Wednesday, April 05, 2006

One Eye Open Like CBS

Inspiration - "Can I Live" Jay-Z "I stepped it up another level, meditated like a Buddhist/Recruited lieutenants with ludicrous/dreams of gettin cream let's do this/it gets tedious/ So I keep one eye open like CBS/ya see me stressed right? Can I live?"

What I'm Listening To: "Donuts" J-Dilla (RIP)

Question(s) I Asked Myself Today: "Will people think I'm depressed after reading this, like last week?" I'm cool, I'm just writing what's on my mind.

This is one of my favorite Jay-Z lyrics ever and I've had it in my head for about a month. I finally decided to write it. Today's post is about that bullshit. Everybody goes through it, but I'm to the point that I'm about to start calling people out on it. When it comes to that BS, I keep one eye open like CBS.

Situation # 1

My job is on that bullshit, yo! They be trying to straight work me into a coma. In January I had 17 people reporting to me. That's normal. Then my manager got promoted and I got 6 more people. Now, I'm doing my job and her job and got more people to boot. I can roll with the punches so I did it without complaining. Besides, it's just temporary right? Just when I start getting comfortable with my extra workload, then they hit me with some special projects that take fucking forever. Just when I think they can't possibly load me up any further, another manager leaves and guess who gets to watch over her team. T. gets 13 more needy people to complicate his day. That brings the grand total to 36 employees, an assload of projects and doing 3 peoples jobs all for the same salary. I got my eyes open and I C the BS they trying to pull. Why should they put an extra salary on the books when they can get me to do it. Even though I see what's going down, what can I really do? I can't say I'm not doing it or I will be looked at as not being a team player. I'm already a Black man in a White dominated company, I can't afford to rock the boat(or the slave ship, so to speak.) I feel stuck right about now and I can already tell its affecting my work. I called in last week and thats some shit I never do.

Situation #2

Why people try to manipulate me? I touched on this in one of my other posts, but the women at my job really think I'm gonna fall for their tricks. I don't want your sexual attention at work, whether its discreet or overt. Get yo damn hands off me. I know what they are thinking: They see a young Black man in a position of semi authority and they think they can use their sexuality to get what they want. I know I am the "cool manager" but there is still a line that will not be crossed. Business is business and if you doing wrong, I'm gonna let you know about it, even if you got on tight pants and a low cut shirt. That might have worked with dudes in the past, but not with me. I C your BS, ma!

Situation #3

T. hasn't changed. I am the same guy I was when we first became friends. Sometimes, I don't wanna be bothered. Sometimes, I will be anti social. Sometimes, I don't feel like talking. If I talked to you yesterday, by definition, I am not avoiding you. Besides you are not my woman. Where is it written that I have to talk to all my friends everyday? I don't remember vowing to call you every day. It doesn't mean that we ain't cool or that I've changed. Maybe I just had something else to do. Maybe I just wanted to watch "24" in peace. You would know that if you would ask, instead of accusing me of changing. I C that as BS and I'm calling you out on it.

Situation #4

Don't try to tell me what I should or should not do. I'm a grown ass man. You had your chance to express your opinion, but ultimately the decision is mine. At this point when you talk to me about this situation, I don't even hear your words. You are like that teacher on Peanuts "waah, waah, waah." Besides, what is your true motivation? If you are honest with yourself, why don't you want me to take that route? It really has nothing to do with you at all. Your false concern is BS and I C that.

BTW... I know situations 3 and 4 were vague. I'm not trying to put all my bizness out there. This is just a rant, nothing more, nothing less. Don't go reading too much into it. Dealing with the bullshit just gets tedious, so I keep one eye open like CBS. And now to lighten the mood, here are some blurry ass pictures of me sitting at the computer, taking a flick in the mirror and my mother's favorite picture from when I was 2. (Don't laugh at the hair, I was cute, dammit!) Click the pics to make them bigger.

It was written...


Blogger nikki said...

well damn. go ahead and vent then. LOL

Wed Apr 05, 07:44:00 AM  
Blogger The Stiltwalker said...

you don't sound depressed. every once in a while we all need to pop somebody in the mouth. cause if you don't, people will try you, every time...

Wed Apr 05, 08:21:00 AM  
Blogger cupcake27 said...

you are not depressed you are just venting. It is ok i go through it sometimes but they tell me it is pms. :)

Wed Apr 05, 08:32:00 AM  
Blogger chele said...

You don't sound depressed. You sound pissed. Can you say xanax? Kidding.

#1 - go with the flow it could be to your advantage in the end.

#2 - I might mention that BS to the HR manager just to cover your bases.

#3 - I'm the same way. When I'm ready to talk I'll call you. This is how it's always been. No surprises.

#4 - Nuff said.

Wed Apr 05, 08:36:00 AM  
Blogger Mocha_Grl said...

Funny, I've been having a Jay-Z moment myself. Except I've been listening to "Dream" over and over (can you tell I'm dealing with some people trying to hold me back? lol)

1) I would go with it, unless your work starts to suffer. If it does you gotta say something. You know what they did to the weaker slaves right??

2) Yeah you gotta keep that line pretty strict, cuz that shit can get you in trouble.

3) You don't know how much I feel you. Just cuz we don't talk for a minute doesn't mean we aren't friends! The thing I always use is: "what's going on with you, that you feel like just cuz we don't talk for a day that I don't like you anymore? Why are you so insecure?" ;)

4)Then B.I. said, "Hov' remind yourself
nobody built like you, you designed yourself"
What he said, I said, has been said before
"Just keep doin your thing," he said, say no more

Wed Apr 05, 10:29:00 AM  
Blogger Honey-Libra said...

I love venting.....and I am def gonna have to keep my eye open LOL

Wed Apr 05, 11:18:00 AM  
Blogger i like liquor and tv said...

OMG yes, I feel ya on all 4 points! But I usually just drink to

Wed Apr 05, 11:19:00 AM  
Blogger NegroPino™ said...

Who was u talking to on the phone YO?

Wed Apr 05, 01:15:00 PM  
Blogger NegroPino™ said...

Sometimes, I don't wanna be bothered. Sometimes, I will be anti social. Sometimes, I don't feel like talking. If I talked to you yesterday, by definition, I am not avoiding you. Besides you are not my woman. Where is it written that I have to talk to all my friends everyday? I don't remember vowing to call you every day

&^^^^^^^^ this is so true for me..i can go days/weeks/ sometimes months without talking to my friends and we can pick off like nothing ever happened..thats just me.....Now if I m feeling U, i gots to speak to you everyday...

Tell them MOFos' U aint the BOSS Of me...U aint got no papers on me....

Wed Apr 05, 01:15:00 PM  
Blogger ChezNiki said...

I cant laugh at your baby picture. You see me with my baby pompador right there on my avatar.

But seriously, you may try going into your supervisor and ask what the timetable is for your 'temporary' employees to be passed off to someone else...or if in fact all 36 are supposed your permanent employees, when you will be getting a raise/promotion to compensate for your extra workload.

Two ways that institutionalized racism shows up on the job is:
1. giving the people of color one salary and six jobs, and/or
2. not giving them the support to work the six jobs and then blaming them for their lack of success.

Bang out sick for a mental health day any time you need to. Both to make them understand your worth to the company and to get your game plan together should you need to ask for a raise or leave.

Wed Apr 05, 01:58:00 PM  
Blogger T. Cas said...

So about situation # 2. Why did this trifling girl just ask me to hold $500 until payday? I just laughed right in her face and walked off.

Wed Apr 05, 03:33:00 PM  
Blogger Miz JJ said...

Love this post. You are clearly C the BS, but now you gotta navigate through it. I can't believe women at work are trying to play you like that. That's just sad.

Wed Apr 05, 03:56:00 PM  
Blogger Unsaid said...

situation 1....sounds like work is a bitch.

situation 2....sounds like work is a bitch

situation 3...sounds like you are feeling pressure from friends and not liking it...understandable i guess, maybe if you talked about boundaries with them and what you are willing to give that will help. shoot i don't know.

situation 4...the easiest way to keep people from telling you what you should and should not do is to stop telling them your business. people are going to feel how they want to feel about what you do and they have that right. seems like a lot of people (myself included) hate it when people illuminate the darker points of our choices. the only way to prevent yourself from seeing the truth about your situation from another person's point of view is to keep your situation to yourself. unless of course you can handle it/deal with it...but this post says it gets on your nerves so...

my 2 cents on 4 situations...

Wed Apr 05, 03:56:00 PM  
Blogger SistaGirl said...

It's too bad that your job is the way it is..what happened to that much needed vacation?

Situation #3 we incorporate friends into our lives for a reason. look at from their view have you changed at all? What is it that's taking up all your time? 24 is only 1 hour out of the day

Situation #4..I feel you there, your decisions are your own but there is always someone that's gonna have something to say about what you do. Sometimes I have to check myself in situations like this, I know that I am a difficult person to give advice to and get all upset when the advise sounds judgemental..I then have to tell myself to ease up off of them (friends) and ask myself if the advice hit too close to what I didn't want to hear or face up to.

Anyway just my thoughts..It's good you got the chance to vent :-)

Wed Apr 05, 07:11:00 PM  
Blogger SistaGirl said...

oh yeah...I like the pics :-)

Wed Apr 05, 07:12:00 PM  
Blogger T. Cas said...

@ nikki - mission accomplished, I feel better

@ Stiltwalker - glad you feel where I'm coming from

@ cupcake - I've heard your venting and you don't sound mad, just shocked

@ chele - I am going with the flow, just had to let it out. I tend to bottle stuff up. and on number 2, thats a good idea.

@ mocha - On #3, if I said that, it would really be on. I say smart stuff like that all the time, but sometimes it hits too close to home.

@ honey-libra - I usually don't vent, but since I have a blog, I can do it now.

@ liquor and tv - don't tell nobody, but I was drinking when I started writing this.

@ Ms New Booty - I was talking to a fellow blogger. The best friendships allow each other space to do their thing.

@ ChezNiki - the timetable is set, but keeps getting mysteriously "pushed back" I don't wanna keep asking about it.

@ Miz JJ - I'm working my way through it. The first step was to identify it, now I got make the necessary changes.

@ unsaid - for # 4, I always keep everything to myself, so I tried to open up to a few people. I wont be doing that anymore. For me, theres a fine line between giving advice and nagging.

@ sista girl - Hopefully, I'm going to get a vacation at the end of the month. Maybe I should analyze what or who is taking up all my time. LOL

Thu Apr 06, 02:36:00 AM  
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