Here's A Little Story I Gots To Tell
What I'm Listening To - "Jagged Edge" - Jagged Edge. LOL I'm glad they came up with such an original title for their album.
Question(s) I Asked Myself Today: "Am I the only one digging that new Nelly Furtado song with Timbaland?" and "What race is Nelly Furtado anyway?"
As I promised in my 100th post, I'm gonna try to stop censoring myself on my blog. In the spirit of full disclosure I need to tell y'all something about me. For the last 4 months, I have been the other man. This is what happened.
Back in January, my ex infiltrated the bloggy. I at first wanted nothing to do with her b/c she broke my heart once before. But we sparked up a friendship, through IM and phone calls and I found myself getting caught up again. She came to visit in February and by the time she left, I thought I was over her again. I mean, it was really cool seeing her, but she was married. T. can't get caught up with no married woman, can he?
Apparently the answer is yes. Despite my best intentions, I was drawn more and more to her. Hell, I still loved her five years after the fact. We began talking more and more, and I put all my other prospects to the side. As for her, she was in tough situation. Trapped in a loveless marraige, but trying to make it work for the sake of her child. I did everything I could do to be supportive, even postponing my happiness so she could handle her business. But as I fell deeper and deeper in love, my selfish side started coming out. I felt that I deserved more than late night phone calls and instant messages when her husband was sleep. We kind of put the brakes on things until she could sort out her situation
That lasted all of about 24 hours. Then we were right back where we started from. The subject of divorce came up and although, I wasnt pushing for it at first, I certainly was open to the prospect. We talked about her moving back to Atlanta, she even applied for jobs here. Soon reality reared its ugly head and she realized that it would be difficult for her to move across country taking her son away from his father. Just like that, the love I thought I was going to have, was put on hold indefinitely again.
Eventually, she moved out of the house and we talked about having a future again. I mean we got way ahead of ourselves. Talking about marraige and children and where we would live. I started looking for gigs out on the west coast, so we could be together, and her son could still be near his father. I was going to fly out there for a weekend, cuz I just had to see her. A couple of days before I was supposed to leave, she decided that we were not being fair to her family. I say she decided because even though I knew it wasn't right, I didn't really acknowledge that fact. She moved back home to give it a try, but again that lasted about 24 hours. Next thing I knew she was on a flight to ATL and we were having a fun filled sex filled weekend. I mean we did it every where and in every way, all the while expressing our love for each other. That weekend was supposed to tide me over until the next time, but it did nothing but make me want to be with her even more.
Over the next couple of weeks, we had marathon phone sessions. She was the first voice I heard in the morning, and the last voice I heard at night. The end all be all, if you will. The only problem was that she was still in the house with her husband. I played it as cool as I possibly could, but in the back of my mind that living arrangement was fucking with me. I noticed that our conversations were punctuated with more silence than usual. Then she told me something that pretty much ended it for me. She said that she had sex with her husband. I should not have even been mad, thats what she is supposed to do, but to me that felt like a betrayal. It was the tipping point for what I knew was a messed up situation. I acted like I was the wronged party but in all honesty i knew that I was the transgressor. I was determined not to wait around for her. Its time to live my life and find that one woman that I would not have to share. It even would have been different for me if she was at least out of the house, but financial concerns prevented that.
Fast forward to last week. We had resumed contact and fell into that old familiar trap. It was like my epiphany from the previous week didn't happen. My addiction led me back to an unhealthy situation. What about her family? They don't deserve me being a home wrecker. What about me? I don't deserve being the other man. I deserve someone who can be all mine. What about the divorce? Well, it hasnt happened yet. I truly believe her feelings are genuine, but I can't just sit idle, while she handles her business. I broke it off with her, at least until such time as she actually gets divorced. So as of this writing, I am no longer the other man. I am a free agent, ready to sign with whatever team makes the best offer. Finally, I am emotionally free. Lets just hope it lasts longer than 24 hours this time. Hows that for honesty?
It was written...