Verbal Intercourse

This was not their first session. They had previously reached climax, but on this day they achieved greater levels of satisfaction.

Her intentions were a quickie, a hit and quit it session. He, however had other plans. He wanted to envelop every essence of her being, until her thoughts and his amalgamated into a coalescent concoction. They started with cursory exploration as her words stimulated his psyche. He was uncharacteristically loquacious as he expressed his desires. She orally aroused his diction and he licked her syntax as they became cunning linguists. But this was just the warm up act. Their conversational foreplay led to the main event.

As the time flew by, they engaged in verbal intercourse. No position was taboo as they cosmically connected. She challenged his flexibility and he penetrated her philosophy. She spoke in seductive tones, imploring him to go deeper. He responded by probing her mind. He hit every angle imaginable and she reciprocated by throwing it back at him. They spoke with the stamina of a patient on Cialis. His mental erection lasted for hours, just as her mind maintained its moisture. They were both amazed at how a simple phone call could turn into an amazing afternoon delight. Before either of them knew it, they had been effortlessly engaging for five hours…

They ended their session and went their separate ways, with the afternoon’s events invading their thoughts. He wandered through the remainder of his day with no other thought but her, unaware that she was feeling the same thing. At midnight, they resumed their wordplay rendezvous. She shared the secrets that he longed to know. He let down his guard and revealed his true self to her. With no pretenses remaining, their second session was even more euphoric than the first, lasting another five hours. The conversation culminated in a cooperative climax and he listened to the sweet sound of her breathing as she lay sleeping. So this is what they mean when they talk about mindsex.

Is it possible to fall in love from a conversation?

It was written…

Gotta Read The Label

Inspiration - "Labels" The GZA featuring the RZA "Lot of people, you know what I'm sayin, they be gettin misinformed thinkin everything is everything, that you could just get yourself a little deal, whatever, youknowhatI'msayin you gonna get on you gonna get rich. And all these labels be trying to lure us in like spiders, into the web, knowhatI'msaying. So sometimes people gotta come out and speak up, and let people understand, that you know you gotta read the label you gotta read the label if you don't read the label you might get poisoned..."

What I'm Listening To - "The Blueprint 2" Jay-Z

Question(s) I Asked Myself Today - I'm gonna switch this one up a little bit. This is the craziest question I heard today courtesy of Loquacious Girl: "T. I'm thinking about getting butt implants. Do you think I need them?" She then turned around and poked out her ass. I just walked away.

Have you ever been looking at a product and noticed the warning labels? They warn you about everything from sexual side effects to poison prevention. For example, a bottle of Cruzan Banana Rum warns you against operating a motor vehicle while drinking. Or the label on some eye drops warns you to keep out of the reach of children. I was thinking, what if people came with warning labels? I think the world would be a better place if you knew exactly what to expect. Here are some "people" warning labels I came up with.

First let's start with the people in your life:

That guy you met at the club: This guy has 3 baby mamas (that we know of.) Expect threatening late night phone calls from disgruntled exes and an appearance on the Maury Povich show.

That girl you met at church: Contents in this package may not be as saintly as they appear. May have already slept with your cousin, brother, and homeboy.

Your ex boyfriend: May cause you to display unsound judgment, including (but not limited to) cosigning for his car when he doesn't have a job, holding his stash when you get pulled over by the cops, and defending him to your friends after he cheats on you for the 3rd time.

Your ex girlfriend: In rare instances has been known to steal your favorite CD's and use your SSN to get a phone line put in her new boyfriends house. May also tell all her friends about the time that you came after 2 strokes.

Your boss: May cause bewilderment and anxiety as you try to figure out who he/she slept with to get their job.

Now for the public figures:

George W Bush: May lead the nation into financial ruin, martial law or nuclear apocalypse. Elect at your own risk.

Jermaine Dupri: Artist may infuriate you by dating your childhood celebrity crush. Also may steal whatever production and marketing style was popular last year and claim it as his own (i.e. day Brat channeling Snoop in 96, Kriss Kross jumping like Naughty by Nature and all of a sudden trying to produce Down South music for Dem Franchise Boyz)

Gabrielle Union: May cause loss of seminal fluid and unintentional touching of oneself. Do not use around girlfriend, mother, clergy or co workers.

Star Jones: Prolonged exposure may lead to an uncontrollable urge to slap the shit out of her. Also may lead to desires to perforate eardrums and detach retinas, and self immolate.

Lance Bass: May cause you to say duh! upon hearing that he is gay. May also lead you to wonder when Justin Timberlake is coming out of the closet

And since I'm a good sport, lets talk about me:

T. Cas: May contain up to 72.3% sarcasm. Proceed with caution.

T. Cas: Dating this man may result in weight gain. (It has happened to all the previous girlfriends)

T. Cas: May cause you to wonder why he all of a sudden stopped calling you or answering your calls.

T. Cas: Eyesight may suffer as you read yet another one of his lengthy 3 part posts.

T. Cas: Caution: In rare instances, T. has been linked to craziness, stalking, and obsession. As a result, he is guarded when it comes to meeting new people. If such an occasion should arise, it is recommended that you give him a chance to know the real you, despite his abrasive first impression. For best results, allow 1-2 weeks of conversations to become fully comfortable.

That was fun!!! Do you have any warning labels you'd like to share? Hit me up in the comments section. I hope everybody has a great weekend.

It was written...

Philosophy for Dummies

I had an interesting conversation at work the other day. Well not so much interesting as funny. I was on my way home and stopped to say goodbye to a couple of my former employees that I helped get promoted. They were talking about life philosophies. I'll call them Mr. President (cuz he be politicking with everybody in the building and seems like he's not all there ala dubya) and Mini - Me (cuz she is just like me in terms of her humor and work ethic.)

Mr President was asking us if we have any proverbs or sayings that we live our everyday life by. For instance, some people live by the golden rule (Do unto others as you want them to do unto you.) I thought about it for a minute and couldn't really come up with anything. Mini - Me also didn't have one. We don't really do that whole inspirational quotes/life affirmation thing. So I asked Mr. President what his philosophy was. And here's what he told me.

"If you cut one finger, the rest of your fingers get bloody"

I was like what the hell does that mean? He told me it was about teamwork. Everybody is responsible for everyone else on the team. Mini Me and I laughed at that perversion of the proverb. I asked him do you mean "A chain is only as strong as its weakest link?" He responded that was the same thing. Mr. President then hit me with this gem:

"A crooked stick makes crooked ashes"

Huh, bruh? By now, Mini Me is about to die from laughter. We asked him to break that philosophy down to us. Mr President said its about personal responsibility. If you are crooked, then anything you do will result in crookedness. I was about to lose it but somehow managed to keep a straight face. I said, so you mean "you reap what you sow?" He said it meant the same thing. Of course, I had to go into sarcastic mode and tell him that those were "Almost Proverbs" cuz they almost make sense. It was like Philosophy for Dummies.

I came home and thought about it. I really don't live my life according to a saying or proverb. But I realize that many people do. What are some of the proverbs or daily affirmations that you live by? And have you heard those "almost proverbs" before? Maybe I'm trippin'. By the way, I am still in training (and they had me teaching part of the class) so I may not get to everybody's blog today, but I'll be back on Thursday.

It was written...

So...Um...Let's See...

What's been going on? Not much I guess. I had another uneventful weekend. Didn't go out, didn't have company. Just chilling.

What else? I decided to find a new gig. My job is on that bullshit and has been for a long time. Got me pretty much doing 2 or 3 peoples jobs since February. I actually applied for another position in the company that would be less work and more pay. It aint exactly fulfilling work, but it'll do for awhile.

Was a little stressed (I dont usually get stressed) from work on Friday and hit the liquor store. Then decided that I wasnt gonna let them make me drink and didn't even crack the bottle. Don't get me wrong, I'll drink, but I'm gonna do it because I want to, not because of stress.

Been kinda neglecting the blog reading. I think I just needed a short break, but I'm back. I'll get back to reading everybody consistently soon.

Got me a blog girlfriend. Check out my pic on Butterfli's site. I'll let her explain this one to you. LOL

Gotta go to work at 8 AM for the next 3 days for training. Gonna be in a classroom setting with Al Qaeda and Work Stalker. Not looking forward to that at all. T. is cranky in the mornings and then dealing with them, its gonna be a challenge not to say the wrong thing at the wrong time.

Been trying to work on my novel, but hit a roadblock or more accurately a plot pothole. Gotta put it away for a minute to regroup.

Had more crazy dreams... Wrote about them in my other blog.

Finally watched Cedric the Entertainer's HBO special and laughed out loud. It was 1000 times better than Mike Epps bullshit special.

So... Um... Let's see... I know I'm forgetting something, but I can't think of it now. Anyway, need to catch a couple of ZZZ's, so I'll holla back tomorrow.

It was written...

It Was A Murder

“No, the fuck he didn’t!?!” This thought circled in his cerebellum as he readied his weapon. His first impulse was to let a shot fly, but he knew he had to be smart about it. The harsh words replayed in his memory as he tried to keep his composure. It was murder time.

The day started like any other for Jason. He woke up, ate breakfast and went to school. He was a decent student, when he applied himself. On this particular Friday, Jason had a history test that he was woefully unprepared for. He spent the previous night with his girlfriend, Layne instead of studying. Jason’s lackadaisical approach to his school work jeopardized his chances of attending a good university, but his high SAT scores revealed his natural intelligence.

The entire morning, Jason had a foreboding sense that something was going to happen. He expressed this strange feeling to Layne during 3rd period French class. She quickly belied his fears, with a quick peck on the cheek and a reassuring word. Layne was his lifeline, the only thing that kept him from being a total loner in his school.

In the high school cafeteria, Jason was sitting by himself, listening to music and picking at his tater tots. He bopped his head to the beats in a self imposed solitude. Through his peripheral vision, he spotted a group of 4 young men approaching him. He removed his oversized headphones and took a defensive posture. They walked up a little too close to Jason and surrounded him at the lunch table.

“What y’all need?” Jason exclaimed his heart racing.

“Let’s take it outside” the ringleader replied.

Jason looked around for some allies and realized there were none to be found. Alone, he had no choice but to comply with the gang’s wishes. He stood up and with great trepidation, followed them out of the side door to the parking lot. Jason plotted an escape route, in case things took a wrong turn. The gang, sensing the plan, however blocked his path. There was no way out for Jason, his moment of truth had arrived.

The May sun radiated overhead, causing Jason to break out in a profuse perspiration. Or perhaps it was nerves. One kid versus four was hardly a fair fight. For the first time in a long while, Jason was actually scared. Throngs of high school students flocked to the scene anticipating a beatdown for the ages. The thugs would surely destroy the pseudo nerd. Jason didn’t stand a chance.

Jason retreated into his mind, barely paying attention as the gang spewed hateful venom in his direction. One thug got directly in Jason’s face as he hurled various insults directed at everything from Jason’s clothes to his mother. Jason didn’t flinch. He stood there stoically as he prepared for the inevitable to happen. And then it did.

“That’s why Layne sucked my dick…” the gang’s ringleader said to the delight of the bloodthirsty crowd.

At this point, Jason had had enough. All he could think was “No the fuck he didn’t!?!” The normally reserved young man started having homicidal thoughts. He thought about the weapon he had concealed and whether or not he could take them all out. His fists involuntarily clenched as he gave in to his murderous impulses. And with that he let off a barrage of shots that would forever change his reputation at the school…

When it was over, everyone stood around in shock. Jason was a killer. He took out a whole crew in a matter of seconds. The assistant principal and gym teacher ran toward the parking lot to survey the carnage. They found Jason putting his headphones on and calmly walking back towards the school. The crowd stared in shock at what they had just witnessed.

“What happened here?” the assistant principal yelled.

“Jason straight murdered them dudes over there.” a student replied.

“They never should have tried him. That’s what they get!” another one offered.

The assistant principal pushed his way through the sea of departing students and saw the victims. They were all still breathing, but their egos were crushed. Nerdy Jason had made short work of them with a battle rap. They now knew who the undisputed king of the freestyle was at their school.

It was written…

A Day in the Work Life

Inspired by Stilt's rant about her coworkers: This is what I did at work yesterday:

9:30 Am -Log on to my work email from home to see what's going on. Got 75 emails since 10 PM last night ranging from "can I go home early tomorrow?" to "please handle this or that for me" Did what I could from home, and left the rest to when I got to the office.

10:00 - Procrastinate by reading (or attempting to read b/c blogger was acting up) blogs.

11:00: Get a call on my cell from one of my telecommuters saying her computer isn't working and what should I do? Answer: Bring your ass into the office.

11:15 Get another call from the telecommuter saying that her computer is now miraculously working. Did she think I was going to give her the day off?

11:45 Leave the crib and drive to work. I was supposed to be there at 11:30, but I never get there on time. Bumping Busta Rhymes - The Big Bang album.

11:51 Get to work and wait for the elevator. Older white lady decides to tell me about her "frozen shoulder." Resist urge to ask what that hell that means and get on the elevator making small talk.

11:53 Get to the 3rd floor, and make my rounds saying what's up and good morning to my team. They love me. Well, most of them do.

11:55 Loquacious girl disrespects my 5 minute rule and asks me a work related question. I don't answer any questions for at least 5 minutes after I walk in the door. Give me some time to turn on my computer. I remind her of the rule and she pouts.

12:00 See what Loquacious girl wants. She dont want shit.

12:05 Check my voice mail. I have 6 messages from people calling in "sick." So, its gonna be one of those days. I respond to emails and answer questions for the next 30 minutes.

12:35 Chi-Town comes back from lunch and asks "did you miss me?" She was out of town for about a week. I think about lying and saying yes, but decide to be an asshole and say "ummm... you were gone? I thought it was quiet in here."

12:36 Annoying slacker ass middle eastern terrorist manager (or Al Qaeda for short) appears in the doorway. I quickly pretend that I am on the phone in hopes that he will leave. Al Qaeda stands at my desk for 5 minutes while I have a completely fake phone conversation with my voicemail.

12:41 Al Qaeda leaves.

12:41 and 30 seconds.- I hang up the phone and go talk to some of my employees. Not really work related, just shooting the breeze.

12:42 Al Qaeda is back. Was this nigga watching me from the doorway? He starts in with his speech. "T., quick question" Only its never quick. I could read War and Peace in the time it takes for him to get to the point. And he stands way to close to me. And his breath smells like a small animal died in his mouth. And he always sighs when he talks.

12:45 3 minutes later and he is still talking and has yet to get to the point. Finally I interrupt, "Al Qaeda, what is your question?" He asks something, I tell him what to do. He says "you are so much better at this, can you..." I say, "no, I have my own team to deal with and my own work to do" I curse him out in my head, remembering about how he tried to get me fired last year. Weak, jealous muhfucka. I even remember the battle rap I wrote about him earlier this year. I want to slap the shit out of him. I don't wanna punch him, cuz a slap is more emasculating. I snap out of it and say "Is there anything else?" He hesitates, then says no and walks away. I'm sure he'll be running to the center manager about this, but I don't care. I ain't doing his work for him.

1:30 - I'm sitting at my desk going over this week's payroll and making a personal phone call. Bridezilla comes back from lunch with her wedding rings that she just picked up. She wants to show them to me. I can hardly contain my excitement. (Can you sense the sarcasm in that statement? LOL) Great, now we get to talk about her wedding again.

1:35 I ignore Bridezilla and Loquacious as they talk about the wedding. I'm on the phone, and I'm approving payroll. I hear "I wonder who T. is bringing to the wedding?" "I don't know but she better be hecka fine!" What the hell? I put the phone on mute and join this conversation. We come to a consensus that I have to bring a hot chick to the wedding or they will talk about me.

1:37 I ask the hot chick on the phone if she wants to go, but she thinks I'm kidding.

2:30 I get tired of looking at payroll, so I decide to get up and take a break. I'm outside puffing on an apple Black and Mild when a group of new hires comes outside. They start asking me about my department and how long I been working there and this and that. I'm in charming welcome to the company mode. They go back inside, and I'm checking my phone messages. One new hire comes back outside to talk some more. She's giving me the "please sexually harass me" look. I brush it off and make small talk then go back to work.

3:00 Sit on a boring conference call that I don't need to be on. I say nothing for the hour long call except "hi" and "bye."

4:00 - Go back to approving payroll, amazed at how some people try to get over on me. This one cat gave himself 32 hours of overtime for a week that he only worked 8 hours. Send a few nice/nasty emails emphasizing that if they dont fix their timesheets, they will not be paid. I got 40 people to approve, so this takes a couple of hours. Especially, because I keep getting interrupted to answer questions.

6:00 Take another break. I intended to take 15 minutes, but was on the phone and took 30 minutes. Got back on the elevator to go back to my desk and my cell rings. Its the ex calling for her monthly "fuck with my head" session. (I told you I was gonna blog about this. LOL) Actually, it was a cool conversation, no head games or anything. I'm good, she's good. Lets move on.

7:00 Pretend to be working, when I'm actually catching up on my blog reading.
Mr. Softee AKA BAN (Bitchazznigga) calls with some sob story and asks if he can take Friday off. I tell him that if he doesn't come to work, he will be put on probation for attendance. He whines and I am unsympathetic. He shouldn't have used all his sick time earlier in the year. It ain't my fault.

8:00 Time to go home, but I had to finish up some employee reviews including Mr. Softee's. He's not going to like his review. Knocked those out in an hour.

9:00 Finally left the plantation.

It was written...

Music Meme

I stole this meme from some blogger somewhere in the world and since I'm still trying to shake off the grogginess from last nights sleeping pill and dont feel like coming up with an original post, this will have to do for today. It's a Music Meme. Anybody wanna do this is tagged. Anybody that don't wanna do this is exempt.

Name your 10 most played bands on iTunes: (since I dont use itunes, i went by my most recently played music on Window's Media Player)
1 Jay Z
2 Nas
3 Prince
4 WuTang (and all affiliates)
5 The Isley Brothers
6 Tony!Toni!Tone!
7 Little Brother
8 R. Kelly
9 Faith Evans
10 GangStarr

Now answer the questions according to the numbers:

1. What was the first song you ever heard by 6? Hey Little Walter

2. What is your favorite album of 2? Illmatic with It Was Written a close second

3. What is your favorite lyric that 5 has sung? Here is the funniest one. It's from Contagious:
ron: what the fuck is going on/between the sheets in my home
chante: baby wait,let me explain,before you start to point your cane
ron: girl I’m bout to have a fit
r. kelly: oh its about to be some shit
how did I get into this
should have never came homewith this bitch
ron: you low down dirty woman
back to where you come from
chante: but baby wait
ron: but wait my ass
hit the streets your ass is grass

4. How many times have you seen 4 live? All of them once. I saw Method Man once and Rae, Ghost and Cappadona once too.

5. What is your favorite song by 7? It depends on what day, but right now I'll say "Watch Me" or "The Yo-Yo"

6. What is a good memory you have involving the music of 10? I remember when I tried to turn everybody in my highschool on to GangStarr and when they finally got it, it was a good day.

7. Is there a song of 3 that makes you sad? "Sometimes It Snows In April"

8. What is your favorite lyric that 2 has sung? Shit, this is hard, but here goes:
Nas - Black Girl Lost
A young wild beautiful love child
You like them thug style link rockin, then mink coppin
Hit you on the sink a hundred dollar drink poppin
The head'll make you take him shoppin, a foul doctrine
Reminiscent of my first time up in a chick
You was innocent, but now you rent-a-dick, wear the tightest shit
Chanel lookin real, airbrushed nails
Hit the gym, hit the scales, heaven-sent but negligent (so fine..)
To see a prophecy, your ebony tone is lockin me
The way you moan make me daydream of you on top of me
Wishin I could be the one man; but you juggle way too many Willies all in one hand
You wanna run up in clubs, gettin rubbed on
Niggaz pull your hair, shake your fat rear
Get your fuck on - followin week, you back there
But what you stuck on, weed, clowns and cars
Puffin with some lil nigga, husband not knowin she's out
Could you believe Eve, Mother Earth of the seas
Niggaz thirst you, you just let em hurt you and leave
What up mah, frontin like you naive
Pusherman's whip, callin police when you flip
Can't understand it, yo it should be a throne for us
But for now that's a whole different zone from us, word!

9. How did you get into 3? I think my father had the old albums. My first Prince record was the 45 of "I Wanna Be Your Lover", but my grandmother made me throw it away, because the 700 club said Prince was a homosexual.

10. What was the first song you heard by 1? Either In My Lifetime or Dead Presidents. No, wait. He was on the "Can I Get Open" with Original Flavor

11. What is your favorite song by 4? Too many to choose from, but I'll say Protect Ya Neck cuz all of them are on it.

12. How many times have you seen 9 live? Never

13. What is a good memory you have involving 2? The whole experience of listening to Illmatic and thinking this is gonna change the whole rap game. NY was back!

14. Is there a song of 8 that makes you sad? Nope, I'm usually laughing to hard at his lyrics to be sad

15. What is your favorite album of 5? Voyage to Atlantis

16. What is your favorite lyric that 3 has sung? Starfish and Coffee
Starfish and coffee Maple syrup and jam
Butterscotch clouds, a tangerine And a side order of ham
If U set your mind free, baby Maybe you'd understand
Starfish and coffee Maple syrup and jam

I still have no idea what the hell Prince is talking about, but I love the song. LOL

17. What is your favorite song of 1? "Can I Live"

18. What is your favorite song of 10? Mass Appeal, Code of the Streets, Soliloquoy of Chaos

19. How many times have you seen 8 live? None

20. What is your favorite album of 1? Reasonable Doubt, hands down

21. What is a great memory you have considering 9? Getting booty to the first album. LOL

22. What was the first song you heard by 8? (She's Got That) Vibe and I clowned it incessentally. Never thought he would be one of my favorite artists

23. What is your favorite cover by 2? Rappers dont really do covers, so I'll pick my favorite sample. The Message where he samples that Sting song "Every Shape of My Heart"

It was written...

Tell Me Something Good Tuesday

Inspiration - "Tell Me Something Good" Rufus feat. Chaka Khan "You ain't got no kind of feeling inside/I got something that will sure 'nuff set your stuff on fire/You refuse to put anything before your pride/I got something that will knock all your pride aside/Tell me something good (tell me, tell me, tell me)/Tell me that you love me/Tell me something good (tell me, tell me, tell me)/Tell me that you like it, yeah"

What I'm Listening To - "Enta Da Stage" Black Moon

Question(s) I Asked Myself Today - "What new phone should I get?" My contract is up and I got a $150 credit with Sprint towards a new phone, but I don't know which one to get.

Instead of going to the strip club Saturday, I swallowed my pride and called up Nia. After being called difficult, I kind of put her off my radar for a minute, but I decided to suck it up and give it a try. The plan was to go get some food and some drinks and talk. (No, Liquor and TV she did not have her name airbrushed on her jeans.) The night reinforced what I already was thinking. Chuck, this is not a Love Connection. Nia basically spent the whole night complaining about everything. She hates her job, hates her apartment, her food wasn't good, the drink was too strong (WTF?) and so on. I was just sitting there not nearly as tipsy as I needed to be to listen to all that complaining. By the time we parted ways, I was drained by her negativity. She was like an Eeyore (Mocha 2006) or Debbie Downer from Saturday Night Live.

Anyway, as I am apt to do, I zoned out and started thinking. Am I like that? Am I one of those chronic complainers? I hope I don't come across like that. I'm quick to tell you all about what I don't like or what gets on my nerves, but do I let you know what makes me happy? Am I too cynical? Don't answer these questions for me. This is something I have to think about for myself.

So with that, blogger family, I need your help. Tell me something good. Anything! Give me some good news. What's good in your world? Maybe your good news will inspire me to break out of this cynical phase that I seem to be in. Oh yeah, and I'm sorry for that joke I played on y'all this weekend (not really, that shit was funny!) Have a great Tuesday!

It was written...

All You Want Is Love and Affection

Inspiration - "Eric B is President" - Eric B. and Rakim - First you said all you want is love and affection/Let me be your angel and I'll be your protection/Take you out, buy you all kinds of things/I must have got you too hot and burned off your wings/You caught an attitude, you need food to eat up/I'm scheming like I'm dreaming on a couch wit my feet up/You scream I'm lazy, you must be crazy/Thought I was a donut, you tried to glaze me

What I'm Listening To - "Stunts, Blunts, and Hip Hop" - Diamond D and the Psychotic Neurotics. I had to pull this out after hearing the 2 versions(Busta Rhymes and Talib Kweli & Jean Grae) of "NY Sh*t" that use the same sample from "I Went For Mine"

Question(s) I Asked Myself - "Is gas really $3.03?" That shit is ridiculous, man!

I went to the grocery store late last night. I specifically waited so late because I didn't feel like being around people while I shopped. My hope was that there would only be a few people in the store with me and I could get in, get out and go about my business. I went in, got my shopping cart and since I needed everything, started going up and down the aisles throwing stuff in the buggy. When I got to the cereal aisle, I noticed a couple in front of me shopping. What struck me about them was the look in their eyes. They seemed to be genuinely happy and in love. In fact they looked like they were going to tear each others clothes off right there in the grocery store. It was pretty cute. I can't be mad at young Black love (at least I think they were Black. They might have been Dominican, but that's close enough.)

After picking up my Cinnamon Toast Crunch, I quickly left that aisle and continued my shopping. A few minutes later, the young couple were in the same aisle as me again. This time I noticed, that the woman was walking behind the man and had her hand in his back pocket, while he was pushing the cart. I was thinking to myself, "what's up with the PDA?", but I kept it moving. The next time I saw them was in the milk and juice aisle. The woman was sitting on the shopping cart, legs open while her boyfriend pushed the cart. She was leaning forward, hugging him and playing in his fro. It wasn't sexual or anything, but they were just all lovey dovey at Kroger. It wasn't cute anymore... it kinda made me sick.

I gave that background to ask this question. How do you feel about public displays of affection (PDA)? I think I have mixed feelings about it. I'm usually not the type to be overly affectionate in public like that but I have to admit that I have sometimes fallen victim to the allure of the PDA. Let me give you a few examples from my past. I wonder how you would handle these situations. I'll tell you what I did later today.

Scenario 1 - I was in a relationship with this girl awhile back. We'll call her Anna. She was a lot like me in that she wasn't big on the public displays of affection. She knew I was with her and I knew she was with me and that was enough. Anyway, we used to double date with my homeboy Kareem and his girl. Kareem's girl was one of those touchy feely types and couldn't keep her hands off of him. It was sickening. I felt like George Costanza in the Shmoopy episode of Seinfeld. It got so bad, that Anna and I didn't want to hang with them anymore. What would you do?

Scenario 2 - I was dating Stalker #2. For those who don't remember that story, she was waaaaaay more into me than I was into her. She wanted to be up under me at all times and that just annoyed the hell out of me. One day, we were in Wal Mart and she grabbed my hand and held on tight like a vice grip. I kept trying to sneak my hand back to no avail; she wasn't having it. I wasn't trying to be hugged up around people like that, so I had to do something. How would you stop this unwanted public display of affection?

Scenario 3 - In this scenario, I was a sucka for love. I was doing all the typical things that couples do when they are in love. For the one of the few times in my life, I wasn't afraid to show emotions and affectionate behavior. We were much like that couple I saw in the store. No matter where we were, we would be touching, kissing, hugging. Then it hit me that we were one of those PDA couples that make people sick. What should I do? Should I continue doing what I was doing or dial it back a bit?

Those are my scenarios. I'll let you know what I did later this afternoon. I'm also interested to know how you act when you are in a relationship. Do you reserve your affection for the privacy of your home or do you let the whole world see? Let's make this interactive people. Don't be afraid to share. LOL.

It was written...

I Think I'm In Love... Again

Inspiration - "Prototype" - Outkast "If we happen to part/Lord knows I don't want that/But hey, we can't be mad at God/We met today for a reason/I think I'm on the right track now/ I think I'm in love again."

What I'm Listening To - "Disposable Arts" - Masta Ace

Question(s) I Asked Myself Today - "Will anybody read this post this weekend?"

I saw her from across the room. She was about 5'4", chocolatey brown, looked like a Delta. She was even wearing red. Hen and Coke gave me the courage to approach her. It was a long week at work and I just wanted to unwind. I didn't think I would fall in love.

Flashback to earlier that night. I was chilling at the crib as usual, when it hit me. "Son, you are wasting away your life. You are reasonably good looking, relatively young, and a pretty cool guy. Why are you sitting at home on a Friday night?" I had no answer for this question so I decided to do something about it. I searched the net for a club to hit up. I hadn't been to a club in a while, so I didn't know where to go. I called an acquaintance and found out the hot spot du jour.

I took a shower, got dressed and hit the highway. When I got to the club at around 12, I have to admit that I wasn't really feeling the line. I mean I understand the whole concept of the velvet rope, but I am not very patient and I hate waiting. The only thing that kept me there were the abundance of women standing in line. If they look this good outside, what's it going to look like inside? I just knew it was going to be thick.

I paid the cover charge and walked around the club for a minute. The women were looking good. I found a seat at the bar, and ordered a drink and went into observation mode. One thing I do remember from the club scene is that you don't want to settle for the first girl that catches your eye. A man can afford to be picky. Besides the night was still young, and there were a lot of prospects to choose from.

Now onto my second drink, I was still watching the ladies. There was a large variety to choose from. I had a Tribe Called Quest Moment. You know "I like em Brown, Yellow, Puerto Rican and Haitian." (Electric Relaxation - A Tribe Called Quest.) I did not want to step to the wrong one, so I layed in the cut for awhile and watched them dance. If you remember a couple of posts ago, I can't stand the snap dance thing, so that eliminated some of them. I'm a NY guy at heart, so when Jigga came on, and I saw this light skinned girl in camouflage getting down, I decided to go for it.

I left my perch at the bar and walked towards her. That's when I saw "Chocolate" on the other side of the club. She was dancing with her homegirls and for some reason wasn't getting much male attention. I couldn't believe it. I mean she was stunning. I guess not everybody is into the darkskinned girls like I am. I did a 180 and sat back at the bar and ordered another drink. I needed another boost of that liquid courage. With drink in hand, I calmly walked up to her and asked "can I have this dance?" She smiled and obliged so we found a spot to shake something. She told me her name, and I told her mine. "We chit(ed) and chat(ted) about this and that/from what kinda whip she push to what bars she be at." (The Lox - The Bitches of Eastwick.) Song after song went by and I was entranced by "Chocolate's" movements.

"We got close and it was almost 1:00" (Mahogany - Eric B. and Rakim.) I lost track of how long we were together. Damn, if it didn't happen to me. I think I'm in love. Love at first sight. That's some stuff you see in the movies. Stuff like that doesn't happen in real life, especially to me. I'm cold hearted, emotionless, standoffish, guarded, jaded. (My comments section on Thursday. LOL) Nevertheless, I couldn't deny that I was weakening right there in the club. "Chocolate" had me open.

Don't take me for a punk when I tell you this, but I was envisioning our first date, moving in together, the wedding, and our two precocious kids. Christopher and Aaliyah. The house in Alpharetta, her Jaguar and my Range Rover, and vacations on an island resort. The rest of my life flashed before my eyes and I liked it. "I think I'm in love...again" (Prototype - Outkast. But have you heard Raheem DeVaughan's version? It's even better in my opinion.) Imagine that, T. has fallen in love. However, I was soon jolted from my fantasy...
"That's ten dances. You wanna keep going?"

" Nah, that's cool. $50 right?"

"Yeah, but you can give me a tip"

I handed Chocolate 3 $20 bills as she put her red negligee back on. She kissed me on the cheek and said...

"Thank you, baby!"

Damn, I'm in love with a stripper. ("I'm In Love With A Stripper" - T Pain.) LOL

Psyche!!! I stayed home tonight, but maybe this will happen tomorrow when I hit up the strip club. I crack myself up!!! I hope everyone has a good weekend!

It was written...

One Thing Leads To Another

Inspiration "One Thing Leads To Another" - The Fixx "Do what they say, say what you mean/One thing leads to another/You told me something wrong, I know I listen too long/But then one thing leads to another"

What I'm Listening To - "Greatest Hits Vol 1" - Isaac Hayes

Question(s) I Asked Myself - "Why ain't I sleep?" I always write some crazy shit when I'm sleepy.

Time for one of those infamous random posts AKA I don't feel like writing a real post. Maybe I'll say something crazy enough for you to comment on. LOL. Let's go!!!

Why the hell do I have a MySpace page? You wanna see it? Here it is!

Do people on MySpace really think they are your friends because you added them?

I really appreciate my blog and IM friends.

I read way too many blogs.

I haven't read a book in a couple of years.

In a couple of years, I need to be settling down.

My brother is settling down and getting married next month. I need to hurry up and get my tux this weekend .

I'm gonna beat my brother down next time I see him for buying something on my ITunes without permission. If you reading this, I want my $1.03.

Do I really need permission to hang up with your crazy ass?

Crazy ass people seem to congregate towards me. Is crazy attracted to crazy? Am I crazy?

Being attracted isn't enough anymore. I need more than a big butt and a smile.

Never trust a big butt and a smile.

I think I have trust issues because I think everybody is a liar.

I am a rehabilitated liar.

Can criminals really be rehabilitated?

Me and my boys used to be some petty criminals and I still think about ways to come up. I don't go through with them though.

Why do people act so petty sometimes?

Why do people insist on trying me at work? I invented the game you playing, homey. I was doing that dirt when you were still working at the Orange Julius with acne and braces. You can't get shit by me.

That dirt under your nails ain't cute, Ma. Get you a manicure or something.

When you talk to me its like nails on a chalkboard. I'm not joking when I tell you to stop talking.

Why am I talking to you when you don't even know about my blog? At least I hope you don't.

I really hope the Knicks dont suck this year, but if they do I'm okay with that because then we can get rid of Isaiah Thomas.

I'm going to change the name of this blog to "Fuck Isaiah Thomas" since I say it all the time.

I also say "It is what it is" all the time. I need a new catchphrase.

Oh well, I guess it is what it is.

Guess what? I'm not making any sense.

People don't always get my sense of humor.

If you are reading this, I know you are just trying to humor me.

I know I should be sleep by now.

Sleep is the cousin of death. I always write crazy shit when I'm tired. Like this.

I'm tired and I'm going to bed now. This post was stupid.

It was written...

Am I That Difficult?

This is not the post I intended to write today, but I'm waiting for my editor to get back with me before I post that other one. So, instead I'm going to talk about me. Apparently, I am a difficult person to get to know. I didn't think that was the case, but when you hear that two times in a week, there may be some validity to it. I thought about what makes me so difficult and this is what I came up with.

1. Sarcasm - I am extremely sarcastic to the point of being an asshole sometimes. I don't mean anything by it, I just like to make jokes. All in the name of fun is how I see it. But some people are "sensitive" and can't take it. I'm never just out and out mean, so I don't really see what the problem is.

2. My two personalities - Jamal and T. sometimes fight for control. Whereas T. is outgoing and friendly, Jamal wants to be left alone sometimes. Whereas Jamal is a nice guy, T. is the one who takes things too far. T is abrasive, Jamal is vulnerable. I think everybody has this problem, but they call it moods. I just so happened to have named my moods.

3. Don't Ask, Don't Tell - I have a strict policy against volunteering information. I figure that if you want to know then you should ask. If you don't, why should I tell you every little thing about me. I hate when people tell all their business unsolicited. Now, I realize that I may take it to the extreme by not telling anything, but thats just my personal preference. Its not because I'm guarded or jaded as I have been recently accused of.

4. Stubborness - To say that I'm stubborn is an understatement. I am always right, even when I'm left. It takes a helluva lot to change my mind about something. I mean, seriously, unless you come hard, don't even bother trying. I don't judge anyone for having a different opinion, but that doesn't mean that I am going to subscribe to it. I'm nobody's sheep. Nas and Tony Montana told me The World Is Mine. I don't just give you your way. Besides, women always tell me that they don't want a man they can run over. Is that a lie?

5. Eagerness turns me off - If someone is what me and my homeboys used to call "thirsty," I think I react in the opposite manner. I'm trying to find a way out of the situation. That doesn't mean that I want someone to act aloof, but preserve a little bit of the chase for me. I know it seems like a game, but my fight or flight instincts are what they are. If you come on too strong, I'm subconsciously asking myself why is she like that? What are her intentions? Will she be my next stalker?

I analyzed myself and I realize now that I can be difficult. Will I change this behavior? Probably not! Remember I'm always right and for me to change up would be admitting that I'm not. And I don't think I am that hard of a person to get to know. You may not figure me out in the first conversation, but I'm pretty much an open book. Besides, I think I'm worth the challenge. If you actually get to know me, I think you'll like the real me.

It was written...

They Reminisce Over You

Inspiration - "T.R.O.Y." Pete Rock and CL Smooth "strive to be live 'cause I got no choice/And run my own business like my Aunt Joyce/So Pete Rock hit me, nuff respect due/When they reminisce over you, listen"

What I'm Listening To - "Parade - Music from Under The Cherry Moon" - Prince

Question(s) I Asked Myself Today - "Blogger don't want me to post pictures?" I took the time to find pictures to illustrate this post, but I can't upload them. You'll just have to use your imagination.

A few months back I did a post about old cartoons I used to watch back in the day. I intended to do a follow up post about Prime Time TV, but my ADD kicked in and I moved on to something else. Well now that I can’t think of anything else to write about, what better time than to resurrect an old post? For the youngsters out there, I apologize in advance. Tenacious this means you. We bout to take a journey back to the 80’s.

Here are some of my favorite back in the day TV shows broken down by category:

Action Shows (Cops and PI's and stuff like that)

Knight Rider - I loved KITT's smartass comments to Michael Knight. I think this is where i first learned to be sarcastic. I also used to pretend my sofa was KITT and I was Michael Knight. What are you talking about? That wasn't just yesterday. It was last week. LOL

The A - Team - This show is stupid now as an adult. They always did the same thing every episode. Run from the military cops, solve a mystery, shoot up Mr. T with some drug so they can get him on a plane, then just narrowly miss the Military Police again. And how come nobody ever died? They would empty a clip or blow up a car and nobody even got hurt.

Miami Vice - This was my first grown up show. I didn't know about blow, but I was fascinated with the criminal lifestyle depicted on this show. Crockett and Tubbs were some cool ass undercover cops. I still catch this every now again on TV Land and its still good. The music on the show was tight too.

Magnum PI - This was my favorite show in the late 80's, probably cuz he drove a Ferrari. Magnum also didn't carry a gun except in extreme cases. He solved his crimes with his brain and his Black homeboy with the helicopter.

Spenser for Hire - I watched this show for one reason only: Hawk. He was the cool Black sidekick who was about 2 steps away from being a pimp and packed a .45. I don't even remember anything else about the show, except Spenser was a private eye and solved crimes that the police couldn't solve.

Honorable Mention - MacGyver, Riptide, The Equalizer, Remington Steele and Dukes of Hazzard.

Comedy (Shows that made me laugh)

The Cosby Show - I got to start with this one because it was consistently funny for years. Now a days its on all the damn time and I think I can remember every episode up until Cousin Pam came. I think I stopped watching around then.

Alice - I used to wait all episode to hear Flo say "Mel, kiss my grits" I thought that was a curse word back in the day. LOL

The Jeffersons - George and Weezy was the shit. I imitated George's pimpwalk as a kid. And Florence always had some smart ass comment to add.

Different Strokes - I only had room for one show featuring a Black midget being saved by a White family, so I watched this instead of Webster. The very special episodes were hilarious to me even then. They would try to inject social commentary in the episodes. Like when Arnold got hooked up with the creepy pedophile. I know it was supposed to be serious because there was no laugh track, but it still was funny to me.

Facts of Life - One word: Tootie

Honorable Mention - Family Ties, Gimme a Break, Benson, TV's Bloopers & Practical Jokes, Whos the Boss

Drama(shows with little or no violence that grown folks watched)

Murder She Wrote - Man, Jessica Fletcher was always solving some murder that just so happened to coincide with her being around. They never showed the actual murder, so I put it here instead of with the action shows. I used to try to figure out who the murderer was before Jessica figured it out, but I always ended up guessing that she was the culprit. Angela Lansbury was a damn serial killer, yo!!!

L.A. Law - I wanted to be a lawyer as a kid. I was really digging this show because I thought it was teaching me. Then I grew up and realized that court wasn't sensational like on TV.

Dallas/Dynasty - See, what had happened was... I was watching these because my sister, yeah, thats it my sister (are you reading this?) liked these shows. I was too manly to watch this crap. LOL

Anyway, I didnt watch too many dramas back in the day. So, lets move on.

Other (Various left over stuff)

Unsolved Mysteries - I don't know why I watched this show, it scared the bejesus out of me. I think it was the creepy music. Every time this show came on, I thought I saw a fugitive at the bus stop the next morning at school. I once convinced myself that my principal was actually a murderer I saw on Unsolved Mysteries. Even as a child, I had an overactive imagination.

MTV and other video shows - I was really into the White bands back then like Duran Duran and The Police. I blame/give credit to MTV not showing Black artists. In New York, there was a video show that came on at midnight on Friday nights called Hot Traxx. It showed the Black videos. I used to try to stay up, but usually fell asleep during the show. I used to have nightmares about Stephanie Mills and Reebie Jackson because the show came on too late. Remember that video for "Centipede?" That shit haunted me. And Stephanie Mill's "Mama Gonna Give You Some Medicine" video used to fuck up my sleep too.

Movies of the Week - I was living in New York when the "Atlanta Child Murders" movie came on TV. I swore that Wayne Williams was going to come and kill me. I know, I was a punk. I also liked the MOW because it was something new every week.

Real People - This show was just about people embarrassing themselves to get on TV. They would do the stupidest shit for attention. My favorite was the body contortionist that stuffed herself into a little box. Nowadays, you can see people embarrassing themselves every night. They call it reality TV.

Sports - I loved (and still do love) sports. I can still name just about all the members of the 1986 New York Mets. Really, I can do it. Ask Nikki if you dont believe me. The Mets came on channel 9 and the Yankees on channel 11. I couldn't like both teams so I loved the Mets and hated the Yankees (except Reggie Jackson). In football, I would watch Monday Night Football on channel 7 and the Jets always played on Channel 4. I watched basketball alot too. I been a Knicks fan since 1983 (Have I said, Fuck Isaiah Thomas lately?) and living in NY, I got to see all their games on TV.

Okay, that was my walk down memory lane. Did you watch any of these? What did I leave out? What shows did you watch back in the 80's? Let me know in the comments section.

It was written...

The Revolution Will Not Be Televised - A Satire

Scene: Black Revolutionary Headquarters – Chicago, Illinois

Time: 9:42 PM Thursday July 13th, 2006

Characters:
Robert Johnson - Founder of B.E.T.
Louis Farrakhan - Leader of Nation of Islam
Bishop T.D. Jakes - Religious Leader
Oprah Winfrey - Billionaire TV personality

Bob Johnson: Good evening, brothas and sista! Black Power!

All: Black Power!

Bob Johnson: I called this meeting today to inform you that the Revolution is almost upon us. As I look around this table today, I can’t help but reflect on the sacrifices all of you have made for the struggle. It hasn’t been easy but I know that it was worth it.

Louis Farrakhan: Brotha, I have to tell you that when you first pitched this plan to us, I wasn’t sure it would work, but all the pieces are in place now.

Oprah: Yes, I too had my doubts. But now I see the genius of your plan. The Man will never see us coming.

Bob Johnson: Before we move on any further, let’s have each of you give us an update on your initiatives. Bishop Jakes, you start.

T.D. Jakes: Black Power! As you know, it’s been my job to promote the perception of complacency amongst our people. As it stands now, The Man thinks that we are under the thumb of a white Jesus. I’ve been very careful not to speak out about racial issues, even though I am in the perfect position to be a spokesperson. Also, the tithes and offerings I receive in my mega church are going straight to the cause. Of course, I have to take my cut so The Man doesn’t get suspicious, but most of the funds are being recycled into the Revolutionary coffers.

Oprah: I’m very interested in how you managed to raise so much capital for the cause.

T.D. Jakes: Well that’s the brilliance of the plan. I wrote a couple of books that are basically telling people things they already know. But since they can relate so well, I’ve been able to become a best selling author. I’m getting money from our people as well as the white power structure, all without being perceived as a threatening Black man. The Man is gonna be shocked when he realizes what we’ve been doing.

Bob Johnson: Thank you, Bishop Jakes. Let us now hear from Minister Farrakhan.

Farrakhan: As – Salaam Alaikum. There is no God but Allah.

All: Wa- aliakum Salaam

Farrakhan: Thank you my illustrious colleagues for taking the time to learn about Islam. While we do not share the same religious beliefs, we all share the same goal: the liberation and salvation of the Black nation.

Bob Johnson: We sure do. How about you give us an update? You’ve had a very difficult job.

Farrakhan: Brother Johnson, you are correct. It’s not been easy for me to submit to your plan. I often struggle with the perception that our people have of me. But, I have stayed on task. I am viewed as a cultural joke by the masses and a pariah by the The Man. After the march in 1995, I was poised to take the reigns of the Black community and lead us to the “promised land.” It has been with great difficulty that I assumed my role as a fringe leader with no real influence.

T.D Jakes: I understand your plight, brother. But I could not pull off the anti Semitic comments and maintain my cover with The Man. But the Nation of Islam has always been viewed as a radical organization. So you were the perfect choice.

Farrakhan: I know, my brother, and I have learned to embrace and even revel in my role. Did you hear what I said about the levees after Hurricane Katrina hit? What about my theory that Jews were responsible for 9/11? A stroke of genius, if I humbly say so myself. The Man doesn’t take me seriously at all, which allows me to continue to do Allah’s work undetected.

Bob Johnson: Thank you, Brother Farrakhan. Ms. Winfrey, have you any updates to report.

Oprah: Yes. Thank you all for joining me at our headquarters. The Man would never guess that we have this underground lair on my palatial estate outside of Chicago. My plan is progressing much in the same vein as Bishop Jakes’. I am currently worth over $1.4 billion. And that’s just what the man knows about. Truth be told, I have gathered over $5 billion dollars for the cause. I continue to trick The Man by having great relationships with some of Hollywood’s biggest stars.

Bob Johnson: But, sister, if I may? You do speak out on some issues. Aren’t you scared The Man will label you a rabble rouser?

Oprah: On the contrary, Brother Johnson. It gives me a sense of having a social conscience and appeals to the liberal white audience. And as long as I don’t go overboard with it, The Man will never take me down. I mean, you don’t see me having Louis Farrakhan on my show, but I’ll damn sure have Barack Obama on. Is he another one of our secret operatives? He just seems a little too safe.

Bob Johnson: Now, Sister Winfrey, we all agreed that we would not discuss the other members of our group. It gives us plausible deniability if something goes wrong. You remember what happened to Brother Jesse Jackson. He almost took us down with that pregnancy scandal.

TD Jakes: Just give us a couple names. The revolution is almost here. Condeleeza Rice? Colin Powell? Bill Cosby?

Bob Johnson: Well, I’m not going to deny that these people are infiltrating the system for us, but our most powerful asset is… No, I can’t say.

Oprah: Come on Bob!! Spill it!!

Bob Johnson: You’d never believe it if I told you.

Farrakhan: Brother Johnson. I’m going to have to insist that you give us the name. We all are in the same struggle. I think we deserve to know.

Bob Johnson: Well…. Clarence Thomas has infiltrated the Supreme Court for us. Only, he doesn’t know it yet. He’s what we call a sleeper agent.

All: CLARENCE THOMAS?!?!?!

Bob Johnson: When the Revolution comes he will play a very integral role. Now, I’ve said too much

TD Jakes: Ain’t this a…

Bob Johnson: We have one further piece of business to discuss: Will the revolution be televised?

Farrakhan: I have a public access cable show that can televise the Revolution. That way The Man wouldn’t know what’s going on until it’s too late.

TD Jakes: Brother Farrakhan, I have to respectfully disagree. Nobody watches your show anymore. I think you were too effective in alienating all but those straight out of jail and those curious college students. I think I can finagle TBS into giving me a live special. Hell, they gave Brother Tyler Perry a sitcom.

Oprah: Well, as you know, I have the highest rated show in daytime television history. If you are looking for an audience, I have one for you. Plus, it’ll give us a chance to stick it to The Man while his woman is watching.

Farrakhan: But what about the men? Only the “alternative lifestyle” types are watching you, Sister Winfrey.

Bob Johnson: Let’s do it on BET!!! The Revolution will be televised on BET!!!

All murmur their apprehension and disapproval.

Bob Johnson: I already know what you are going to say and I think its time I let you in on a secret. BET is the home of the Revolution. Always has been, Always will be.

Oprah: You can’t be serious, Bob. Your channel objectifies women. How can you say it’s the home of the Revolution?

Farrakhan: And with all due respect, BET has never been socially conscious.

TD Jakes: It does seem like hypocrisy. I mean your channel is the same one that shows naked women on Uncut at 3AM and then shows religious programming at 4 AM. BET glorifies the hustler lifestyle. When’s the last time you actually showed something of cultural significance. Please explain this to us Brother Johnson.

Bob Johnson: It’s like this. All of the negative images on BET are a smoke screen. The Man doesn’t view us a threat. He thinks that all we are about is shucking and jiving, guns and bitches, rims and drugs. Sure, we show the same episode of The Wayans Brothers or Jamie Foxx 3 times a week, but what The Man doesn’t realize is that I have been slipping subliminal messages into the shows.

All: What?!?!

Bob Johnson: That’s right. Every time someone uses the word “nigga”, I replace it with a subliminal message that says “Black Power”

TD Jakes: So that’s why our youth loves that word so much. Nigga = Black Power. That’s genius, Bob.

Bob Johnson: Yes. And all the flashy rims, chains and grills in the videos… When the light hits them just right, our viewers get an image of Brother Martin and Brother Malcolm.

Oprah: You mean to tell me that the viewers don’t know this is happening? How did you pull this off?

Bob Johnson: We have agreements with Hype Williams and Little X for the videos. And for the songs, some of our biggest supporters are Lil’ Jon and Jay-Z.

Farrakhan: Well brother it looks like BET is the right place for the revolution to be televised. When is this going down?

Bob Johnson: Tomorrow our master plan goes into effect. Just after Freestyle Friday on 106 and Park. Big Tigger will give the sign. When he adjusts his platinum chain for the fourth time, that will be the cue to start the Revolution!

Oprah: Excellent!

TD Jakes: Masterful Plan!!!

Farrakhan: Well played, my brother. Well played, indeed!!!

Fade To Black

It was written...

I Am Not My Hair

Inspiration - India.Arie feat Akon "I Am Not My Hair"

What I'm Listening To: 9th Wonder and Buckshot - "Chemistry"

Question(s) I Asked Myself Today - What was that Nickelodeon show that had that song "Picture Pages?" I'm about to hit up YouTube to find it after I finish this post.

I just came back from the barber shop (when I first started writing this) and as everyone can relate to, its hard to find a good barber/stylist. There's always some crazy, unprofessional shit going on. For example, one of the barbers was drinking a 40 oz. First of all, I didn't even know they still made 40's. And second of all, why would I get my haircut by someone who has been drinking. I've had enough bad haircuts from sober cats, I'm not gonna press my luck by letting a drunk cut my hair. Anyway, as I was sitting there trying to block out the inane conversation about how Lil Wayne is the greatest rapper alive followed by T.I. (I swear I need to get out of the south), I retreated into my mind and thought about some of my hair experiences. EDIT: I AM NOT DISSING THE SOUTH. THE CARTER WAS A GOOD ALBUM, BUT LIL WAYNE IS NOT THE NEXT COMING OF RAKIM. AND I GOT ALL OF T.I.'S ALBUMS, BUT THIS BROTHER AIN'T EVEN IN THE TOP 20 WITH HIS LYRICS. LUDACRIS GOT MORE ORIGINAL LYRICS THAN BOTH OF THEM. I have run the gamut of Black hairstyles in my 31 years. Allow me to share, and illustrate with pictures when possible. I already know the pictures are blurry. It's a by product of not having a scanner and trying to take bootleg pictures of old photos. Let's not have any complaining about the quality in the comments section. LOL!!!

I was 3 years old in this picture. My mother thought it would be a good idea to slick my hair back and put me in a sailor's outfit like I was auditioning to be the newest member of The Village People. I used to hate this picture for many years until I realized, I was an extremely cute child. Now, I have it displayed in my living room.

Next up was the "kind of afro." I say kind of because I had a fro, but it was more of a bunch of curls designed to look like an afro. If you think that's bad, at least I wasn't as bad as my father. He had to wear curlers at night to get his hair to look like an Afro.

The Michael Jackson look was next. I don't have any pictures that really illustrate how it looks, but this one is close enough. Now, I never had a jheri curl or activator. Instead I used to carry around a spray bottle with water and wet my shit up so it would have that glistening look.

After the greasy look played out, I was kind of in between styles. So I rocked a natural. In between a low cut and an afro, my middle school hair was unique. This is when I started to hear that stupid "good hair" phrase all the time. Nikki would call it "loosely curled." In this photo, I am rocking the Tony Dorsett jersey. He was my favorite football player at the time.

High school came and I switched up to the box or flat top. I was a level headed brother as Liquor and TV would say. It was a slow transition as evidenced by this picture. You can see that I went through various stages of boxdom. I don't have a picture of it, but I even had the step haircut. You know where half my hair was up high, and the other was cut low. I loved that shit.... on other people. My hair curled up and after a day or two, it wound up looking like a Bobby Brown Gumby cut. Anybody remember Three Times Dope? They had the half fro. I had that one too for a minute.

In college, my flat top game was serious. I had a standing appointment with my man Dwayne every week to keep my box tight. I got the diagonal part going in this pics. You couldn't tell me I wasn't dope. I got my initials in the back of my head once or twice, but the Nike and Benz symbols were too flashy for me. Plus, soon everybody was starting to grow dreads and get braids.

My hair wouldnt lock, or more accurately, I didnt have the patience to let it lock so I got it cut down low and rocked a Caeser for awhile. There are no pictures in existence of this, but I even got a baldy ONE TIME. Let's just say I was listening to too much Onyx and got carried away. Never again! My head is not shaped right for the baldy, and my scalp was about 6.3 shades lighter than the rest of me. Luckily, my hair grew back in quickly, but I was wearing a hat for most of that week. Luckily there is no photographic evidence of that stupid decision.

NO PICTURE AVAILABLE!!!

After college, I decided that I would give braids another chance. I let my hair grow out real long, (let me stop lying, I was just too broke to get a haircut) and had my homegirl Boo braid my shit up. She was always doing somebody's hair, so I figured if anyone could do it, she could. Boo told me that it wouldn't work, but I wanted to try anyway. My cornrows lasted all of 3 hours before they started coming undone.

Sidenote: Boo Trotter, please google yourself and find my page. Shaina told me she saw you, but she didn't have your number. If you or anyone you know are reading this, hit me up at visionz74@yahoo.com, visionz74@hotmail.com or visionz74@gmail.com.


Since then, I've basically just kept a regular haircut, alternating between a low Ceasar and a curly natural. The ladies seem to like it better when my hair is grown out like in the above picture, but I (and my corporate personality) prefer it low. Its just easier to get up in the morning without having to comb my hair. Plus when it gets too long, my hair gets part curly, part straight. I don't know if you can see it, but this is what it looked like before my haircut. And yes I was drinking!!!

And this is after.

I know not much of a difference, but its just evened out and cut down lower. I think he did a pretty good job, but there was no reason for me to be sitting in the chair for 50 minutes while he tried to get every little stray hair. I need to find a steady barber who can cut my hair right and in a timely manner. There's my chronicle of hairstyles. Go ahead and get your laugh on in the comments section.


It was written...

A Short Update

As I promised T., I have been leaving the house at least every other day on my vacation. Yesterday was a pretty interesting day for me.

I gotta tell all the ladies that commented a couple days ago, that you all were right. Keisha is a hater!!! I didn't see it, but she popped up at my crib yesterday and erased all doubts. Now, I have a rule about unannounced visits, you just dont do that to me, but I was in a good mood so I let her in. She proceeds to bad mouth Nia, telling me in so many words that she got a lot of men, she's a gold digger, she's stupid, etc. And supposedly she's just telling me this because I'm a good guy and she doesn't want me to get hurt. Whatever, I aint that good of a guy. LOL. Anyway, chalk this one up as my naive moment for the week, but my eyes are open now.

So after Keisha left, (why she ain't just call?) I finished cleaning up the crib and called Nia. What can i say, if you tell me not to do something, I'm gonna do that. That's the type of dude I am. We had a little conversation and so far, so good. No warning signs of possible future craziness, which is a major prerequisite considering my history with stalkers. We supposed to get up sometime, but I gotta keep my schedule open this weekend for Mocha and Miz JJ. I'll keep you updated on that one.

On to the festivities for the Fourth. I got up with some friends to watch a fireworks display. We were supposed to go to Centennial Park, but by the time we all got together, it would have been no parking anywhere downtown. So instead, we went to this show out in Alpharetta. We had some left over BBQ from the other day and some beer. Even though I don't get down too tough with the concept of Independence Day, the scene was pretty cool and I enjoyed the fireworks display.

Sidenote: Anybody ever see fireworks on weed? That seems like it would be cool. Anyway, kids, don't do drugs.

The ride home was fun. I was sitting in the backseat with M. and we were just cracking the most insensitive, politically incorrect jokes on people that we could think of. We were cracking up like someone opened a canister of Nitrous Oxide in the backseat. We even started joning on the driver, which in retrospect, may not have been the best idea. Luckily, we all were good sports and I didnt get put out of the car in the middle of nowhere. Anyway, that's my update. I hope you all are having a wonderful week at work. Did I mention that I'm off for the rest of the week? LOL


It was written...

I Talk To Myself (Part 2)

Click Here For Part 1 of my conversation with myself.

Jamal and T. left the first cookout and hit the highway. The next cookout was in the middle of nowhere. The mixture of 93 degree weather and Hennessey and Cokes had Jamal tired. He thought about stopping home to change clothes, but T. wouldn’t allow it. He was well aware of Jamal’s tricks. The minute they hit the house, the fun would be over; Jamal would find a way to avoid leaving again. Besides, the food was so nasty at the first cookout that they were both looking forward to some good grub. With Mobb Deep’s “Infamous” album bumping and the AC blasting, Jamal made the 30 minute drive to his homey’s house in “We are the only Black people that live here”, GA.

T: Jamal, slow the whip down. You gonna get us a ticket.

Jamal: I got this. I’m only going 10 over the speed limit.

T: I ain’t even trying to mess with the police out here. Slow down, nigga!

As this internal discussion was taking place, the familiar flashing blue lights appeared behind the car. Jamal gazed in the rear view mirror and prepared to pull over. T. was right again. July 4th weekend was the wrong time to be speeding. Suddenly, the police car veered off into the next lane and sped off. Jamal was relieved, but T. was indignant.

T: I bet you listen to me next time. You was scared as hell, wasn’t you.

Jamal: Shut up, T.

T. Yeah, you was shook. That’s why you driving like you got Miss Daisy in the backseat right now.

Jamal: Shut up!!!

Around 9:15, Jamal pulled up to the house and saw a number of cars there that he didn’t recognize. T. thought only the usual suspects would be there, so he was happy at the prospect of some new blood. He convinced Jamal that he could pull another phone number by the end of the night. Jamal walked in the house and gave pounds to the crew. He spoke to the host and hostesse's mothers and then scanned the rest of the crib. T. articulated what both he and Jamal were thinking.

T: Hey. Where are the women?

Jamal: There aren’t any.

T: What the fuck? What about her?

Jamal: Nah, that’s E’s little sister. We can’t talk to her

T. Shit! Might as well get some food then.

Jamal made himself a plate with ribs, chicken, sausage and a hamburger. This was more like it. Just as he expected the food was delicious. He sat back with a Corona and watched a game of Triopoly which was already in progress. Jamal got a text message from Sexy Blogger Girl and excused himself to return the message. T. had something to say about that.

T: What the fuck are you doing?

Jamal: I’m bout to call Sexy Blogger Girl.

T: No, nigga! Don’t do that shit. You already out, just text her back. You got your peoples here. Besides, she probably out doing her thing anyway.

Jamal: Yeah, you right. Let me just text her back.

T. Make it quick, Jamal! I warned you about that anti social bullshit.

Jamal texted back and forth with Sexy Blogger Girl for a little while, then decided to rejoin the party. When he returned, it was time to shoot off some fireworks. While E loaded up the duffel bag with various firecrackers, Jamal stepped outside to smoke a Black with M. They then made the short dark walk around the corner to the park. Jamal noticed a couple of confederate flags and trucks with shotgun racks.

Jamal: T. You see that shit? These fools got Rebel flags flying out here.

T.: Yeah, I see it. Just keep your eyes open for some cats in white sheets.

Jamal: I know, right. Do you think it’s a good idea for us to be shooting off fireworks this late in the middle of LilyWhiteVille?

T: Hey, you just stay out of the way and let them do their thing.

Jamal: I hear ya. I’ll just stay back here in the cut. I can just see something going wrong. Remember Donald?

T. Donald? Nah, who’s that?

Jamal: He was the kid from elementary school that blew off his fingers with a firecracker. Walked around with a knub for the rest of his life.

T: Nah, I was just a baby then. I don’t remember that. But that’s all the more reason for you to keep your ass out of harm’s way. Just dial your cellie to 9-1- and wait for someone to mess up.

Jamal posted up on C’s Expedition and watched as E, M and C lit up the firecrackers. He pulled out the digital camera to get some shots, but it was too dark to focus. There were no working street lights and the only illumination came from the trucks headlights. Occasionally, Jamal heard rustling from behind him and turned quickly to look. There were other people in the park as well, but he couldn’t see them. It was like a scene from a horror movie, knowing that someone was there, but not knowing exactly where they were. Jamal decided to remain vigilant and held his empty bottle of Corona in an attack position, so he would be ready to crack the shit outta the first person who ran up on him in the dark.

The fireworks were mediocre, some of them turned out to be duds. The best part was watching the fellas scramble out of the way when one of the bottle rockets decided to shoot off sideways instead of up in the air. T. and Jamal shared a laugh at that. Just then, a car pulled up behind them, flashing those familiar blue lights. Somebody called the police on us. It was obvious to Jamal that it had to do with the fact that we were 10 Black people in a 99% white neighborhood. There were White people shooting off firecrackers that night too. But it wasn’t worth the fight. In Jamal’s mind, pointing out the racism to the cop was a bit of a fool’s errand. They still had to leave the park, might as well go back to the crib and have some fun. Although, sending 3 cop cars and a K9 unit was a bit of overkill. Jamal trekked back to the house having a conversation with his alter ego.

Jamal: You see why I stay in the house? I can’t go nowhere without some drama going down.

T: Don’t worry about. We gonna go back and play some cards, get some drinks and it’ll be all good again.

Jamal: I hope you right. I’ve seen this before. This is gonna turn into a bitch session about the cops. I know it.

T: Maybe, but you don’t have to participate. Just grab a drink and chill.

When they arrived back at the house, sure enough the racist cop conversation started. Jamal followed T.’s advice and didn’t contribute. One of the neighbors came over and decided to engage us in conversation about how having the police come so quickly was a good thing. Jamal took that as his queue to leave. He went back in the house and got another Corona and chilled. He decided to text Sexy Blogger Girl again and tell her what just went down. Eventually, everybody came back in the house and it was time to play some cards. The game was Texas Hold ‘Em. Jamal was by no means an expert at poker, but he was learning. He even won the first game, cleaning everybody out with a straight. Arrogant T. attempted to take a picture of all his chips, but the rest of the crew wasn’t going for that.

Jamal: It’s about that time, T. Let’s be out.

T. Nah, lets play one more game.

Jamal: Its almost 1 AM. How long you trying to stay out here?

T. Just a little while longer. I’m trying to keep you out of the house.

Jamal: If we leave now, then we can hit up the Blue Flame and see some strippers.

T: You know I’m all for that, but you don’t wanna fool with Bankhead tonight. The cops are out heavy.

Jamal: Aiight. One more game and then we bounce.

Jamal played another game, but this time he was the first one busted after intentionally making a foolish raise with a pair of 6’s. By this time, he was just ready to go home. He had enough socializing for one day. He said his goodbyes and left with a nice take home plate. On the way home, he had a final conversation with T.

T: You had fun didn’t you? What I tell you?

Jamal: Yeah, it was cool.

T. You need to get your ass outta the house more often. Can’t be sitting around all the damn time.

Jamal: Yeah, I hear you. But sometimes I just don’t feel like being bothered.

T: I’m gonna give you Sunday to chill, but the rest of the week you gotta do something.

Jamal: Da fuck? How the hell you gonna be making demands like that? If I don’t wanna go, I aint gonna go!

T: Well, let’s make a deal. At least every other day, you go out.

Jamal: I can live with that. Aiight, son! You got a deal. But now I’m gonna need you to shut the fuck up for the rest of the night. Peace yourself out, T.

T: Whatever, nigga you need me!

T. and Jamal pulled up to the crib and pimped toward the door. T. was still talking shit in Jamal's ear. Jamal took out his keys and opened the door, ignoring T.'s bravado. He quickly slammed the door in T.'s face, locking him outside.

T: Hey, man! Let me in!

Jamal: Nah, nigga! This is my domain.

T: Oh, its like that?!?

Jamal: Its like that, son. I'll call you when I need you.

It was written...

I Talk To Myself (part one)

So your boy got invited to a couple cookouts on Saturday. And in typical anti social fashion I didn’t want to go to either of them. I had to talk myself into getting my ass out the house, with help from a couple of my IM/blog friends. I found myself having an internal conversation with myself all day. There’s Anti-Social Jamal (my middle name. I’m not ready to put my real first name out there yet) and Social Butterfly T. Casanova. Here’s how the day went:

T: Yo, son! It’s 11:00 AM. Time to get up. We gotta hit these BBQ’s this afternoon.

Jamal: Give me about an hour. I’m on vacation let me rest.

T: Hell, nah. You know how you are. You gonna be on your computer all day and not get out the house.

Jamal: Okay, let me at least check my email though,

T: You got 20 minutes then its time to get ready.

Jamal arose from his bed and staggered to the computer, which had remained logged in for the last 4 days. Upon opening his Yahoo email, he was surprised to see a number of MySpace requests in his inbox. Jamal didn’t know half of the people and began to have uneasy feelings about it. He decided to investigate. Much to T.’s chagrin, what started as checking out MySpace profiles turned into an hour of blog reading and YouTube watching. T. sprung into action to get Jamal back on track.

T: Get up, Nigga! I gave you 20 minutes and it’s been an hour. Go pick out what you gonna wear.

Jamal: Aiight, man. You didn’t have to call me nigga. I’m going now, let me just…

T: Right now! No more excuses.

Jamal went back to the bedroom to find something to wear. His casual wardrobe was limited, a by product of him doing nothing but going to work. He settled on a pair of jeans and a brown and white Academiks shirr. The shirt was wrinkled so Jamal so plugged up the iron. As he waited for the iron to get hot enough, he turned on the TV and tuned to the World Cup match between Portugal and England. As always, he wanted to root for the team with the most brothas on it, but this match was a toss up. Jamal found himself torn between the two teams and strangely intrigued by a 0-0 match, so much so that he forgot what he was supposed to be doing. He watched the entire second half of the match as well as the 2 scoreless overtime periods. By the time the match finally came down to penalty kicks, T. was getting frustrated.

T: You supposed to be ironing, Jamal.

Jamal: I know but let me just finish watching this.

T: Aiight, but then you have to take a shower. And shave that shit off your face. Who the fuck you think you are, Wolfman Jack? That’s not a good look!

Jamal: I got you. As soon as this is over, I’ll get up. *under breath* Sucker!

T: What you say?

Jamal: Huh? Nothing.

Jamal watched Portugal win the match and then tuned the TV to the History Channel. T. should have known what was up; the only time Jamal watches that is when he’s trying to go to sleep. There’s something about the narration that lulls him into slumber. Jamal fell asleep and had a strange dream about the R&B group En Vogue. When he finally reawakened, the display on the digital cable box read 4:17 pm. T. groggily attempted to get Jamal out of the bed.

T: You punk ass muhfucka! How you gonna let us fall asleep? We supposed to be at the cookout now.

Jamal: We still gonna go. You don’t want to be the first one there, do you? Besides you know these things are on CP time. Let me check out the Brazil-France soccer score.

Jamal turned to ESPN to check out the soccer match. He once again found himself getting caught up in the action. He wanted Brazil to win, but when he saw all the Black players on the French squad, he wasn’t too disappointed with France’s victory. Besides, it was an exciting match and it allowed him to procrastinate even further. After the game was over, Jamal went back to his computer to see who was online. He had a brief IM chat with a friend who encouraged him to get his ass out of the house. Jamal resigned himself to the fact that he couldn’t wait any longer, so he shaved, showered, got dressed and left the house. He glanced at his watch and it read 6:15pm. T. was not happy at all.

T: Man, we gonna be 2 ½ hours late.

Jamal: Don’t worry about it. They know we are always late. They’ll just be happy we showed up at all.

T: When we get to this spot, don’t be pulling that anti social bullshit.

Jamal: I’ll try, but I don’t know who’s gonna be here.

T: And don’t be trying to holla at Keisha. I know she invited us, but there’s a reason we don’t mess with her no more.

Jamal: T. I remember, you ain’t gotta worry about that. She broke the booty call rules.

T: Damn right. A jumpoff is a jumpoff. Keisha tried to make it more than what it was.

Jamal: I know. But why did she invite us? We haven’t seen her in six months.

T: I don’t know, but she got a man now. So, don’t go disrespecting that.

Jamal and T. arrived at Keisha’s mother’s house after a brief pit stop to pick up some beer. When they arrived, everybody was sitting around eating, playing spades and dominoes and having a good time. Jamal spotted Keisha, sitting under a tree with her 4 year old daughter. The little girl jumped up and ran to Jamal’s arms, and he propelled her onto his shoulders. Keisha got up and introduced Jamal as “an old friend” to the rest of her friends and family.

Keisha: The food is in the kitchen. Help yourself.

Jamal: Thanks, I’ll check it out in a minute. How have you been?

Keisha: Pretty good. You know I didn’t think you were going to show up.

Jamal: I said I’d be here, so here I am. So, is the boyfriend here?

Just then T. interrupted the conversation. Keisha gave some kinda of non committal answer, but Jamal wasn’t paying attention because T. was screaming at him.

T: Nigga, what did we just talk about? Leave her alone.

Jamal: I ain’t doing nothing. Just small talk.

T. Come on, now. I know us. You feeling her out to see if she wants us.

Jamal: Shit, you’re right. My bad, T.

Jamal and Keisha finished their small talk and he made himself a drink. If he was gonna function properly around all these people he didn’t know, Jamal needed to be nice. He sipped his Hennessey and Coke and mingled amongst the guests. Eventually, he found his way into the kitchen to make a plate. Jamal was disgusted by what he saw. The chicken was burnt, the hamburgers were dry and of course the ribs were gone. He put a hot dog, some beans and a couple of deviled eggs on his plate and sat down at a card table in the back yard. Jamal was picking at his food, watching a spirited game of spades when something caught T’s eye.

T: Hey, look at her over there. The chocolate shawty in the orange shirt.

Jamal: She is just our type. Man, look at those lips.

T. Hey, dawg! Don’t fuck this up for us! Go talk to her.

Jamal: Aiight, let me get rid of this nasty ass food first.

T: What you gonna say? Don’t run none of that corny shit like you did last time.

Jamal: I don’t know. I’ll just go say hi and take it from there.

Jamal deposited his half eaten plate in an industrial size trash bag that was tied to the back door and prepared himself to talk to the cute chocolate girl. He made himself a second Hennessey and coke, this time being generous with the Hen and light on the coke. He walked over to her and introduced himself. She smiled and said her name was Nia. Surprisingly the conversation went well. As they talked, Jamal was distracted by T.’s running narration, but still managed to appear interested in what she was saying.

T: She’s about 5’2". You know we like them short.

Jamal: Shut up, T. I’m trying to concentrate here.

T: Peep out the ass. She working with something back there.

Jamal: How I’m gonna look at her ass when I’m talking to her. That’s just stupid.

T: Dawg, You gotta look. Be slick with it, but look.

Jamal took T’s advice and snuck a look. He was impressed with what he saw and decided to linger for awhile. He noticed the smooth brown legs that extended from her tight jean shorts. He followed her legs down to her ankle, which was adorned with a silver bracelet with a charm that read "NIA". She wore orange and white Nikes that matched perfectly with her shirt and no socks. Jamal then returned to making eye contact and dove effortlessly into her dark brown eyes. They continued the getting to know you ritual for about 5 more minutes before exchanging phone numbers and returning to mingle. T. was pleased with Jamal for the first time that day.

T: See, I knew you could do it. She’s the finest girl at this cookout. And we pulled her.

Jamal: Yeah, I guess you’re right.

T. Nah, don’t sell yourself short. You did this.

Jamal: We’ll see what happens. Is it time to go yet?

T: You trying to leave? I thought you were having a good time.

Jamal: It’s not that, but we got that other cookout to go to. And I know the food gonna be good there.

T. Yeah, you right. Let’s go say peace to Keisha and bounce.

Jamal found Keisha and told her he was about to leave:

Keisha: I saw you over there talking to Nia. How you gonna mack at my BBQ?

Jamal: Well, you the one who got a boyfriend now.

Keisha: Yeah, but…

Jamal: But what?

Keisha: He be getting on my last nerve. I don’t think I’m cut out for a relationship.

T interrupted the conversation

T: She trying you, dawg! Don’t go for it.

Jamal: What, we are just talking.

T: No, you just talking. She’s trying to get back with us.

Jamal: Whatever, nigga! You think everybody want us. Arrogant muhfucka!

T: You don’t have to believe me but you know I’m always right. (pause) Hey, look over by the porch. Is that Nia dancing?

Jamal: Yeah, what the fuck is she doing?

T: I think she doing that snap shit.

Jamal: Son of a bitch!!! You know we hate that shit.

T: Don’t overreact, Jamal. Everybody ain’t like us. And we are in Atlanta.

Jamal: Dawg, she doing the Poole Palace now.

T: Jamal, chill. She just dancing. Stop being a hater.

Jamal: Dawg, she Shoulder Leaning!

T: Let’s get the hell outta here before Nia totally turns you off. Wrap this shit up, and let’s hit the next cookout.

To Be Continued…

It was written...