who was just at "friendship" status. I guess I just need some sort of reassurance that I will see it again, ya know?

But when I lent the money to my friend, I practically had to BEG him to take it. He didn't want to ask me, so I volunteered, but then he didn't want to take it. He would rather have sat in his house in the summertime without electricity than to take $200 from me to pay the bill. I had it, and I just didn't understand why he wouldn't take it. He finally did, but I could tell that he felt some kind of way about it. I wish men weren't quite so prideful.

Tue Oct 31, 12:09:00 PM  
Blogger Bygbaby said...

When I 1st met my wife I had just gotten fired from a job & although I was getting by barely on unemployment I refused to ask for help because I knew it would be a while before I could pay anything back.

After a while she started buying me groceries on her own to help out & that was for a few months. Eventually I got a job that required me to go to Rome & had no money @ all & she broke me off.

Needless to say once the cash started flowing I was able to break her off (some cash), next thing I know we are married, got kids blah blah blah.

I asked her what made her stay with me & help me out while I was in a rock situation & she said because she saw my potential & it was not about the money because we all fall at some point one way or the other. (sorry for the rant)

Mon Nov 06, 12:09:00 AM  

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