Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Think I'd Better Let It Go

Inspiration - "Love TKO" Teddy Pendergrass "Think I'd better let it go/Looks like another love T.K.O."

What I'm Listening To - WuTang Clan- "Enter The WuTang (36 Chambers)"

Question(s) I Asked Myself Today - "Is it wrong to call out from work right after I had 2 days of vacation?" I'm going to work, but I really don't want to.

I think I better let it go. It ain't a love TKO, but it's a friend TKO. One of the side effects of my doing nothing over the last couple of days has been excessive thinking. I'm the type that always has to have the TV or music going because if I don't my mind will obsess over things. While I was sitting around the last couple of days, I had some moments where my brain took over and I came to a realization of sorts. Some of the people that call themselves my friends are not truly my friends. It's a matter of convenience for them. KZ wrote about flakes the other day and I can see that some people in my life are the exact same way.

See, I'm a fiercely independant person. I never ask for anything, and rarely do I need emotional support either. But I'm human too. Every now and then, I need someone to talk to. I realized that I can talk to people on IM that I have met once or not at all in person and get more support than I can from people I see almost every day. Perhaps its my fault for not always sharing, but on those rare occasions when I do, is it too much to expect that my "friends" be there for me? I'll give you an example. I told all y'all about my car breaking down last week. I called a couple of friends and told them about it. I wasn't asking to borrow money or even for a ride anywhere, just wanted to tell them what was going on. I haven't heard back from them since. This was Saturday and it's now Wednesday. A phone call checking on me would have been nice. Hell, a text message if you didn't feel like talking. I mean, I'm there for them when they need to talk about their boyfriend that's messing up or if they need to hold $20 until payday, but I realize that the situation is not equitable. I'm always listening to their problems, or offering up my couch if you need a place to stay or my car if you need a ride. I'm not saying that to say I am an especially good friend, but some things go with the territory. I know I have my faults, but at the very least, my friends know they can count on me. I wish I could say the same for them.

So, I think I need to let it go. I'm not the best at making friends, but I think I could do better. I already have done much better on the internet. You guys are the most supportive and real group of friends I have had in a long time. It's time for me to go back into loner mode until I can get with some people that truly have my best interests at heart. I don't know how I'm going to do it, but I have got to cut some people out of my life. Forgive the rant, but this is what's on my mind. Can any of you relate?

It was written...

28 Comments:

Blogger X Factor said...

I forgot who it was (which I realize is not particularly helpful to you), but someone in my blog circle wrote about this fairly recently. I'll see if I can find the post. But I can DEFINITELY feel where you're coming from, and I don't think there is anything wrong with it. Part of the growing process is evaluating your life (and the people in it) and seeing what they are contributing. Not necessarily money or material things, but time, support, love, kindness... those are the things that sustain you. So my new rule is that if you are subtracting from my life more than you are adding to it, then you have to go. No matter how long we have been "friends." That way, I can keep my circle clutter free, and focus on the truly important things in life.

Wed Nov 01, 10:20:00 AM  
Blogger thee modern isis said...

I can defintely relate, and it's probably the reason I have as many friends that I can count on one hand that I can truly depend on. To me, everyone has all kind of friends/associates.

You have that one friend that's down to go out. As soon as you say let's go, they're on the other side of the phone picking out an outfit.

You have that one friend that you can call about anything crying with snot running down your face, and instead of telling you what you should have done, they show empathy.

But unfortunately, sometimes that's all that they are good for. When shit gets real deep they are nowhere to be found.

I had to cut 2 out of my life, and I was the one that fought long and hard when people were telling me who they really were. Somehow I couldn't fathom them being like that, because they were cool with me. As soon as I started doing well for myself, they were more like leeches. Always wanting more then what I gave but when I needed something they were busy.

It's hard and mroe shameful to say but there's family that's the same exact way.

Things will get easier and if there is any consolation, I can make you another victim of my texting habits.

-Isis

Wed Nov 01, 10:27:00 AM  
Blogger Cool AC said...

I can absolutely relate. You want to hold on to them as friends, becasue they have been there for so long. But if they are not uplifting you, then let them go. People are in your life for a reason, season or lifetime...I think some of those people's time may be up.

Wed Nov 01, 11:02:00 AM  
Blogger Robert L. Mack said...

I think the fact that I am so much of a loner and so damn independent, so I don't look for too much out of anyone. I think I put my friends into "tiers". I know who to go to for what. I say that's what you should do, if you can..

Wed Nov 01, 11:19:00 AM  
Blogger Miz JJ said...

Thankfully I can not related to that. My girls would be there for me in a minute if I had a crisis or wanted to talk. I think you are on the right path. Sometimes it is necessary to clean house and take inventory.

Wed Nov 01, 11:21:00 AM  
Blogger SynSational said...

Rashan, I know I can relate. I'm always there for my friends no matter what, but then it seems that when I need them, they are not there.

I have a open door policy for my friends, no matter what time, and they know I keep it real. But after realizing some were more fake than anything, I let them go. I have family like that also. So, I definitely know how you feel.

Your true friends will always be there by your side no matter what, and if you have to step back until you find those true friends, so be it. I think we've all been there one time or another.

Wed Nov 01, 11:26:00 AM  
Blogger nikki said...

you're right. sometimes the internet provides better friends than offline, but keep it in perspective, cuz really...what demands are made on a person when all he or she has to do is talk to a person on im or send a card or an email or the ocassional phone call? what actions, save those things mentioned, does a person have to do to be a 'good' friend online? when the shit really hit the fan offline, can you really say that folk online will be able to come through for you? they can't, cuz they ain't around...that's just the fact of the matter. doesn't make them less of a friend, just lets you know the limitations of online friendships. and this is coming from someone who has leaned on more than one person online recently for friendship and support. they don't have to do what they do to be my friend, but they do and i'm grateful. meanwhile, in the big scheme of things, that kind of friendship won't sustain a person over the long haul. human contact is very, VERY important, so don't go making excuses for reasons why you should avoid it, cuz that's some boosheet.

i think you're right to cut folk out. i hope you stick to it this time though. be just as definitive with your cut as i know you can be. don't head back their way in a moment of weakness or loneliness. the only way you get the kind of friends you deserve is to hold folk accountable when they ain't being that kind of friend. and you gonna have to be just as leery of online folk, cuz everybody can be who they wanna be on here. we can all show our 'good' face, but this thing don't really clue folk into one's true character.

Wed Nov 01, 11:28:00 AM  
Blogger Royce's Daughter said...

I am like Rob Mack...I don't expect much from anyone and that way I am rarely disappointed. And everyone isn't a friend, some are aquaintances, others are just people you know...friend is sacred and not everyone deserves the title!

Wed Nov 01, 11:30:00 AM  
Anonymous The Goddess said...

I feel you 100%. I went through a period when I turned 30, where I had to sit back and take a look at everyone one in my circle of friends. I felt that all the drama and dysfunction of everyone around me was draining and not beneficial for MY self growth. Plus its funny how people can consider themselves a friend NOT EVER be available when you need a shoulder, but constantly calling on you to be there for them.... That's a one sided friendship and that's when it's time to kick rocks.

I do want to say that considering what's going on with you, don't make hasty decisions based on emotion. Make sure you really think through your decisions and they are ones that you are comfortable with and can live with. I'm sure you'll do what's best for you.

Wed Nov 01, 11:38:00 AM  
Anonymous The Goddess said...

I just went back and read the comments and I just have to say AMEN to X-factor.

She said: So my new rule is that if you are subtracting from my life more than you are adding to it, then you have to go. No matter how long we have been "friends." That way, I can keep my circle clutter free, and focus on the truly important things in life.

Very well said!

Wed Nov 01, 11:40:00 AM  
Blogger Knockout Zed said...

As fucked up as it is, I think the I've made better friends via the internet. My "flesh and blood, been through thick and thin" friends fuckin' suck!

I refuse to change my expectations on how I think a friend should act. I'll be a dolo muthafucka forever before that happens.

KZ

Wed Nov 01, 12:27:00 PM  
Blogger Blah Blah Blah said...

I'm with RMack...
I don't have any female friends...most of my male friends wanna bone...so I am left to be me...all by me lonesome. Which is pretty ok considering I've been this way all my life.

Wed Nov 01, 12:53:00 PM  
Blogger DollFace said...

Sounds to me like you've been mislabeling associates as friends. We all have our own expectations of what a friend should be; if the people in your life don't measure up then let them go. Life is too short to deal with people that show up too late or not at all when they're most needed

Wed Nov 01, 12:55:00 PM  
Blogger DurtyMo715 said...

Unfortunately.. I can relate..

Wed Nov 01, 01:57:00 PM  
Blogger tjeanise said...

I certainly can relate. Every now and then you have to cut the negative folk out of your life. I figure if you are not for me you must be against me.

If you can be there for them, then they should be able to do the same for you.

Wed Nov 01, 02:13:00 PM  
Anonymous chele said...

I can absolutely relate. Speaking for myself, I believe that I have put myself in the position of being Ms. Independent so folks just assume that I don't need anything ever. Not even a listening ear. Maybe that's my fault, but what the fuck am I, a robot? But still, whenever someone's husband is out to sea or they have money troubles or problems at the job, who are they calling to talk it out? ME. I'm sick of being everyone's sounding board and not having that shit reciprocated. Fuck 'em.

Wed Nov 01, 02:15:00 PM  
Blogger Nika Laqui said...

Yea thats so sad when people you don't even know...
I take that back, I think we know each other pretty well...
People you've never met in person, treat you better than these peole you've been knowing your whole life....

You do find out who ya real friends are when you are "Down and OUt"...

Wed Nov 01, 02:35:00 PM  
Blogger Miss Ahmad said...

i have really great friends. i probably don't seem them enough, and i having moved and traveled so much over the past decade i'm hard to keep up with but i must say the ones who have stuck with me are golden.

i can be an ass, drink too much, talk shit, don't answer my phone much, argue, snore, make out with my guy friends on occasion and yet they put up with me, support me, celebrate me and I do it all for them when i can.

nothing beats human contact. i love my internet friends, but sometimes i just need a damn hug!!

Wed Nov 01, 03:54:00 PM  
Blogger Tenacious said...

*sigh* I can relate all too well, maybe that's why I don't kick it with a lot of people

I say fuck all those negative people you know who your real friends are at the end of the day

Wed Nov 01, 04:50:00 PM  
Blogger fallen angel said...

of course we all can relate sir! what is life without the occasional friend that sucks? my advice is to be grateful for these people because they force you to examine the types of people you have in your life vs. the types of people you want in your life...

Wed Nov 01, 05:26:00 PM  
Blogger Honey-Libra said...

AMEN!! Sometimes you gotta let people go cause they will run you dry and when you need them all of a sudden they got stuff they gotta do. Please I ain't no fool you suppose to be my friend and if I need you..you should be there no questions asked..I mean dang what if you were stranded somewhere they wouldn't have known and then later they would be like oh how come you didn't call...umm how come you didn't call..I say good riddance to bad rubbish :)

Wed Nov 01, 05:45:00 PM  
Blogger The Mistress said...

You sound a lot like me. I'm fiercely independent as well. I'm okay with getting emotional support from friends and family though.

Anyway, these people sound like chumps.

Thu Nov 02, 02:43:00 AM  
Blogger 1969 said...

I have a small tight knit circle of friends. We have been through thick and thicker together. I know who I can call on if I ever need someone.

Everyone else is an aquaintence. I don't expect anything from them and they shouldn't expect anything from me either.

I say you go through your list and make sure you know who your real friends are. The rest, handle with kid gloves.

Thu Nov 02, 10:20:00 AM  
Blogger Tenacious said...

@ T

Why did I know you would zero in on that one? *lol* No one in particular just stating the facts :-)

197...tuh I'll have that before long :-)

Thu Nov 02, 11:41:00 PM  
Blogger 4EverJennayNay said...

Every once in a while we have to do a friend stock inventory/evaluation.

Some folk get dropped, some folk get downgraded. Some folk get up graded.

And thats just how it go.

I know what you mean.

Fri Nov 03, 10:00:00 AM  
Blogger Paula D. said...

Yep, I can definitely relate. I have a very short list of 'real friends'. I agree with 1969, go through your list & determine who is a real friend & the rest.....I think you better let it go.

Fri Nov 03, 02:10:00 PM  
Blogger TTD said...

i dont blame you.. sometimes you just want what you always give reciprocated... good luck in ur search for some new REAL friends.. i had to do the same when i came home from school... matter of fact, read this post.. it might help you out...

http://ctrese21.blogspot.com/2006/11/some-thoughts.html

Fri Nov 03, 03:09:00 PM  
Blogger 911 said...

Happenstance, and in truth it's easy to be nice to a person you don't as opposed to someone you do. Past precedes them...1

Fri Nov 03, 04:56:00 PM  

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