Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Check Out The Scenario

Inspiration – “Scenario” – A Tribe Called Quest "Checkady-choco, the chocolate chicken/The rear cock diesel, buttcheeks they were kickin/Yo, bustin out before the Busta bust a nut the rhyme/the rhythm is in sync (UHH!) the rhymes are on time (TIME!)/Rippin up this dance just like a radio/Observe the vibe and check out the scenario!!"

What I’m Listening To – “Doe or Die” - AZ

Question(s) I Asked Myself Today – “Am I crazy or did you just tell say what I think you said?”


One or more of these scenarios may be true. They may have happened to me or to someone I know. Please tell me what you would have done in the following situations in the comments section.

Scenario # 1

You have a platonic friend of the opposite sex and you start to get a different vibe from that person. You start thinking that this person is looking at you as more than just a friend. This person is attractive, but you are not interested in a romantic or sexual relationship with them. You start to feel uncomfortable even though the words have never been spoken. All of your mutual friends notice the other person’s attraction to you, but you try to maintain a degree of denial. However when being honest with yourself, you know what the deal is? What do you do? Do you keep in denial and keep hanging out with this friend? Or do you confront this person about their feelings knowing fully well that they will never admit it? Or do you just end the friendship before someone gets hurt or says something that can’t be undone?

Scenario # 2

You are chatting with a fellow blogger of the opposite sex. At first it’s just like all your other chat sessions but then you realize that this person is mad cool and you decide to take the conversation offline and talk on the phone. A month or two goes by and you are really feeling this person. You start to talk about meeting up in real life and then you notice the blogger pulling back. You think that the person is just being careful and you are okay with that. After a while, you finalize plans to meet and then the blogger sends you an email confessing that the picture that you have come to associate with them is not really that person; in actuality it belongs to one of their friends. What do you do? Do you cut them off for lying to you or do you continue to associate with that person because the relationship was based on conversational intimacy anyway? If the blogger sends you a picture of what they really look like, do you look at it or do you not even bother to open it? Do you get embarrassed and keep it a secret or do you tell other people about how you were fooled?


Scenario # 3

You are dating somebody, but it’s not anything serious. You are not exclusive and are still dating other people. You meet one of his/her casual friends and realize that you like this person better. You know that the person you are dating would have a problem with you dating their friend, but the friend is feeling you too and you do not have a commitment. Do you go for it, knowing that their friendship would probably be over? Do you decide that the friend is off limits even though they aren’t really that close? Or do you just cut them both off because you know that you would rather be with the friend, but don’t feel like its right?

Scenario # 4

You have a friend who is married or in a serious relationship. You find out through chance that their mate is cheating on them with a mutual friend who often comes over to their house. You want to tell your friend, but you are afraid that they may not believe you. You have tried in the past to broach the subject with them, but they were not receptive to the idea. Do you tell them what you know even though it may hurt your friend? Do you feel that they should know what is going on even if they blame you for ruining their relationship? Or do you just stay out of grown folks business and hope that your friend will see it for themselves?

Scenario # 5

You find out some information about a co worker that could get them fired. This person is someone that you despise, but they have a spouse and children. Do you reveal this information and rejoice that you are finally free of the annoyance? Or do you decide that getting this person fired will affect too many innocent lives? Or do you just lay out the evidence in a way that their boss finds out on his/her own, thus relieving you of the guilt of being responsible for your co workers demise?

I’m interested in what you guys would do in the preceding scenarios. You can pick one or two or all of them and let me know how you would handle them. If you like, tell us what your reasoning or thought process would be. For privacy reasons, I will not be revealing which of these scenarios are real life and which ones I made up, so don’t bother emailing me and asking. Thanks for you participation.

It was written…

26 Comments:

Blogger Cool AC said...

Wow! You (or your "friend") have some real complex issues going on...here's my $.02

#1 - Platonic Friend, keep the friendship going. If they have not acted on their feelings it becasue they really respect your friendship, and they don't want to jepordize it. So, why should you do anything to make the situation worse?

#2 - Fellow Blogger, WOW! I would probably cut them off. You don't really know them so, what does it matter?

#3 - Dating Friends, Don't date the friends. They will lose each other and unless you plan to marry one of them, it is not worth it.

#4 & #5 - Present the info in a way that they will figure out for themselves (The spouse and the boss). Karma is real, and none of us are perfect.

Tue Aug 22, 10:05:00 AM  
Blogger thee modern isis said...

Ok, I'll choose number 2 since that is the situation that most stands out with me. I chose it because I dealt with a similar situation, not on Blogger, but another form of i-net entertainment.

Unfortunately, regardless of any "feelings" that developed.. the lying on identity is a lie nonetheless. I don't condone liars so I cut him completely off. My curiosity, would get the best of me if he gave me a picture.. I wouldn't expose him though. That's childish.

I also wouldn't be embarrased, it's the internet and you risk embarrasement when you decide to converse with those that are miles away.

Nice scenarios T.Cas and AZ used to be fiyah. He has a few mixes floating out there... he's still nice with the verbal blows.

Tue Aug 22, 11:04:00 AM  
Blogger nikki said...

1. i would have a sit down with him and ask him how he felt about me because even though he hasn't acted on it, the friendship itself is still in jeopardy cuz his feelings are probably being hurt by my actions inadvertently. he may or may not admit to it though. who wants to open him or herself up to rejection like that? either way, i'd let the friend know exactly how i felt about him (as in "i value this friendship, but have no romantic interest in you.") at least he knows where i'm coming from at that point. if he then chooses to remain my friend, then he understands that there is no chance for anything more. if he does not, i can respect the fact that he wanted more and was unable to handle a relationship with me that wouldn't give him what he wanted. as you've said before, some folk you can't be friends with.

2.i did that same thing when i first got online about ten years ago. i found some photo online and used it as mine. not a good look AT ALL. no excuse for it either. i was insecure and desperate for attention and felt the photo would get me the attention i craved cuz the aol brothas weren't talking to females without photos. needless to say i ended up connecting with a guy offline. we vibed off of each other and i felt bad about deceiving him but was more concerned with the fact that he was giving me attention and making me feel good to feel guilty enough to tell him the truth. he didn't find out until he came to get me. he was pissed. i think i'm gonna have to tell that story on my blog one day.looking back, i recognize my selfish actions and lack of care for his feelings. i mean, i was willing to lie to him and continue to lie even when he said stuff like "i love your eyes". i was like "thank you". crazy shit...

long story short, we became friends and ultimately fuck buddies. we discussed the deception and resolved it. in fact, we still cool to this day.

i'll say this though...i can't see myself having that kind of tolerance at this point in my life. it's aiight when folk are younger (actually, it's not aiight, but a more understandable action coming from someone younger), but i figure once a person hits 30 and beyond, they gotta be comfortable enough in their own skin to put it out there. anyone doing that kind of thing at this age or older is suspect to me. if they are still insecure enough to lie to folk about their looks at this age, then i ain't interested. i'm too grown for that shit at this point. i learned from that experience and now make a point of being as candid as possible because really, even though it's a conversation contact, the level of deception involved taints every aspect of that situation.

3. i don't date the guys who date my friends, period. even if that shit's casual, i figure there are enough guys in the world for me to find someone else to vibe with. if i find myself attracted to a friend's guy (and i have), i keep my actions as platonic as possible. i don't flirt, i don't do anything he would misconstrue as me trying to get at him. i don't limit contact, cuz i have faith in my self-control and my respect for the friendship. i just make sure she knows through my actions that i won't be pressing up on her man.

4. i'm in this situation right now, although i don't really know his wife. i know my boy's cheating on her cuz he told me. part of me wants to tell her and part of me is like "that's grown folk biz". right now i've decided to just be the voice of reason with him. in other words, when he tells me what he does, i point out how he is jeopardizing his situation and how it reflects on him as a person. luckily, i've been able to at least get him to check himself a couple of times, but he's still cheating on her so ultimately, my actions haven't helped as much as i'd like. i have limited my contact with him as a result of it though so he understands i'm not cool with him doing that shit.

5. i've got all kinds of shit on the co-worker i hate. i won't use it unless she makes a serious move to have me fired. the way i see it, dirt will come to light some kind of way but if it's not adversely affecting me, i'll let it go. i had one previous co-worker who was doing his dirt and it was affecting my performance. now with him, i made sure my supervisor saw how my work was being affected by the guy's trifeness. they gave him a warning but he didn't improve and was ultimately forced to resign.

Tue Aug 22, 11:18:00 AM  
Blogger Nika Laqui said...

Scenario 1- I would confront them about it, why not keep it real...

Scenario 2- Look at the picture and if you like the pic, continue on...they may have their reasons for not wanting to show their face...

Scenario 3- I was in that situation and I went for what I know, but we never told him, but the truth will always come to light, eventually...

Scenario 4- Stay outta grown folks business, cause if you say something they may grow to despise you.

Scenario 5- STOP SNITCHING!!! THe truth will come to light, eventually...

Tue Aug 22, 11:42:00 AM  
Blogger Miz JJ said...

Interesting post.

1) Be honest. Don't end the friendship, but you should definitely step back so the person can get a chance to get over you.

2) For real? Uh uh. By people's actions they show you what type of person they are. If they would lie about that what else are they/would they lie about. I took down my pic because I wasn't comfortable with it floating around the internet, but I didn't up someone else's picture. Also does her friend know she was using her pic like that. So far this person has demonstrated as a liar and user.

3) Cut them both off. Plenty more fish in the sea. You are just going to hurt everyone involved if you don't.

4) In this day of HIV/AIDS and its prevalence in the African American community you have a responsibility to speak up. Go to the partner cheating and tell them that you know and that they better confess...promptly. It's not just grown folks business. Remember, evil triumps when good people remain silent. Speak up.

5) This one is tough. I probably wouldn't tell just because I wouldn't want someone to do that to me.

Tue Aug 22, 11:59:00 AM  
Anonymous call2arms said...

Interesting scenarios

#1. If you hang out with the friend while feigning denial, you will fall into the trap and find yourself in a relationship. The fake friend will subtle-ly destroy your potential dating relationships, you'll end up with her anyway if only because nothing else seems to work out. I saw this happen to an acquaintance.

#2 I don't consider them to be fooling you. Everyone doesn't want their face shown, nor do they want people they know to accidentally find their page and identify them by the pic. It's a cyberspace risk. She could have forgotten about the pic. I know I did when I was on some site and put up a pic of Halle Berry and actually had folks ask if that was me.

#3 Too much danger. If I was the friend I'd know I could never introduce you to anyone without fear of being cast aside.

#4 Take a picture and email it to the husband and wife. They can decide what to do with the info.

#5 If you can find it out, the company can. I'm with Shug Knight on snitching.

Cool blog you have here. I got the link on Diva in Demand's page.

Tue Aug 22, 12:02:00 PM  
Blogger i like liquor and tv said...

scenario 1- Do something to turn them off...like start farting around them, or popping up over their house at all times of the night with a box of Popeyes. Eventually she'll realize "What did I ever see in this fool?". No one gets hurt.

2 - Hook up with the friend in the picture

3 - Ahh the ol Switcharoo. There was a Seinfeld episode on this. I think his plan was to tell the first lady that he wanted a 3 some with both of them, hoping that she'd DUMP him for being a perv. Then she'd complain to the other friend about his request. The other friend would become more interested in him. She'd ask the first friend "Do you mind if I date him?", and the first friend goes "If YOU want to date that pervert, go right ahead"...anyway the plan didn't work because the first chick was down with the 3 some.

Tue Aug 22, 12:24:00 PM  
Blogger i like liquor and tv said...

4 - This is touchy. Send a carrier pigeon, or an anonymous email. The point is, they need to know, but you shouldn't be the one to tell them.

5 - How do they look? Is he fine? If so, don't tell. Is he ugly? Drop the dime with the quickness. One less ugly person to look at in the morning.

Tue Aug 22, 12:28:00 PM  
Blogger nikki said...

lmao@carrier pigeon. HAHAHAHA!

i've been thinking on scenario #4 more after mizjj's comments. he IS putting his wife's life at risk. man...i would be betraying a friend i've had for almost twenty years! meanwhile, what he's doing is contributing to the spread of disease and ill-will in the black community. DAMN DAMN DAMN...

Tue Aug 22, 12:41:00 PM  
Blogger Blah Blah Blah said...

#1- You leave it alone. YOu may be assuming....or not. Either way, just because they are attracted to you doesn't necessarily mean they want to take it to any other level than the one it's on...friendship. De ja vu TCas.

#2- All I can do is laugh at this one. They are liars and if you think that this is one little deception...your wrong. What kind of childish game is she playing? Then chicks wonder why they are single...probably because your playing childish games, you damn grown ass woman!!!!! She's prolly higly unattractive... I have so much to say about this particular scenario...but the comment section is not big enough.

#3- You DO NOT approach the other chick. Regardles of whether they are much cool'r...too much drama involved in invading that triangle. Too many other woman out there for you to go thru the drama for just that one....and if she was any type of friend...she'd know that your off limits ANY FUCKING WAY.

#4- You don't tell. You step to both parties and let them know that their shit is foul. Grown ppl make decisions for themselves. They either stop or continue. Whatever the outcome...it's thier experience in life. Anything you tell...is just hearsay to your friend. It they are like me...they are not judging anyone off of someone elses words but off of what they see and experience for themselves anyway.

#5- Again, you don't tell. Despise? I've never had that emotion...so I don't know how I would act. I'mma little too sensitive when children are involved. You never know what makes up a persons character... Plus as much shit as I talk on my blog...I'm not one for pointing the finger and purposely doing malacious stuff to ppl.

Eventually EVERYTHING comes to the light...so no need to say anything...

Tue Aug 22, 12:51:00 PM  
Blogger Robert L. Mack said...

#1 Until she comes on to you, don't worry about it. Then again I can't think of a chick that I deemed attractive where I didnt fantasize once or twice of getting them in the sack.

#2 if she looks good even after seeing her in person, be mad, but not for long. let her make it to you...(heheheh)

#3 it depends on the friends...now me and my guys have talked to the same girls, but this was back in HS. Nowadays, I say hey if it didnt work out with me and her, go for it...unless I truly loved her or something.

#4 Give the person a chance to come clean, or at least stop what they are doing...if neither happens, then I'm I gotta tell my friend for their sake.

#5 If it doesnt effect me, then I'll let the bosses worry about them.

Tue Aug 22, 02:07:00 PM  
Blogger onefromphilly said...

#1 Unless you're sure that your friend wants more than friendship, don't speak on it. Once the words are out there you can't pull them back. why chance a good friendship?
#2 Everybody entered into this blog stuff anonymously right? Then you connect with someone, now when do you come clean? It's hard to know when. And let's all be honest here, people tend to react to the visual first. so this person took a chance to really connect on the intellect. Hey why am I saying all of this? Didn't you say this person was mad cool, then what the hell does it matter what they look like??
#3 HELL NO, FRIENDS ARE OFF LIMITS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#4 If this is one of my best friends, the hell with their spouse, I'M TELLIN!!! If you cheat on my friend in my face then you don't respect me or either you're trying to punk me. Either scenario is dangerous.
#5 No, you hold this information like a trump card. And if they do something to you, slam that information down like the BIg Joker, HA!

Tue Aug 22, 03:00:00 PM  
Blogger ----- said...

Wow...this is some serious

#1.Stay friends...say nothing. If it's brought up - you handle it with honesty.

#2.Well...ummmm...can I pass on this one? Naw...to me a lie is a lie. We could still be cool - real cool - just not on that level. Also, there is something to be said about someone who is "grown" and not secure enough within his/herself to be real from jump. Can I say one more thing? It might even be o.k. if there was just an assumption initially and no convo about it or addt'l photos. K...done

#3.You are dating somebody? Damn it...lol...we're done ;) I'm sorry - I couldn't answer this one seriously.

#4.Part of me agrees with the whole "what you do in the dark will always come to light" belief, but another part of me says if that were ME...I'd be pissed if my friend knew (for a fact) and didn't tell me.

#5.Eh...this one is tough. I'd probably just leave this one alone.

Excellent post my friend...loved it! :D

~Trish

Tue Aug 22, 03:12:00 PM  
Blogger KHALLI 88 said...

Scenario # 5

I get theie azz fired but then again told that I am a lifetime "hater" :)

Tue Aug 22, 03:27:00 PM  
Blogger Miss Ahmad said...

okay i have a confession to make, I'm not Pam Grier!!

Tue Aug 22, 04:49:00 PM  
Blogger Knockout Zed said...

I've experienced Scenarios 1, 3 and 4. My answer to these is the same as my answers to everything else. Kick the perpetrator in the throat. After that, the problem solves itself.

KZ

Tue Aug 22, 04:49:00 PM  
Blogger Nika Laqui said...

lol@ Miss Ahmad!!!

Tue Aug 22, 06:13:00 PM  
Blogger Tenacious said...

1. confrontation time. I would bring it up but more in a discussion/conversational way rather than "aye I know u like me...quit frontin'"

2. I consider that lying. I don't like liars.

3. Back away...slowly. You said "dating" and "not serious" meaning YOU think it's not serious...to her I beg to differ...A catfight is sure to ensure and their friendship obviously isnt that tight if she's checking for you, just avoid this one.

4. stay out of grown folks business. you tried to bring it up, was not successful, it's out ur hands...it will only get ugly and you'll be right smack in the middle...I know this from personal experience

5. I would say it depends on what the offense it and could it be traced back to you *meaning something that u should have caught and u could get in trouble for said offense*, otherwise, I wouldnt say anything right away

Tue Aug 22, 08:57:00 PM  
Blogger Miss Ahmad said...

okay but for real

#1~i have had allot of male friends in my life. some of em i've made out with, very few have i gone much farther. reason being if they are really my friend, and i theirs, we can be honest about why we're not right for each other.

#2~it wasn't a blogger but something like that happened to me once. he was an actual toad like person, not because he looked funny but because he acted an ass.

#3~there is a saying in the holy koran "the earth is spacious" which i take to mean, the world is too big to be dating friends. that's nasty!

#4~approach the cheater not the cheatee, tell the cheater you are on to them and watch and see what happens. all is fair in love and war and someone might just love that cheating ass!

#4~i have a bad habit of telling people just what i think of them in the moment so i'm never on some revenge shit. although one chick pissed me off so bad i didn't talk to her for three years while we were on the job together!



and i'm not pam grier but i'm still hot!

Tue Aug 22, 10:11:00 PM  
Blogger ScarlettRae said...

scenario 1: Tread softly with this one, T. People can't help their feelings, but there's no rule that says you can't be honest with this person, let them be honest with you and still maintain a platonic relationship. It's not easy, but it's not impossible.

Scenario 2: This is a tough one. Trust has been seriously compromised, then again, how much trust can you place in someone whom you've never met? Definitely address how the lies made you feel and take a couple steps backward to reeevaluate if this is something you want to take beyond the computer screen.

Scenario 3:This is a big NO-NO, T. Even if it's not serious with you and this person, there is an unspoken code amongst girlfriends and the men whom they sleep with and/or date. If that friend were to pursue anything with you, it would be perceieved as betrayal, even though nothing every really "jumped off" between you and the girl you are "kind of" dating. Crossing this line would be asking for trouble.

Scenario 4:Ask yourself this question: Would your friend rather be blindly living a lie or rather hurt and heal knowing the truth? Furthermore, what would happen to your relationship if your friend knew you had knowledge of the situation and didn't let them know?

Scenario 5: In the workplace, right is right and wrong is wrong. You can't be concerned with whether they have children or not, it appears that they're not, so why should you be? This is a matter of morals, not conscience.

SRae

Wed Aug 23, 12:11:00 AM  
Blogger SynSational said...

Love the post...let's see...

#1 - Been there, done that. I always find honesty is the best way to go in situations like these because if you are good friends, you are supposed to be able to talk about anything. If you feel that it would mess up things and you don't feel the same way they do, but want that friendship still, be careful in words, but be real.

#2- I would need to know why they felt the need to lie? That would be my main question right upfront. I wouldn't be embarrassed really, cause they lied, not you. And yep, I would open up the pic to see what they really looked like and see if they are that busted they felt they had to front.

#3- I wouldn't talk to their friend because I wouldn't want to be the cause of a friendship break-up or drama.

#4- This is a hard one. On one hand you want to be honest with your friend, but you have to remember before they really wasn't believing it, so like someone else said, everything comes to the light, so I think I would just leave it alone. Sometimes people have to find out things for themselves(the hard way) before we can actually accept them.

#5- I think I would just leave this one alone...but trust, I've been tempted to do this from time to time.

Wed Aug 23, 09:47:00 AM  
Blogger tjeanise said...

#1- I woudn't say a word- this has happened to me-I have a very good freind who I know is atracted to me but really he is not my type- I introduced him to someone else. They are not together now but still..

#2- Cut her ass off- she LIED.

#3- Your freind's freind-off limits!

#4 & 5 -Stay out of grown folks business- If you told your freind-he more than likely won't believe you and you will have lot a freind. #5 The co-worker will probably get found out sooner or later -if you told on him- you will probably feel guilty knowing you have affected someone's life in such negative aspect.

Wed Aug 23, 09:55:00 AM  
Blogger T. Cas said...

Thanks for your feedback. One thing though: Some of you assumed all these were my situations, but some of them were made up.

Wed Aug 23, 10:13:00 AM  
Blogger NegroPino™ said...

1. Im going thru this now so i can relate...Dude gave me an ULTIMATUM so i fell back.

2. It wouldn't matter to me. LOOKS are not everything. Its his personality i am attracted to in teh first place

3. I try not to date/talk to anybody that I have been involved with friends. But I aint gonna live with regrets because I have let that stop me far too often and i can be missing out.

4. I would stay out of it. But I would let the cheating mate Know that I Know.

5. Since i have a conscience, i would WAIT til shit hits the fan.

Wed Aug 23, 11:17:00 AM  
Blogger Honey-Libra said...

1. Just tell them I don't have feelings for them and leave it at that

2. Tell that that we have "known" each other long enough to be honest, I'd be hurt, look at the pic and just establish a friendship with them

3.COnfirm that it ain't that serious between me and person 1 and move on lol

4. Hope they see it themselves or help them find out without looking like I said anything

5. Karma comes along.

Wed Aug 23, 11:49:00 AM  
Blogger nikki said...

cas, you said you weren't gonna tell us which one was fake and which one wasn't, so we had to answer them all like you weren't faking. i see the captain has made an appearance...LOL

Wed Aug 23, 12:01:00 PM  

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