Tuesday, August 15, 2006

I Remember..

Have you ever woke up in the morning with someone on your mind? That happened to me this morning. My homeboy, Kareem is weighing heavy on me. I haven't seen or heard from him in over four years. This morning, I had a feeling that I can't really explain. A feeling that something was wrong, that I need to find out what happened to him. Kareem was more than just my homeboy, he was my brother from another mother, a true friend. You probably have noticed that he is in all my stories from the past. We were inseparable since the 7th grade, but unfortunate circumstances made me distance myself from him. I often wonder if I made the right decision. I remember all of what we have been through together, the good, the bad and the ugly.

I remember when we first met in 7th grade chorus. He made fun of my British Knights and stole my pencils from my bookbag.

I remember playing Tecmo Bowl at each others houses. I remember him screaming"Christian Okoye is a beast" when the Nigerian Nightmare was running over people.

I remember his obsession with the Dallas Cowboys, from Hershcel to Emmitt to Michael Irvin.

I remember sitting in the bleachers of the high school football game reciting The Symphony. My favorite was Big Daddy Kane and his favorite was Kool G Rap.

I remember when we both had our first real girlfriends.

I remember when he transferred to another school, but we still stayed in touch and hung out every weekend.

I remember when me, Kareem and Ashley used to go to the Tara Cinemas with some smuggled Pringles and sodas in our pockets. I remember hanging out outside the Wal Mart cuz we didnt have anywhere else to go.

I remember Godfather's pizza and Starcastle Arcade on Friday nights.

I remember football and basketball with the boys.

I remember the Sega Genesis wars: Bill Walsh College Football and the early Madden years and the well placed fart to distract me when I was about to score.

I remember Freaknik and Orange Crush and Player's Ball.

I remember Norfolk State and Savannah State.

I remember double dating. Me and Lisa and him and Sameka. Or me and Lisa and him and Chandra.

I remember that New Years eve 95. That was the best double date we ever had. Cooked for the ladies, popped some champagne, candle light dinner, the whole nine.

I remember that we burned down his mother's crib that night, too. That was the worst wake up call I ever got. "Hey man, come get me. My crib burned down" I thought he was fucking with me until I heard the sirens.

I remember that afternoon watching college football and videos. That was the day Tupac's California Love video came out.

I remember that first time we smoked out together. I copped a nickel bag from Rodney at work and we rolled it up in my VW fox with Tori. It was my first time and I didnt get high.

I remember when Tori got the dru hill hair color and we viewed him as "suspect"

I remember us making up new slang all the time and watching it spread across the city.

I remember that day Kareem copped Raekwon's Cuban Linx joint and was so excited he came to my job to let me hear it. We sat in the car blazing a j and vibing out to "the purple tape"

I remember discovering Nas, Biggie, Outkast, WuTang etc together

I remember the freestyle battles: I remember our format. 1st verse - battle rap. 2nd verse - weed rap. 3rd verse - rap about the girls. We kicked rhymes while Tori would sing the hooks. We used to murder the instrumentals.

I remember the E&J, the cisco, md 20/20, the Barton's Gin, Alize, all the cheap ass drinks... and then later the higher end stuff like the Henny, the Grand Marnier, etc.

I remember being crushed that night I saw him and Tori sniffing that powder for the first time. That was heartbreaking to me given my father's history with drugs.

I remember that night Kareem did an inadvertant cock block when Andria came over. Nigga wouldnt leave for shit. I cursed that muhfucka out for that one.

I remember when he got my friend LB pregnant. I remember their tempestous relationship. I remember his beautiful daughter Destiny.

I remember that trip to ATL during Hurricane Floyd. Kareem and my girl smoking dro while I was driving listening to Eightball and MJG. Then us balling out at the Gentlemans Club and the Shark Bar like we were rich or something.

I remember when them feds came at us... andwhen we thought our phones were tapped.

I remember that first time he got locked up and my broke ass bailed him out.

I remember the second time he got locked up and I couldnt afford the bail.

I remember that discussion about what the cocaine was doing to him outside of Turtle Creek apartments

I remember the domestic violence conversation outside of his girl's crib.

I remember when his baby mama's crib got broke into and I just knew it was him.

I remember when Kareem and Tori hid out from the cops at my crib.

I remember when Kareem and Tori got arrested around the corner from my crib for some dumb drug induced shit.

I remember when he stayed at my crib cuz he had no place else to go.

I remember when he smelled like a crackhead on my living room couch.

I remember when I had to put him out b/c I was living with my girl.

I remember when I had to make the decision to distance myself from him. The addiction was just too much for me to bear.

I remember when I heard he was actually in prison for a year. I remember seeing him when he got out. He was clean and reenergized.

I remember the last time I talked to him on the phone. He was going to visit a girl in Connecticut. He was going to call me back in 3 days when he got back.

I remember he never did, and he never answered his phone, and then it was disconnected.

I remember calling his mom and her telling me that he was locked up again.

I remember checking the department of corrections website to see when he got out. A 3 year bid.

I remember writing a letter to him while he was locked up, but never sending it.

I remember it all...

I need to find him.

It was written...

28 Comments:

Blogger Royce's Daughter said...

They say it ain't nothing without the BK button LOL!! Whatchu southerners know about that?

Yeah, you need to find him! I got a cousin like that...she just disappeared. My Mom told me to hire a P.I. to find her, I told her to give me some fukin money...

Tue Aug 15, 04:58:00 PM  
Blogger ----- said...

T. Cas ~

Wow...

Kareem will be in my prayers - believe that!

Tue Aug 15, 05:55:00 PM  
Blogger fallen angel said...

ditto what trish said. if yall had history like that, there's probably an energy connection between yall sir cas. i ahve a friend that i am in tune with like this too. even when we havent talked for years at a time, i can still detect when i NEED to find him. unfortunately, it usuually is a very good reason...

Tue Aug 15, 05:58:00 PM  
Blogger Miss Ahmad said...

whew that's heavy duty stuff right there man. it's hard losing friends to addiction, because they just aren't the people you recall.

i've had one of many friends get sober, and even though she put that stuff down she was never the same. i wish her the best but we had no where the history you two either.

send him a prayer and maybe he'll come back to you!

Tue Aug 15, 06:06:00 PM  
Blogger JoJo D. said...

Good friends are hard to find and especially hard to hold onto. I am so lucky I have a good friend in my life, too, and he is an idiot, he's sarcastic, a "hustler", and a plain a**hole. But I love him dearly.

If you can find your homie, I think you should reconnect with him. You never know what he's been up to in his life. Good luck if you try to locate him!

Tue Aug 15, 07:09:00 PM  
Blogger princessdominique said...

I hope you find him. It's powerful to wake up with someone on your mind like that.

Tue Aug 15, 07:33:00 PM  
Blogger nikki said...

this is your best.post.ever.

Tue Aug 15, 10:17:00 PM  
Blogger The Mistress said...

This is such a sad story. I've never known any addicts personally but I can only imagine someone getting hooked on some shit and just changing before your eyes from a friend into a complete stranger. That's gotta be rough!

Hopefully he's ok...alive and well.

Wed Aug 16, 02:25:00 AM  
Blogger i like liquor and tv said...

This is pretty sad. Maybe you can find him just to figure out if he's alright. But do you want him to be in your life again?

lol@Tori with the dyed hair and singing the hooks...hmmmmm. What happened to this dude?

Wed Aug 16, 08:47:00 AM  
Blogger The Stiltwalker said...

this is a nice sentiment. You should look for him if he was important to you. Never know he might need someone positive around...

Wed Aug 16, 09:05:00 AM  
Blogger SynSational said...

This is important to you. If you are like me, when something is heavy on my mind, I can't rest until I 'investigate' or deal with the issue. Before you do, pray for strength and understanding of whatever it is you may find out, good or bad. Good luck.

Wed Aug 16, 09:40:00 AM  
Blogger Miz JJ said...

You have no idea how much this story touched me this morning. I can't offer any advice that isn't tainted from my own personal experiences. I can only say good luck.

Wed Aug 16, 10:05:00 AM  
Blogger onefromphilly said...

He may need your positive motivation right now. If he's not clean, you already know how to handle that. So if your gut tells you to find him, do it.

Wed Aug 16, 10:16:00 AM  
Blogger 4EverJennayNay said...

It's kinda crazy, but the best way I can keep up with some folk from my past is by checking the DOC website from time to time. Just to see where they at, if they've been transferred, if they played it str8 this time.

Maybe you should write him, or get up with him some how. People don't just be on your mind for no reason like that.

Wed Aug 16, 10:22:00 AM  
Blogger T. Cas said...

@ RD - I came from New York the year before, so I was rocking the BK's. Joints was fresh, with the faux snakeskin on them

@ trish - thanks for the prayers. pray for me to have the strength to follow through and see if he is still alive. That feeling I had was not positive.

@ fallen angel - thats kind of what I'm afraid of, part of me wants to know and the other part is scared.

@ Miss Ahmad - there were flashes of who he used to be, but it really was tough to see him go out like that

@ JoJo D - your friend sounds like me, minus the hustler part LOL

@ princess dominique - I'm trying to find the strength to call his moms and check on him.

@ nikki - really? you know I don't like this mushy, vulnerable stuff. LOL

@ the mistress - that's what I'm hoping. I'm hoping that this feeling is just you need to check on him, and not something else

@ liquor and tv - I havent thought it through like that. I really just want to know that he is alive and hopefully off that stuff. My grandmother saw Tori and said he was in minister school, but someone else said they saw him drunk hollering at young chicks recently.

@ stilt - I did the google search thing, but I need to call his moms

@ synsational - thats great advice. I need to face this, and deal with it one way or the other

@ miz jj - thanks for the good luck wishes. I have to admit, I was getting a little emotional writing it. I didnt intend for it to come out this way.

@ onefromphilly - I'm going to go with my gut. But I wonder what if I do find him and he's not clean. Can I go through this again?

@ JennayNay - I checked the website again last night, and he has been out since last summer. I'm taking that as a positive sign. We'll see what happens.

Wed Aug 16, 11:02:00 AM  
Blogger Blah Blah Blah said...

That was alot of emotion...even if you didn't mention too much of it....but it was felt.

Wed Aug 16, 11:07:00 AM  
Blogger Nika Laqui said...

I would love to hear about how yall burnt down his crib....

I know the feeling T. and its never a good one, when you wake up thinkin about someone and where they are...

Wed Aug 16, 11:31:00 AM  
Blogger chele said...

I hope you find him -- and soon.

Wed Aug 16, 11:33:00 AM  
Blogger NegroPino™ said...

Hope all is well....

Wed Aug 16, 02:01:00 PM  
Anonymous Bham Red Lady said...

T-Cas,

This is odd only because i just started digging your blog and even printed out a few from the archive for reading as I waited to visit a friend in the County Jail.

All this talk about the DOC is odd too because the story goes: Gave up on relationships one day, the same day was introduced to a unique guy, talked on the phone for 2 weeks, finally met in person, he's the bum in person too, he tells me about something that happened 1 1/2 years ago, he goes to court the next morning, I don't hear from him, I check the County jail website...my new crush has 2 to 5 months...

Been visiting for 4 weeks straight...I still like him...

Wed Aug 16, 02:55:00 PM  
Blogger Mocha_Grl said...

Wow T. I got emotional reading that. You enfouraged me to find B, and I did, so now it's time for me to return the favour.
I really hope you find him. I agree with 4everjennay, there's a reason you woke up with him on your mind.

Good luck...that was really beautiful.

Wed Aug 16, 03:03:00 PM  
Blogger Robert L. Mack said...

I feel funny saying this, but your story moved me man....I always think back to cats I went to gramma school with...luckily to this day, I'm still boyz with my 4 main friends from being freshman in HS...its funny seeing a few of them are married, and a few of them have kids now.

Wed Aug 16, 03:36:00 PM  
Anonymous CreoleInDC said...

Did you start the search to find him? I was hoping to come back here today to find that you had. I've never posted on your site before...but read it via Diva In Demand...this post moved me to write.

I hope you started looking.

Smooches

Wed Aug 16, 11:29:00 PM  
Blogger T. Cas said...

@ blah blah blah - no doubt it was emotional, I felt this post deeply

@ Nsane - I'll have to write about that one day. It was a helluva story.

@ chele - I'm starting tomorrow.

@ Bham Red Lady - that's admirable that you could stick by him during his tough time. I hope it all works out for you

@ Mocha - stop tryna make me a softie. LOL T. is hard to the core. But I'll let you know what happens

@ Rob Mack - Real Talk, I almost got choked up just writing about it. We still manly though. LOL

@ CreoleinDC - my mom went to the same church as Kareems mother. I'm gonna see if she can pass her my number.

Thu Aug 17, 04:39:00 AM  
Blogger Tenacious said...

I must have really been emotional or something...I dropped a tear

damn you T!! I'm developing into a big softie...Please keep us updated.

I know first hand what addictions do to you and the people who care about you. It must have been difficult for you to see your friend transform into a person you dont even recognize

Thu Aug 17, 07:34:00 AM  
Blogger Enigma said...

It hurts to see a friend that is like a sibling to you become substance addicted.

Check on him and remember to take care of yourself.

Thu Aug 17, 01:05:00 PM  
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Fri Mar 02, 11:47:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Enjoyed a lot! »

Fri Mar 16, 06:00:00 PM  

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