If I Had One Wish...

Inspiration - "If I Had" - Eminem - "But if I had a million dollars/I'd buy a damn brewery, and turn the planet into alcoholics/If I had a magic wand,/ I'd make the world suck my dick without a condom on/ while I'm on the john/If I had a million bucks/it wouldn't be enough, because I'd still be outrobbing armored trucks/If I had one wish/I would ask for a big enough ass for the whole world to kiss"

What I'm Listening To - "Paid in Full" - Eric B. and Rakim

Question(s) I Asked Myself Today - "Can this week be over already?"

If I had one wish... It wouldn't be enough. These are some of the things that I wish.

I wish... that I could find more hours in the day.
I wish... I didn't hate my job right now
I wish... I knew what the hell else to do for a career
I wish... You would stop worrying about me. I'll be fine
I wish... People would stop asking me what I did to lose weight. The answer is always the same. I didn't do anything but stop drinking soda and kool aid. It's nothing more than that.
I wish... That people would stop naming their gay babies 'Toine. That is like a self fulfilling prophecy.
I wish... That 'Toine (real name) didn't look at me like that in the lobby of my job.
I wish... That you could finally let him go and find someone who is worthy of you.
I wish... I could take away the pain
I wish... I called Jessica more. I miss my homey! If you reading, I'll call you this weekend, I promise.
I wish...that was my Miracle.
I wish... It was PLW
I wish... The Falcons didn't play like a JV football team last Monday.
I wish... I thought I was a loser. That would make this shit easier.
I wish... people would stop telling me what I deserve.
I wish... you would respect my wishes.
I wish... I didn't have those thoughts.
I wish... I made more of an effort with my family.
I wish... when you apologized, you would take some responsibility for your actions.
I wish... I could sleep for a good 8 hours at least once a week.
I wish... you would take solace in me.
I wish... I understood why bad things happen to good people.
I wish... I didn't get that phone call. You really aiight?
I wish... You could see you like I see you. Then you would understand.
I wish... You would stop trying to be involved with every aspect of my life.
I wish... I thought everything through before I spoke.
I wish... I didn't have such a good work ethic. I keep allowing myself to get pimped because I'm an overachiever.
I wish... I was a little bit taller, I wish I was a baller, I wish I had a girl that looked good, I would call her.... LOL
I wish... Damn, thats enough wishing for one day.

What are you wishing for?

It was written...

Let's Talk About Blogging!

I stole this one from someone's site that none of you read, so I won't bother linking it. I just wanted to post something, and I thought this was pretty interesting. Feel free to take it if you like. This means you, Tenacious. LOL

1. Do you try to look hot when you go to the grocery store just in case someone recognizes you from your blog? Not intentionally, but sometimes I go right after work still in my tie and catch the "oooh, he has a job look" But I don't do it for bloggers

2. Are the photos you post Photoshopped or otherwise altered? This is 100% me. I think everybody knows how I feel about fake pictures by now. LOL

3. Do you like it when creeps or dorks email you? I welcome all feedback. Unless its a dude trying to get up with me. That hasn't happened yet.

4. Do you lie in your blog? Not anymore. I used to embellish some stories, but it was always based on a true story. Or if you include lying by ommission, I guess I do. I don't tell you all everything.

5. Are you passive-aggressive in your blog? You guys tell me? I think I'm pretty straight forward most of the time.

6. Do you ever threaten to quit writing so people will tell you not to stop? Nah, I hate when I read those. I love the attention too much to quit.

7. Are you in therapy? If not, should you be? If so, is it helping? No, just blog therapy. I put my lifetime in between the papers lines. That's my therapy.

8. Do you delete mean comments? Do you fake nice ones? I never got any mean ones yet. I don't post fake nice ones. That reeks a little of desperation to me.

9. Have you ever rubbed one out while reading a blog? I'm more of a visual person, so if anyone wants to post some naked pictures of themselves on their blog, maybe I'll "rub one out"

10. If your readers knew you in person, would they like you more or like you less? Both, some would like me more, but some would like me less because I have a knack for pissing people off with my sarcastic comments.

11. Do you have a job? I sure do. Can't pay the bills by blogging.

12. If someone offered you a decent salary to blog full-time without restrictions, would you do it? Hell Yeah!!! I got a million crazy ideas floating up in my brain that I could blog about.

13. Which bloggers have you met in real life? Sorry, no linking b/c I'm at work right now. Trizzy, Nikki, Mocha, Miz JJ, Unsaid (knew her before the blog), Sistagirl (knew her before the blog), Royce's Daughter, Blah, Blah, Blah.

14. Which bloggers have you made out with? yeah, uh.. no comment. LOL

15. Do you usually act like you have more money or less money than you really have? I don't really talk about money on my blog. I am totally non materialistic.

16. Does your family read your blog? I sent my sister the link about a month ago, but we havent talked about it, so I don't know if she has read it or not.

17. How old is your blog? Been blogging since December of 2005. Got two more months to make it to 200 posts. That's my goal.

18. Do you get more than 1000 page views per day? Do you care? Not even close. According to my site meter, I average 149 in the last week. I don't want that many page views. That's too much pressure.

19. Do you have another secret blog in which you write about being depressed, slutty, or a liar? If I told you, it wouldnt be a secret. But no, I don't. It's hard enough keeping up with 1 and a half.

20. Have you ever given another blogger money for his/her writing? Ain't this supposed to be free?

21. Do you report the money you earn from your blog on your taxes? You can get paid for blogging? Sign me up, expeditiously!

22. Is blogging narcissistic? For most people, including me, it is.

23. Do you feel guilty when you don't post for a long time? Yeah, I do. But I try not to go too long, even if it means I have to do some BS Meme like today.

24. Do you like John Mayer? Not sure what this has to do with blogging, but yeah, i like his music.

25. Do you have blog enemies? Once again, I'll need for you to answer this one for me. I don't think so, but I probably done pissed one or two people off. But not enemies.

26. Are you lonely? I don't get lonely. I love being by myself. On the contrary, I can't find enough time in the day to keep up with everybody that wants to keep up with me.

27. Why bother? I just like to write, and I like the attention, and I like the funny, insightful and downright stupid comments that people leave.

28. If they were to make a movie of your life, who would play the mailman? Huh? Forrest Whitaker, for absolutely no reason at all. I don't really understand the question. LOL

It was written...

The Blog Real World: The Aftermath

The Blog Real World: The Aftermath

Tivo: Episode 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7

Back From Commercial

The four roommates have a looks of trepidation on their faces as the police officers approach. T. Cas starts slowly inching away trying to separate himself from the others.

Confessional Video:
Liquor: Was I scared? Yeah, I was scared. And don't think I didn't see T. trying to leave us. I wouldn't have been surprised if he snitched us out to save his own skin.

Resume Scene

Police Officer: Hey, you! Stop right there!

T. Cas: Who me?

Police Officer: Yeah, you. I wanna ask you some questions.

T. Cas: What’s the deal, Mr. Officer?

Police Officer: We got a call about a disturbance in the club. Any of you know anything about that?

Silence.

Police Officer: Well, what do you know?

Liquor: We were just hanging out here. I don’t know what happened.

KZ: That’s right. We were just minding our own. Then we heard a ruckus.

Police Officer: Did you see who was fighting?

Nsane: I ain’t seen shit! (under her breath) Pig!

Police Officer: What was that, Miss?

Nsane: Sorry, sir. I didn’t see anything.

Police Officer: Are you Americans?

T. Cas: Yeah, we just down here on vacation. Can we go now? We are about to meet some friends on the beach.

Garbled radio transmissions emanate from a 2nd cop’s radio. He grabs the speaker and says.

2nd Police Officer: 10-4. Gary, we have to go. We have a situation upstairs in room 112

KZ: That’s our…

T. Cas: Shh!

Police Officer: You all can go now. Stay out of trouble.

Liquor: Thanks officer. Be safe, son!

Police Officer: Did you just call me son?

2nd Police Officer: Not now, Gary. Let’s roll.

The police officers walk in the hotel lobby leaving T. Cas, KZ, Nsane and Liquor outside.

Confessional Video:
Nsane: You gotta know how to deal with the police. They basically just some lames with a badge on a power trip. They always tryna hold us down. Fuck them jumpouts.

Resume Scene

Nsane: That was a close one. Five – O almost hemmed us up.

KZ: Why they going to our room? Cas, you ain’t got no contraband do you?

T. Cas: Nah, I ain’t smoked no weed since April 24th, 1999. I’m good.

Liquor: Must be Robert. Should we go see what’s up?

KZ: Nah, the cop saw us. I’m sure Mack’ll be aiight.

A scooter pulls up and Nikki hops off.

Nikki: Thanks, brother. That was enlightening.

Island Guy: (indecipherable Patois)

Nikki: I’m definitely gonna call you.

Island Guy: (indecipherable Patois)

Nikki: My number? Uhhh… yeah, I don’t ever keep my phone on, but the number is 777-9311.

The Island Guy drives off and Nikki joins her roommates.

T. Cas: Who the hell was that?

Nikki: Awww, ain’t nobody. Evidently, these island brothas ain’t about shit. He thought I was gonna fuck him and I just met him.

KZ: Did you? And if you did, did you tape it?

Nikki: Horny Bastid!

Nsane: Did you find Missy while you was gallivanting around the island?

Nikki: She ain’t back yet? I hope she having better luck than I did. How about Mack? Last I seen that brother was down on the beach.

Liquor: The cops on their way to the guys room now. I don’t know what’s going on.

Nikki: Word? I hope Mack aiight. Why you ain’t go check it out?

Nsane: We had to throw some blows with these chickens in the hotel club. Cops might still be looking for us.

T. Cas: Yeah, but they don’t know what you look like. Why don’t you go check it out for us? Room 112.

Nikki: Aiight, I’m on my way. Don’t go nowhere. I’ll be right back.

The camera follows Nikki as she walks in the hotel lobby. She walks around the corner and sees 2 police officers outside Room 112.

Nikki: Yo, that’s my homeboy’s room. What’s going on?

Police Officer: What’s your name, girly?

Nikki: I’m Nikki. What’s going on?

Police Officer: You know a Nikki? (pauses) You can go in.

Nikki walks in the room and sees Rob Mack sitting in a chair with an ice pack applied to his head. Missy is sitting on the bed adjacent to Rob Mack.

Nikki: Yo!!! Missy, where da hell you been? We been looking all over for you.

Missy: I was…

Nikki: The fuck is going on here, Mack. Someone beat your ass?

Rob Mack: I got set up. I was chillin with this honey when 3 guys busted in the room.

Confessional Video:
Nikki: When I walked in the room it was like all hell broke loose. I mean, the room was straight ransacked and my man Rob Mack had a Flintstone lump on the side of his head. I’m glad Missy was there for him. But where the hell was she all day, anyway? Remind me to interrogate her ass about that.

Resume Scene

Missy: I came to see what everyone was doing and I saw Rob handcuffed to the bed. They had already left by the time I got here, but they cleaned the room out.

Rob Mack: Yeah, it was messed up. But at least I got some pussy out of it.

Nikki: You fucked? Man, I’m jealous!

Rob Mack: Nikki, you left me on the beach to hang with The Mighty Quinn. Was it worth it? Did you at least get some?

Nikki: Nah, that brotha was trife. I couldn’t understand a fucking word he was saying. I’m totally sorry that you got jacked, Mack.

Rob Mack: I told you. We come together, we leave together. I should have known something like this would happen.

Nikki: Dude, I said I’m sorry. Let that shit go! Somebody need to go tell the others what’s happening.

Missy: I’ll go. Where are they?

Rob Mack: HELL NO!!! You ain’t going nowhere. You the whole reason we broke up in the first place. Who the hell did you meet so quick anyway?

Missy: My friend was down here on vacation too. I saw him when we were checking in.

Nikki: You fuck, too??? Damn, ya’ll did your thing.

Missy: Just because I was chillin with that Negro, don’t mean I was doing him. Why come you be all up in my shit?

Nikki: Yeah, right! We’ll see on the reunion special. I know they had that night vision shit watching you.

The other 4 roommates come to the door.

T. Cas: Damn, what happened here?

Rob Mack: Long story, I’ll tell you about it later.

Police Officer: We meet again. Is this your room?

KZ: Yeah, this is our abode. Is Mack all right?

Police Officer: He’ll be fine. I need for you all to check your belongings and see if anything was stolen. Come by the station in the morning and we’ll take your report.

Confessional Video:
T. Cas: I'm not really trying to go down to the station. Whatever they took, just charge it to the game. Last thing I need is to have to come back down to the Bahamas to testify against some island syndicate. Just let me go home. This shit is bananas, yo!

Resume Scene

The police officers leave and the roommates gather for a pow wow in the guys room. The camera shows Rob Mack talking and the sound cuts in at the end of his speech.

Rob Mack: … and that’s what happened. Go ahead and clown me if you want.

KZ: Shit, I ain’t gonna clown you. I’m gonna congratulate you, homey. You was the first one to get some moisture this trip.

T. Cas: Hell yeah, You the man, Mack!!!

Liquor: (laughing) You guys are sick.

Confessional Video:

KZ: Man, Mack's forehead was swole up like Hasim Rahman. He got beat up, but at least he got a chance to beat up some pussy!

Resume Scene

Nsane: Man, some crazy shit done went down in the Bahamas. We need to go home.

Nikki: We just got here and you ready to go.

Nsane: What if the cops figure out we were the ones fighting in the club? I got warrants, nigga!

T. Cas: I feel that. At some point, you gotta recognize the warning signs. I mean, Liquor and Nsane fighting in the club. Missy disappearing, Rob Mack getting jacked.

Liquor: For the record, I wasn’t fighting.

T. Cas: I saw you throw that bottle on the sly. I ain’t never known you to waste some alcohol.

Liquor: Well, the bottle was empty.

KZ: Aiight, I guess we gotta take a vote. All in favor of staying say “yeaaaah boyeee” and all in favor of leaving say “Audi 5000”

Confessional Video:
Missy: I am having a good time. I’m not trying to leave yet. There’s so much more to do down here. Besides, my friend is supposed to take me to brunch tomorrow. I hope my roommates don’t make us leave. I got a new 2 piece for tomorrow that’s sessy as hell.

Resume Scene

The camera rolls back and reveals a long lens view of the roommates and goes out the open hotel room door. The door closes and the final camera shot reveals Room 112. Fade to Black.

Commercial Break

It was written...

The Napoleon Post

You ever read a blog regularly and then you see a post that says "I'm busy, I'll be back." Does that piss you off or is that just me? Are you like me and don't really wanna hear the excuses? It's like how dare they stop blogging to live their lives. Is that just me? I hope so, because now I have to do it to you.

This post will be extra short, because as I type this, I am supposed to be working. Twice last week and today, I've had to go to work like a normal person at 8 AM. That wouldnt really be a problem if I left early, but I been slaving doing 12 hours days, with no OT by the way. Sometimes I hate being salaried. But that's not the point. The point is that I am going to try to finish up The Blog Real World this week, but I can't promise anything.

As far as this past weekend, I hung out with some bloggers that were in town. Friday night, I went out to dinner with Royce's Daughter and Blah Blah Blah. We had a good time, talking, laughing and drinking. Saturday, I went to the Tribe Called Quest concert with Blah at the Tabernacle. I got hyped, had weed blown in my face, and got molested by some White girls. Good times! LOL. Sunday, I watched some football and chilled out. I know that is some meager story telling, but like I said, I'm supposed to be working right now. Hopefully, RD will have some pictures of Friday night, cuz my dumb ass left my camera in the car.

Anyway, let me get to my business so I can leave the plantation at a decent hour. Hopefully inspiration will hit me tonight and I'll feel like writing something more substantial after I watch the Falcons beat up on the Saints on Monday Night Football. Happy Monday Everybody!!!

It was written...

Like Judge Wapner, BAM! Take 'Em To Court

Inspiration: Case of the PTA - Leaders of the New School "and now it's time to pay for the crime that I never got caught/ like Judge Wapner(BAM! take em to court) /a room of teachers, parents, and preachers/a principal and one kid dress in sneakers/Case of Brown Versus The Board(ORDER ORDER)/yo twelve, verse one is a slaughter"

What I'm Listening To: "God's Stepson" Nas (9th Wonder remix of "God's Son" album)

Question(s) I Asked Myself Today: "How many people gonna be mad that I didn't do another Blog Real World joint?"

Yesterday was an interesting day. I had to go to court for my job. A former employee was trying to get worker comp benefits from my company due to psychological stress that me and another manager supposedly caused her and I had to be there in case they needed me to testify. Let me run through how it went down.

First of all, I had to be downtown Atlanta at 8:30 to meet our HR lady. Anybody who knows me will tell you that I am not a morning person at all. I have a problem sleeping at night, so getting up early in the AM is not my forte. I actually didn't fall asleep until 5:30 and had to wake up at 6:30 in order to get ready and down to our corporate office in time. Amazingly, (for me) I didn't get lost like I always do when I go downtown, and I made it to the parking garage with plenty of time to spare. But... once I got in the building, that was another story. I was supposed to meet the HR lady at her office, but I couldn't find it for anything. She was on the second floor, which sounds easy enough, but the elevator didn't have any numbers. I'm looking for 2, but they had abbreviations, like G (ground), AT (atrium), GN (garden level). I was like WTF? So, I'm wandering around the building for awhile trying to find her before I finally ask somebody where to go. The security guards says go up the escalators, pass the food court, go up another elevator and take the escalator down. I was really confused. Finally, I ran into her and we met up with another one of the witnesses and walked to the court.

We were supposed to meet our lawyer at 9Am to go over what to expect. We get there at 8:55. There were metal detectors at the door, but no security guard. That was my first sign that this was going to be some bootleg stuff going on. We walked through the metal detectors and noticed that they were not even on. I hoped that this crazy deranged ex employee wasn't gonna bring a gun in there and hold us all hostage. We sat outside the courtroom waiting for our lawyer, who didn't show up until 9:20. That gave me a prime opportunity to people watch. There are some funny looking people in Atlanta and most of them can be found in court.

So, the lawyer finally shows up and starts talking about the case in the lobby. I asked him if we should go somewhere private, but he declined. He's talking about all this confidential information in the presence of others and I'm thinking that this is really unprofessional, but what do I know? I'm not a lawyer. The employee walks in (with a Bible in her hands) and sits down right next to our lawyer and he is still talking. We are trying to signal him, but he is so enthralled with his own words that he is not paying any attention. Finally, he gets the point and stops laying out our entire case in front of her. Not that it really mattered as I was soon to find out.

We go into the courtroom and find out that the employee, (We will call her Julie, from now on) does not have a lawyer. Julie is representing herself. A little background about her. Julie is not the smartest person in the world but she loves to argue. This whole workman's comp case stems from us talking to her about her attitude at work. Back in December we brought Julie in the office to talk about some complaints we got about her being negative at work. Her co workers were sick and tired of her complaining about everything and told management about it. This was not a disciplinary meeting, but just a conversation about how we could make her happier at her job. My involvement was simply as a witness to the conversation. Well, when we were talking to her, she got defensive as hell and demanded to know who was talking about her, which of course is confidential. According to her workers comp claim, Julie got depressed b/c we wouldnt tell her and as a result got high blood pressure, chest pains and depression. I didn't know I had that much power over her.

The judge called the case and our lawyer tried to get it dismissed, because in the state of GA, workers comp has to result from a physical injury. You can't claim emotional or psychological stress. The judge tried to get Julie to drop the case because she had no chance of winning, but she refused. The judge told Julie that if she proceeded with an unreasonable case that she might have to pay our company's legal expenses. Julie still refused to drop the case. The judge did all she could short of saying "You can't win this case" before we finally proceeded.

They did all the legal mumbo jumbo of motions and objections and since Julie was representing herself, the judge had to explain every step to her. We had a long delay while they marked exhibits and decided who could testify and who couldnt. Finally, Julie got up to testify. She started off asking herself questions. It was crazy. The judge finally stopped her and told her just to give her testimony. The whole time, Julie kept saying that we were "intentionally abusing" her trying to make her sick, but never said why we would do that. It would have been funny if it wasn't so sad. Who am I kidding? It still was funny how bitter and paranoid she was. She got cross examined and started yelling at us from the witness stand. The judge had to admonish her several times. Julie grabbed her Bible every time the judge said anything to her.

Then came her evidence... All of her evidence was articles she printed off the internet. Julie thought that she could use this to supercede the law. She also wrote little notes all over her evidence. She really didn't know what she was doing. Our lawyer objected to every little piece of evidence, until the judge told him on the sly, that he should let it go because it makes her case seem even more "unreasonable." I was thinking the same thing, but I gave our lawyer the benefit of the doubt that he knew what he was doing. Umm... he didn't.

After 3 hours in court, I didn't even have to testify. Bottom line, is that Julie had no chance of winning the case under GA law and even if she did, she messed herself up by trying to represent herself. She's gonna wind up owing even more money for lawyer's fees. It was a big ole waste of my time that I could have used sleeping or reading blogs or doing actual work. And just to be true to form, I got lost trying to leave the city. I couldnt find the highway to save my life. Thanks Julie!!! LOL

It was written...

The Blog Real World: A Night On The Town

I only got one or two more of these left in me. My ADD is acting up. Also, sorry for not visiting your blogs that often. I have been real busy with work. If you missed the other episodes, you can check them in the archives. I'm too lazy to hyperlink them.

THE BLOG REAL WORLD: A NIGHT ON THE TOWN

Confessional Video:
Missy: Where did I disappear to? That’s none of your business. Besides, I know I wasn’t the only one having some fun in the Bahamas…

Start Scene

Upbeat music plays and the camera shows shots of tourists frolicking in the ocean and on the beach.

Confessional Video
Rob Mack: There was definitely something in the air. I don’t know what it was but the roommates were out of control.

Confessional Video:
Nikki: Was there some sex and violence in the Bahamas? I’ll never tell.

Missy is walking down the beach with her island companion. He is towering over her and has his arm over her shoulder. The sun is setting and it’s hard to make out the image. The camera switches to a green glowing night vision. The island man leans in close to Missy and they kiss. They lie down on the beach and the scene changes.

Rob Mack and Nikki are looking for Missy. They hold a conversation while they are walking.

Rob Mack: Is that Missy over there on the beach?

Nikki: ummm…yeah.. I think so

Rob Mack: You ain’t even looking, (pointing) Over there!

Nikki: Yeah, that’s definitely her... you should go check that out. I’ll be waiting over here

Rob Mack: Nikki, pay attention. What are you looking? Oh never mind. I suppose you gonna go talk to Bob Marley over there.

Nikki: Yeah, go find Missy. I’m cool

Nikki walks over to a palm tree where a guy is standing drinking out of a coconut. The camera maintains a distance and doesn’t pick up what they are saying. The camera shows the two talking, and the conversation is subtitled on the screen.

Nikki: Hi, I’m Nikki.

Island Guy: (indecipherable patois)

Nikki: I’m only on the island for a few days.

Island Guy: Allow me to show you the real Bahamas

Nikki: I don’t even know you…okay, lets go.

Island Guy grabs Nikki’s hands and they walk towards a scooter and drive off. Rob Mack stands on the beach and looks incredulous. A beautiful island woman approaches from behind

Rob Mack: I can’t believe she just left me.

Woman: Ya girlfriend?

Rob Mack: (smiling) No, not at all. How are you, beautiful, I’m Robert.

Woman: My name is Neela. Are you American?

Rob Mack: That’s right, love. I’m from the beautiful city of Chicago. You ever been there?

Neela: No, I’ve never been off the island

Rob Mack: So this is where you’ve been my whole life.

The camera follows as they walk off together. They have inaudible conversation as they walk back to the hotel room. Rob Mack opens the door and leads Neela inside. The door closes and the camera gives a close up of Room 112.

CUT SCENE

KZ and Liquor meet up with Nsane and T. Cas in the hotel lobby.

KZ: What up *Africans*? You find Missy?

T. Cas: Nah, she in the wind. Probably out with some guy. It is what it is.

Nsane: Where are Mack and Nikki?

Liquor: Last I saw they was on the beach. But I don’t know where they are now.

KZ: So what are we gonna do tonight? It’s our first night here.

Liquor: Let’s get drunk!!!

T. Cas: I hear that.

Nsane: I think they got a club in the lobby

The 4 roommates walk into the nightclub. It’s filled with tourists dancing to non authentic island music. A drunk lady is staggering around the club wearing a red, green and gold knit cap. Fake dreadlocks are flowing from under the hat.

Drunk Lady: Hey Mon!!!

Liquor: No, she didn’t just say Hey Mon! We ain’t even in Jamaica!

Nsane: Somebody needs to tell her that shit ain’t cute.

KZ: Don’t worry about that. Let’s just have a good time. Yo Cas! Check your peripheral. Honeys at 9 o clock

T. Cas: Aiight, I’ll be your wingman.

T and KZ walk over to a couple of ladies who are sitting at a table, while Nsane and Liquor accept drinks from gentleman suitors. They are laughing and flirting with a number of guys.

Liquor: These guys down here are really sweating us.

Nsane: That’s cuz we the shit.

Liquor: Why is that Hey Mon chick staring?

Nsane: If she don’t stop looking, I’m gonna go upside her head with this glass.

Liquor: She just can’t handle her liquor. Don’t sweat it son.

Confessional Video:
Liquor: She was looking at us hard. I don’t know if she was feeling jelly cuz all the men were up on us or what? But all that eye hustling is gonna get her beat down. Nsane don’t play like that.

Cut Scene:

KZ and T. are talking to their newfound lady friends and drinking. The ladies get up to go to the restroom and the guys have a chat.

T. Cas: Just so we don’t have any repeats of the Sangin Diva incident, which one of the girls are you feeling?

KZ: Give me the one in the pink. Her ass is tremendous.

T. Cas: Okay, so I’ll take the other one.

KZ: Cool, although I would be careful. She almost looks like a dude.

T. Cas: Da fuck are you talking bout? She’s mad cute.

KZ: I can’t place my finger on it, but she has some masculine features. Did you check her hands? She got man-hands!

T. Cas: Thanks, Zed. Now I’m gonna be all conscious of that. We gotta switch.

KZ: Hell nah, *African*. You already agreed.

Confessional Video
KZ: I was just fuckin with T. I know that wasn’t a man, but I still owe him for that bullshit he pulled with Sangin Diva. He knows that’s supposed to be my woman.

Resume Scene

The ladies come back from the restroom and rejoin KZ and T. The camera cuts to a close up of T. looking worried. He slyly grabs his girl’s hands and examines them for masculine features.

Confessional Video
T. Cas: Zed got in my head. I’ll get him back. She is most definitely all woman.

Cut Scene

Back to Nsane and Liquor. The drunk lady is still staring a hole through the ladies. Nsane finally gets fed up and approaches her.

Nsane: Hey, bitch.. whadafuck you looking at?

Drunk Lady: You and your friend think you can come down here and take all the guys.

Nsane: Stop looking at me before I bust your shit.

Drunk Lady: You and what army???

Liquor: Leave this corny woman alone, Nsane. She’s not worth it.

The drunk woman swings at Nsane, who ducks. The punch catches Liquor dead in the grill. Nsane starts swinging back and knocks the drunk lady to the ground. Drunk Lady’s friends jump on Nsane and before you know it, all hell breaks loose. Bottles are flying, chairs are in the air and it turns into and all out fracas.

Various Voices: Get her! Beat that hoe’s ass! Westside!!!!

KZ and T jump in and drag Nsane and Liquor out of the melee. They push the ladies outside.

T. Cas: We gotta go before the cops come. I ain’t trying to bail you out of Bahamas jail.

KZ: What about the broads? We got them right where we want them.

Nsane: Yo, get the hell off me. I ain’t done with them skanks. (yelling) YOU WANT A PIECE OF ME!!!!

Liquor: I’m too drunk for this. Let’s bounce, son!

Just then the police show up, They are wearing white shirts and shorts and holding billy clubs. They approach the 4 roommates. “I Shot the Sheriff” plays in the background.

Confessional Video:
T. Cas: I made it 31 years without being arrested. I was scared as hell. I don’t wanna go to jail on vacation. It’s like Craig getting fired on his day off. Shit is fucked up down here. I wasn’t even fighting. I just wanted to have a good time.

Commercial Break

It was written...

Movie Meme

I need to take a break from the Blog Real World for a minute (translation: I didn't write the next part) so I'm taking the easy way out and posting a meme. This one is short and it's about movies.

MOVIE MEME:

1. First movie you remember seeing on the big screen
I'm sure its not the first movie I saw, but back in 82, I was visiting my grandparents in Savannah. My grandfather was supposed to take me to see Rocky 2. Instead he took me to see Blade Runner and made me promise not to tell my grandmother since it was rated R. He made me cover my eyes during the nude scene. I remember not understanding that movie at all, and when I saw it last year, I was bored out of my skull.

2. Movie from which you can quote multiple lines in your sleep?
I can recite a few movies top to bottom. Pulp Fiction is one. I watch it every time it comes on cable. Friday is another one.When it first came out, I saw Friday with 2 different girls in one weekend. And everytime, I would smoke weed, we watched it on video.

3. Director (dead or alive) with whom you’d like to have dinner?
Alfred Hitchcock. His films were just so twisted. I can only imagine what he would do if he was alive now and didn't have to deal with censors.

4. Movie that should have won an Oscar but didn’t.
Malcolm X. That movie was just on such a grand scale. Everything about it screamed Oscar. It was well made, had great performances and was inspirational. Everything that the Oscars look for, except that pesky Blackness.

5. Movie that didn’t disappoint despite being an adaptation of a book.
I might be the only person who likes this movie, but I thought Beloved was a great adaptation of the novel.

6. Movie you were dragged to by someone else expecting to hate but loved.
Forrest Gump. I hate inspirational movies. I hate movies about retards. I wanted to avoid this movie at all costs. My ex girlfriend Lisa made me watch it and I started off mocking it, but by the end I was like "Run, Forrest, Run" like everyone else in the theater.

7. Movie that still scares the crap out of you no matter how many times you watch it.
The Exorcist. Something about the religious overtones of the movie still bothers me. I can watch the goriest movies and they don't bother me, but the idea of being possesed gets under my skin. You would think I was Catholic or something.

8. Movie that still makes you bawl no matter how many times you see it.
I don't cry at movies... except once. I cried after watching "City of Angels." I think it was the sad music, but dammit, I punked out when Nicholas Cage gave up being an angel and Meg Ryan died and left him alone.

9. Movie that still has you rolling around on the floor with laughter no matter how many times you’ve seen it.
There are a few. Right now its the 40 Year Old Virgin. The original Friday and Half Baked are still on the list. For some reason, Adam Sandler movies always crack me up too.

10 Favorite movie from before you were born: I like the old black and white movies. Casablanca, Citizen Kane, The Maltese Falcon, Arsenic and Old Lace, etc.. But I would have to say that the Godfather is my favorite from before I was born. It came out in 72, and I was born in 74.

11. Random movie fact about you:
I got 2:
1: I want to watch every movie on the AFI list of 100 best movies. I'm about halfway through the list. I already know that the last 2 I watch are going to be Gone With The Wind and Birth of a Nation. I'm gonna have to force myself to watch those racist movies. I was planning on finishing this list by the end of the year, but I became obsessed with blogging and that took up all my spare time.

2. When i first moved down south, I used to lie and tell people that I was in Beat Street. I told them I was one of the extras in the kids breakdance crew. This was before people could just pop in the video whenever they wanted to and call me out.

12. Have you been in any movies? No, but they filmed Glory in Savannah while I was living there and a lot of people I know were cast as extras.

It was written...

The Blog Real World: What's Next!?!?

The Blog Real World: What’s Next!?!?

The roommates gather at the round table in the dining room to deliberate. As usual, Nikki is the first to speak.

Nikki: So what we gonna do about them clowns? They obviously can’t go around hitting people.

Nsane: They didn’t hit on shit. That was the worst fight I ever seen. I used to beat them fast ass boys off me better than that when I was 12.

Rob Mack: We can’t get rid of them. Those are my blogger big brothers.

Missy: But we all signed a non violence agreement. Can we just ignore that?

Liquor: I say we keep them around to see if they actually land a blow next time.

Nikki: Sometimes people mess up. We gotta give them a second chance.

Rob Mack: If they leave, then who are we gonna get? What are our options?

Nsane: It’ll probably be some guys. Maybe Boss Mack?

Liquor: Noo. He’ll be tryna pimp us out. Maybe one of the gay bloggers out there?

Rob Mack: I ain’t going for that. I’ll take my chances with T and KZ.

Nikki: Maybe one of those sexy poet types. I can totally get with that.

Missy: Do you really wanna wake up every morning to a sonnet? I think we have to keep the ones we have now.

Nsane: They need to go. Not because I’m scared they gonna fight again, but because them dudes aint got no heart.

Nikki: Okay, lets take a vote.

Dramatic music plays, and the camera circles around the round table. You see hands go up, but don’t know whether they are voting to kick T. and KZ out or to keep them. Miss Ahmad enters the room.

Miss Ahmad: I understand that you have come to a decision?

Nikki: Yes, we have.

Miss Ahmad: (talking on her headset): Will you send KZ and T. Cas in the room?

The defendants walk in the room humbly. They look at the roommates, who do not acknowledge their gazes.

Miss Ahmad: Your roommates have made up their minds. I’ll let them tell you their decision. Nikki, I believe you are going to speak for the group?

Nikki: Yes, I am… Fellas, what you have done is reprehensible. I can’t believe that you jeopardized your standing in the house for a petty fight. It was completely uncalled for. We voted and by a majority decision of 3-2, we have decided…

Commercial Break

Confessional Video:
T. Cas: Whatever happens, happens. I have enjoyed my time on The Real World and I have gotten to know these 6 people very well. If I have to go, then I’ll go with no regrets.

Resume Scene

Nikki: You punk ass mofos can stay!!!

Upbeat ska music plays and the roommates all hug and rejoice jubilantly.

T. Cas: Thank you guys very much. I promise it wont happen again.

KZ: Which 2 of you bastards voted against me?

Rob Mack: It don’t even matter. You are here, now lets celebrate.

Miss Ahmad: This seems like an appropriate time to reveal this years vacation spot. The 7 of you are going on an all expense paid trip to the Bahamas. Pack your stuff, the plane leaves in the morning.

Confessional Video:
Liquor: I usually like to take my vacations by myself. But I can’t turn down the islands. All that rum, all those men. I’m about to get my groove back.

The roommates continue their celebration. The music turns from Ska to a generic form of Reggae music and the scene fades out.

END SCENE

The next morning, the roommates are at the airport. There are scenes of them schlepping their luggage and going through security checks. They board the plane bound for the Bahamas. The next scene shows the plane landing and has scenic shots of the blue water, the beach and Islanders doing island things, like picking coconuts and a crowded marketplace. The roommates settle in their hotel rooms and then meet at the bar outside the hotel.

Confessional Video:
Missy: I can’t wait to hit the beach. I got 3 new bathing suits to try out. I hope the guys down here are ready for me. I’m bringing the sexy back.

Rob Mack: So what are we gonna do today?

Liquor: I don’t know about you all, but I’m just trying to chill out at the beach.

Nsane: You think they got some fire island weed out here? I’m tryna get blazed.

T. Cas: I’m down for whatever. This is the first time I ever left the states. I want to take it all in.

Nikki: Let’s find the real Bahamas! I mean where the people are disenfranchised and underserved. We can make a difference out here.

KZ: I’m all for that. But lets find some women first. Where did Missy go?

Nsane: I don’t see her. She was right here.

The roommates look around but can’t find Missy. They split up and begin to search. Nikki and Rob Mack go one way. KZ and Liquor go another and T. Cas and Nsane goe off in a different direction.

Rob Mack: Where do you think she went?

Nikki: I don’t know but she probably doing her own thing. Every now and then you gotta just do you!

Rob Mack: I know but we came as a group, we should hang as a group.

CUT SCENE

KZ: I don’t know why we even looking for her. Missy is a grown ass woman.

Liquor: You’re right. Let’s hit the bar.

CUT SCENE

T. Cas: Let’s be real. You and Missy been hanging tighter than gnat booty for the whole time we have been in the house.

Nsane: What are you saying?

T. Cas: You know what’s up with Missy, don’t you?

Nsane: She just dipped out, I don’t know where she went.

T. Cas: Did you…

Nsane: Did we what?

T. Cas: Are you..

Nsane: Stop beating around the bush and ask what you wanna ask. You been implying it for weeks.

T. Cas: Are y’all doing each other? Maybe you had a fight and she left.

Nsane: I fucking knew it!!! No, we ain’t gay. We just friends. You horny muhfuckas try to make everything so dirty.

T. Cas: I had to ask…Sorry!

Confessional Video:
T. Cas: Shit, I had to ask. They been disappearing together for the whole time. I thought there was some HLA (hot les.bian action) going on. I guess I was wrong. Is it strange that I’m a little disappointed?

Confessional Video:
Rob Mack: I just want to know where Missy is. I hope she is all right wherever she is. I’m starting to get worried.

The camera takes a wide angle shot of the beach. The sun is setting. We zoom in and catch a glimpse of Missy. She is walking down the shore with a tall dreadlocked brother. She is wearing a blue bikini top and a sarong. The camera fades to black…

COMMERCIAL BREAK

It was written...

The Blog Real World: Houseguests and Fights

The Blog Real World:

Confessional Video:
Nsane: The producers have told us that we’re getting a surprise visitor this week. I’m excited to see who it’s gonna be. We don’t have no jobs, so we have pretty much been hanging around doing nothing. I don’t know about the rest of the roommates, but it’s starting to get boring around here.

Begin Scene

The roommates are sitting around the living room, looking bored. KZ and Nikki are shooting pool, while Missy watches. Rob Mack and Nsane are playing videogames. Liquor and TV and T. Cas are sitting at the bar on the laptop. The camera pans across the room and then the doorbell rings. KZ walks to the door and opens it…

Sangin Diva: Hey, roomies!!!

KZ: Ain’t this some shit… Sangin Diva in my house!!!

They hug and the other roommates come to greet their houseguest.

Nikki: Hey, sista! What are you doin’ here?

Sangin: I had a show in town, and I couldn’t leave without seeing some of my favorite bloggers.

Confessional Video:
T. Cas: Wow, Sangin Diva is in the mansion. She was my first blogger crush, ya know! I finally got to meet her. Look at her; she’s so beautiful. And that voice… I’m just so glad she took the time to meet us.

Resume Scene

Sangin Diva takes a seat and the camera cuts to the three guys. They are looking longingly at her as she shoots the breeze with the girls. Sangin’ is talking and laughing with the girls but the camera is not picking up the conversation. The guys huddle in the corner and have a conversation

KZ: I’m putting in my bid right now. I’m calling shotgun with the Diva.

T. Cas: You can’t call shotgun. I saw her first.

KZ: I been commenting on her blog. And I actually met her. She’s mine, homey.

Rob Mack: Both of you are trippin’. Let the lady choose. She gonna choose the Mack.

T. Cas: Okay, we’ll see. But have you read her comments to me… I think I got this on lock.

KZ: We’ll see *African*. You probably gonna be afraid to talk to her anyway with your anti social ass. You ain’t no real competition anyway.

T. Cas: You wanna put something on it?

Rob Mack: Let me in on this action. I love a competition.

Confessional Video:
KZ: Cas and Mack don’t know what they are in for. The ladies can’t resist this. I’m the Juggernaut, Bitch!!

End Scene

The three guys are surrounding Sangin while the girls watch on. Nsane and Missy have interested looks on their faces.

Missy: Da hell are they doing?

Nikki: You know they showing out for our houseguest.

Nsane: These ass-wipes are making themselves look stupid. Sangin ain’t stuttin none of them.

Nikki: But I totally don’t blame them. She is a beautiful sista.

Liquor: This is so funny. 3 grown men running after her like a puppy dog. My money is on KZ… I’m bout to get a drink and watch the scene unfold…

The camera shows T. Cas, Rob Mack and KZ flirting with the Diva…

Confessional Video:
Liquor: I don’t know who said what, but the next thing I know…

Resume Scene

The theme from Jaws is playing in the background and the camera focuses on T. Cas. He has the “Fuck you, I’m from New York” look on his face. The camera pans in slow motion towards KZ. He has the “nigga, you soft” look on his face They move towards each other in slow motion and…

Confessional Video
Rob Mack
It was just like the end of Rocky 3. You know when Rocky and Apollo Creed were punching at the same time and it turned into a Leroy Neiman painting? One minute we were all talking and the next minute, they were throwing blows.

Resume Scene

The camera is gyrating as T and KZ scuffle. At one point the cameraman falls over and you can see his shoes in the shot. Missy and Nsane are egging them on, while Nikki and Liquor stay out of the way…

Missy: Fawk him up Tee!!

Nsane: I ain’t seen a good fight since I left the Westside. Throw them thangs!!!

T and KZ grapple, but neither one of them lands anything of any significance. Rob Mack eventually comes between them and breaks up the fight.

Nikki: Y’all done? You got that out your system?

T. Cas: I’m cool.

Nikki: KZ, you straight.

KZ: Yeah, I’m good.

Liquor and TV is rolling on the floor laughing.

Liquor: You lucky you didn’t make me spill my drink or there would have been hell to pay. (To Sangin Diva) You see what you did?

Sangin: As much as I enjoy having guys fight over me, I must be going. I have a flight to catch.

Missy and Nsane walk Sangin to the door and she makes a hurried exit. T. Cas goes outside and sits next to the hot tub. The camera gets in close to his face. His eyes are red, and he has an intense glare on his face. Nikki follows him outside.

Nikki: What happened, T? Why’d you start fighting?

T. Cas: I can’t explain it, but I felt like KZ was disrespecting me. I had an out of body experience.

Nikki: Dude, that shit was hilarious. You really can’t fight, can you?

T. Cas: Shut up, Nikki. I ain’t in the mood.

Nikki: You were about as graceful as a virgin in his first piece of pussy.

T. Cas: You crazy. I told you I can’t fight.

Cut Scene

KZ is sitting on the pool table, flanked by Missy and Nsane. Just then a female producer walks in the mansion.

Miss Ahmad: Hello, guys. Can I get all of the roommates to come in here?

KZ: Aren’t you Miss Ahmad? What are you doing here?

Miss Ahmad: I’m one of the producers for The Real World and we have to talk about what just happened here.

KZ: Me and Cas are cool. No need to talk about it.

All the roommates walk in and encircle Miss Ahmad.

Miss Ahmad: As you know, we have a strict no violence policy on The Real World. What KZ and T. Cas have done violates this policy.

T. Cas: You kickin us out the house? It wasn’t that serious.

Miss Ahmad: But it could have been. In years past, we would have immediately asked you to leave. But since this is a special blog edition of The Real World, we are going to leave it up to the roommates.

KZ: Are you fucking kidding me? We didn’t even land any blows. We are fine, ain’t that right, Cas?

T. Cas: Yeah, we ain’t got no beef. It was a momentary lapse in judgment. It won’t happen again. I promise.

Miss Ahmad: Unfortunately, it’s not up to you. We’re going to give the other roommates the final say. You have 1 hour to make up your mind. T and KZ, I’m going to have to ask you to vacate the premises while your roommates decide.

The camera pans around the roommates. Dramatic music plays in the backgrounds as the camera cuts to each individual roommate. Final shot of KZ and T. Cas walking out the door in slow motion…

COMMERCIAL BREAK

It was written...

The Blog Real World: The Job

The Blog Real World: The Job

If you missed the beginning, you can catch it on Tivo: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

Back from Commercial

Confessional Video
T. Cas: We’ve been in the house for a couple of weeks now. Everybody is getting along pretty well. But that’s probably going to change today. Today is our first day at work.

The camera pans to the sun rising over a beach. There are pelicans flying and people rollerblading and jogging. A shrill discordant beeping sound emanates from alarm clock and the digital display reads 7:00 AM. KZ, Rob Mack and Liquor and TV are sitting around the dining room table eating breakfast when Nikki walks in.

Nikki: Good morning, people!

KZ: What’s up bosoms!

Liquor: Morning, Nikki!

Rob Mack: What’s going on?

Nikki: Big day today. Our first day at work. I’m so excited they got us jobs at a music magazine.

Rob Mack: I don’t understand how the 7 of us are gonna write one article, but I’m down.

KZ: It’ll work. Just let me handle the metaphors and everything’ll be all right.

Nikki: And I can be in charge of the imagery. Put Cas in charge of the sarcasm.

Liquor: Speaking of Cas, where is he? We gotta be at the office in an hour.

Rob Mack: I think he still sleeping. Somebody should wake him up.

Nikki: I got it. Somebody go get Missy and Nsane… I guess they in your room again, Liquor. I didn’t see them this morning.

Liquor: Yeah, they in there. But they up and dressed. Just waiting on T. Cas

Nikki goes into the men’s bedroom. T. Cas is laid out with a pillow over his head.

Nikki: Yo, T!!! Time to get up. We gotta go to work.

T. Cas: 5 more minutes, Mom.

Nikki: I ain’t yo mama, fool. Get up!

T. Cas: Aiight, I’m up. Da fuck time is it anyway?

Nikki: It’s 7. Now get up and wash yo funky ass. Smell like you done rolled around in barn. Nasty muhfucka.

T. Cas: Fuck you, Nikki. Get the hell outta here. I’ll be ready.

The time is now 7:45. The roommates are all standing in the doorway preparing to leave. T. Cas comes rushing out the room trying to tie his tie.

Missy: Let me help you with that.

T. Cas: Thanks, Missy. You always there for me.

Rob Mack: Why you wearing a tie anyway? You need to put on some Air Force Ones and call it a day.

T. Cas: We gotta go through this everyday? I don’t have any casual clothes. Back home I wear a shirt and tie to work and it ain’t like I go out.

Liquor: Can you guys stop acting all ghetto so we can leave?

Nikki: I fucking hate that term. Why everything negative gotta be ghetto?

KZ: Okay, so they ain’t acting ghetto, but they acting real gay right now.

Nikki: That too. Why does gay mean bad? I mean explain this to me.

Nsane: It’s too early for this shit. Let’s get to work. (pauses) They ain’t gonna make us take a piss test are they?

END SCENE

The roommates arrive at nondescript office building. There is a magnetic sign on the office door that reads “The Savage Beast.” The door opens and a tall, lanky man with a thin mustache and a Dickie suit greets them.

Man: Good Morning, Real Worlders. My name is Darius Williams and I’m the CEO of “The Savage Beast.” We are the 23rd largest internet music news website in the state. We are excited to have you guys join us. I’m sure you want to know about what you will be doing for us so with no further adieu, let’s get started.

Darius leads them to a virtually empty room. There are 7 computers side by side like in a college computer lab. The roommates look at each other with skepticism and mockery.

Darius: These are your workstations. For the next 6 weeks, you will be researching and writing about the music biz for our website. We specialize in Urban music, but we are not afraid to branch out every now and then.

T. Cas: You say this is for a website? I don’t think I’ve ever heard of “The Savage Beast”

Missy: What’s the URL? Can we check out the page?

Darius: Unfortunately, a virus got in our mainframe and deleted all of our archives, so you guys will responsible for our relaunch.

Liquor: Where are the rest of your employees? Do they work from home?

Darius: (stammering) See, what had happened was…

Confessional Video:
KZ: Man, what kinda bootleg shit is this? “The Savage Beast? Sounds like some old marginal shit. I’m a kick MTV’s ass for this. And why is dude wearing a dickie suit. That shit ain’t cool.

Confessional Video:
Nikki: I’ll admit, the setup is not exactly perfect. But we get to write. Ain’t that what all bloggers want to do?

RESUME SCENE

Darius: Your first assignment is to decide on what you want to write about. I gotta go pay my cable bill, but when I get back, we’ll talk about your choices.

Nsane: What do you want us to write about? Any specific artist or styles…

Darius: (walking out the door) Yeah, do that! I’ll be back.

The roommates again exchange telling glances.

T. Cas: Man, what the hell is this? He gonna tell us to write, but not give us any idea about what to write about. And don’t get me started on this cat’s office.

Nikki: Okay, let’s get started. Toss out some ideas, folk.

Rob Mack: Are you serious? You think we are actually gonna work here. I already got 2 jobs… I’m not about to be nobody’s intern.

Nsane: He definitely ain’t gonna give us a piss test!!!

Nikki: Come on! Let’s just come up with a topic for our first article.

Missy: Who died and made you editor? We all grown in here.

Nikki: Somebody gotta take charge. You triflin mofo’s aren’t doing shit.

KZ: Hold up, sweetness. Who you callin’ triflin?

Confessional Video:
T. Cas: What I tell you? You can’t have this many strong personalities working together without some drama. It’s just gonna get worse before it gets better. I know Nikki. She likes to be in control and that shit ain’t gonna fly with the roommates.

RESUME SCENE

Nikki: Aiight, you right! I apologize. I didn’t mean anything by it. I’m just saying y’all procrastinating. Let’s get started. Darius will be back soon. I want to at least be able to have a couple of ideas for him. Now, who got one.

Liquor: Let’s see if we can get an interview with Deltron 3000. He’s mad underrated in the hip hop game.

Nikki: DELTRON?!?!?

T. Cas: Nikki, don’t!

Nikki: What Cas?

T. Cas: Leave it alone. Now is not the time.

Nikki: You think I’m gonna tell Liquor that Deltron sucks? I mean he does, but I ain’t gonna tell her. I ain’t gonna talk about how his rhymes are mental masturbation.

T. Cas: Stop it, Nikki. I’m begging you.

Nikki: You feel the same way. You told me that he sucks your damn self.

Missy: Who da hell is Deltron and why are you arguing about him? We need to write about someone that people have actually heard of.

Rob Mack: But everybody is gonna be writing about the popular people. We should make our article mean something.

Nikki: So, what we need is to write about someone who people have heard of, but still got skills.

KZ: Mainstream rap sucks! Unless…

Nsane: Talib Kweli!

T. Cas: Hell, yeah! I’m with that!

Nikki: Everybody down? Good, so now we got our idea.

Confessional Video:
Rob Mack: I’m not really feeling this so called internet magazine, but at least we agreed on something to write about. We’ll just see what happens next, but that Darius guy seems a little shady. I’m gonna have to keep my eyes open.

END SCENE

Outside the office building, T. Cas, Nikki and KZ are hanging out smoking. T. got a black and mild, Nikki got a Newport and KZ got his cloves.

T. Cas: So what you really think about the rest of the roommates? I mean, they all seem cool, but what is your impression of them?

Nikki: They mad cool. A little young, but cool nonetheless. I’m having a fucking ball…

KZ: The ladies are sexy as hell and Rob Mack is a cool younger brother type.

T. Cas: C’mon guys. This is the Real World. Let’s keep it real.

Nikki: Aiight, something has been bothering me. Why Nsane and Missy always hanging out separate from the rest of the group? What they got going on? I’m gonna check them on that shit. I wanna hang out too.

KZ: They probably fuckin…

T. Cas: You stupid, KZ. Wait, you think they are?

KZ: Of course. The sexy quotient is off the charts with them. They can't help but to moisturize their situation.

T. Cas: Anyway, I can’t figure Liquor and TV out. She got a sneaky ass smile. She always look like she up to something. I still think she did something to my drink that first night.

KZ: The only thing I’m mad at is that I haven’t skeeted all over one of their faces. Other than that they cool.

Nikki: Zed, you stupid.

They all laugh and then Darius walks up.

Darius: Can you get the rest of the roommates out here? I have an announcement.

T. Cas gathers Nsane, Missy, Liquor and Rob Mack and comes back outside.

Rob Mack: Man, it smells like smoke out here. I’m gonna be sick.

Missy: What’s going on, Darius?

Darius: Change of plans. “The Savage Beast” has lost our lease. Looks like we gonna have to shut down. We are getting evicted.

Nikki: YO!!! That shit is foul! You'z a herb, Darius.

T. Cas: You woke me up at 7 AM for this shit? Maybe you outta business cuz your magazine sounds like the name of a tattoo parlor.

Liquor: Son, you serious? I coulda been watching Living Single right now.

KZ: *African*, I knew you wasn’t about business. You remind me of them cats from Satan’s Anus. And since you ain’t my boss no more, what’s up with that Dickie suit? You think you a gangsta or something? You soft like cotton candy, dude!

Missy: Man, let’s be out. Da fawk was you thinking?

Nsane: This douchebag makes me sick.

Darius: Why it gotta be like that?

Rob Mack: I knew it as soon as I stepped in the office… Let’s ride out.

The roommates pile in the car and the camera follows them as they ride down the highway. They all have annoyed looks on their faces. Rob Mack decides to lighten the mood.

Rob Mack: So, Missy? What’s really going on with you and Nsane?

Dramatic music plays and then the screen fades to black.

COMMERCIAL BREAK

Okay, the next installment is viewers choice. I'm almost out of ideas, so tell me what you want me to write about next. Other blogger's coming to the Real World house? A couple of the roommates fighting? The move out day? Should I just end this now? Give me some ideas!

It was written...

The Blog Real World: Personalities Revealed

The Blog Real World – Personalities Revealed

BACK FROM COMMERCIAL

KZ opens the door and…

SURPRISE!!!!

The warehouse is full of party revelers standing around waiting quietly. The camera pans around the large space. There are a good 500 people in attendance. There is a huge stage with a DJ stand and speakers and a mike stand. A huge banner reads “Welcome to the Real World: Blog Edition.” On the wheels of steel: none other than DJ Clue. As the roommates timidly make their way inside the warehouse, he scratches a record and “All About The Benjamins” starts playing.

Nsane and Missy immediately make their way to the dance floor and get crunk, followed closely by Nikki and Rob Mack. They start dancing like it’s 1999 all over again. KZ, T. Cas and Liquor and TV post up at the bar and start people watching.

T. Cas – What is this place?

Liquor: I don’t know but there are too many people here. I’m about to get a drink.

T. Cas – Bartender! Let me get a Hen and coke and a Goose and cranberry for the lady. KZ what you want?

KZ: I want one of these ladies. I’ll catch you later.

KZ walks off and starts mingling with a group of women while T. Cas and Liquor and TV sip their drinks at the bar. DJ Clue is playing the popular club records of the day. He stops the music and makes an announcement.

DJ Clue: Cluemanati!!! I’d like to welcome all of you to the party of the year. (yelling) REAL WORLD!!!

The crowd goes wild as he continues.

DJ Clue: Can I get the roommates to the stage??

All of the roommates except T. Cas walk on the stage. T. Cas is sitting at the bar looking uncomfortable. Missy motions for T. to join them but he refuses and stays at the bar.

DJ Clue: Where’s the last roommate? Where he at?

Camera cuts to T. who has a worried countenance.

Confessional Video
T. Cas: Why people don’t believe me when I tell them I’m shy? I just wasn’t trying to stand in front of 500 strangers. For what? Why should I have to do something I don’t wanna do? I’m an individual, shit, I’m a rebel. Fuck DJ Clue.

RESUME SCENE

DJ Clue: Oh well. I guess he ain’t gonna come up. Give a big hand to the cast of The Real World: Blog Edition.

The crowd cheers for the 6 roommates, and then Clue puts on a new record. The roommates go over to T. Cas who is still sitting at the bar.

Liquor: What’s wrong with you, son? You drunk?

T. Cas: Nah, I’m cool

Rob Mack: Why you ain’t come up on stage?

KZ: Man you know how much pussy you just missed out on? Those girls are all over us now.

T. Cas: It ain’t about that… I don’t wanna talk about it.

Nsane: You actin like a straight lame nigga.

Nikki: T on that old bullshit. Stubborn muhfucka! Meanwhile, the rest of you folk are cool as shit.

Missy: Leave him alone. T. you all right with me!

T. Cas: Thanks Ma!

Confessional Video:
Nsane: I don’t know what the hell T’s problem was, but he was blowing my high. We all tryna have a good time and he over there acting all moody. I hope he don’t act like this the whole time we in this house.

RESUME SCENE

DJ Clue plays some down south ATL crunk/snap music. Missy and Nsane run to the dance floor. They start snap dancing, Poole Palace-ing, Lean Wit It/Rock Wit It-ing. KZ, Rob Mack and T. Cas are hanging out watching them.

KZ – Ay, yo! You see them on the floor?

Rob Mack: Did Nsane just grab Missy’s ass?

T. Cas: SHIT!!! I think so. Missy look like she liked that.

KZ: Okay, I can’t take this no more. I need to go find me a broad to dump my sperm in. I’ll check you *Africans* later.

Rob Mack: I hear that. Let me go test out my Mack O Meter. You straight, Cas? You finished actin like a little bitch.

T. Cas (laughing): Fuck you, bruh! I’m cool.

The camera follows KZ while he talks to a mediocre looking woman. He whispers something unintelligible in her ear and they walk off.

The camera cuts to Robert Mack. He is dancing with a short light skinned woman.

The camera then cuts to T. Cas. He is standing at the edge of the dance floor looking out of place. Sad alternative rock music plays over the scene and then the scene fades out to a commercial.

END SCENE

Later that night, the roommates are back at the Real World mansion. The three guys are sharing a room, while Nikki and Nsane are room dogs, and finally Missy and Liquor and TV. All are lying on their respective beds and reminiscing about the evening.

KZ: I’m telling you *Africans*, there was a plethora of ass at the spot. I got 4 numbers without even trying.

Rob Mack: I got 5 my damn self. The Mack is back on the scene. How’d you do Cas?

T. Cas: Man, I didn’t even get one.

KZ: That’s cuz you wasn’t applying yourself. You gotta be aggressive with it.

T. Cas: I hear what you saying, KZ! But you know I got Social Anxiety Disorder. I can’t talk to strangers

Rob Mack: I’m saying though. You can still talk to the girls. I feel what you saying, but this is a once in a lifetime experience.

T. Cas: I hear you, bruh. There’s always tomorrow, right!

KZ: Damn right Cas!

Confessional Video:
Rob Mack: I don’t know what to do with T. Cas. He seems like cool people, but I mean, all those women around and he didn’t even get one phone number. I mean, at least one should have fallen in his lap. That damn Social Anxiety Disorder bullshit. He too old to be acting that way.

END SCENE

Nsane: So did you have fun tonight, Nikki?

Nikki: Yo!! I had a fuckin blast! The only thing would have made that better was if I busted one.

Buzzing Sound!

Nsane: NIKKI!!! You ain’t doing what I think you doing over there?

Nikki: Uhh.. yeah can you excuse me for a minute?

Buzzing sound continues…

Nsane: Ewwww!!! I’m outta here.

Nsane gets out of bed and walks over to Missy and Liquor’s room.

Nsane: Hey guys, can I stay in here tonight? Nikki is ummm.. well… you know what she doing.

Missy: Come on in. Liquor over there knocked the fuck out. It would be good to have some company.

Liquor (sleeping): Hey Bonita. Glad to meet cha/For the cunning stunning you. Miss, I must beseech ya.

Nsane: Oh, she talks in her sleep.

Missy: No, she raps Tribe Called Quest lyrics in her sleep. Lie down and we can talk.

The camera shows Liquor and TV sleeping, then Nsane joining Missy on her bed. They are whispering so the viewer can’t hear what they are saying.

Confessional Video:
Liquor: I wasn’t really sleep. I just didn’t feel like talking. Did I hear what Missy and Nsane were talking about? Yeah, I heard it. But it ain’t my place to tell their business. But lets just say, the two of them have a lot in common. Before we leave this house, I think you will know what’s up.

The camera focuses on Missy and Nsane talking in the bed and then pans out for a wide angle shot. Fade to black.

COMMERCIAL BREAK…

For the next post, I'm gonna finally get off the first night at the Real World house. I told you I had no idea where this was going. LOL

It was written...

Go Ahead and Tell Me I Suck

I know you probably came here expecting the next edition of The Blog Real World. Well, I apologize but I didn't have time to complete it. Why not, you ask? See what had happened was... Monday was a hectic day. There was so much going on at work that I didn't leave until 11 PM. On top of that I had a headache. I didn't even read my emails or respond to my comments and for a comment whore like myself, that's saying something. I know those are excuses, but it is what it is. Rather than have you keep coming back hoping that I just posted late, I decided to let you know the real deal. Umm.. my dog ate my homework. Hopefully, I'll get it together tonight and have the next installment ready for tomorrow. LOL. I know, I suck!!! Go ahead and tell me I suck. I can take it. In the meanwhile, go check out some of the people on The Infamous Blog Roll. There are some amazing writers and interesting people on there. Or check out some of My Favorite Posts. I'm sure there's something on there you haven't read or skimmed through because I was being longwinded. Have a great Tuesday and I'll be back tomorrow with The Blog Real World.


EDIT: Okay, get ready to laugh at Rashan. So, I was shaving this morning. I was going over my mustache with my electric clippers when the guard fell off and I shaved half my mustache off. Of course, I had to shave the rest of and now I look like a Black Republican or a 15 year old. I haven't decided which one yet. Take a look:


It was written...

The Blog Real World: Part 2 - The First Night

BACK FROM COMMERCIAL (Click here for the first part)

The door opens to reveal none other than Nsane Lee Sane. Everybody rushes to greet the final roommate. Nsane backs up in a defensive posture and says:

Nsane: Did you wash your hands? You know I’m a germophobe.

Undeterred, Rob Mack takes his Chicago sister by the hand and shows her the mansion. Later that afternoon the roommates are gathered at the bar discussing their plans for the evening.

T. Cas: Y’all have fun. I’m just gonna chill for the night. I don’t feel like being around a bunch of people.

Rob Mack: Come on, man! It’s our first night in the Real World house. You can’t be sitting at the crib.

Nikki: I keep telling him, he needs to get himself out there. There are some cool people in the world.

Nsane: Let’s find the hood. It’s always some stuff popping off there.

KZ: I heard the AKA’s were having a set tonight.

Rob Mack: Yeah, let’s hit that. Redbones all over.

Missy: I’m a redbone, Mr. Mack. *winks*

Liquor and TV: I’m with T. I ain’t tryna go out tonight. I can chill here and watch TV and enjoy this bar.

The doorbell rings and Nikki answers it. She is handed an envelope from a fed ex delivery man. She signs for it and brings it to the bar.

Nikki – That Fed-Ex guy can deliver his package to me anytime.

Missy: I didn’t see him, was he sexy?

Nikki: Hell yeah! He was about 6’ 2”. Chocolate skin, perfect teeth…

T. Cas: Damn, Nikki!!! We get it, you horny. What’s in the package?

Nikki: It says here that we are supposed to go to a party tonight. It’s to welcome us to the Blog Real World.

Nsane: Does it say where it is?

Nikki: No, it’s a surprise. It just says to dress casual and that a limo will be picking us up at 10:00

T. Cas – That’s less than 2 hours. I hope we can all get ready by then.

KZ – Any of you ladies wanna take a shower with me? I mean to save time, of course.

END SCENE

KZ, Mack and T. Cas are in the bedroom getting ready for the party. They have their first talk as roommates.

Rob Mack: Which one of you is the gay roommate? You know they always have one gay dude on this show.

KZ – *African*, I’m trying to get as much blogger pussy off this shit as possible. I ain’t gay.

T. Cas- Come on, Ak… I’m straighter than 6 o clock.

KZ – That’s a Grand Puba line, right?

T. Cas – Yeah, I got all of Brand Nubian joints. That was the classic hip hop era.

KZ – I know, that was when cats really could rhyme.

T. Cas – Tribe, EPMD, Main Source…

Confessional Video

Rob Mack: I really felt kind of left out when T. and KZ were talking about hip hop. I mean it’s not my fault I was born a few years after them. It would have been nice if they would have at least tried to include me in the conversation.

END SCENE

Nikki and Nsane are in their bedroom talking and shooting the breeze. As is to be expected the topic of conversation is men.

Nikki – I’m so horny right now. I hope there are some fine brothas at this party.

Nsane: I ain’t stressing it. Most of these dudes out here scared of me anyway.

Nikki – Noooo! You are a beautiful sista. And if these niggas can’t see it, then fuck them. They ain’t worthy of you.

Nsane – I’m gonna make it my mission to hook you up tonight. I’ve been reading about your celibacy for too long.

Nikki: It’s a personal choice. I ain’t ready for just random dick. I need some substance behind it.

Nsane: No, what you need is to get hit from behind.

Confessional Video

Nikki: Nsane is my girl. I’m glad she was picked to join us in the Real World house. I can’t imagine anyone else I would rather be roommates with. She’s such a strong sista!

End Scene.

Missy is sitting on the orange sofa sending text messages to somebody. She has changed clothes and is ready for the party. Liquor and TV has also changed clothes and is at the bar making a batch of drinks for the roommates. She pours some red liquor in a glass and hands it to Missy.

Missy: Da fawk is this?

Liquor: I call it a Slurrycane. Be careful though cuz it will sneak up on you.

Missy: I can handle my liquor, Liquor!

Liquor: I’m just saying, son! Be easy with it.

Confessional Video

Missy: I didn’t appreciate the way Liquor tried to make it seem like I was a lightweight. I keep a fifth of Henny in my trunk. I think I can handle a little fruity drink like this. Da hell does she think she is? Isaac from the Love Boat?

RESUME SCENE:

T Cas comes downstairs and gets a drink from Liquor and TV. KZ follows shortly after conversing with Nsane. Rob Mack and Nikki bring up the rear and appear to be having an animated discussion. The clock reads 9:45 and the roommates gather in the living room. They break out in conversations amongst themselves.

Liquor: Hey T. What’s your favorite Wu-tang album?

T. Cas: Are we talking just Wu or any of the members?

Liquor and TV: Any of the Wu affiliates.

T. Cas: Definitely Cuban Linx followed by Ironman and Liquid Swords.

KZ: Yeah, those are dope! You like MF Doom?

Liquor: I love Doom!

T. Cas: I don’t know. I’m gonna have to disagree with you. Whenever I listen to that cat, it’s like there’s some private joke I’m not getting. It’s like “cuz I don’t understand him it don’t mean that he nice/It means I don’t understand the bullshit he say on the mic.”

Nikki: Aww damn! Cas speaking in lyrics again. Who did you steal that one from?

T. Cas. That’s Jay-Z – Blueprint 2

Nsane – My favorite Jigga song is “All I Need.” I guess I got my swagger back…

Rob Mack: Not you too! You guys gonna be quoting lyrics the whole time we are in the house?

T. Cas – Okay, I’ll chill. Just let me get another drink before the limo arrives.

T. Cas gets another drink from Liquor and TV and plops down on the couch a little too close to Missy. She scoots down a little to regain her personal space.

T. Cas: (words slurring) Hey, Missy! I remember when I first started reading you, you were called Missy. Then you changed to Ms. New Booty. Then Ill NaNa, now what are you? Negro.. Negro.. Negropino?

Missy: Yeah that’s me.

T. Cas: No matter what you’re name is… you’z a sexy muhfucka, you know that?

Missy: Thanks Tee!!!

Confessional Video

T. Cas: Man, I don’t really know what I was saying to Missy. I think Liquor and TV did something to my drink. I hope I didn’t say anything to offend her. I was gone.

Confessional Video

Liquor and TV: I wanted to see how T. would react to the absinthe before I tried it myself. Yeah, it was dirty, but everything is everything. He looked like he was having a good time, so I’m going to have to try that.


The clock strikes 10 and the doorbell rings. Missy rushes from the couch and T. to answer the door. It’s a limo driver. The camera reveals a stretch Hummer down on the street.

Missy: C’mon guys! Our whip is here.

T. Cas: How did you get over there so quick? You were just right here next to me..

KZ: Shake it off, Cas! It’s time to get up on some broads.

Liquor: You ain’t drunk off of 2 drinks are you T.?

T. Cas: Nah, I’m cool.

T. Cas staggers out the front door followed by the rest of his roommates. They get in the limo and drive off into the night. The street lights are reflecting on the pavement, reminiscent of a Hype Williams video. The roommates are talking to each other and sipping drinks out of cocktail glasses. Nsane pushes a button and the partition comes down. The limo driver looks back at his passengers.

Nsane: Where we going, Joe?

Limo Driver: I can’t tell you. The producers want it to be a surprise.

Missy: Can you give us a little hint?

Limo Driver: Sorry. I’m sworn to secrecy.

The limo driver raises the partition back up and the roommates speculate on where they are going.

Nikki: I bet they taking us to a club.

T. Cas: I hope it’s a strip club. I ain’t been to one of them in a minute.

Missy: Oh, me too!!! I wanna see some ass shaking tonight.

Rob Mack: I’m with that. But they probably won’t do that. It costs too much money to be editing out all that ass.

KZ: Maybe it’s a concert. I might be able to catch some leftover groupie ass.

Liquor: I don’t care as long as the alcohol is flowing.

Nsane: Shit, I don’t know where the fuck we going. I should have brought my knife with me.

The limo comes to an abrupt stop at what looks like an abandoned warehouse. There are no cars in the parking lot and no signs that anyone has been there in quite some time. The roommates get out the limo and stand around dumbfounded.

Limo Driver: This is it. Your destination is right behind those doors.

Nsane: I knew I should have had my shank. Where the fuck are we?

T. Cas: My man… what is this place?

Limo Driver: You just go in and find out. I’ll be back when its time to take you home.

Liquor: Nah, son! You ain’t bouncin’ on us. How about you wait right here?

Nikki: Come on, guys! Let’s check it out.

Missy: Fuck that white girl-horror movie stuff. I ain’t going in there until I know what the deal is.

KZ: Aiight! I’m going in. Mack, you with me?

Rob Mack: Let’s do this!

Confessional Video

Rob Mack: I was scared as hell. I thought they had signed us up for Road Rules instead of Real World. I know I’m getting in shape, but I ain’t trying to be running from bulls or some stuff like that. I’m glad KZ stepped up in the leadership role.

RESUME SCENE

KZ and Rob Mack walk deliberately to the doors of the warehouse. The limo driver pulls off leaving the roommates stranded. Missy and Nsane throw rocks at the rapidly departing limo.

KZ: On three, we are going in… Count it off.

Rob Mack: 1!

The camera focuses on Nikki, Liquor and TV and T. Cas. They have nervous looks on their faces, the result of some creative editing.

Rob Mack: 2!

The camera focuses on Missy and Nsane. They are holding each other’s hands and look scared.

Rob Mack: 3!

KZ opens the door and…

Commercial Break.

The Blog Real World: Introduction

I plan this to be a week long series, so if you ain’t interested I will see you next week. LOL. None of the bloggers involved have given me permission to use their names and personas, so I hope it’s all right with them. If not, what you gonna do about it? Sue Me? Anyway, this is all in fun and I don’t know exactly where it’s gonna end up, but I hope you guys like it.

EDIT: For those of you who read this on Sunday and want to know what happens next... Click this link for part 2. Otherwise, I'll post it on Monday night after everyone has had a chance to read the first part.

The Blog Real World

This is the true story of 7 bloggers picked to live in a house and have their lives taped and find out what happens when people stop being polite and start getting real. The Real World: Blog Edition

The camera pans across an ocean and lands on Missy. She is sitting on a park bench waiting to meet one of her roommates. She is cleaning her new Jordans and talking on her broken Nextel phone. She takes off her sunglasses and looks into the horizon. A silhouette is moving towards her direction. The camera eventually reveals…It’s Knockout Zed.

Missy: Are you my new roommate?

KZ: It depends, Are you the Ill NaNa?

Missy: Yeah, but I don’t call myself that anymore. Call me Missy. You must be KZ. Nice to meet you.

They hug and KZ helps Missy with her bags. They walk down the boardwalk and hail a large maroon and yellow taxi. The cabbie puts the bags in the trunk and they drive off.

Missy: I hope we are the first ones at the house. I want to pick out the sessiest room for myself.

KZ : I just hope all the girls are hot like you.

Missy blushes and the pair make small talk about their hometowns…

END SCENE

Rob Mack arrives at the airport and the camera follows him as he picks up his luggage from baggage claim. He stands outside the terminal when he sees a limo driver in a black suit holding up a sign that reads “Mr. Mack – Real World” He walks over to the limo and gets in. In the back seat, its Liquor and TV. She is drinking Grey Goose and Cranberry in a clear martini glass. She doesn’t speak as Rob enters the vehicle.

Rob Mack: Hi, I’m Robert from Chicago and you?

Liquor and TV: I’m drunk right now.

Rob Mack: Yeah, but what’s your name?

Liquor: I Like Liquor and TV.

Rob Mack: Interesting name. I don’t drink much myself.

Liquor: That’s cool, son! More for me!

The limo pulls off and the camera shows Liquor and TV pouring herself another drink, while Rob looks out the window.

END SCENE

A busy highway. Cars are speeding and shots of frustrated drivers. The camera cuts to a bright yellow Pathfinder. Inside are T. Cas and Nikki. Both have an exasperated look on their face.

Nikki: You lost again, Cas?

T. Cas: Seriously, Nikki. Don’t fucking talk to me. I told you I am directionally challenged. I can’t believe I had to drive cross country in this gay ass car with you.

Nikki: It ain’t my fault you don’t know where you going. No direction having muhfucka!

T. Cas: Didn’t I ask if you wanted to drive? Maybe if you would have talked less and paid attention to the map, you could have told me which way to go.

Nikki: Whatever, man!

More bickering ensues as they drive around in circles.

END SCENE

The door opens to a palatial estate. Missy and KZ walk in and look around with shocked looks on their faces. They see the various amenities of the Real World Mansion. They stop at the pool table. The balls are clear with different color exotic fish inside. Missy takes off running up a spiral staircase and the camera follows her as she checks out the three bedrooms. The first bedroom has 3 beds. The beds are adorned in navy bedspreads and Missy jumps up and down on each of them. She then checks the second bedroom. There are two canopy style beds with white bedspreads. The third bedroom that Missy enters also has two beds and the bedspreads are red.

KZ explores the downstairs area. The camera follows him as he walks through the living room and sees an orange leather sofa and recliner. The furniture is all post modern and eclectic. He makes his way to the corner of the room and pauses to admire the CD collection which consists of a diverse selection of music. As he pulls out a Little Brother CD, Rob Mack and Liquor and TV enter through the front door. The camera pans to them.

Rob Mack: Anyone Here????

Liquor and TV is putting little bottles of alcohol that she took from the limo in her bag. She has a disinterested glare on her face.

Liquor and TV: Where is the TV?

She is disgruntled until she sees the bar. It’s fully stocked with top shelf liquor and the coup de grace is a bottle of absinthe imported from Europe. It is green and glowing and completely mesmerizes Liquor and TV.

Rob walks around the mansion taking it all in. He runs into KZ and they exchange a manly handshake. Missy comes running down the stairs and greets Rob Mack with hug. She speaks to Liquor and TV, who mumbles something but doesn’t look back at Missy. Missy has a WTF look on her face but is interrupted by Nikki and T. Cas entering the mansion.

T. Cas: ATL bloggers in the house.

Nikki: (Screaming) YOOOOOO!!!! This shit is niiiiiiice.

T. Cas: She been like this for the whole trip. The only time she stopped talking was when she was playing with herself.

Nikki: Umm. Cas? Shut the fuck up!!! What’s up, folk!

Pleasantries are exchanged and all the bloggers take a tour of their new living arrangements. They walk around the crib, taking note of their surroundings. Of special interest to all are the coed bathrooms, the hot tub, and the huge kitchen stocked with every kind of food imaginable.

Rob Mack: Does anyone know who our last roommate is? It’s supposed to be 7 of us right?

Nikki: I don’t really care who it is. I bet they gonna be cool folk whoever it is.

KZ: It better be a woman. There’s too many dudes in here already. No offense, *Africans*.

T. Cas: None taken. I’m with you. How about that sexy Royce’s Daughter or that fine ass Bloopty Blop?

Missy: I think I hear someone at the door now…

The door opens and the final roommate is revealed to be….

Commercial Break

It was written…

TMI

I asked for it, so I guess I have to answer now. Here is my TMI post. This is gonna be a long one.

I Like Liquor And TV asked:
Cut or Uncut?
I didnt know what you meant by this at first. But from the other comments I concluded that you are asking if I am circumcised. First of all, stop thinking about my johnson and second of all, I am circumcised.

Y'all Hirin?
All the time. My department is so shortstaffed its ridiculous. Come on down, we around the corner from the Popeyes on Windy Hill.

Do They Still Harlem Shake?
I havent been to a club in eons, but I hope not. Looked like they were having convulsions

What's your favorite ice cream flavor?
Breyers Vanilla

Do you tuck your shirts in when you are not working?
Depends on what I am wearing. If I got on jeans, then no. But if I am wearing slacks, then I do.

Do you call a Black professional?
I call myself a corporate thug. I'm just a guy who fell into a job b/c I didn't know what to do with my English degree.

SandyBaby asked:

What are your feelings about God/church/Christianity?
Let's see how I can answer this. I love God, but I dislike the church. I havent found that church that makes me feel fulfilled. I try to live according to His word,for the most part, but I fall short like everyone else. The root of my problem with the church is money and hypocracy. I hate to see preacher ni houses with elevators and pushing Rolls-Royces when their are people who cant pay their light bills or feed their children in the congregation. The rational part of me knows that it's not the preachers responsibility to take care of another grown person, but I feel like if you are going to project a Christ like image, then you should be charitable. I was raised Christian and I have found my way back to it, but I went through a soul searching period where I studied other religions, like Islam, Rastafarianism, Five Percent Nation etc. Those never really stuck with me. I think the appeal of it was more social than religious as they appealed to the radical Black man in me at the time. I could do a whole post just on this topic, so I will move on.

Do you watch Flavor of Love? What's your opinion of that show?
I refuse to watch that minstrel show. See the post called Don't Believe The Hype. I would link it, but I'm lazy and got 50-11 more questions to answer. Its on the right under favorite posts.

Describe your most embarrassing moment
I can't tell you this one... lets say it involved my best friend Gautum's house, some blue footy pajamas, a sink, and loss of bowel control. It is a hilarious story, but too embarrassing to speak on.

Has a gay man ever stepped to you? How did you handle it?
It hasn't happened yet. I honestly don't know how I would handle it. I probably would be like, "I like women" and step. No need for a big scene.

Why did you have to work on Labor Day?
B/c my job can't function without me. Even when I'm not there, they are calling me. I really am getting pimped and I know it. The next step is doing something about it.

Do you like white people?
Damn, Sandy!!! You really going for the gusto today, ain't you. Lets say that I have a love/hate relationship with the lighter race. I try to judge each man on his merits, but it doesnt always work. I think I am distrustful of white people, but I don't hate them. There's always something in the back of my mind that says, "what is this white person up to?" I don't have any white friends (not even that token one), but as long as I'm respected as a man, I will respect them the same. Does that answer the question? I feel like I kinda side stepped that one. LOL

Missy AKA NegroPino asked

When it rains do you use an umbrella?
No, I'll just get wet. I usually leave my umbrella at work or in the car, so it defeats the purpose.

What size is your TV?
I have a 27 inch in the living room and a 19 inch in my bedroom. I need one in my computer room but I would never leave this room if I had one.

Do you have a bedroom set?
Ummm... No. My bedroom is a masterpiece of minimalism, which is a nice way of saying empty.

Do your sheets/pillows/blanket match?
Yes, they do. I have a cream comforter so it matches just about any set of sheets I put on the bed. I just go for the basic sheet sets, nothing fancy or flashy.

Is your portfolio diversified? How much dough u got in your 401k?
I got 5 years of contributions and matching by my employer. Sorry, I just dont think I could tell you how much is in there. That's a little too much (or too little) information. LOL

What kinda wedding have u imagined?
I waver between the big fancy wedding and the going to Vega$ thing. It just depends on who I finally trap to be my wife. Whatever she wants is cool with me. The only requirement I have is no white tuxedos and lots of liquor at the reception.

Watch any girlie shows you will admit to?
Hell yeah! Gilmore Girls is my shit. I dont watch that much TV anymore, but I will be watching that every Tuesday.

Whats your favorite Women's website?
I dont understand the question, but I'll give it a shot. If you are talking about site to see naked women, then I am partial to Tiava.com. They got their porn categorized, so you can always find what you are looking for.

Do you subscribe to King magazine?
I don't. Last magazine I subscribed to was Vibe about 4 years ago. I'll just check it out when I go to the barber shop.

What side of the bed do you sleep on and TV on or off?
If I am alone, I sleep on the right side of the bed with the TV on the History Channel or Court TV, or an old movie from the 30's or 40's. I cant sleep in silence, because my brain goes on overload.
If I am sleeping with someone, I'll let her choose which side she wants and sleep on the other side behind her in a spoon position until I fall asleep. After that, I roll over and can't be touched or I'll wake up.

Miz JJ asked...

Do you believe in one soulmate for every person?
I think there are at least 2 practice soulmates and then 1 real deal. The only thing is you never know which one is the real deal while its happening. It can feel that way, but then its like that was good, but this one is better.

Why do you only eat once a day?
Here we go again... LOL - It's like this. I eat when I get hungry. I dont get hungry until the day is almost over. I know that is not good for my metabolism, and I swear I am not starving myself, I just always have been that way since high school. Also if I eat during the day at work, I get the Itis real bad and I'm no good for the rest of the day.

Nikki asked...
What publications do you read? Where do I get my news information?
Whatever is in the barbershop. I don't read much anymore. I get my news and entertainment from the internet and TV news.

Democrat, Republican, Independant or Other?
I would consider myself a democrat. I do however have no loyalty if I agree with someone else's platform. It just doesn't happen much.

How much a year do you think you'd need to make in order to have everything you want materially speaking?
Whatever I'm making at the time. I don't live above my means, and I am not money driven. I've always been able to make due on what I have.

When you gonna finish that screenplay?
That's a great question... excuse: I been going through some things lately that have superceded my desire to finish it. The real? I really don't know if I have the drive to see it all the way through. That's my struggle.

What's your favorite time of year and why?
Autumn, because the weather is perfect and there's football.

Chele asked
Most men are homophobic because they actually fear that they are gay. Do you have this fear?
First, I have to disagree with your statement. I don't think this is why men are homophobic. Secondly, I don't like that term, homophobic. It makes it seem like men are afraid of gay people. Thirdly, I don't have that fear. I have had lots of crazy thoughts, but sex with a man is not one of them.

We call a defining moment the event in your life that shook you to the core and caused you to change how you view the world. Describe your defining moment.
Great question! Damn! Let's see...I think when my girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me when i was totally in love with her. It made me realize that I really didn't have complete control over my life like I thought I did. It also made me look at people's intentions with skepticism. Kinda closed off my heart for a long time.

Royce's Daughter asked...

If everyone was going to disappear tomorrow (except you and one other person...who had to be a female and not a celebrity), who would you choose to live the rest of your life on earth with and why?

This is going to sound crazy and I know it. Hell we both know it. I would choose Trizzy. I have never been so connected with someone in such a short period of time. I hate that leukemia may take her from me before we have a chance to live out our lives together. If I feel like I feel for her in 3 weeks, imagine what we could have in a whole lifetime. I know that effectively destroys any chance i had of being an internet pimp, but i don't care. I love her like I have never loved anyone else in my life on a pure and spiritual level and I refuse to deny that. She is just a beautiful soul and I cherish the time I have with her, however long that may be. It's unexplainable, and it's totally out of character for both of us, but it just feels like it is supposed to be.

The Stiltwalker asked...
Some days you seem desperate, others you "seem" like you don't love them ho's. What's really going on cause I'm speculating the hell out of your story over here...
It's like this. I am a sucker for love. I never been like I don't love them hoes. That just is not in me at all. Maybe it seems that way b/c I am content with being by myself so I don't have a high tolerance for people that get on my nerves. As far as the desperate thing, I don't think I am, but I do fall hard and fall quickly. It's not even a desire to get married or have kids, I just live in the moment and if I feel it, I say it. I hope that answered the question. If not, I'm sure you will let me know.

KZ asked...

Dude, can you describe how mad you were when you found out?
On the real, I wasn't even mad. I was shocked, I was blowed, but I didn't get mad. It may be a strange reaction, but I laughed. I laughed at myself for getting fooled. I laughed at myself for even taking it there. There was always a little voice in my head that said something is wrong. Everything was just so difficult. Honestly, when I read the email I was a little relieved she didn't say she was a man.

Blah, Blah, Blah asked

Can I stay with you when I come to ATL in 2 weeks? and...What's your thread count on those sheets?
Hit me up and we will talk about that offline. Remember I (you) could be a psycho. LOL And as far as the sheets, hell if I know. Whatever the cheap Target sheets are. I know, I need to step my grown man game up, but it's just me here, so I'm good.

Rob Mack asked...

Ok, how's a dude like you still single in Atl? That is straight up hyprocrisy on my part, but I just wanted to know...because I hear that the black women down there are just in abundance.
Here is the stock answer: Women in the ATL don't like me. I'm a regular joe. The flashy dudes and the thugs get all the women around here. I also think that ATL women don't necessarily get me. I'm a strange cat sometimes.
Now, let me give you the other part of the equation cuz if i don't then Trizzy and Nikki are gonna tell you that answer was bullshit. I am too anti social. I don't put myself out there. I cut people off too quickly. I am standoffish at times. I don't let people get to know me. I hate rejection so i don't approach people. I At least that was how it was before the whole blog thing.

Miss Ahmad asked

i wanna know what happened with that other blogger..now you can email it to me or something but damn i'm still confused as all hell!
I said I wasn't gonna talk about this, but here goes the abbreviated version:
I had a blogger comment on my site. I went to visit her site and then we started chatting on IM. She was mad cool, but I got a strange vibe from her. I did my stiff arm thing to push her away, but eventually I came back around. We started talking on the phone. We talked and vibed for hours. She sent me a picture of "herself." Whenever we talked, I had a certain visual image of who I was talking to. Anyway, we talked about meeting, but every time there would be some excuse, which in retrospect makes a lot of sense to me now. Then one morning she sends me an email, entitled "Please Don't Hate Me" in which she confesses that the picture on her profile and the one she sent to me is actually not her, but her friend. Long story short, I was pretty embarrassed that I got suckered in, but everything happens for a reason, right? And she fooled everybody, so I feel better knowing that I wasn't the only one. I was jaded, but only until I got home that evening and talked to Trizzy. I realize that if I didn't go through that drama, I never would have met her and experience what I am experiencing with her.

1969 asked...
what is your favorite post so far? You know, the one where you said, Damn I'm a decent writer!
The first one was The 10 Strip Club Commandments. Nobody was reading back then, but I think I killed with that post. Then it was So You Think You Can Stalk, which for some reason I forgot to put under my favorite posts. And thirdly, The Revolution Will Not Be Televised. I like my satirical posts the best.

What do you see as the biggest problem facing our Country?
Can I give 3? Healthcare for the poor, the drug epidemic, and education.

Are you a risk taker or more conservative?
I'm definitely conservative. For example, I stay in jobs I don't like rather than taking a risk on my passions, which would be writing or a job in the music industry.

You have five thousand dollars fall into your lap...what do you do with it?
At this point I would probably spend a G, and save the rest.

Thee Modern Isis asked...

Are you on your New York shit?
It's like NY been soft, ever since Snoop came in and smashed the buildings. I miss NY rap. They don't have the same swagger that they used to. And when I see that Chicken Noodle Soup video, its like what the fuck happened to NY?

Inside Peanut Butter, outside jelly? Toast on the seats?
I see you heard the song now. LOL. That down south shit is crazy...but I love that they are doing it their way. Check for my new single called "My Twinkies" My Caddy is...Gold on the outside, with a creamy white filling. Rolling on 20's and I got the beats drilling.

If they made you CEO of Defjam.. who would you get rid of, who would you hire or bring back?
Memphis Bleek would be outta there in a second. This dude been trying to make a hit since 95. He be rapping loud and saying nothing. I don't know what Jigga sees in this cat. He has no skills to me. And as far as bringing somebody back? I would love to hear another Jay-Z album.

If you could pay someone in your past a visit.. who would it be and why?
I would want to visit my father just because he died right when we were reconnecting. I'd like to pick his brain about some things.

If you were given the interview of a lifetime.. you got to interview Jesus before Barbara Walters could.. what 5 questions would you ask?
1. What is heaven like?
2. How do you feel about Catholicism?
3. Do you actually hear our prayers?
4. What is the biggest misconception that so called religious people have?
5. Can I get the hookup on the eternal life?

love or prosperity?
without a doubt, love.

Sangindiva asked...

What would you do to get me to sing you a love song...and MEAN it for real? :)
I'm not sure that I would do anything but be myself. I think if I am myself and we connect on a spiritual level, then that would inspire the song. I would want my woman to be in love with me, not the things I do for her. Does that make sense?

Hypothetically Speaking asked

If I were your room mate what would I say your most disgusting habit is?
Okay, I could never have a roommate because I am way too antisocial for that. But if I did, then they would probably have a problem with my kitchen cleaning. I leave dishes in the sink for too long and when I finally get around to them, its pretty nasty.

What would YOU say your most digusting habit is?
I would agree with that one. This one time I went to put the dishes in the dishwasher and there were maggots on my plates. I threw them out and started over.

Have you ever had your fortune told? If you did - has any of it happened yet?
Never had my fortune told. I dont wanna know whats going to happen next... unless I can change the future.

NSane Lee Sane asked...

I wanna know what Miss Ahmad wants to know, you can email me as well...
I reluctantly answered her and KZ about that situation.

Also, how did you become so pro black? What books have you read pertaining to the struggle?
I think it was really a combination of my moms, my rap music and my reading that made me so pro Black. The Autobiography of Malcolm X and "Soul on Ice" really changed my mindstate. I then started reading and studying Black history and became offended at the injustice. Now that I am in my 30's, I have tempered this a little and I look at what we are doing to ourselves rather than what is being done to us.

How many women have you "bagged"?Who was the best?Why?
I'll let DMX answer this one for me....
There was Brenda, LaTisha, Linda, Felicia (okay)/Dawn, LeShaun, Ines, and Alicia (ooh)/Teresa, Monica, Sharron, Nicki (uh-huh)/Lisa, Veronica, Karen, Vicky (damn)/Cookies, well I met her in a ice cream parlor (aight?)/Tonya, Diane, Lori and Carla (okay)/Marina (uhh) Selena (uhh) Katrina (uhh) Sabrina (uhh)/About three Kim's (WHAT?) LaToya, and Tina (WHOO!)/Shelley, Bridget, Cavi, Rasheeda (uh-huh)/Kelly, Nicole, Angel, Juanita (damn!)/Stacy, Tracie, Rohna, and Ronda (WHAT?)/Donna, Ulanda (WHAT?) Tawana, and Wanda (WHAT?)/were all treated fairly but yet and still/bitches is on some other shit now that I'm fuckin wit Dru Hill

I'm just kidding I don't even do it like that. You are talking to Mr. Monogamy. I stay in a long term relationship. I would say 14-17. Is that low for a man?

The best for me...would have to say the girl I used to live with cuz we just vibed that way. Pretty much nothing was off limits and she had multiple orgasms.

Have you ever used any drugs other than weed?
I unintentionally used cocaine. We were smoking with these chicks Armstrong State college in Savannah. They laced the blunt and I was the only one who didnt realize it. My high was much different and when I asked about it, they told me that they dipped the blunt in nyquil. I didnt find out until 2 years later what really happened. I used to want to try ecstacy when Senita and Marcia used to roll at my apartment and start touching each other. But my father's history with drugs always stopped me from further experimenting.

Fallen Angel asked...

1. it's your last day of work, what does the first sentence of your resignation letter say to your boss?
If I'm trying to keep it real it says, I ran this, but I wasn't appreciated so I have found a new job. If I'm trying to keep the relationship open, it will say. Thank you for the opportunity to develop my skills...

2. your secret boo calls you on the cell and tells you that she's taking you away for a week, but you can only bring three things. what do you bring?
A big ass box of condoms
My CD's
Clothes
3. what would you title your autobiography?
It's not very imaginative, but I would call it "It Was Written" and I would format like the Bible. You know with Book, Chapter and Verse.

Tenacious didnt ask a question, but I want to ask her one...

How come you respond to my comments to your blog in my comments? I keep forgetting to ask you that. LOL

Diva (in Demand) asked...

How do you feel about blind dates?
I don't really date that much. I like to get to know somebody before I go out with them. So, a few phone convos are necessary before I go out in public with someone. You never know if the person is crazy until you talk to them.

Would you ever move to another state and if so what is your ideal place to live?
I would move in the future. I have 3 places I would like to move to. 1. VA/DC/MD cuz for some reason the mid atlantic women like me... a whole lot. That may increase my matrimony potential. 2. Chicago. I only been there twice, but I fell in love with that city. 3. New York. I don't wanna live there long term, but I have a idealistic idea of living in the big city.

Can you remember a time when you were most afraid of something?
When I was a teenager, I was afraid of dying. I had an unhealthy obsession with death and I thought I was gonna die young. I used to be shook about it because I didnt know what would happen after.

Phoenix asked...

If you were given a book deal - what would the title of your book be?
The Fourth Dimension...about my current situation. The working title for my book about my father is "Remembrance"

If you knew that the famous person of your dreams were going to die and you had a chance to speak with them before that event - what would you ask them?
I don't really care about famous people, so let me answer this from a different perspective. I would want to maybe interview them and write about it. It's too late now, but I would want to hear all about Ossie Davis and Gordon Parks life experience. They just seemed so dignified and I know their stories would be poignant and revealing and mean something to me.

JennayNay asked...

What 90's sit-com could have been centered around your life?
I envision myself as Seinfeld with a whole cast of crazy characters around me and just reacting to them. I'm a regular guy like him that gets involved in some unbeleivable situations.

If you had a movie made about your life, what ONE album would serve as the sound track?
I like the idea of a high concept album like that but I dont think one exists about me. I would have to do the album myself. If I am forced to answer, I would go with Midnight Maruaders by A Tribe Called Quest. Even though it aint all about me, it kinda reflects my sensibilities and the album is one of my favorites.

What was your most hated job?
I only did it for a week, but I had a job as a door to door salesperson. I hate selling and I didn't like bothering people at home. That job sucked. I went to training and then I quit after the 2nd day on the job.

Mocha asked...
a long time ago about lyrics from a song that best describe me...And I couldn't answer...

So, this is what I want someone to feel about me.

India.Arie "The Truth"
Cause he is the truth/Said he is so real/And I love the way that he makes me feel/And if I am a reflection of him then I must be fly /cause his light it shines so bright /I wouldn't lie I remember the very first day I saw him/I found myself immdiately intrigued by him/Its almost like I knew this man from another life/Like back then maybe I was his husband and maybe he was my wife/And even the things I don't like about him are fine with me /Because its not hard for me to understand him because his so much like me/And its truly my pleasure to share his company/And I know that its GOD's gift to breathe/yeah he breathes

Damn, I answered them all. That was harder than I expected. You guys really stepped up and asked some challenging questions. Thank you for helping me out and I hope you found out more information about me than you would ever want to know.

It was written...