Thursday, August 31, 2006

I Gotta Testify

Inspiration - "Touch The Sky" Kanye West feat Lupe Fiasco "I gotta testify, come up in the spot looking extra fly/For the day I die, I'mma touch the sky/Gotta testify, come up in the spot looking extra fly/For the day I die, I'mma touch the sky"

What I'm Listening To - "The Low-End Theory" - A Tribe Called Quest

Question(s) I Asked Myself Today - "Where the hell did this post come from? I'm either nuts or I'm a fucking genius. I haven't decided yet."

Judge: In the case of the State of Blogdonia vs. Rashan Jamal Casanova, will the defense call its next witness.

Defense Attorney: The defense calls Rashan Jamal to the stand.

Baliff: Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?

Me: You damn right!

Judge: That is not appropriate, please say I do or I will.

Me: My bad, your honor. I was just trying to give it a little flavor…nah’mean? I do.

Judge: Please take the stand.

Defense attorney: Rashan, you have been charged with a heinous crime. How do you respond to your accusers?

Me: See, its like this. I try to follow the rules, but there’s something in me that just won’t allow it.

Defense attorney: Please elaborate for the jury.

Me: I try to live a virtuous life. I don’t kill, I don’t steal… anymore. And I don’t lie. But for some reason, trouble just seems to follow me.

Defense attorney: Are you referring to the charges that have been levied against you?

Me: I am. See no matter what I do, I can’t please everybody. There’s always gonna be some haters.

Defense attorney: Define haters? Is that one of those hip hop terms? I’m not quite sure the jury understands.

Me: Yeah, its kinda hip hop I guess. It derives from E 40, who coined the phrase playa hater. The meaning has been kinda bastardized now that grandmas, preachers and white people are using it.

Prosecutor: OBJECTION!!! The defendant is assuming facts not presented in evidence.

Judge: Objection Sustained! Please have Mr. Casanova’s generalizations struck from the record.

Me: My bad again, Your Honor. Let me continue. When I say haters, what I mean is that no matter what I do, some people are not going to be happy.

Defense Attorney: Tell the court what you mean.

Me: When I first started my blog, I wrote just for me. It was easy because nobody was reading it. Then when people found me, I felt the need to entertain.

Defense Attorney: I see, then what happened?

Me: Well, some people thought that I wasn’t dealing with any emotional issues. They said my blog was too superficial. I mean, I just wasn’t comfortable with it.

Defense Attorney: I see, these are the haters you were referring to?

Me: No, I wouldn’t call them haters, they were just trying to make my writing better.

Defense Attorney: So did you start to reveal more of yourself on your blog?

Me: I fought it for awhile, but eventually I did. Do you remember the story of my ex? I never would have written about that when I first started. It was way too personal.

Defense Attorney: That was indeed a breakthrough for you.

Prosecutor: OBJECTION! Opposing counsel is testifying.

Judge: Sustained. Please move on.

Defense Attorney: Mr. Casanova… please continue.

Me: Certainly. I have changed my writing style. I have tried to become a more well rounded blogger. I stopped avoiding male’s blogs, I put some of my writing out there, and most importantly, I started revealing emotions.

Defense Attorney: Tell me about that. How have people reacted?

Me: For the most part, they like it. A few people have misinterpreted my intentions and labeled me soft, but I don’t see it like that. The way I see it, I’m just being me. Sometimes, I’m a jerk, sometimes I’m sweet, and sometimes, I just don’t feel like being bothered. I hope “It Was Written” reflects the whole me.

Defense Attorney: Now on to the charges: You stand accused of being a big softie. Any truth to those charges?

Me: I vehemently deny that. If anything, I’m just a real person and I go through the ups and downs like everyone else.

Defense Attorney: Even you have to admit though, that you have lost some of your edge. What happened to the hateful, spiteful, sarcastic blogger that we used to know?

Me: He’s still here. Did you read my last post? I was sarcastic as hell in that post. The only difference is that is not the only side of me that I reveal now.

Defense Attorney: Thank you, Mr. Casanova.: No further questions. Your witness.

Prosecutor: Mr. Casanova, do you really think that the jury is buying this story that you are just “more well rounded?”

Me: They should. It’s the truth.

Prosecutor: I submit that you are a big softie! You are hardly ever mean anymore!

Defense Attorney: OBJECTION! Argumentative.

Judge: I’ll allow it. Please answer the question.

Me: I can be mean, but I just don’t choose to do it that often. I’ll give you an example. Last month, I gave my middle eastern co worker the nickname of Al-Qaeda. That was mean, wasn’t it? By the way, that wasn't really a question.

Prosecutor: Most people seem to think that you were just trying to be funny. You weren’t really trying to hurt his feelings.

Me: Regardless of that, I can be mean.

Prosecutor: Your writing is showing everybody just how much of a softie you are. I direct the jury’s attention to the morning of August 25th. Do you care to explain what that post was about?

Me: See, what had happened was… That post was for someone special. I was thinking these things and I just had to let them out.

Prosecutor: Don’t you think that post demonstrates just how much of a softie you are? You would have never done that when you first started.

Me: (hesitating) You are right. I can’t deny that seems out of character. But I don’t think that means that I am going soft. I’m just being a real person with real feelings.

Prosecutor: And then your next post. You told everyone your real name. Why would you do that?

Me: It’s like this. I don’t feel the need to hide behind a pseudonym anymore. The only reason I used the name T. Casanova was because I didn’t want people to find my blog. I don’t care about that anymore. I’m proud of it and if people find it, then so be it. I have nothing to hide.

Prosecutor: So you’re saying that has nothing to do with the fact that you are “losing your edge?”

Me: On the contrary, It’s because I am showing the real me. Hate it or love it, this is me. I like me, and if other people don’t then they don’t have to read. It’s been a slow process, but I am finally to the point that I am not worried about people’s reaction to me. Don’t get me wrong, I am still a comment-whore and I still obsess over how many visits I get, but I am not afraid of a negative reaction anymore.

Prosecutor: One final question. What happened with you and that butterfli chick?

Me: (hesitating) I plead the fifth!

Prosecutor: Why can’t you tell the jury about that?

Me: See, you starting to piss me off. Move on, nigga!

Prosecutor: We heard testimony earlier from Mocha and Tenacious, and they both said that you were being too nice about the situation. Please tell the jury what happened.

Me: I don’t want to get into it. What’s done is done. No need to rehash that.

Prosecutor: See, you are too nice. I submit that you, Mr. Casanova, are a big softie. You had the perfect opportunity to be mean, and you didn’t take it. No further questions.

Me: …I’m is mean, dammit!!!

Prosecutor: (yelling) I SAID NO FURTHER QUESTIONS!!

Me: Wait, muhfucka!! I ain't finished!!!

Judge: Mr. Casanova, please step down from the witness stand


Judge: That’s for the jury to decide now, Mr. Casanova. Bailiff, escort this man out of the courtroom.

Judge: Now that the defendant is out of here, I want to address the jury. The charges are simple. Your duty is to decide whether Rashan Jamal aka T. Casanova is a big softie. The fundamental question is whether, “It Was Written” is getting weak as the prosecution claims or if T. is just showing more of his real personality as the defense claims. You new readers and lurkers should not be hesitant to express your opinions either. I leave it up to you to deliberate in the comments section.

It was written…

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Pet Peeves Part 2

A long time ago, I wrote a piece about pet peeves. Since there were only a few people reading back then, I thought I would do an update of that post. If you see yourself in this list, don't kook out. It doesn't mean that I don't like you. These are just some things that get on my nerves and it's all in fun.

People that play the victim when they are the responsible party - I can't stand when people throw themselves a pity party about some shit that they did. It's one thing to not take responsibility, but it's even worse when they get all woe is me about that shit.

MySpace Spelling - eye fckn h8 dat sht. go 2 skool an lurn how 2 spll.

Internet Rumors - Its crazy to me how people say they heard this or that, but can't ever produce the evidence. I was told today that Kanye West came out of the closet and the story was on MTV News. I knew that wasn't true, but the "prove a nigga wrong" in me had to go to the website, just to show them that was bs. Now I ain't saying Kanye ain't the gay rapper, but the fake internet rumors are my pet peeve.

Sausage Parties - You know what these are right? This is when you are at a spot and there are nothing but men there. Collipark, if you are still reading, I'm gonna need you to invite some women over for Sunday. I don't care where you get them from, but I need some estrogen at the cookout. LOL

Using the bathroom on the phone - Maybe I'm OCD, but I don't like hearing other people's urine. There are some things I just don't have to be a part of. I could be in the middle of a conversation and all of a sudden hear some trickling, followed by the sound of a toilet flushing. I hate that. I don't know why it bothers me so much, but it just feels dirty. Not the good kinda dirrrty, but just nasty like I got pulled into a golden shower situation against my will. If you must do it, either tell me to hold on, or hit mute so I never know.

Beggin ass people - This one always gets on my nerves. There ain't nothing worse than someone who always want to hold something. Don't matter what it is: a lighter, some change, some of your lunch, a kidney. I hate people that never have anything of their own. There's this girl at work that has borrowed stuff from just about everybody in the building. Makes me sick...

Little kids rapping - When people see this, they often say "awww", but to me this is the antithesis of cuteness. It grates my nerves seeing kids rap off beat or talking about chains and grills that they know nothing about. And don't get me started about these kids who grow up and decide they wanna be tough guy rappers. Tell your ghost writer to stop that nonsense, cuz we ain't buying it.

R&B cats that wanna rap and Rappers that wanna sing - It hard to recognize R&B cats anymore. They singing love songs about hood life and c-walking in their videos. They just need to cut that stuff out, you ain't hard like that. And rappers trying to sing? Someone explain to me how Nate Dogg has a career? He can't sing, he doesn't rap, but he's on everyone's hooks. Ja Rule, Fifty and Nelly? Why you singing? That ain't your forte.

Women that dont want me to play Madden. - This is not so much an issue since I gave my Playstation 2 to my nephew, but why do women hate on Madden? Its a positive outlet for men. Sure, he may not really be listening to what you say, and yes his homeboys eat up all your food during a Madden tournament, and yes, he loves the game more than he loves you, but at least he ain't out screwing someone else.

Bloggers that email me to ask why I haven't commented in a while - Maybe I'm busy. Maybe I just don't feel your blog. Regardless, its my decision to read and I resent you trying to make me read your shit if I don't want to. I think this bothers me because I can't just be mean and tell them what I really think about them. I feel like this: if I don't like it, then I won't read it. I'm not gonna leave a comment telling you that I think you are a self indulgent, whiny little punk ass liar. I'd rather just leave.

Fox News Channel - I just get a real smug vibe of off everyone on this channel. It ain't even blatantly because of their political views, but I get a sense that they think anyone that disagrees with them is stupid. It doesn't seem like real journalism to me. I understand the editorial content will be slanted towards their own views, but this channel puts in opinions when doing regular news stories.

Spoiled Rich Kids - I blame MTV for this one. That Sweet 16 show and Laguna Beach show these rich kids who don't have to work for anything and expect everything. They all have these elitist, whiny voices that make me wanna do 3 things: 1slap the shit out of them, 2. rob them, 3. Drop them off in the hood somewhere and make them fend for themselves.

"The Black _____" - That phrase The Black ____ gets on my nerves. Let me explain. I hear people all the time saying "The Black Martha Stewart" or "The Black Donald Trump" or "The Black (Insert Celebrity or Pop Culture Icon here). It just rubs me the wrong way that we aspire to be somebody else. How about being "The Original Cleophus Watkins?"

Punk ass baby daddies - Not much needs to be said about this one. A man that won't take care of his kids is less of a man in my eyes. That is the most important job that you can have as a parent. And we wonder why our youth act the way they do. I'm not saying that everyone is gonna be Cliff Huxtable, but can you at least buy some diapers?

People who can't make their own decisions - Its hard enough for me to know what to do for myself without having to tell you what to do. I'm all for getting advice (in theory.) But the final decision is yours. Besides, if I tell you to do something, then it absolves you of your responsibilty as an adult and I'm not gonna do that.

What are your pet peeves? Do you share some of mine? Hit up the comments section and let a brother know.

It was written...

Monday, August 28, 2006

I Am...

Allow me to reintroduce myself… My name is Rashan. Emphasis on the Ra like in Rakim. For the last 9 months, you have known me as T. Casanova or T. Cas. Today, I am letting you get to know the real me. Since I am one of the biggest Nas fans out there, I am jacking the title of his 3rd album, “I Am” for this post.

I Am...

I Am… one of the nicest cats you could ever meet.
I Am… one of the most sarcastic cats you could ever meet.
I Am… a sucker for love.
I Am… down with you until you cross me.
I Am… arrogant at times
I Am… insecure at times
I Am… addicted to music
I Am… a lover of language.
I Am… a lover not a fighter
I Am… easily intrigued.
I Am… easily bored.
I Am… perpetually searching for answers
I Am… tolerant of other’s viewpoints
I Am… stubborn to a fault
I Am… a homebody
I Am… a workaholic slacker
I Am… non materialistic
I Am… cynical about people’s intentions
I Am… trusting when I’m in a relationship
I Am… cheap when it comes to myself and generous with others.
I Am… a conversationalist
I Am… hard to figure out (but I’m working on it)
I Am… an extroverted introvert
I Am… an aloof flirt
I Am… a walking contradiction
I Am… in love with being in love.
I Am… what I am
I Am… Rashan Jamal

And who the fuck are you???

It was written…

Thursday, August 24, 2006

Dating Don'ts

So, I was doing some of my regular blog reading when I came across a hilarious post The Mistress wrote over at her spot. It was a list of things that men should not do on a date. I immediately started thinking about some of the things I have seen and/or heard about. Ladies, here is a list of things not to do on a date. These have all happened either to me, or to other guys that I know.

1) Don't talk about how ill your nana is, and expect us not to try you.
Ladies now a days like to brag on their stuff just like men do. That's cool, but what you are doing is putting the thought in a man's head. He may not have even been on that level, but the minute you talk about how wet you get or how good you give dome, a man is gonna want to see what you are really about.

2) Don't talk about your baby daddy or daddies
A lot of people have kids, so this is no big deal. The problem comes when ladies talk about how crazy their baby daddy is or tell us that he is still stalking you. This will make a man go running in the opposite direction. Nobody wants to deal with that kind of drama.

3) Don't characterize all men as "triflin'" or "no good"
Some women are extremely jaded when it comes to dating. It is not appropriate to air your grievances on some poor unsuspecting man who is only trying to get to know you. If you have such a poor opinion of men, then why did you even accept the date?

4) Don't ask for money on the first date.
I know the old adage: Men go for women for their looks and women go for the money. Even if that's what attracted you to a man, please don't go overboard in the beginning. It won't work in most instances and even if it does, the man then has a sense of control over you.

5) Don't burp or otherwise display horrible table manners
This has happened to me. I was at dinner with a young lady and she just let one loose at the table. Didn't even say excuse me. I was disgusted; we were actually having a good time until she did that. I ain't saying that you have to be Miss Manners, but I shouldn't have to see what you are eating. Close your mouth when you chew. I don't wanna be gazing lovingly in your eyes and then hear or smell you burp. Not a good look ladies!

6) Don't get pissy drunk at dinner
A first date is not the appropriate time to be taking shots of Patron or trying to win the Alcohol Olympics. You are gonna say something you regret, and the man is gonna be turned off. Special exemption is granted if both of you are getting drunk. But for the most part, you should sip your Cosmo or chocolate martini instead of gulping down Cuervo like your insides are on fire and only liquor can put it out.

7) Don't go dance with another man while on a date
I heard this one from some guy I know. He told me that he and this young lady went out to a club. He went to the bathroom and when he came out, his date was grinding on some dude. After the song, she came back to the table like nothing ever happened. Talk about awkward. Here's a tip ladies: Men don't like to see their date with another man, especially when she's simulating doggystyle on the dance floor.

8) Don't talk about "that trick you want to fight"
Aww Lawd, Shawty!!! Just don't do it. All the rah rah talk ain't attractive. Men don't want to date a fighter unless its Laila Ali. We sure don't wanna hear about how that trick stole your man or smoked your last nickel bag. Calm down and at least act like you got some home training.

9) Don't be overly negative and critical
I don't know if you remember my date with Nia, but this girl was like Debbie Downer. She didn't like anything. Her drink was too strong, her food was too cold, her job sucked, her apartment sucked. I'll tell you what sucked: Her attitude. She sucked all the fun out of the evening with her constant complaining. I know I aint the only one who has had a date like that.

10) Don't ask too many questions about sex.
There are some things you shouldn't talk about on a first date. For instance, don't ask a man when the last time he had sex was. This will confuse the hell out of him. Should he answer honestly and risk being labeled a manwhore? Should he stretch the truth and risk being considered a lame? I know that women are inquisitive by nature, but I'm gonna need you not to ask me about who the best sex of my life was with. You don't know her, so why do you need that information right now? I'll tell you that later after I get to know you a little.

I'm sure you got some don'ts you want to share. Fellas, help me out and add to the list. Ladies, let me know what your don'ts are. Hit me up in the comments section.

It was written...

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Three Things

Today is Wednesday and I can't seem to concentrate on anything so I decided to steal another tag. This one is called Three Things. I'm supposed to list 3 things for each question.

1. Things that scare me
Falling from great heights

2. People who make me laugh
All my blog friends (I know its more than 3, but I couldnt choose)
Dave Chappelle
Wack Rappers

3. Things I hate most
People who exploit or hurt children
People who insult my intelligence
The economic disparity between the rich and the poor in America

4. Things I don't understand
Celebrity gossip shows like Access Hollywood
The popularity of Flavor Flav

5. Things I'm doing right now
Chatting on Yahoo Messenger
Responding to work emails from home
Listening to Sade - Lover's Rock

6. Things I want to do before I die
Get married and have kids
Figure out how not to die
Travel around the world

7. Things I can do
Remember stuff that happened 25 years ago

8. Ways to describe my personality
Easy Going

9. Things I can't do
Be on time
Stop myself from saying what's on my mind

10. Things I think you should listen to
Little Brother "The Minstrel Show"
Any Prince CD
That voice in your head

11. Things you should never listen to
Negative people
"Laffy Taffy"
Political Commentators (make up your own mind)

12. Things I'd like to learn
How to play an instrument
French (again)
Time Management

13. Favorite Foods
Chicken Breasts

14. Beverages I drink regularly
Water (that's really all I drink for the most part)
Fruit Juice

15. Shows I watched as a kid
Scooby Doo
Sesame Street
Miami Vice

16. People I'm Tagging
I dont feel like tagging
So if you want to do it, it's yours
Anyone who wants to do it.

It was written...

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Check Out The Scenario

Inspiration – “Scenario” – A Tribe Called Quest "Checkady-choco, the chocolate chicken/The rear cock diesel, buttcheeks they were kickin/Yo, bustin out before the Busta bust a nut the rhyme/the rhythm is in sync (UHH!) the rhymes are on time (TIME!)/Rippin up this dance just like a radio/Observe the vibe and check out the scenario!!"

What I’m Listening To – “Doe or Die” - AZ

Question(s) I Asked Myself Today – “Am I crazy or did you just tell say what I think you said?”

One or more of these scenarios may be true. They may have happened to me or to someone I know. Please tell me what you would have done in the following situations in the comments section.

Scenario # 1

You have a platonic friend of the opposite sex and you start to get a different vibe from that person. You start thinking that this person is looking at you as more than just a friend. This person is attractive, but you are not interested in a romantic or sexual relationship with them. You start to feel uncomfortable even though the words have never been spoken. All of your mutual friends notice the other person’s attraction to you, but you try to maintain a degree of denial. However when being honest with yourself, you know what the deal is? What do you do? Do you keep in denial and keep hanging out with this friend? Or do you confront this person about their feelings knowing fully well that they will never admit it? Or do you just end the friendship before someone gets hurt or says something that can’t be undone?

Scenario # 2

You are chatting with a fellow blogger of the opposite sex. At first it’s just like all your other chat sessions but then you realize that this person is mad cool and you decide to take the conversation offline and talk on the phone. A month or two goes by and you are really feeling this person. You start to talk about meeting up in real life and then you notice the blogger pulling back. You think that the person is just being careful and you are okay with that. After a while, you finalize plans to meet and then the blogger sends you an email confessing that the picture that you have come to associate with them is not really that person; in actuality it belongs to one of their friends. What do you do? Do you cut them off for lying to you or do you continue to associate with that person because the relationship was based on conversational intimacy anyway? If the blogger sends you a picture of what they really look like, do you look at it or do you not even bother to open it? Do you get embarrassed and keep it a secret or do you tell other people about how you were fooled?

Scenario # 3

You are dating somebody, but it’s not anything serious. You are not exclusive and are still dating other people. You meet one of his/her casual friends and realize that you like this person better. You know that the person you are dating would have a problem with you dating their friend, but the friend is feeling you too and you do not have a commitment. Do you go for it, knowing that their friendship would probably be over? Do you decide that the friend is off limits even though they aren’t really that close? Or do you just cut them both off because you know that you would rather be with the friend, but don’t feel like its right?

Scenario # 4

You have a friend who is married or in a serious relationship. You find out through chance that their mate is cheating on them with a mutual friend who often comes over to their house. You want to tell your friend, but you are afraid that they may not believe you. You have tried in the past to broach the subject with them, but they were not receptive to the idea. Do you tell them what you know even though it may hurt your friend? Do you feel that they should know what is going on even if they blame you for ruining their relationship? Or do you just stay out of grown folks business and hope that your friend will see it for themselves?

Scenario # 5

You find out some information about a co worker that could get them fired. This person is someone that you despise, but they have a spouse and children. Do you reveal this information and rejoice that you are finally free of the annoyance? Or do you decide that getting this person fired will affect too many innocent lives? Or do you just lay out the evidence in a way that their boss finds out on his/her own, thus relieving you of the guilt of being responsible for your co workers demise?

I’m interested in what you guys would do in the preceding scenarios. You can pick one or two or all of them and let me know how you would handle them. If you like, tell us what your reasoning or thought process would be. For privacy reasons, I will not be revealing which of these scenarios are real life and which ones I made up, so don’t bother emailing me and asking. Thanks for you participation.

It was written…

Sunday, August 20, 2006

My Brother's Wedding

Friday: I was supposed to meet my brother at about 1:00 to take him around to do whatever errands he still needed to do, but he got someone else to drive him. So I had some extra time to play around and do nothing until the wedding rehearsal. The wedding was out in Fayetteville, which is like 40 or 50 miles away from where I live. I was going to get my haircut Friday morning, but IM's and phone calls had me feeling in a procrastinating mood. Instead, I just rolled out to The Banquet Hall and got there at about 2:30. I was the first one there. I was shocked because I suffer from chronic CP time-itis. Since I was 30 minutes early, I went over to the hotel where my grandmother, mother, and my brother/nephew Nate were staying. My brother came through and we shot the breeze with them for awhile and then we headed back to venue. Again, we were still the only people there until the wedding nazi, er I mean coordinator arrived. There was lots of sitting around and doing nothing, while we waited for the rest of the wedding party to arrive. Moms wanted to get some food for my grandmother, so I volunteered to go for her.

Side Note: My family is extemely indecisive when it comes to getting food. We never know what we want. I personally have been known for driving around the streets of Georgia for hours trying to figure out what to get.

None of us really knew the area, so I threw out some names of places I saw close by. After about 5 minutes, they settled on Quizno's. I asked what they wanted and after another 5 minutes it was decided that I should just call them when I got there. Why did I allow that? When i got there, I called them and asked what they wanted and they started coming with subs that arent even in existence. My grandmother wanted just a turkey sub, which was cool. But my mom wanted some type of veggie sub. But the catch was she only wanted lettuce, carrots and cucumbers. I looked at the menu and I aint see anything like that. Before I could protest, she handed the phone to my niece Dominique who had a similar not on the menu request. Something like a veggie sub with lettuce, mushrooms and brussel sprouts (okay thats an exaggeration, but you get the point.) They then just start passing the phone back and forth to each other and next thing I know I am ordering 6 sandwiches, when I was just supposed to be getting my grandmother something. I was like, "the rehearsal dinner is in 2 hours, can't you wait?" Anyway long story short, I just got whatever was close to what they wanted and told them if they don't want it, then don't eat it. Ahhh, the Casanova family. Gotta love it.

I get back to the rehearsal and by now just about everybody is there. Great, now I look like I was late when I was the first one there. They are doing the walkthrough of the wedding ceremony, and the wedding nazi, er I mean coordinator snaps at me. Something like "glad to see you made it." Woman, I was here before you. I let that slide and go about the business at hand. I find out what I'm supposed to do which basically consists of walking in, standing next to my brother, and then walking the maid of honor out. Cool, no sweat! I can do this. We run through it a few times, but the bride and maid of honor aren't there (still getting their hair did), so I have to do the recessional by myself. The wedding nazi, er I mean coordinator snaps at me again, because apparently I was walking like I thought I was cool or something. I decide to snap back at her and tell her, that I can't very well escort the maid of honor down the aisle if she ain't here and perhaps she should have someone stand in for her if she wants "perfection." She laughed and after that we were cool. I think she was just trying to flex her coordinator muscles on me. Anyway, we got finished and head a minute down the road for the rehearsal dinner.

I drove my nephew Tarik, my niece Dominique and my brother/nephew Nate down to the dinner. We get to the restaurant and I escort them inside and then come back to the car to make a phone call. I noticed one of the bridesmaids just chillin by herself outside. I went over to talk with her, but she either wasn't feeling me (as I thought) or she was just shy (what she said.) Anyway, that earned her the nickname of Shy Girl for the rest of the weekend. Her picture is in the slide show. I sat next to her at the rehearsal dinner and my repeated attempts to engage her in conversation failed. Oh, well. Since my rap wasn't working, I sent some texts and listened to the bridal party talk about their church (apparently I was the only heathen in the wedding) while I waited for the food to arrive. My sister and her man came through with my little nephew Carlin and I immediately said "gimme the boy". I played with and fed Carlin, almost oblivious to everyone else eating their salads. After the dinner, I went home, made some calls, and then crashed.

The next morning, I had to go get a haircut and some batteries for my camera. I woke up about 8, but procrastinated with IM, until around 10. I was supposed to be at the hotel by 12:30 to start getting dressed and get our pictures taken. I spent way too much time at the barber shop, and made it out just in time to take the trek across town again. Trizzy (she's in the slide show too) told me that she knew a way to get me there quicker and I listened to her. Now, anyone who has been reading for awhile knows that I am directionally challenged and prone for messing up the most simple of directions. I should have just went the way I knew and not tried to get fancy but I didnt. I missed my exit, (I still say there was no Tara Boulevard exit) and wound up riding a few miles more. When I finally turned around and got back on track, Trizzy had me going down all kinds of isolated, desolate roads and I didn't get to the hotel until 12:40. Yeah, it's your fault I was late!! LMAO.

When I arrived, I was the only one there again, so I decided to go get my camera batteries. I got back to the hotel and started to get dressed, but my brother needed me to go back to the store which I did. Got dressed, ( a long story in itself. How many people can share one room?), took some pics and then rode to the wedding. I was amazed at how nice the hall was set up. Everything was laid out in the lavender and white and it looked totally different than it did the day before at the rehearsal. I don't really have too many pictures of the set up since I was busy with my best man duties and taking pictures of myself. LOL. The groom was handsome, the bride was beautiful and the best man, that cat was the shit. LOL. Check out the slide show to see how fly I was. LOL

Aiight, so the ceremony started out real short. The pastor jumped into the whole vows thing real quick and I thought it would be a short wedding. Then it turned into church. He prayed for what seemed like 30 minutes, although it may not have been that long. Besides, I was distracted by his blue gators. I couldnt decide if they were tight or country. I finally decided they were country and moved on. Yadda, Yadda, Yadda - you may salute your bride- recessional and it was over. They then set up for the reception and that worked out lovely as well. My brother's church band was playing and they had the Stevie Wonder and Earth Wind and Fire pumping.

This is a freaking long post, so I'm gonna just give some of the highlights and be done with it, as if you are really reading this whole thing. The bride sang a song for the groom and tore the house down. She did her thing. The groom presented the bride with a framed collage of pictures that my mom helped put together. It was tight. My brother and his frats did the Kappa Sweetheart Song. There was a musical "This Is Your Life" thing. Bouquet toss, garter toss, cutting cake; everything was just cool and I had a great time. My mocking was limited to just the Pastor's gators and the flamboyant member of the band who said "oooh, you are sooo beautiful" to the bride and pranced off. Other than that, it went off without a hitch and I'm extremely proud of how my sister in law and brother pulled it off. I didn't even need a drink like I thought I would and only got asked 2 times when I was getting married. Sorry for the lengthy post, but I am actually leaving out a bunch of stuff. Holla at y'all later.

It was written...

Friday, August 18, 2006

Let's Get Married/The Freaks Come Out At Night

Inspiration - "Let's Get Married" Jagged Edge and "The Freaks Come Out At Night" - Whodini

What I'm Listening To - EPMD "Unfinished Business"

Question(s) I Asked Myself Today - "This is crazy, right? That's the only explanation."

Let's Get Married

Peace Blogger fam. What's good with ya? I took a vacation day today because I got the rehearsal and dinner for my brother's wedding. The wedding is Saturday and I have put myself at his disposal tomorrow. Whatever he needs, I'm there for him. I think that means I'll be a chauffeur/errand boy tomorrow. Personally, I am ready. I picked up my tux today and I must say I was looking pretty suave, if I say so myself. I'll be sure to take and post pictures if Blogger lets me. All I got left to do is get a haircut and think of something to say in my toast, but I might just freestyle that. I do better when I don't plan stuff out. For those that are wondering, I still haven't given my brother any money, but I probably will give him some cash instead of something off the registry as a wedding gift. They probably can use that more than he can use a crockpot or a waffle iron.

I was checking the itinerary and it should make for a very "interesting" wedding reception. I will have to to try hard not to be sarcastic and mocking. It might be hard if I'm around my sister. We have the same sense of humor and I can just see us cracking wise at my mother crying all day or the gospel singers oversinging ala Beyonce or Mary. Tenacious, if I can clown my own brother's wedding imagine what I would do to you. LOL. Regardless of how much I joke, it will be good to see all my family gathered for the wedding. That's not to say that I won't need a strong drink after the day is over. It's going to be a dry wedding. My brother is a minister and he didn't even let me take him to a booty club for a bachelor party. Maybe I'll stop off at the liquor store and get me some of those little airplane bottles.

The first person who asks me when I am getting married is liable to catch a cuss-out or an open handed slap to the mouth. Like I need you to remind me that my little brother is getting married before me. Unless of course its my grandmother. She can say whatever she wants, whenever she wants. I love that woman to death. I don't even trip when she forwards me religious emails every morning. I hate those, but Grandma got me in the palm of her hand so she got it like that. I need to see if I still have some of those in my deleted emails, so I can truthfully say to her that I read them.

The Freaks Come Out At Night

I went out this morning around 3 AM. I needed to get some stuff from Wal Mart and clean out my car for a change. I should have stayed home. Whodini wasn't lying when they said the freaks come out at night. First off, I was expecting nobody to be on the streets, but I forgot that Vega$ Nights lets out at 3. How do you get caught in traffic that early in the morning? And people were on some drunk driving shit. I almost got bammed up twice in less than a mile. I started to just turn around and go home, but I figured I was already out and I would be ripping and running (stole that from you, Trizzy) all day tomorrow, so I might as well finish my errands. As I was leaving Wal Mart, I got approached by a Mexican panhandler. Dude was begging for change in Spanish. That was the first time I had experienced that. Shit, the only word I understood was "dinero." I gave him a couple of quarters so he would leave me alone and then drove back towards the crib.

I stopped at the Quik Trip to get some gas and get some of the trash out of my ride. I'm pumping my gas, and its now about 4 AM. I see something fly past my face and its a damn locust or something. It was huge, I wish I had my camera so I could show you just how big it was. It was about the size of my hand. Even worse, it decided that it wanted to post up on top of my whip. I tried throwing shit at it, but it wouldn't budge. I used the windshield wiper water to try to move it, but it didn't work. I finally just gave up and got in the car and drove off. I didn't get to vacuum the car out like I planned. When I got home, the locust was still attached to the top of my car; for all I know its still there.

Its now 6:30 AM, and I haven't been to sleep yet, so I'm gonna go catch a couple of hours of shuteye before I start my long day. I may not make it to everyone's blogs until Sunday, depending on how much stuff I gotta do. I hope you all have a great weekend, and I'll holla at y'all Monday. Eh, who am I kidding? I'll probably post something Sunday. My obsession with my blog is ridiculous. One!

It was written...

Thursday, August 17, 2006

Movie Quiz (edited)

I don't really feel like thinking about what to write tonight, so I'm gonna post an idea I stole from Nsane Lee Sane. Let's consider this an unofficial tag, (or straight up plaigarism, which ever you prefer.) A while back she had a bunch of movie quotes on her blog. I thought I would do the same thing, but use some of my favorite movies. That means there will be no Dirty Dancing or Driving Miss Daisy quotes on this quiz. I also am going from memory, so I may get a word wrong here or there. You wanna play along? Put your answers in the comments section.

EDIT: I Didn't really keep score, so I'm just gonna post the answers now.

1. "It puts the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again"
2. "Do you see a sign that says dead nigger storage? No, because storing dead niggers ain't my business"
3. "Don't nobody go in the bathroom for 35,45 minutes."
4. "You know what you're problem is? You're putting the pussy on a pedestal."

6. "This is Bob. He was a decent man and we're not gonna bury him in the fucking garden! "
7. "Give me 20 D Energizers."
"20 C Energizers?"
"Not C, D."
"C Energizers? "
"D, motherfucker, D. Learn to speak English first, all right?"
"How many you say?"
"20, motherfucker, 20."
"Motherfuck you."
8. "Fuck Caspar Gomez! And fuck the fuckin' Diaz brothers! Fuck 'em all! I bury those cockroaches! "
9. "Yeah, well, you suffer from homo-unerectus. That means your wang is hugeified not by women but by a man."
10. "I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast."
"You eat pieces of shit for breakfast?"
11. "You acting like a little bitch right now, nigga. Man, fuck that. I ain't letting that shit ride. We gonna go in and smoke all these motherfuckers. I don't care who the fuck out there. Goddamn it, is you down, nigga?"
12. "This here, right now, at this very moment, is all that matters to me. I love you. That's urgent like a motherfucker."
13. "The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist. And poof. Just like that, he's gone."
14. "No, you listen, you little bitch! You hang up on me again, I'll gut you like a fish, understand? Can you handle that... Blondie?"
15. "I call them hoecakes: hoes gotta eat too!"

It was written...

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

I Remember..

Have you ever woke up in the morning with someone on your mind? That happened to me this morning. My homeboy, Kareem is weighing heavy on me. I haven't seen or heard from him in over four years. This morning, I had a feeling that I can't really explain. A feeling that something was wrong, that I need to find out what happened to him. Kareem was more than just my homeboy, he was my brother from another mother, a true friend. You probably have noticed that he is in all my stories from the past. We were inseparable since the 7th grade, but unfortunate circumstances made me distance myself from him. I often wonder if I made the right decision. I remember all of what we have been through together, the good, the bad and the ugly.

I remember when we first met in 7th grade chorus. He made fun of my British Knights and stole my pencils from my bookbag.

I remember playing Tecmo Bowl at each others houses. I remember him screaming"Christian Okoye is a beast" when the Nigerian Nightmare was running over people.

I remember his obsession with the Dallas Cowboys, from Hershcel to Emmitt to Michael Irvin.

I remember sitting in the bleachers of the high school football game reciting The Symphony. My favorite was Big Daddy Kane and his favorite was Kool G Rap.

I remember when we both had our first real girlfriends.

I remember when he transferred to another school, but we still stayed in touch and hung out every weekend.

I remember when me, Kareem and Ashley used to go to the Tara Cinemas with some smuggled Pringles and sodas in our pockets. I remember hanging out outside the Wal Mart cuz we didnt have anywhere else to go.

I remember Godfather's pizza and Starcastle Arcade on Friday nights.

I remember football and basketball with the boys.

I remember the Sega Genesis wars: Bill Walsh College Football and the early Madden years and the well placed fart to distract me when I was about to score.

I remember Freaknik and Orange Crush and Player's Ball.

I remember Norfolk State and Savannah State.

I remember double dating. Me and Lisa and him and Sameka. Or me and Lisa and him and Chandra.

I remember that New Years eve 95. That was the best double date we ever had. Cooked for the ladies, popped some champagne, candle light dinner, the whole nine.

I remember that we burned down his mother's crib that night, too. That was the worst wake up call I ever got. "Hey man, come get me. My crib burned down" I thought he was fucking with me until I heard the sirens.

I remember that afternoon watching college football and videos. That was the day Tupac's California Love video came out.

I remember that first time we smoked out together. I copped a nickel bag from Rodney at work and we rolled it up in my VW fox with Tori. It was my first time and I didnt get high.

I remember when Tori got the dru hill hair color and we viewed him as "suspect"

I remember us making up new slang all the time and watching it spread across the city.

I remember that day Kareem copped Raekwon's Cuban Linx joint and was so excited he came to my job to let me hear it. We sat in the car blazing a j and vibing out to "the purple tape"

I remember discovering Nas, Biggie, Outkast, WuTang etc together

I remember the freestyle battles: I remember our format. 1st verse - battle rap. 2nd verse - weed rap. 3rd verse - rap about the girls. We kicked rhymes while Tori would sing the hooks. We used to murder the instrumentals.

I remember the E&J, the cisco, md 20/20, the Barton's Gin, Alize, all the cheap ass drinks... and then later the higher end stuff like the Henny, the Grand Marnier, etc.

I remember being crushed that night I saw him and Tori sniffing that powder for the first time. That was heartbreaking to me given my father's history with drugs.

I remember that night Kareem did an inadvertant cock block when Andria came over. Nigga wouldnt leave for shit. I cursed that muhfucka out for that one.

I remember when he got my friend LB pregnant. I remember their tempestous relationship. I remember his beautiful daughter Destiny.

I remember that trip to ATL during Hurricane Floyd. Kareem and my girl smoking dro while I was driving listening to Eightball and MJG. Then us balling out at the Gentlemans Club and the Shark Bar like we were rich or something.

I remember when them feds came at us... andwhen we thought our phones were tapped.

I remember that first time he got locked up and my broke ass bailed him out.

I remember the second time he got locked up and I couldnt afford the bail.

I remember that discussion about what the cocaine was doing to him outside of Turtle Creek apartments

I remember the domestic violence conversation outside of his girl's crib.

I remember when his baby mama's crib got broke into and I just knew it was him.

I remember when Kareem and Tori hid out from the cops at my crib.

I remember when Kareem and Tori got arrested around the corner from my crib for some dumb drug induced shit.

I remember when he stayed at my crib cuz he had no place else to go.

I remember when he smelled like a crackhead on my living room couch.

I remember when I had to put him out b/c I was living with my girl.

I remember when I had to make the decision to distance myself from him. The addiction was just too much for me to bear.

I remember when I heard he was actually in prison for a year. I remember seeing him when he got out. He was clean and reenergized.

I remember the last time I talked to him on the phone. He was going to visit a girl in Connecticut. He was going to call me back in 3 days when he got back.

I remember he never did, and he never answered his phone, and then it was disconnected.

I remember calling his mom and her telling me that he was locked up again.

I remember checking the department of corrections website to see when he got out. A 3 year bid.

I remember writing a letter to him while he was locked up, but never sending it.

I remember it all...

I need to find him.

It was written...

Monday, August 14, 2006

An Amateur Analysis

There was a marathon of Alfred Hitchcock movies on Encore this weekend. A number of his films deal with the subject of psychology. One in particular that I watched was “Spellbound”, which dealt with psychoanalysis. As I sat up all night thinking, I couldn’t help but start analyzing myself. Here are some of my amateur findings.

Why am I so anti social?

This really confounds me because once I know someone I can talk to them for hours about any subject. I just can’t seem to initiate conversation with people. I thought about the root of this condition and I think it started at age 12. That’s when I moved from Spring Valley, New York to Savannah, Georgia. It was a total culture shock for me at the time. It’s not like today, when people are familiar with the other parts of the country via music and videos; I had no clue what the South was like and I didn’t fit in at all. Accordingly, I began to retreat into myself and become more of an observer than an actual participant in social settings. This was around the same time I was entering puberty, an important time in a child’s social development. I hypothesize that this was the root of my anti social behavior.

Why do I push people away?

It is way too easy for me to cut people out of my life. I mean, you may not even know that’s what I’m doing, but next thing you know, you haven’t heard from me in 6 months. Why is that? Why do I push people away? Since this, is supposed to be self analysis, I won’t talk about what other people do to make me push them away, but I will say that I am repulsed by neediness. I think this is because I have always been so independent and seek like minded individuals to be in my circle. If I sense my freedom being infringed on, I take steps to regain it. I know often times this is all in my mind and people are not trying to take my life over, but subconsciously, I react accordingly.

Why do I always fall for women who are already involved with someone?

I think I have a subconscious fear of commitment. Perhaps, that’s why I choose to be involved with women with boyfriends. It’s like I know that nothing serious can come from it, so there is no chance of me getting too deep. But that’s where my conscious and subconscious minds butt heads because I do get deep, sometimes too deep. My conscious mind wants the traditional man and wife thing, but subconsciously, I seem to do things to ensure that doesn’t happen. Or maybe it’s just a coincidence. Maybe these women have something special about them individually that I find irresistible. I’ll have to do some more thinking on this one.

Why am I so stubborn?

I think this goes back to me being anti social to an extent. I always had a good relationship with myself since I wasn’t trying to fit in a group with anybody. I have a strong sense of who I am and I celebrate my individuality. I like what I like and I don’t care who knows it. I try not to pander to popular beliefs. I think I am the coolest muhfucka alive, even if nobody else thinks it. So from there, I kinda developed a whole “I am always right” persona. I know logically that I am not always right, but it takes an act of Congress to prove to me otherwise. You gotta really come with it to get me to change my mind. That’s not to say that I am dogmatic. I understand where people are coming from and I often will agree to disagree. I respect everyone’s right to have opposing viewpoints, but I generally won’t change my mind. I have been doing a better job over the last year (coinciding with my blogging) of actually admitting to myself when I am wrong. The next step is admitting that to others.

What’s the deal with my procrastination?

I am always late. I can always find something to do to stop me from doing the thing I am supposed to be doing. This isn’t just work. I’m like this in most areas of my life. If I am supposed to be somewhere at 9, I won’t leave the crib until 9:10. I really don’t know why. This was the one area that I could not come with an amateur diagnosis for. I was searching the internet for possible reasons, but they didn’t seem to apply to me. Its not depression; I am always content. It’s not low sense of self worth; have you read my blog and seen how arrogant I am? I don’t have ADD, or a learning disorder and I don’t consider myself lazy. I just could not come up with a reason for my extreme procrastination. I’ll have to continue to analyze my behavior and hope I can come up with something to change this.

I probably could analyze myself on a myriad of other topics, but this post is getting too long. Now that I have identified some of my issues, the next step is to do something about them. To me that is the hard part. It’s all well and good to admit that, but how do I change some of these behaviors? Do I even want to or am I comfortable with who I am? My problem with psychology is that you can always figure out what the problem is, but I don’t know if you can undo who you essentially are. That’s why people stay in therapy for their whole lives. Anyway, thanks for reading this self indulgent post.

It was written…

Friday, August 11, 2006

Shut Up Already, Damn!

Inspiration - "Housequake" Prince "Shut up already, damn!/Tell me who in this house know about the quake? (we do)/I mean really, really/If you know how 2 rock say 'yeah' (yeah)/If u know how 2 party say 'oh yeah' (oh yeah)/But if u ain't hip 2 the rare house quake:/Shut up already, damn!"

What I'm Listening To - My Yahoo radio station. I don't really know how they are picking my songs, but they are doing a pretty good job. Except, how in the hell did Nelly get on there? I hate that cat.

Question(s) I Asked Myself Today - "Do you have a job?" There's a group of men that just sit outside all day in my apartment complex watching people. They were there when I went to work, and in the same spot when I came home. I wanna tell them to take there asses in the house.

I'm starting to think I have one of those faces that says "please talk to me." I really don't understand it because I go out of my way to avoid people in most situations. And when I am around people, I revert to my tough guy glare I perfected in 9th grade to intimidate people and get them to leave me alone. But as I get older, I don't think its working anymore. I seem to be the go to person for unsolicited and/or inappropriate conversation. Let me give you a few examples.

This happened a couple of months ago. I was taking a break at work, standing outside on the back patio. These 2 women were having an intense conversation, I didnt know what they were talking about (nor did I care), but they were being very animated. They then decided to include me in their conversation, and I immediately regretted not pretending I was on my phone like I sometimes do when people are around I don't wanna talk to. I soon found out what they were so excited about: These women were talking about going to a swingers party and wanted me to know every little detail about what happened. I said, "I don't think I should be a part of this conversation" and tried to leave. But one of them was like, "hold on, I wanna tell you about how the hotel room was laid out." I'm not going to gross you all out with all the details I heard, but lets just say that unattractive people are some freaky muhfuckas. LOL. Now every time I see old girl in the hallway at work, I start walking really fast so she doesn't try to tell me anything else. That was just TMI.

Last Saturday, I was hanging out in Piedmont Park at the Atlanta Falcons fan fest joint. I was standing in line waiting to get tickets for the autograph signing The man behind me was one of those middle aged-vp of marketing-golf playing-drive a land rover-live in an exclusive community-voted for both Bush's and waiting for Jed to run-type guys. You know the kind of white man who's idea of casual wear is some cotton dockers and a izod shirt? Some one I have absolutely nothing in common. You get the picture? This is the type of man I used to scare with my Blackness. In my 20's if he saw me coming, he would damn near run out of his sebagos trying to get out of my way. But not anymore. Even though the sun was blinding me and I know I was looking mean as hell, he took it upon himself to strike up a conversation with me. Told me about his kids, his car, his season tickets, his wife and his mistress. The worst part about it was I couldn't just leave. I wasn't leaving that line after standing there for 45 minutes, so I just had to stand there and take it, lamenting the fact that I don't scare white people anymore.

And then today, I was at the Subway around the corner from my crib, trying to get a tuna sub and a couple of them oatmeal cookies (see, I do eat.) I'm minding my own business, waiting for the kid to finish up with the customer in front of me, when a guy comes in with some bootleg DVD's. At first, I just ignored him getting his hustle on, but soon he came up to me trying to sell me some movies. I declined, since I have my own source of bootleg videos for the free. Then he decided to ask me if I wanted to buy some porn, specifically that Superhead video. I like porn as much as the next guy and quite possibly have a collection of Booty Talk flicks saved on my hard drive, but I'm just trying to get a sammich. Don't be bringing up porn to me like we are friends. I guess I just I look like a perv or something. Then the Subway guy chimes in with his own review of the Superhead's doming abilities. He takes off his gloves and buys a couple of porn dvd's right there at Subway. I'm standing there with the what the fuck look on my face. How you gonna buy porn in front of customers? Then they tried to drag me into a conversation about what kind of flicks they watch. I'm giving my Ice Cube scowl, but it aint working, they still were talking to me. Thankfully, the dvd guy's phone rang and he left, but that was not a conversation I was trying to have with some strangers. Rule of thumb: Don't talk about porn when you are preparing food, even if you are wearing gloves. I got the little Latina girl to fix my sandwich, cuz I wasnt sure what kind of special sauce the Subway guy had on his hands.

See, that's the kinda stuff that happens to me. Everybody thinks they can talk about everything with me. I would think me mean mugging and avoiding eye contact would be a sign that I don't want you to talk to me. Perhaps I need to just let my inner asshole out and tell them to shut the hell up. Is it just me or do you guys get the TMI convos too? Whats the craziest piece of unsolicited information you have recieved? How can I stop people from talking to me? Hit me up in the comments.

It was written...

Thursday, August 10, 2006

Do I Really Have To Have A Title?

Another tag lifted from somebody I don't know and therefore dont have to give credit to. This is my 149th post. I'm trying to hit 200 before my first year of blogging is up in December. Think I can do it? I can if I keep doing these tags. This one is untitled, so lets just get started. Oh yeah, and I aint tagging nobody, so if you want it, its yours.

1. How old do you wish you were? I'd like to do 30 over. I know that was just last year, but I thought it would be more monumental that it was.
2. Where were you when 9/11 happened? Sleep on my couch in the living room. I was working 2:30 - 11:00 and never woke up before Noon. I fell asleep with the TV on and for some reason I woke up and saw the second plane hit. That was the most fucked up shit I had ever seen
3. What do you do when vending machines steal your money? Beat the hell out of it until my Combos fall.
4. Do you consider yourself kind? I am extremely kind when I'm not being an asshole.
5. If you had to get a tattoo, where and what would it be? The infamous R----- X Black power fist tattoo on my left arm.
6. If you could be fluent in any other language, what would it be? French - I took 3 years in high school and can only remember the basics.
7. Do you know your neighbors? I don't talk to strangers.... but I might need to introduce myself to the one with the auburn locs. I'm just sayin...
8. What do you consider a vacation? Anything that keeps me away from the plantation.
9. Do you follow your horoscope? I don't follow it, but I check it out every now and again.
10. Would you move for the person you loved? Hypothetically, yes. I probably would try to get her to move in real life.
11. Are you touchy feely? Only when I'm drinking. Otherwise, don't touch me and I wont touch you.
12. Do you believe that opposites attract? Sometimes. That's probably why I got hooked up with all those church types.
13. Dream job?
Something that lets me write or be in the music industry.

14. Favorite channels? HBO, VH1 Soul, FX
15. Favorite place to go on a weekend? Nowhere. I like to chill on the weekends.
16. Showers or bath? Showers for as long as the hot water lasts.

17. Do you paint your nails? ummm... no. But I need a pedicure really, really bad. Notice I said need, not going to get. I'm manly dammit. LOL
18. Do you trust people easily? I dont trust people because I beleive we are mostly self serving. Aint nothing wrong with that, but I am skeptical at first
19. What are your phobias?
dying and dogs

20. Do you want kids? Maybe we should settle down and raise a family/a girl for you and maybe a boy for me." Babyface "Sunshine"
21. Do you keep a handwritten journal? I cant read my handwriting, so no.
22. Where would you rather be right now? I'm good where I am right now.
23. What makes you feel warm and safe? Is this an emotional question? I dont do those. LOL
24. Heavy or light sleep? Not really sure, I think I must be a heavy sleeper cuz I sleep with the TV on every night, but I wake up everytime someone moves so maybe I am a light sleeper.
25. Are you paranoid? I'm not paranoid, they really are out to get me.
26. Are you impatient?
"I got no patience and I hate waiting" Jay-Z "Big Pimpin"

27. Who can you relate to? Everybody. I see other peoples perspectives easily, even when they are dead wrong. LOL
28. How do you feel about interracial couples? It aint for me, but it aint my place to judge anyone else's choice
29. Have you been burned by love? are we talking STD? Then no. If you talking emotionally, then yes.
30. What's your life motto?
I got 2: "It is what it is" or "Don't talk about it, be about it"

31. What's your main ringtone on your mobile? Right now, Pharell and Kanye - Number 1. I had a gang of ringtones on my old phone that didnt transfer over when I got my new one. I gotta start over.
32. What were you doing at midnight last night? Drankin'
33. Who was your last text message from? my blog girlfriend, blue butterfli. If you take my picture down, there will be hell to pay. LOL
34. Whose bed did you sleep in last night?

35. What color shirt are you wearing? White Fubu T Shirt I got in 1999
36. Most recent movie you watched? The 40 year old Virgin on HBO. That shit is hilarious.
37. Name five things you have on you at all times? Cell Phone, wallet, blacks, lighter, keys
38. What color are your bed sheets? *runs to bedroom* Greenish
39. How much cash do you have on you right now? $489.72
40. What is your favorite part of the chicken?
the breast

41. What is your favorite town/city? I like Chicago.
42. I can't wait till.. I can stop waiting.
43. Who got you to join Blogger? More like what. This girl from NY was the first blog I read everyday. I can't find her page anymore.
44. What did you have for dinner last night? "Excuse me, beautiful. May I buy you a fish sammich?" - Leon Phelps "The Ladies Man." What do you mean you haven't seen that?
45. How tall are you barefoot? 5'9" 3/4, and no that isn't short. According to the CDC, that is the average height for an American male
46. Have you ever smoked crack?
No, but everybody at work is wondering since I keep losing weight.

47. Do you own a gun? Scared of guns
48. What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
Since I for the most part gave up soda, and I can't keep juice in my fridge, I don't drink anything but water and liquor. I'll go with water.

49. What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex? "My Lethal Weapon's my mind" Ice T. That and I have good conversational skills when stimulated.
50. Do you have A.D.D? I Don't think, what? what was I saying? oh yeah, I don't have A.D.D. I just choose not to pay attention at times.
51. What time did you wake up today? 9:00 Am, then 9:05, then 9:10. I have to set 3 alarms to make sure I get up.
52. Current worry?
"Ain't Nobody Worryin' " - Anthony Hamilton

53. Current hate? Drama. I need to do another hate post. That was cathartic.
54. Favorite place to be? Home
55. Where would you like to travel?
The Caribbean, France and one day Africa

56. Where do you think you'll be in 10 years? Ask me that in 9 years. I won't even guess. I'll just enjoy the ride.
57. Last thing you ate? Some Smoothie Mix Skittles
58. What songs do you sing in the shower? Whatever is in my head... badly. I can't sing at all anymore, but it doesn't stop me from trying.
59. Last person that made you laugh? Me, I crack myself up.
60. Worst injury you ever had? When I was 4, I was in my mother's classroom playing around the desks. I tripped busted my mouth on one of the desks. My 2 front teeth were going the wrong way. I told my mother that the desk jumped up and hit me. I had to have oral surgery. At least thats the way I remember it. Other than that, I haven't had any injuries. No broken bones or anything.
61. Does someone have a crush on you? I don't know? Ladies??? Anyone got a crush on T.?
62. What is your favorite candy? I really don't eat candy that much, but I like them Willy Wonka Chewy Everlasting Gobstoppers
63. Favorite errogenous zone? For me or for her? For me, the obvious one. For her, the right nipple.

It was written...

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Drunk By Myself

Inspiration - "Drunk By Myself" Nas "I'm drunk by myself, gun under my seat/ I don't want none of my peeps caught up in none of my beef/ I'm a ride to the end of the road if I have to/ Praying no car speeds by for me to crash to/ Steering wheel in my hand /Trying to hold it steady/ Anything in my way is dead Cause that's the way I feel, I am already /When I'm drunk by myself alone in the zone/ Drunk by myself "

What I'm Listening To - Some Little Brother and Kanye West downloads

Question(s) I Asked Myself Today - Why the fuck? How the fuck? What the fuck?

Man, Its fucking Tuesday and I'm drinking. Who the hell does that? I guess I do.
I'm sitting here drunk by myself. I can't even front like Im just tipsy, I'm full fledged drunk. Today was a fucked up day. I got caught up in some unnecessary drama... AGAIN! I mean this shit is just ill to me. I don't think I'm a bad guy. And I dont be saying shit I don't mean, so why do I always find myself in this position? I think I attract drama. I don't be looking for that shit, so why I keep finding it? Why the fuck you gotta be writing about me? Ain't we just friends? I'm not even reading your emails, yo! Nigga please? What the hell was that shit about? I'm fucking done. I guess you cant be friends with everyone. I mean please let me do me. Hold up that's a Little Brother lyric:

This is for whoever/ thats trying to do me, you need to do you maybe then you'll do better. Phonte from Little Brother

I dont care that that dont make no sense. I love that line. Nah, but the shit is ill. I probably will wake up and delete this nonsense post, but that's all right. It's gonna be funny to see what the hell I was thinking while I was drunk. I hope i didnt say nothing crazy on the IM. I mean crazier than usual. I really need to eat before i drink, b/c I think I'm drunk. And L, you know how I feel about you, so ain't no need to let this affect us. Just let it go, luv! It ain't me.

What the hell am I listening to? I don't remember downloading this shit. It's kind of tight though. Kanye can fucking flow:

Niggaz old as hell trying to get they rapping on/ In the club looking like a fuckin chaperone.

That's that shit, yo! Hold up, did he just say?

Back when my ATM was crazy slim. had a girl nickname Spreewell cuz when I tried to stop she still made me spin.

I told her S-U-C-K/ before we F-U-C-K/I gives a F-U-C-K/if your nephew see K/ in CL like you see K/ thats how you know chickens c-l-u-c-k./ I'm trying to find a female with a cutie face/ i big pimp her on the DL like UGK

Damn, that's that shit. Its like 2:00 in the morning and I got the hip hop pumping. I know my neighbors hate me. But that's all right. They can deal with it. I wanna talk to her so bad right now, but that ain't the move. Let me give her some space to do her thing. I mean, I of all people should realize that. I cant stand when people crowd me. So, I aint gonna do that shit. Its just gonna be a hip hop night. Oh shit, Kanye just said

And I hate when girls acting bougie as hell/ and i already seen them naked like Blu Cantrell

That dude can flow. I don't care what people say about him. I need to get the hell off of Blogger cuz I'm rambling like a muhfucka. Anyway, please forgive this post, I'll be back to normal tomorrow

It was written...

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

The Cookout

Since much of the blogworld is going to be talking about their cookout last weekend, (that I was not invited too, by the way. LOL) I thought I would tell you about one of the funniest cookouts I ever been to.

Memorial Day, 1998. I was 23 and sharing an apartment with my one and only roommate. We'll call her Sherri. Sherri was a mad cool chick that I had vibed with through some mutual friends. She was the nurturing type that always went all out when her friends came over. Our crew would sit up all night, smoking that bud, listening to music and having deep conversations. I moved in after a while because she needed some help with the rent and I needed to get out of my living situation. Actually, now that I think about it, this story took place before I moved in so disregard that entire paragraph. LOL

But anyway, during one of our vibing sessions, we decided that we should throw a cookout for Memorial Day. Sherri would be the hostess, and me and boys Kareem and Tori, would be sort of the co hosts. It wasn't our crib, but we would help plan everything and invite our friends to the spot. Everything came together lovely. I was the liquor and music man, Kareem was like ghetto Emeril on the grill and Tori was responsible for getting the ladies to come through. Sherri did just about everything else from getting the grill to decorating the dirt filled front yard. We had a great time enjoying everybody's company, playing cards, drinking and talking shit. But you know it wouldn't be a T. Cas story unless something crazy happened.

What I left out of the earlier part of the story is that Sherri is a lesbian. She had some of her "friends" at her cookout. We all got along and there was no issue with her gay friends and our straight friends. But her neighbors.... that was a different story. Miss Benny and Miss Nathan (that's what they called themselves) were a couple that lived in the downstairs portion of the duplex that Sherri was renting. Both of them were in their 40's and extremely flamboyant. They came to the cookout wearing matching cut off shorts and wifebeaters. Miss Nathan topped off his ensemble with a pink scarf on his head covering up his permed hair. Miss Benny had a straw hat with an attached drawstring hanging under his scraggly hairy chin. It looked like one of those hats that white women wear when they are gardening. By the time they came outside to get some food, they were already drunk off their asses. I overheard this conversation as I was sitting on the steps with my homegirl Boo Trotter

Miss Benny: UMMM NNNOOO!!! Sherri does not have all these heteros at her cookout.

Miss Nathan: Don't worry, Miss Benny. If any of them mess with you, I'll cut their asses.

Me and Boo sat there trying not to bust out laughing. But as the day wore on, it would become impossible to hold it in. Later on, we were playing spades in the yard, when we noticed Miss Nathan talking loud.

Miss Nathan: Why they ain't got no light beer? I can't drink this Heineken. It goes straight to my hips.

Miss Benny: Come on inside. We got some gin.

Miss Nathan: Well you know gin makes me sin.

He then grabbed Miss Benny's ass.

Miss Benny: Ooh stop it. You so nasty!

They went in the house and came back about 30 minutes later. By this time the food was ready and everybody was eating, drinking and being merry. Miss Nathan was now wearing a kimono over his cutoff shorts. Miss Nathan had replaced his hat with a doo rag. They stood by the stairs away from all the other guests. Suddenly, Miss Nathan let off a terrifying shriek.

Miss Nathan: OOOH!!! It's too hot out here. I'm bout to pass out.

Miss Benny: Baby, what's wrong?

By this time everybody is watching them. They are putting on a show and they have a captive audience.

Miss Nathan: I bouts to faints! OOOH, I cants takes it.

Miss Benny: I got you Miss Nathan, fall into my arms.

We are cracking up because it was so obviously an act. Miss Benny went in their apartment and got one of those paper funeral home fans and starts fanning Miss Nathan, who is just acting like the world is about to end. He laid down on the dirt, and started doing a gyration like he was going into convulsions. A couple of people went over to see if he was all right.

Miss Benny: Move back, give her some room. (They also alternated between calling each other him and her)

Miss Nathan: I'm bouts to die. I see a bright light

Miss Benny: I'm here for you. Walk away from the light and towards Miss Benny.

This went on for about 5 minutes. Everybody else was staring and laughing. This angered Miss Benny.

Miss Benny: The next muthafucka to laugh at my Miss Nathan is getting cut.

Miss Nathan (still on the ground): Cuts them, baby! OOH, my robe is getting dirty.

Miss Benny then pulled out a long ass knife. I don't know where he got it from, but that shit was huge. It was like a butcher knife. He came running towards us swinging that machete wildly.

Miss Benny: Now what, straighties!!! You think you can laugh at us and we wont do nothing about it.

I backed up a little, still laughing, but not trying to get sliced. Kareem wanted to take the knife from him, but thought better of it. Everyone else were standing around watching the scene play out. Finally, Sherri stepped up and got Miss Benny to put the knife down. He walked back over to Miss Nathan and helped him up. Before they went back inside, they took one more opportunity to curse us out in dramatic fashion.

Miss Benny: I hope all you muhfuckas is proud of yourself. Laughing at a poor defenseless little fag.

Miss Nathan: You should have cut them, Miss Nathan. They homophobic.

Miss Benny: They some bitches. Ain't none of them man enough to take this.


And with that they left the cookout. We all went back to having a good time, but Miss Nathan and Miss Benny were the topics of conversation for the rest of the night. Here is a picture of that cookout. That's me in the Polo shirt with my homeboys getting our jailhouse poses on. (well Blogger wont cooperate, so I'll have to add this picture later.)

It was written...

Monday, August 07, 2006

Who's The Black Sheep?

Inspiration - Black Sheep "The Choice is Yours" "Who's the Black Sheep, what's the Black Sheep?/Don't know who I am, or when I'm coming so you sleep/Wasn't in my room, wasn't in my sphere/Knew not who I was, but listen here/Dres, D-R-E-S, yes I get suckers start/If it's all right with you, I'll rip this here one apart/Back, Middle, to the front, don't front/Wanna a good time, gonna give you what you want/Can I hear a hey? [Hey!]/Now get a yo! [Yo!]You gotta hat? [Huh!] It's for the hoes [Oh!]"

What I'm Listening To - Clipse "I Got It 4 Cheap vol 1 and 2"

Question(s) I Asked Myself Today - "Is my family reading this blog like I think they are?" If so, they are just gonna have to be mad. Besides, I didnt tell you about the blog, so read at your own risk.

I love my family. I really do. But right about now, I think I am the black sheep. There's some stuff that's getting on my nerves right now. My brother is getting married in the next couple of weeks and for some reason, they seem to think that its my responsibility to help pay for the wedding. A little background first:

I have always looked out for my little brother. When he was in high school, I always made sure he had some spending change. True, I was making damn near minimum wage, but I made sure that I looked out for him. $20 here and there, if he wanted a CD or some new clothes, I was there for him. That's what older brothers are supposed to do, right? As the years went on, this pattern continued. He looked to his older brother to bail him out of situations, and I happily obliged. Back in 2002, he moved in with me because he was in between jobs and I was glad to help out. He was supposed to stay for a short time, but it turned into 18 months of him sleeping on my couch, eating up all my food and not paying any bills. During this period, I gave (it was supposed to be lend) him unknown amounts of money. If I actually sat down and totalled it all up, I would just get frustrated. I finally had to put a stop to it, and make him get his own apartment for my sanity.

Even after he moved, I still supported him financially whenever those inevitable jams came up. He always had a key to my apartment, and an open invitation to come over whenever he needed. I mean, I kicked him out of my crib, but not out of my life. We were still cool, and even though I knew I would never get any of my money back, I didn't really care. Something last summer changed my perspective. We were in my cousin's wedding in Dallas,(that's a funny story I need to tell one day) and I fronted the hotel room and tuxedo rental for him supposedly because he didn't have a credit card. He promised that he would give me the money back the following week. But when the time came, there were always excuses. I aint the type who is gonna harrass someone to get my money back, but I have yet to see a penny of that $400. A couple of other incidents happened in September that I will leave out for brevity's sake. I decided then, that the financial portion of our relationship was over. No more lending him money, cuz I would never get it back and he needed to be responsible for himself.

Fast forward to the present day. He is getting married on the 19th and they aren't finished paying for everything. I got a call asking for money. I'm not going to do that. I have supported him long enough. And isn't getting married the time for you to be the man? I don't feel comfortable giving him any money. When he called me, I asked him "don't you have a job? aren't you living with our sister now?" I did this without my trademark sarcasm, I was dead serious. I don't really understand how a 27 year old with no responsibilities can be asking me for money for his wedding. I'll do whatever else he needs me to do, but I am not paying for his wedding.

Then Friday night, I get a call from my mother basically asking me to help out. To be honest, I was taken aback that she would even ask me, because I have gone above and beyond the duty with not just him, but my whole family. I am the one they come to when they need money. I ain't rich by any means, but I always give without any qualms. I had to explain to her what I explained to my brother almost a year ago. I am not giving him any more money. I understand there is a good reason to, but theres always a good reason. My mother tried to lay a whole guilt trip on me about family and my responsiblities but I didnt budge. You may think I'm being mean and holding on to old shit, but this is how I feel. You can tell me I'm right or wrong, but it really wont change my mind. I'm comfortable being Black Sheep for awhile. I just needed to vent.

It was written...

Saturday, August 05, 2006

This is me standing in the rain in Piedmont Park. I was at the Atlanta Falcons Fan Fest and for some reason, Morris Day and the Time were performing. Them boys still got it. Anyway the day started off hot as hell and ended with a torrential downpour.

this is an audio post - click to play

Friday, August 04, 2006

Get Your Umbrellas Out Because That's When I Brainstorm

Inspiration - "Public Service Announcement" Jay-Z "Ving ain't lie/I done came through the block in everything that's fly/I'm like, Che Guevara with bling on, I'm complex/I never claimed to have wings on/Nigga I get my "by any means" on whenever there's a drought/Get your umbrellas out because that's when I brainstorm/You can blame Shawn, but I ain't invent the game/I just rolled the dice, tryin to get some change"

What I'm Listening To - "In My Mind" Pharrell

Question(s) I Asked Myself Today - See below

Warning: Random Post Coming!! But its Friday, so I can do this. I'm just gonna brainstorm and call it a post.

I am loving this website. You can listen to the whole album. Thanks Butterfli for turning me on to this.

How many times is Ron Isley gonna get cheated on? And why does he keep singing about it. Have some pride Mr. Biggs!

I hate when certain people call me because I know they are gonna want a favor. I have never asked you for anything so why do you always ask me for stuff?

Why is it so hot? I mean it didnt feel this hot last year.

How much is too much?

Will you bring your ass to work so I can fire you already?

I didn't really think it would go down like this. For the first time, I am glad I was wrong.

I'm a little confused. I thought you didnt want to talk to me no more.

Umm... excuse me, but I'm not the one getting married.

Sorry, Grandma. I know I should call more. Forgive me?

Sleep? Who needs sleep?

I wanna know what Mel Gibson said when he got arrested. Stop covering that shit up!

How do people survive on $5.15 an hour? We really need to raise the minimum wage.

Why am I going to the Falcons fan day tomorrow? Its gonna be hot as hell and I don't want nobody's autograph.

How the fuck you gonna try to raise my rent $75 a month?

Need to get my tickets for Tribe Called Quest next month.

This thought is about you...

After thinking about it, it really seems a little overly dramatic but go ahead and "do you."

I miss my niece and nephews. Let me call today and see what they doing this weekend.

How about August 12th?

It was written...

Thursday, August 03, 2006

Cocoa Dude On The Job

At the risk of turning my blog into a facsimile of Cocoa Girl On The Job, let me tell you some stuff that happened at the plantation yesterday. If you read carefully yesterday then you saw this question of the day: "What the hell you mean 'lets's meet to discuss your responsibilities?' Are you trying to regulate something over here?" Let me give you the story.

I signed into my work email from home yesterday morning and saw a meeting invitation from my manager. It was a meeting to discuss my responsibilities. Immediately I got defensive. I was thinking that it was the meeting that would finally address the fact that I do what I want, when I want. I think that I have earned that right with all of the pimping that has been done to me in the last 5 months. To recap, since February I have been doing 2-3 peoples jobs without any compensation. People left the department and they took their slow ass time finding their replacements leaving me to pick up the slack. I complain about it in private, but at work I accept it as a fact of working in the corporate world. I admit that I have been kind of slacking lately and I figured this meeting was to address that.

On my way to work, I was sharing with a friend of mine and she got me to look at it from another perspective. So I went in to work with a positive outlook and put the knife down. I decided that I wouldn't automatically assume the worst. The meeting was scheduled for 11:30, right after I was supposed to be at work, but got rescheduled twice. So finally at 1:30, I went in to my manager's office with legal pad and a pen and listened to what she had to say.

It turned out great. The meeting was not to address my slacker tendencies at all. It was actually designed to releive me of some of the duties that I was doing for other people. We came up with a preliminary plan to free me up to do MY job (I hope I remember what that is. LOL) She thanked me for taking everything on without complaining. I then got bold and asked her what she thought about my work and she was nothing but complimentary. I was really surprised at the outcome and was worrying for nothing.

Tuesday's storm caused a downpour of reaction from senior management. When the lightning struck and knocked our computers out, the generator was supposed to kick in right away to prevent that. Since it didn't, everybody was in an uproar. I got emails from 7 different executives asking me to explain what happened, like I am an electrical engineer or something. They sent technicians to our building first thing in the morning and they were still there when I left at night. I mean, it wasn't that big of a deal to me. Stuff happens, and then you get over it, but they just couldnt accept that the power went out for a second.

Al Qaeda is on the warpath. He got chewed out for something he didnt do last week and now he is trying to find fault in everybody else to distract from his incompetence. He tried me again yesterday but was loud and wrong. He told our center manager that I ignored a request he sent, but he couldn't produce the email from his sent items. Dumb ass, when is he gonna realize that I am teflon? Shit don't stick to me. It's funny to me how he blatantly tries to get me in trouble, then comes smiling in my face like I'm not going to find out. I'm raising the terrorist threat level to RED. I straight avoid his ass for fear that one day, I might be tempted to see what it's like to slap a grown ass man.

Anyway that's about it. I need to start getting ready for work so I can get there at a reasonable time. No need in pushing my luck for the time being. I'm sure by Monday, I'll be right back to being late every day again. Holla at y'all later.

It was written...