Operation: Piss You Off

Inspiration - No hip hop quotable today, this is from real life.

What I'm Listening To - The Main Ingredient- Pete Rock and CL Smooth

Question(s) I asked myself today: While watching CSI tonight I asked myself "What kind of sick shit is infantilism? " Of course I had to look it up.

Welcome to day one of Operation: Piss You Off. I told you a couple of days ago about this potential stalker I got. The honest approach didn't work out. Nevertheless, I decided that I am going to get rid of her once and for all. What's so gangsta about my plan is that I'm going to make her think it's her idea. Let me update you on the progress that has been made so far.

Step One: Make her think there is another shawty I'm interested in. This one was easy. Call waiting did it for me. I put her on hold for an extended period of time. I was really talking to my brother but I kind of implied that another girl was on the other line. I came back to her line and started acting distracted. I could almost hear her thinking "who was that bitch?" I was hoping she would ask b/c I already had a vague answer ready for her. "Oh, that was this chick from my job." That would have been cool, but instead I had to move on to step 2

Step Two: Say some shit to make her mad. I let it slip that a friend was coming over tomorrow and I wouldn't be able to talk to her. I know how jealous this girl is. She wants to be my only friend and if I spend time with someone else, she takes it as a personal attack. I followed this up by talking at length about how banging Amerie is. That's right, she even gets jealous of celebrities I will never meet. This led to step 3

Step Three: Don't react when she gets mad. This one was harder b/c I always have to be right. I take great pride in winning any disagreement, but for the greater cause, I just let that shit go and refused to engage in any argument. I think this pissed her off more than anything. I told her that I am not going to sit on the phone and argue with her and if she has a problem with it, she will just need to get over it. She can either calm down or I'm out. I just knew the ultimatum would work, but I underestimated her stalker-acity. She pulled a 180 and I was back at square one. Or should I say step 4

Step Four: Tell her some foul shit about myself. I had to be subtle with this move. I want to get rid of her, but I ain't trying to have the cops on my ass or a f*cked up reputation. So I had to play it smooth. Right about now, I have her believing that I got a bad drinking problem. I told her a few true drunk stories that actually happened over the course of 10 years, but she thinks all them shits were recent. I also got her thinking that I am legally married and separated. Basically, I'm hoping she will start thinking that I'm not boyfriend material. The seeds have been planted but if that doesn't get rid of her, I'll have to move on to step 5.

Step Five: Change my phone number and move. I'm just playing, I'll just have to try the truth again. I might not have been as clear as I should have been. I didn't want to hurt old girls feelings, but it might be necessary. I just can't have random chicks going "girlfriend" on me. I just have to make sure she don't catch me at a weak moment and become an "Overnight Celebrity." That would really f*ck things up. I'll let you know how it turns out.

It was written...