Sunday, November 12, 2006

Moment of Clarity?

The area code was 912, but I didn’t recognize the number. I don’t really talk to anyone in Savannah besides my mom and grandma, so I almost didn’t answer the phone. The Georgia-Auburn game was winding down in the background as I flipped open my cell phone. The voice on the other end was vaguely familiar, like a remnant from a past life experience.

“Hi, can I speak to Shawn?”

“This is me. Who’s this?”

“Shawn, this is Traci.”

“Hey, Traci! How are ya?

I put on my fake everything is all right with me voice, as she spoke. My sense of foreboding told me that this was not a catch up call. There was a purpose to this conversation that had yet to be revealed. Although, my phone number hadn’t changed in the 3 years that elapsed since our last encounter, this was the first time I had spoken to Traci. We had no animosity; we were just two acquaintances that had drifted apart. Traci immediately got to the point, something that I always liked about her.

“Do you remember that girl Kionna you used to mess with?”

I remembered Kionna. Back in 98, we used to work together. She lived in Hinesville, about 45 minutes away from me. I was fresh out of a 3 year relationship and she was the first girl I had hooked up with subsequently. I remember she had a Winnie the Pooh tattoo on her right calf and big expressive eyes. Eyes which seldom lit up the way that God intended for them to. For all her beauty and blessings, she was not a very happy person. In fact she seemed to dwell on all the negative around her. That was a major contributing factor to us calling it quits after a few months. Well, that and the plethora of available women at my job.

“Yeah, I remember her. What about her?

“Well, she was murdered yesterday.”

“WHAT???”

“Yeah, she got killed last night. Her boyfriend shot her and her son and then shot himself.”

“I can’t believe it. Why did he do that?”

“Nobody knows. He just went crazy and killed them all.”

Then the silence took over. I didn’t know what to say or even how to feel. Kionna and I were never really close, no I love you’s were exchanged, no gifts for Valentines Day. We were just doing it, so to speak. And that was 7 years ago. So why did I have a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach?

“Shawn, you still there?”

“Yeah, I’m here.”

“Are you okay? I didn’t think you guys were that close”

“Yeah, I’m fine. That’s just fucked up. I can’t believe that she’s dead. And little Ramon, he was only like 10?”

“11. I just thought I should tell you. The funeral is gonna be some time this week if you can make it down.”

“Yeah, I don’t know yet. Let me know the details and I’ll see if I can make it.”

“I’ll do that. It would be good to see you again. Although under horrible circumstances.”

“Yeah”

“Well, I’ll let you go now. Go ahead and save this number in your phone. I don’t want another 3 years to go by before we talk again”

“Yeah, I’ll do that. And you can call anytime. I’ll talk to you soon.”

I sat back on the couch in a daze. I didn’t know how to deal with this news, on top of everything else that’s been going on. I started to feel dizzy (perhaps that was because I hadn’t eaten for the past 32 hours) and my mind started swirling. So what did I do? I put my sneakers and walked out the door. I had no idea where I was going, no destination was set, I just felt compelled to walk and think. As I made it to the front of my complex, the wind blowing in my face, I realized, I probably should have on a jacket, or at least long sleeves, but it was too late; my mission had already begun. I was gonna walk until I couldn’t walk anymore, or until certain things came into focus, whichever came first. I needed a moment of clarity…

It was written…

18 Comments:

Anonymous The Goddess said...

MAN! That is horrible news. I hope the walking helped. I know for me that is always a great way to calm my nerves and clear my head. Don't let the stress of all that's going on make you ill. Be sure to take care of YOURSELF.

Sun Nov 12, 11:43:00 AM  
Blogger 4EverJennayNay said...

Wow!

...

Sometimes its good to just get out. In situations like that I'd like to think the cool air helps me clear my head.
When you don't hear from people like that, you never know how their lives are going. When ever I think of people Ihaven't seen or heard from in years I send up a prayer for them, regaurdless as to how we parted. You never know...

Sun Nov 12, 02:20:00 PM  
Blogger TTD said...

man.. im so sorry to hear that.. it's such terrible news...

a similar situation happened to my 1/2 sis's mom.. the dude attempted to go after my sis & her other sisters as well, but they got away... although i was never really close to her mom.. it's still a horrible situation and u cant help but to have that feeling when finding something like that out...

Sun Nov 12, 03:51:00 PM  
Blogger Nika Laqui said...

DAMN, thats so fucked up....

I feel you on taking a walk, that always works for me as well.

You never want to hear ill news about anyone you dealt with, whether serious or not.

Sun Nov 12, 07:17:00 PM  
Blogger ~rainbow~ said...

I'm really sorry to hear that...

...go eat something, and put some clothes on!

Sun Nov 12, 08:29:00 PM  
Blogger Tenacious said...

Man I'm sorry to hear that...

I really hoped that walk helped you out....

Mon Nov 13, 07:19:00 AM  
Anonymous c said...

It's odd how even though we know that death is a part of life we still can't believe it when it happens.

I'm sorry for your friend and I hope you were able to get that clarity.

Mon Nov 13, 09:48:00 AM  
Anonymous chele said...

dammit! that was me hitting enter too quickly!!

Mon Nov 13, 09:48:00 AM  
Blogger Dynasty said...

WOW! That was a little intense. Sorry to hear about your acquaintence. No matter how close you and her were it never feels good to know that someone that passed through your life lost theirs.

Mon Nov 13, 10:34:00 AM  
Blogger SandyBaby said...

I am speechless.....

Hope you are okay today, T Cas.

Mon Nov 13, 12:05:00 PM  
Blogger Knockout Zed said...

It's never easy when someone who came into your life even for a short period it gone LIKE THAT!

I'm sorry for the loss.

KZ

Mon Nov 13, 12:16:00 PM  
Blogger Royce's Daughter said...

Tragic...sorry to hear about your friend. Keep your head up...I've been here before too!

Mon Nov 13, 12:43:00 PM  
Blogger joey said...

sorry about it tcas... do what u cn to stay strong, and keep walkin...

Mon Nov 13, 02:25:00 PM  
Blogger NegroPino™ said...

((huGS))))))))

Mon Nov 13, 02:40:00 PM  
Blogger Mr.Slish said...

Dayum Bruh...Its always like that when its someone you knew on a personal level. It can still knock the wind out of you...

Mon Nov 13, 04:23:00 PM  
Blogger SynSational said...

Man T, this is the same way my step-sister and her friend died this summer, then her husband committed suicide afterwards. So, I feel your pain. I do.

I hope the walk helped you.

Mon Nov 13, 04:47:00 PM  
Blogger Honey-Libra said...

WOW...hope the walking helped clear your mind but news like that can shock a person for real! Take care

Tue Nov 14, 04:47:00 PM  
Blogger fallen angel said...

i know the saying "live life with no regrets" seems cliche to many--but that's all any of us can truly do. or at least truky TRY to do... :-/

Wed Nov 15, 02:20:00 AM  

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