Shut Up Already, Damn!

Inspiration - "Housequake" Prince "Shut up already, damn!/Tell me who in this house know about the quake? (we do)/I mean really, really/If you know how 2 rock say 'yeah' (yeah)/If u know how 2 party say 'oh yeah' (oh yeah)/But if u ain't hip 2 the rare house quake:/Shut up already, damn!"

What I'm Listening To - My Yahoo radio station. I don't really know how they are picking my songs, but they are doing a pretty good job. Except, how in the hell did Nelly get on there? I hate that cat.

Question(s) I Asked Myself Today - "Do you have a job?" There's a group of men that just sit outside all day in my apartment complex watching people. They were there when I went to work, and in the same spot when I came home. I wanna tell them to take there asses in the house.

I'm starting to think I have one of those faces that says "please talk to me." I really don't understand it because I go out of my way to avoid people in most situations. And when I am around people, I revert to my tough guy glare I perfected in 9th grade to intimidate people and get them to leave me alone. But as I get older, I don't think its working anymore. I seem to be the go to person for unsolicited and/or inappropriate conversation. Let me give you a few examples.

This happened a couple of months ago. I was taking a break at work, standing outside on the back patio. These 2 women were having an intense conversation, I didnt know what they were talking about (nor did I care), but they were being very animated. They then decided to include me in their conversation, and I immediately regretted not pretending I was on my phone like I sometimes do when people are around I don't wanna talk to. I soon found out what they were so excited about: These women were talking about going to a swingers party and wanted me to know every little detail about what happened. I said, "I don't think I should be a part of this conversation" and tried to leave. But one of them was like, "hold on, I wanna tell you about how the hotel room was laid out." I'm not going to gross you all out with all the details I heard, but lets just say that unattractive people are some freaky muhfuckas. LOL. Now every time I see old girl in the hallway at work, I start walking really fast so she doesn't try to tell me anything else. That was just TMI.

Last Saturday, I was hanging out in Piedmont Park at the Atlanta Falcons fan fest joint. I was standing in line waiting to get tickets for the autograph signing The man behind me was one of those middle aged-vp of marketing-golf playing-drive a land rover-live in an exclusive community-voted for both Bush's and waiting for Jed to run-type guys. You know the kind of white man who's idea of casual wear is some cotton dockers and a izod shirt? Some one I have absolutely nothing in common. You get the picture? This is the type of man I used to scare with my Blackness. In my 20's if he saw me coming, he would damn near run out of his sebagos trying to get out of my way. But not anymore. Even though the sun was blinding me and I know I was looking mean as hell, he took it upon himself to strike up a conversation with me. Told me about his kids, his car, his season tickets, his wife and his mistress. The worst part about it was I couldn't just leave. I wasn't leaving that line after standing there for 45 minutes, so I just had to stand there and take it, lamenting the fact that I don't scare white people anymore.

And then today, I was at the Subway around the corner from my crib, trying to get a tuna sub and a couple of them oatmeal cookies (see, I do eat.) I'm minding my own business, waiting for the kid to finish up with the customer in front of me, when a guy comes in with some bootleg DVD's. At first, I just ignored him getting his hustle on, but soon he came up to me trying to sell me some movies. I declined, since I have my own source of bootleg videos for the free. Then he decided to ask me if I wanted to buy some porn, specifically that Superhead video. I like porn as much as the next guy and quite possibly have a collection of Booty Talk flicks saved on my hard drive, but I'm just trying to get a sammich. Don't be bringing up porn to me like we are friends. I guess I just I look like a perv or something. Then the Subway guy chimes in with his own review of the Superhead's doming abilities. He takes off his gloves and buys a couple of porn dvd's right there at Subway. I'm standing there with the what the fuck look on my face. How you gonna buy porn in front of customers? Then they tried to drag me into a conversation about what kind of flicks they watch. I'm giving my Ice Cube scowl, but it aint working, they still were talking to me. Thankfully, the dvd guy's phone rang and he left, but that was not a conversation I was trying to have with some strangers. Rule of thumb: Don't talk about porn when you are preparing food, even if you are wearing gloves. I got the little Latina girl to fix my sandwich, cuz I wasnt sure what kind of special sauce the Subway guy had on his hands.

See, that's the kinda stuff that happens to me. Everybody thinks they can talk about everything with me. I would think me mean mugging and avoiding eye contact would be a sign that I don't want you to talk to me. Perhaps I need to just let my inner asshole out and tell them to shut the hell up. Is it just me or do you guys get the TMI convos too? Whats the craziest piece of unsolicited information you have recieved? How can I stop people from talking to me? Hit me up in the comments.

It was written...