Thursday, September 14, 2006

The Blog Real World: The Job

The Blog Real World: The Job

If you missed the beginning, you can catch it on Tivo: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

Back from Commercial

Confessional Video
T. Cas: We’ve been in the house for a couple of weeks now. Everybody is getting along pretty well. But that’s probably going to change today. Today is our first day at work.

The camera pans to the sun rising over a beach. There are pelicans flying and people rollerblading and jogging. A shrill discordant beeping sound emanates from alarm clock and the digital display reads 7:00 AM. KZ, Rob Mack and Liquor and TV are sitting around the dining room table eating breakfast when Nikki walks in.

Nikki: Good morning, people!

KZ: What’s up bosoms!

Liquor: Morning, Nikki!

Rob Mack: What’s going on?

Nikki: Big day today. Our first day at work. I’m so excited they got us jobs at a music magazine.

Rob Mack: I don’t understand how the 7 of us are gonna write one article, but I’m down.

KZ: It’ll work. Just let me handle the metaphors and everything’ll be all right.

Nikki: And I can be in charge of the imagery. Put Cas in charge of the sarcasm.

Liquor: Speaking of Cas, where is he? We gotta be at the office in an hour.

Rob Mack: I think he still sleeping. Somebody should wake him up.

Nikki: I got it. Somebody go get Missy and Nsane… I guess they in your room again, Liquor. I didn’t see them this morning.

Liquor: Yeah, they in there. But they up and dressed. Just waiting on T. Cas

Nikki goes into the men’s bedroom. T. Cas is laid out with a pillow over his head.

Nikki: Yo, T!!! Time to get up. We gotta go to work.

T. Cas: 5 more minutes, Mom.

Nikki: I ain’t yo mama, fool. Get up!

T. Cas: Aiight, I’m up. Da fuck time is it anyway?

Nikki: It’s 7. Now get up and wash yo funky ass. Smell like you done rolled around in barn. Nasty muhfucka.

T. Cas: Fuck you, Nikki. Get the hell outta here. I’ll be ready.

The time is now 7:45. The roommates are all standing in the doorway preparing to leave. T. Cas comes rushing out the room trying to tie his tie.

Missy: Let me help you with that.

T. Cas: Thanks, Missy. You always there for me.

Rob Mack: Why you wearing a tie anyway? You need to put on some Air Force Ones and call it a day.

T. Cas: We gotta go through this everyday? I don’t have any casual clothes. Back home I wear a shirt and tie to work and it ain’t like I go out.

Liquor: Can you guys stop acting all ghetto so we can leave?

Nikki: I fucking hate that term. Why everything negative gotta be ghetto?

KZ: Okay, so they ain’t acting ghetto, but they acting real gay right now.

Nikki: That too. Why does gay mean bad? I mean explain this to me.

Nsane: It’s too early for this shit. Let’s get to work. (pauses) They ain’t gonna make us take a piss test are they?

END SCENE

The roommates arrive at nondescript office building. There is a magnetic sign on the office door that reads “The Savage Beast.” The door opens and a tall, lanky man with a thin mustache and a Dickie suit greets them.

Man: Good Morning, Real Worlders. My name is Darius Williams and I’m the CEO of “The Savage Beast.” We are the 23rd largest internet music news website in the state. We are excited to have you guys join us. I’m sure you want to know about what you will be doing for us so with no further adieu, let’s get started.

Darius leads them to a virtually empty room. There are 7 computers side by side like in a college computer lab. The roommates look at each other with skepticism and mockery.

Darius: These are your workstations. For the next 6 weeks, you will be researching and writing about the music biz for our website. We specialize in Urban music, but we are not afraid to branch out every now and then.

T. Cas: You say this is for a website? I don’t think I’ve ever heard of “The Savage Beast”

Missy: What’s the URL? Can we check out the page?

Darius: Unfortunately, a virus got in our mainframe and deleted all of our archives, so you guys will responsible for our relaunch.

Liquor: Where are the rest of your employees? Do they work from home?

Darius: (stammering) See, what had happened was…

Confessional Video:
KZ: Man, what kinda bootleg shit is this? “The Savage Beast? Sounds like some old marginal shit. I’m a kick MTV’s ass for this. And why is dude wearing a dickie suit. That shit ain’t cool.

Confessional Video:
Nikki: I’ll admit, the setup is not exactly perfect. But we get to write. Ain’t that what all bloggers want to do?

RESUME SCENE

Darius: Your first assignment is to decide on what you want to write about. I gotta go pay my cable bill, but when I get back, we’ll talk about your choices.

Nsane: What do you want us to write about? Any specific artist or styles…

Darius: (walking out the door) Yeah, do that! I’ll be back.


The roommates again exchange telling glances.

T. Cas: Man, what the hell is this? He gonna tell us to write, but not give us any idea about what to write about. And don’t get me started on this cat’s office.

Nikki: Okay, let’s get started. Toss out some ideas, folk.

Rob Mack: Are you serious? You think we are actually gonna work here. I already got 2 jobs… I’m not about to be nobody’s intern.

Nsane: He definitely ain’t gonna give us a piss test!!!

Nikki: Come on! Let’s just come up with a topic for our first article.

Missy: Who died and made you editor? We all grown in here.

Nikki: Somebody gotta take charge. You triflin mofo’s aren’t doing shit.

KZ: Hold up, sweetness. Who you callin’ triflin
?

Confessional Video:
T. Cas: What I tell you? You can’t have this many strong personalities working together without some drama. It’s just gonna get worse before it gets better. I know Nikki. She likes to be in control and that shit ain’t gonna fly with the roommates.


RESUME SCENE

Nikki: Aiight, you right! I apologize. I didn’t mean anything by it. I’m just saying y’all procrastinating. Let’s get started. Darius will be back soon. I want to at least be able to have a couple of ideas for him. Now, who got one.

Liquor: Let’s see if we can get an interview with Deltron 3000. He’s mad underrated in the hip hop game.

Nikki: DELTRON?!?!?

T. Cas: Nikki, don’t!

Nikki: What Cas?

T. Cas: Leave it alone. Now is not the time.

Nikki: You think I’m gonna tell Liquor that Deltron sucks? I mean he does, but I ain’t gonna tell her. I ain’t gonna talk about how his rhymes are mental masturbation.

T. Cas: Stop it, Nikki. I’m begging you.

Nikki: You feel the same way. You told me that he sucks your damn self.

Missy: Who da hell is Deltron and why are you arguing about him? We need to write about someone that people have actually heard of.

Rob Mack: But everybody is gonna be writing about the popular people. We should make our article mean something.

Nikki: So, what we need is to write about someone who people have heard of, but still got skills.

KZ: Mainstream rap sucks! Unless…

Nsane: Talib Kweli!

T. Cas: Hell, yeah! I’m with that!

Nikki: Everybody down? Good, so now we got our idea.

Confessional Video:
Rob Mack: I’m not really feeling this so called internet magazine, but at least we agreed on something to write about. We’ll just see what happens next, but that Darius guy seems a little shady. I’m gonna have to keep my eyes open.


END SCENE

Outside the office building, T. Cas, Nikki and KZ are hanging out smoking. T. got a black and mild, Nikki got a Newport and KZ got his cloves.

T. Cas: So what you really think about the rest of the roommates? I mean, they all seem cool, but what is your impression of them?

Nikki: They mad cool. A little young, but cool nonetheless. I’m having a fucking ball…

KZ: The ladies are sexy as hell and Rob Mack is a cool younger brother type.

T. Cas: C’mon guys. This is the Real World. Let’s keep it real.

Nikki: Aiight, something has been bothering me. Why Nsane and Missy always hanging out separate from the rest of the group? What they got going on? I’m gonna check them on that shit. I wanna hang out too.

KZ: They probably fuckin…

T. Cas: You stupid, KZ. Wait, you think they are?


KZ: Of course. The sexy quotient is off the charts with them. They can't help but to moisturize their situation.

T. Cas: Anyway, I can’t figure Liquor and TV out. She got a sneaky ass smile. She always look like she up to something. I still think she did something to my drink that first night.

KZ: The only thing I’m mad at is that I haven’t skeeted all over one of their faces. Other than that they cool.

Nikki: Zed, you stupid.

They all laugh and then Darius walks up.

Darius: Can you get the rest of the roommates out here? I have an announcement.

T. Cas gathers Nsane, Missy, Liquor and Rob Mack and comes back outside.

Rob Mack: Man, it smells like smoke out here. I’m gonna be sick.

Missy: What’s going on, Darius?

Darius: Change of plans. “The Savage Beast” has lost our lease. Looks like we gonna have to shut down. We are getting evicted.

Nikki: YO!!! That shit is foul! You'z a herb, Darius.

T. Cas: You woke me up at 7 AM for this shit? Maybe you outta business cuz your magazine sounds like the name of a tattoo parlor.

Liquor: Son, you serious? I coulda been watching Living Single right now.

KZ: *African*, I knew you wasn’t about business. You remind me of them cats from Satan’s Anus. And since you ain’t my boss no more, what’s up with that Dickie suit? You think you a gangsta or something? You soft like cotton candy, dude!

Missy: Man, let’s be out. Da fawk was you thinking?

Nsane: This douchebag makes me sick.

Darius: Why it gotta be like that?

Rob Mack: I knew it as soon as I stepped in the office… Let’s ride out.


The roommates pile in the car and the camera follows them as they ride down the highway. They all have annoyed looks on their faces. Rob Mack decides to lighten the mood.

Rob Mack: So, Missy? What’s really going on with you and Nsane?

Dramatic music plays and then the screen fades to black.

COMMERCIAL BREAK

Okay, the next installment is viewers choice. I'm almost out of ideas, so tell me what you want me to write about next. Other blogger's coming to the Real World house? A couple of the roommates fighting? The move out day? Should I just end this now? Give me some ideas!

It was written...

27 Comments:

Blogger i like liquor and tv said...

Let em FIGHT!

rofl@Son I could've been watching Living Single and lol@Deltron. Too funny

Thu Sep 14, 08:17:00 AM  
Blogger Dynasty said...

Those are all good ideas. You know what to do...

Thu Sep 14, 08:29:00 AM  
Blogger NegroPino™ said...

Okay I got an idea..u know every season somebody that somebody knows comes thru the house.....i say we have a surprise visitor to stir the pot....dont matter if it male or female just as long as they sexy. ANd why come we aint JUMP on Darius like we did the limo driver? WE gotta get our swagger back. and in the future i need to know what im wearing on these episodes THanks in advance. :)

Thu Sep 14, 09:11:00 AM  
Blogger nikki said...

okay, so why did i repost my "ghetto" post from last november BEFORE i read this shit. what the FUCK?

hehehe@missy and nsane. i say put some girl on girl action in there and then throw zed in the middle cuz we all know he's a freak.

why not have a road rules crew of bloggers and have them do a challenge against the real world folk.

or have some natural catastrophe occur and kill some of those bastids off.

let them have a gig but make it be something ridiculous like party clowns or strippers (you know you got the stripper thing down pat)

Thu Sep 14, 09:28:00 AM  
Blogger i like liquor and tv said...

Deltron is dope, Son!

Thu Sep 14, 09:46:00 AM  
Blogger thee modern isis said...

lmao@ moisterize their situation

preserve the sexy.

take that, take that, take that

Thu Sep 14, 09:49:00 AM  
Blogger Nika Laqui said...

You can't end it NOW...

I'm so laughin about the piss test, cause I have to take one like soon....I'mma just use some of my son's piss...

I want to hear about some sex...
Not homosexual sex either...*lol*
I want a fight....
I want some other folks to drop in...
I want it all....


I don't even know who DELTRON is and from reading I don't wanna know, Joe!

And where's my smoke, a black, a newport, something...

Thu Sep 14, 10:32:00 AM  
Blogger i like liquor and tv said...

Detron 3030 is an album that includes rhymes by Del the Funky Homosapien and beats by Dan the Automator. Check out the instrumental too, son!

Thu Sep 14, 11:13:00 AM  
Blogger Nika Laqui said...

Oh The Funky Homosapien, he was aiight...but I don't want to write an article about him....Talib Kweli, like I said...*lol*

Thu Sep 14, 11:23:00 AM  
Blogger Blah Blah Blah said...

Leave it to RMack to ask...LMAO

You and Nikki sound like brother and sister.

LOL @ Missy and needing to know what she's wearing.

LOL @ Nsane using her sons piss (why'd I use my sister-n-laws one time)...LOL

Thu Sep 14, 11:29:00 AM  
Blogger *snake*bite* said...

I just caught on this and it is some cool shyt.
Don't end it - that will be too soon - bring on the drama.
x x x x
Bless
x x x x

Thu Sep 14, 11:36:00 AM  
Blogger So...Wise...Sista said...

Either one of KZ's hoes visit unannounced.

Or yall take a trip.

Obligatory hot tub scene.

Or somebody gets locked up.

You literally cant stop now. See what you done started!

Thu Sep 14, 11:54:00 AM  
Blogger Miz JJ said...

Someone needs to fight. For real. Bring in an outsider to cause a stir in the house or something.

Thu Sep 14, 12:10:00 PM  
Anonymous The Goddess said...

Ok, I'm thinking you should let them go at it. I would love to see someone get kicked off and then a new blogger get added to the mix. That would be interesting. There's so many different directions you could go with this, so if you stop Ima be MAD. Lol

Thu Sep 14, 01:07:00 PM  
Blogger Robert L. Mack said...

@Blah...Hey we need to know, well I need to know cuz I might try to jump in you know?

T-Cas, You gotta keep it going man, its getting interesting....

Somebody might need to box...I thought that Nikki cooled off too easily....that was a chance right there for her and Missy to get down...

LOL@ Liquor and TV and Deltron 3000..

That line that KZ said about sexy quotient sounds just like him...lol..

Yeah man, youve mos def been reading up on me to know I hate smoke....and hell yeah I got 2 job I aint got time for this BS, LOL!!!


I'm ready for some sex and drama!

Thu Sep 14, 01:12:00 PM  
Blogger Royce's Daughter said...

LMAO @ The sexy quotient is off the charts with them. They can't help but to moisturize their situation...

Whew this shyt is funny. How you gone stop? I say either have a fight or bring in some special guests. Ain't someone got a man/girl that can come in from out of town. Someone needs to throw a party and perhaps some of the guests get to fighting...maybe the house gets so fuked up that everyone gets evicted. Someone gets arrested, someone gets pregnant, someone gets sick and the roomates gotta come together...Ownt know I'm just throwing out random shyt but you can't stop now (no one's had sex yet) plus this shyt is getting good!

Thu Sep 14, 02:36:00 PM  
Blogger NegroPino™ said...

Think of Las Vegas..there was alot of shit going on with them one of my favorites..

Thu Sep 14, 02:48:00 PM  
Blogger Knockout Zed said...

Dude, this shit had me tearing up!

You can't dis Deltron and MF DOOM! I can't live in the house anymore!


@Nikki
If I'm in the mix, what you gon' be doin'?


I can't think of a good idea to keep this moving.

KZ

Thu Sep 14, 04:05:00 PM  
Blogger Epsilonicus said...

I have some other bloggers come thorugh and visit. Have Missy and Nsane tyrna get at each other. Or you could have them be childhood friends but no one knew it (kinda throw a wrench in there when it looks like they messin). Do some fights, some bar fights out in public or something crazy like that.

Fri Sep 15, 12:38:00 AM  
Blogger The Mistress said...

Dammit, where the hell is the sex I asked for T!

This is one unhappy house if no one is having any orgasms!

Fri Sep 15, 12:45:00 AM  
Blogger Phoenix said...

this is funny as hell! you gotta add a Saltine (a white person) up in there. or have the group working at a pet grooming salon or interns at Nascar or something crazy like that. I like the Road Rules vs. Real World idea.

RMack told me about this today and I couln't wait to get home to read it. the damn Saltines block this kind id site at my job - muthafuckas.

Fri Sep 15, 05:57:00 PM  
Blogger fallen angel said...

yeah! where's the drunken fight? or the tearfully emotional breakdowns that happen? where's the phone calls from the flames that have been left behind at home? keep going rashan spielberg!

Fri Sep 15, 06:07:00 PM  
Blogger Single Ma said...

Man, I had to go back and read part tres' before this one and I'm glad I did. This some funny shyt! It's getting too good to quit now. Time to throw in some drama with a twist. You keep hinting around then leave us hanging. Teasin muh'fvcka! LOL

Fri Sep 15, 09:55:00 PM  
Blogger mocha_grl said...

Ok since I just got back on the scene and started reading this shit you can't end it!

You know how to keep it going...sex and violence man...sex and violence LMAO!

Sat Sep 16, 10:52:00 AM  
Blogger ChezNiki said...

You should have someone's man or woman visit from back home and cause a ruckus when they find out how close everyone is...

Or you could have a shower scene...or both.

LUV this series of posts

Sat Sep 16, 02:56:00 PM  
Blogger TTD said...

ok.. so i finally read all of the parts & this shit is great.. NO you cant end it.. i say FIGHT! you should have nikki pull nsane & missy up on excluding them all of the time & just have them go at it! lol

i dunno.. come up w/ anything but dont end it..

Sat Sep 16, 06:29:00 PM  
Blogger Honey-Libra said...

Man this is too crazy you know NSane and Missy just might be moisturizing thier situation LOL..what ever situation that might be LOL...You can't end it yea add more people...make this a blog LOL..sike let me stop..ok back to catching up

Fri Sep 22, 09:57:00 AM  

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