A Man's Dilemna

TODAY'S HIP HOP QUOTABLE: Little Brother "Slow it Down"

[Phonte]
Sometimes I think I'm from another world (preach)
When I'm trynna tell a woman just exactly where I stand at (aight)
I want a girl, when I want a girl
And when I don't want a girl, I want a girl who understands that
And that's some hard shit to explain
To a woman that's in love with you, it's a pitiful thing
Until I had to figure
That I don't wanna play around, but I don't wanna settle down
And that's a man's dilemna,
cause every man remembers
How his daddy and his uncles did it
'Cause more than likely that's the way they're gonna do it
I know it sound fucked up and most wont admit it
But yo, I gotta face it 'cause I know I'm living through it'
Cause when the party stops and niggaz get old
And the chain and the cars and the houses get sold, and that
Other side of the bed gets cold, you don't wanna be alone
So girl I'm trynna hold you..

A little change in format today. I don't have any questions or music I'm listening to. I'll get back to the regular thing tomorrow. I did some serious thinking on the issue of relationships today. Most of the time, I am completely happy being single. I like the fact that I can do whatever I want, whenever I want, with whomever I want. And you know that a brother likes his solitude. But for a little while today, I found myself actually envious of those people who find a way to have successful relationships. My little brother told me today that he is getting married. After my initial congratulatory reaction, it hit me. Brother J is five years younger than me and already at the place in his life where he is ready to start a life with the woman he loves. So, what's wrong with me? By this point I was supposed to be married with a beautiful child or 2. But life doesn't always work out the way you plan. I have to remember that all my relationships ended for a reason. As much as our time together meant to me, it obviously wasn't something that could have been sustained over a lifetime. And to me, that's the goal of marraige. I want one wife til death do us part. It's not that I don't beleive in divorce, it's that I just don't want that for me. I thought about that verse above and realized that I could have written that as a snapshot of where my life is right now. When the right woman comes along I'll recognize that the stars have aligned, and the time is right. But until then, I'll just have keep doing me, and making myself the best person I can be. Forgive my introspection, I just had to process this in the best way I know how: by writing.

It was written...

The 10 Strip Club Commandments

Strip clubs can be a fun and sexy experience. However, there are some mistakes that many people make when they go. I've compiled a list of dos and (mostly) donts that will make your next visit more enjoyable. So pay attention as I unveil the 10 Strip Club Commandments.

1. Thou Shalt Not Fall in Love With The Strippers
This is a common rookie mistake. The thing to remember is that this is a job for the ladies. Their job is to get as much money from you as possible. Some guys take the sexual attention the wrong way. Just because she says you are cute doesn't mean that she wants to take you home. Dancers would tell Shabba Ranks that he looks like Morris Chesnut to get an extra $20. They are there to dance and that's it. Don't let it go to your head.
2. Thou Shalt Not Spend Your Rent Money
Whenever you go to a strip club, it's a good idea to budget how much you plan to spend. If you can afford $100, that's all you should bring to the club. You don't want to be put out on the street because Desire was shaking her ass in front of you. Porsha is not going to feed your family. And seriously, do you really want to explain to your girl that you can't take her out to eat because Destiny took your last $20? I think not. Be smart about it and don't spend more than you can afford.
3. Thou Shalt Not Touch The Dancer (unless she touches you first)
Some dancers will let you touch. Some dancers wont. A good rule of thumb to follow is to let them take the lead. If a girl is standing 5 feet in front of you, her body language is saying "hands off muhfucka." Then you have the ones that will grind directly on your lap or grab your hands and put them where she wants them. Those are my favorites. Sometimes she will put her breasts near your mouth, but don't fall for that. Do not under any circumstances lick her nipple. That will get you kicked out the club faster than Twista raps.
4. Thou Shalt Not Pay Attention To The DJ
At just about every strip club I've been to, the DJ talks shit. Don't let that affect your good time. While he makes his gay jokes and berates the patrons for not tipping, stay focused on the reason you came: naked ladies. After all, you paid your cover charge and you can do whatever you want. Don't let the fear of embarassment cause you to get pressured into tipping a girl you don't want.
5. Thou Shalt Not Get Drunk
Getting drunk at a strip club is a risky prospect. Firstly, the alcohol may cause you to spend more money than you wanted to. You know what they say about lowered inhibitions. Secondly, if your in an inebriated state, you are far more likely to do something stupid like touch the wrong dancer. You don't want to go that route. Finally, the money that you will spend on drinks could be put to far better use by buying a table dance. Why should you tip fully dressed waitresses and bartenders when you could tip the dancers. I would suggest drinking beer. It costs less than liquor and you have a much greater chance of staying sober.
6. Thou Shalt Not Use Plastic
Another common rookie mistake. Don't bring your credit or debit card into a strip club. All that's going to do is create an electronic trail of your whereabouts. Imagine your wife's surprise when she gets the monthly bill and sees a $500 charge to a strip club. Don't think you'll be out of the doghouse anytime soon. Hit up the ATM before you go the club. It's just smarter and also more fun to use cash. You can't put a credit card reciept in a dancer's G-string like you can with a dollar bill.
7. Thou Shall Pick Wisely
This one is very important. You know what you like. If you like short girls, get one. If you like bg booties, by all means pick that one. Nothing sucks worse than paying for a dance from a girl you are not attracted to. They are going to ask you for a dance, but please listen to Nancy Reagan: Just Say No! And if your dream girl is on the other side of the club, don't settle for the closest thing to you. You will not be satisfied. It also is not a good idea to get a dance from a girl because she reminds you of your girlfriend or wife. You can see that at home, you are paying for a new experience. Once you become a strip club pro like I am, you can spot the girls that are going to dance the freakiest and make sure that's who you pay for. You can also sample a variety of different skin tones and body types without repeating yourself. So pick wisely.
8. Thou Shalt Not Infringe On Your Boy's Dance
One of my pet peeves about strip clubs are guys (or girls) who don't buy their own dances. These characters will sit up in the club all night and not pay for anything. It is well within your right to do this, but if I am spending my hard earned money for a dance, don't stare at the girl like you paid for it. Keep your eyes on the stage; this is my table dance. And please, do not talk to me during my dance. I can't count how many times I've heard "hey man, that girl is bad" while I was getting a dance. I know she's bad, that's how come I'm paying. Leave me alone and get your own dance.
9. Thou Shalt Not Use Your Real Name
No good can come from using your real name. I've seen dudes give out their government name, phone number and place of employment to dancers. Why? This serves no purpose other than to potentially mess up your happy home. Imagine the scenario: Jake is chilling in Lennox Mall with his girl when Chocolate Tiger runs up on him hollering about "Jake when you coming back to the club." If he would have used a fake name, he could have at least chalked the situation up to mistaken identity, but now he's stuck. This also goes for email lists. Don't give them your real email address or you will be getting VIP passes and advertisments for the rest of your natural life. For some reason, you just can't unsubscribe from a strip club's mailing list no matter how hard you try. If you can't tell I have fallen victim to this ploy in the past. Bottom line is this: strippers don't use their real names so why should you?
10 Thou Shall Buy Your Boy A Dance
There are unspoken rules when going to a strip club with a friend. You gotta get him a dance. This is mandatory even if he has more money than you This shows that he is your friend and you will look out for him. The dancer has to be bad too. If you send him a dance from the obligitory ugly girl in the strip club, you are really saying "yeah, you my boy, but I don't really like yo ass." It's a good look to have a banging stripper dancing for you with someone else's money. If you get your boy a dance, and he doesn't do the same for you, cut that cat off, cuz he is a moocher and you're better off going to the club by yourself.

Follow these rules and your next strip club experience can become your best strip club experience. One other thing to remember is that there will be many female customers in the strip club. Usually they are there just to have a good time, and not to find a man. Leave them alone and focus on the girls that you know will be taking their clothes off. If you are looking to meet women, you should check out a regular club. But if you are looking to have a good time in the strip club, follow the 10 Strip Club Commandments.

It was written...

So High That I Could Kiss The Sky: The Final Chapter

Inspiration - "How High" Redman and Method Man (I'm getting tired of typing that)

What I'm Listening To - Dead Presidents Soundtrack

Question(s) I asked myself today: "Why were Teddy and Curtis paralyzed?" I'm listening to this soundtrack and realized that both of these R&B greats loss the use of their legs in accidents

Where did I leave off? Oh, yeah. I told you about my friends sniffing cocaine, my hallucinations and my messed up club experience. It's time to let you know about the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back: the catalyst to my sobriety. I guess that's not the right word, b/c I still drink. This is the final chapter of why I stopped smoking weed.

So even after my bad marijuana experiences, I stubbornly remained a toker. Two weeks after my club incident, I decided to throw a cookout at my crib. Let me step back for a minute and tell you some of the things that were going on at that time. I was renting a duplex on the eastside of Savannah. It was a cheap little crib, but I had a front yard that was perfect for barbeques. Being Mr. Popular at work, everybody wanted to hang out at my spot. I hosted many spades and playstation tournaments and smoke sessions at my crib. I was single by choice and just interested in having a good time. One night, that clown nigga Terrell from my last post and a couple of girls from work came over to chill. Kenyatta was about 5'10, skinny and light skinned with a pierced nose. Her best friend at work was the complete opposite. 5'1, thick, and dark skinned. We'll call her Niecy. Niecy was more my type based on my preference for the chocolate sistas, but I was open for new experiences. Anyway, that night I didn't know which one I was gonna go for, because both of them were being flirtatious. After the obligitory blunt, I found out that Niecy had a boyfriend. He was a westside thug by the name of Peanut. That was my cue to persue Kenyatta. Over the next week, I talked to Kenyatta on the phone, but Niecy started coming over to my house. I knew she had a boyfriend, but one thing led to another and I had to take her from her man like L.L. You know that cat has mad songs about stealing cat's girls. It wasn't right, but Niecy and I had sex while she still had a boyfriend. This led to April 24th, 1999 and the infamous cookout.

My day started at about 9 in the morning when my friend Boo came over to help me get set up for the cookout. She had mad drama herself but this is my story, not hers. She brought her babydaddy with her and he immediately lit up a blunt. It was early as hell, but I got on it with him. I was high by 9:30 AM. Later that afternoon, my man Kareem came through with more cheeba. That was my second blunt of the day. Next thing I know, it 3:00 and my friends and coworkers started trickling in. It was a real good time, lots of good food, good drinks, good conversation and good weed. I mean smoke billowed from my house like a scene from Ladder 49. Around 5, Kenyatta came through looking like a supermodel with her long legs exposed in some short shorts. We went in my bedroom and conversated neglecting all of the rest of my houseguests. About an hour later, I see Niecy's car pull up. Imagine my shock when the passenger side door opened up and Peanut got out, white tee and all. I couldn't believe she brought her man to my cookout.

I wasn't prepared for what was going to happen next. I excused myself from Kenyatta and grabbed Boo and let her know what was going down. We stood in the backyard chiefing another one, while I tried to figure out a way to extricate myself from this awkward situation. Unfortunately, the weed dulled my mental capacities, so I had no solution. Next thing I knew, me and Boo were playing cards against Niecy and Peanut. That weed was really fucking with me at this point and I was thrown off my spades game. We quickly lost and I retired to my bedroom to try to shake off the inordinate amounts of weed I smoked that day. I was laying in my bed when I heard a knock on my door. In walks the last person I wanted in my bedroom at this time: Niecy. She closed the door behind her and joined me on the bed. Every fiber of my common sense told me to say "get the hell out of here, your boyfriend is the next room." But my instinct for self preservation was muted by the cumulous clouds of marijuana smoke that showed no sign of dissipating. So we layed on the bed together with my hand resting on her ample breasts under her shirt. I don't know how long we were alone in my bedroom, but shortly after, Kenyatta came in and saw our inappropriate display of affection. WE WERE BUSTED!!!

Niecy and Kenyatta stared at each other for what seemed like an eternity, while I just layed there too high to even stop myself from molesting Niecy's double d's. Then suddenly it hit me: Peanut is in my house and I'm laying in the bed with his girl. I jumped up and began negotiating like Chris Sabian. "Kenyatta, let's talk about this later. This ain't the right time." Luckily, she agreed not to drop a dime to Peanut. Niecy jetted, then Kenyatta left, and I just stood there pondering how close I got to having to throw blows in my own house.

As the day turned to night, everybody finally went home and I reflected on the day's events. I came to the conclusion that if I was in my right mind none of this would have went down. I thought about my recent history with weed and decided right then and there that this shit was not worth it. I gathered all the roaches and flushed them. I gave Kareem the last dimebag I had left in my house. I made the decision that April 24th, 1999 would be the last day I would fall under the bad influences of Mary Jane. I'm not going to lie and say that I never wanted to smoke again, but I haven't done it since that fateful day.

Epilogue:
Eventually Niecy broke up with Peanut and moved in with me. She still smoked but I abstained. Kenyatta left our place of employment after a couple of weeks and I never saw her again. Needless to say, Niecy and Kenyatta were never able to rekindle their friendship. My house was still the weed spot for my coworkers for awhile, I just never got down with them. Kareem and Tori were still my boys until I moved to Atlanta. It's been about 6 years since I've seen Tori and about 4 years since I've seen Kareem. Last I heard, Tori was going to seminary school. Kareem caught a 3 year bid for burglary. I saw on the GA Department of Corrections website that he was released in July 05, but I haven't had any contact with him.

It was written...

So High That I Could Kiss The Sky part 2

Inspiration - "How High" Redman and Method Man

What I'm Listening To - "36 Chambers" Wu-Tang

Question(s) I asked myself today - "How long is this post going be? I need to go out tonight"

I intended to take some time before I wrote the second part of this, but I just had to keep it moving. Let me tell you about the second event that led to me stopping smoking weed. When I left off last time, I told you about how Kareem and Tori travelled through the gateway of weed to the isle of cocaine. We didn't completely stop hanging out, but I found myself associating with other people. I found a new circle of friends at my job. It was my first job out of college and was nowhere near being in my field, but there were lots of young Black people there and we tended to gravitate together. I found myself being a social butterfly for the first time. We would stay out all night and come to work in the morning like nothing happened. Our motto was "sleep when you die." Wednesday night was hip hop night at the Zoo. Thursday night was Reggae Night at Frozen Paradise. Friday and Saturday we would alternate between Frozen, the Zoo or smoking out at someones apartment. I guess you can tell there really wasn't much to do in Savannah, but we were content.

One night, I made plans with some co workers to go to a club in Hinesville. Hinesville is a military town, about 45 minutes away from Savannah. I had heard that it was a country town, but they had some fine women out there so I was down. I took the road trip with Terrell and Charita up Interstate 16. Terrell was a clown nigga that I normally wouldn't hang with and Charita was just a mad cool female who handled her beauty with ease. I had already had a couple of drinks before we left so when Terrell pulled out a bag with 4 prerolled blunts I was down. He handed the bag to me in the backseat and I lit up the first blunt and immediately knew it was going to be a long night. This weed tasted like nothing I had ever had before. "What kinda weed is this?" I asked as he drove. I think he said "Kush" but I really wasn't listening b/c I was already high. I passed the blunt to Charita and after she got on it she passed it to Terrell. I noticed that he didn't inhale, he just kept blowing out the smoke. Normally, I would call that clown ass nigga out on that, but I was so gone, I couldn't really form the words. Next thing I know we were in Hinesville at another one of our coworkers house.

I sat my intoxicated ass down on the couch while we waited for the rest of our group to finish getting ready. My recollections are cloudy, but there were at least 4 more females who were rolling with us that night. 3 of them worked with me and then there was Nicole. Nicole was the epitome of a Black beauty. I mean she looked like Lauren Hill before she went nuts. I don't know whose friend she was but I was determined that by the end of the night she would be mine. Anyway, once the other girls were ready, we lit up another one of Terrell's blunts before we headed to the club. The weed affected me like never before. The lights in the house seemed to be pulsating like a strobe light at a rave but I was the only one who noticed. I found myself staring at Nicole for the whole time. When I saw her, I didn't just see her beauty, I actually envisioned her draped in the white attire of an angel, complete with a halo. I knew I was tripping, but I couldn't help surrendering to the hallucination. Eventually, Charita brought me back to reality by letting me know that we were about to bounce.

We hopped into our respective cars and within 5 minutes we had reached our destination. I can't remember the name of the club, but i think it was something like The Station. We were 7 deep, 5 of them women, and all eyes were on us when we stepped in the spot. At least that's what the Mary Jane told me. We danced, and talked for a while but I couldn't shake off my highness. I wanted to bolt and just go somewhere by myself until I came down, but I had no earthly idea where I was, so I ordered a beer and stood by the dance floor. I nursed that glass bottle for about 45 minutes when extreme paranoia set in. I felt like everybody in the club was watching me and that prospect made me extremely uncomfortable. Mary Jane told me, "the next nigga to look in your direction, bust him upside the head with the bottle." My right arm was getting ready to follow her instructions when my left hand came to its senses. I stood there literally stopping myself from cracking a nigga's head open. I can only imagine how ridiculous I must have looked with my left hand struggling against my right hand, but thank God I was able to resist that urge.

At some point I got rid of the bottle and and made my way to the dance floor to continue my pursuit of my Black angel Nicole. We danced for a little bit, and I tried to put the moves on her, but as I said earlier, I was still high. So high that I could touch the sky. I had to sit down. I found a spot on the stage next to the DJ booth and vegged out with a blank stare on my face, thinking about how I was going to get Nicole. The next thing I knew, this other girl I worked was sitting next to me talking about how good her stuff was and how i would be sprung if I hit it. Don't ask me how it happened cuz I don't even know, but I looked up and co worker chick was giving me a lapdance in the club. My mind immediately went to Nicole and I looked up and saw her give me a look that could kill. Damn, I blew my chance with a beautiful girl who was into me. To top it off, I just knew that this was going to be the main topic of conversation at work on Monday. When I finally got home, and started to come down, I thought to myself, I have got to stop smoking weed. To be continued.

It was written...

So High That I Could Touch The Sky part 1

Inspiration - "How High" Redman and Method Man "so high that I could touch the sky, so sick that you can suck my d*ck"

What I'm Listening To: "Purple Rain" - Prince and the Revolution

Question(s) that I asked myself today: "Why did I answer the phone? I should have known better" said after the stalker called me from a PRIVATE number.

April 24, 1999. This was the date of my last encounter with marijuana. Now, I know most people don't remember dates like this. But this day is burned into my memory banks because of the circumstances surrounding it. So like with any anniversary, this day deserves to be celebrated as it was the day that marked my rite of passage into adulthood.

A little background before I tell you about that day. I used to smoke weed recreationally. I was never going to be confused with a Rastafarian. I think I told you in a previous post that I never learned how to roll a blunt. Weed to me was just something I did before I went to the club or at a social gathering. I had friends that would chief (that's what we used to call it) hay first thing in the morning, at lunchtime and before they went to bed. Their lives were defined by how high they got, where they got their stash from and who they smoked with. My homeboy Lorenzo would even go to his van at work (we called it the Mystery Machine, like Scooby Doo), get blazed, and come back to work like he had a scheduled THC break. That was never me. I just couldn't handle it like that, nor did I want to. It was just fun to do during my nighttime maneuvers. I also could freestyle better when I was high. As the numbness reached my brain, the words just started to flow like the Mississippi river.

That being said, in early 1999, I started smoking more than I ever had. What used to be just a Friday and Saturday thing grew into in Wednesday - Saturday thing. I spent just about every day in the club or at a house party. The more I partied, the more I smoked. That's just how it was and I figured I wasn't hurting anybody, because "weed was from the earth." I also still went to work, so I figured I had everything under control. Then three events shook me so much that I put the blunts away forever and never looked back.

I had two partners that I thought would be lifelong friends. All throughout high school and college it was always me, Kareem and Torijuano. Where ever you saw one of us, the other two were never far behind. Even when Kareem went away to Norfolk State for a year, me and Tori held it down at Savannah State. During the winter and summer breaks, the 3 musketeers (or stooges depending on who you ask) were back in effect. When Kareem dropped out of Norfolk State and came home, the three of us hit up all the parties together and started blazing together on a semi regular basis. A funny thing started to happen though after i graduated in '97. I grew up a little and Kareem and Tori were still doing their thing. We were still friends, but we had different priorities. For the next couple of years, I expanded my social circle to include some of my new co workers while they expanded their social circle to include the all of the druggies in Savannah.

We still hung out on the weekends and one particular Saturday marked the genesis of my desire to make a change. The three musketeers piled in my Toyota Tercel and hit up downtown Savannah. We club hopped from Frozen Paradise to the Zoo, and finally to a white club called Malones. We went upstairs where they were showing a PPV fight, although for the life of me, I can't remember who was fighting. After the fight, we huddled in the corner and lit up a fatty that Kareem had rolled. He was the master when it came to blunt rolling. I'll never forget the Thanksgiving Horn o plenty he whipped up using zig zags and a pen cap. But I digress. Foolish as it sounds, there we were: 3 Black men peppered amongst a sea of white faces smoking weed in public. Needless to say, the bouncer came and threw us out so we wandered the streets of downtown Savannah, higher than Mt Fuji. We walked with crimson eyes and the swagger of a homeless man in search of his next drink. Finally, we made it back to my car and started off in search of our next destination. That's when it happened. Kareem pulled out a bag filled with a white powder and a straw. Maybe it was the weed, but everything seemed to go in slow motion from that point. I heard a loud inhalation and saw him rub his face. He then passed the bag and straw to the backseat where Tori was sitting where the ritual repeated itself. Tori then extended the contraband in my direction to offer me my bump.

"What the fuck?!?!" I yelled. "I know you niggas ain't sniffing no powder in my car!" My righteous indignation took over and suddenly I was no longer high. Any euphoria I felt was replaced by a rage and disappointment in my close friends. I couldn't reconcile my feelings of friendship with the auditory and visual evidence of cocaine inhalation in my presence. After all, they knew the my father's story and how that affected me. For them to offer me cocaine was a slap in the face. They seemed to think it was no big deal, but for me powder was more than just a step up from weed, it was a symbolic of a shift in our group dynamic. Getting high just was not cool anymore. But that alone didn't make me stop smoking weed. More to come later.

It was written...

twenty-five questions I'm asking you

Nikki wanted to get all up in my business, so she tagged me with this questionnaire. Check it out:

twenty-five questions I'm asking you

1. are you content with your life? Yes for the most part
2. if not, what would make you content? I would be more content if I could stick to my plans
3. if so, what makes you content with it? I just like who i am. I'm a cool dude if I say so myself
4. what do you like most about yourself? My intelligence
5. what do you wish you could change about yourself? My procrastination
6. what irritates you most about other people? extreme neediness
7. what state do you live in? if not in the u.s., where in the world you at? Smyrna, GA, USA
8. what do you look for in the mate who would be most compatible for you? (you'll notice i didn't say perfect mate, cuz there is no such thing as perfection, only perfection in imperfections). I need a girl that has a sense of humor, loves music and has a brain. If she's fine, that'll work too
9. do you enjoy giving oral sex? Yes
10. if so, why? I love to see h.e.r. reaction
11. if not, why? n/a
12. how old were you when you lost your virginity? 17
13. was it a good experience for you? It was then, but I now realize that i had no idea what i was doing
14. what motivates you to wake up each morning? Obligation either to work or to family and friends
15. what do you see yourself doing in five years? I want to be the man who comes up with the ideas instead of the one who enforces the ideas
16. what is your 'big plan' for 2006? stack some chips
17. what do you love most about being single/involved/married? The thing I love most about being single is not having to do anything I don't want to do. You didn't ask, but the thing I hate most about being single is the lack of steady companionship
18. how often do you have sex in a week? This week twice. In the last few months, it might range anywhere from zero to none.
19. do you masturbate? see answer 18
20. what are your favorite television shows? 24, Lost, The Shield and Nip/Tuck until that BS season finale
21. who are your favorite actors/actresses? Currently Don Cheadle and Sanaa Lathan. But all time would have to be Al Pacino
22. what are you listening to on your ipod/cd player right now? The Minstrel Show - Little Brother, Some Kinda - Dwele, Flo'acism - Floetry. If you read my blog, you'll see that I change up the music all the time. I keep 100 cd's in the car at all times, b/c I never know what I want to listen to.
23. give me three adjectives that best describe you. loyal, laid back, and sarcastic
24. what is your zodiac sign? Sagitarrius. November 25th.
25. what do you love most about blogging? I just started in December, but I like blogging, b/c it gives me a chance to write everyday. Also, I think that I have some interesting things to say sometimes. Finally, I don't really talk about myself that much, so blogging is a way to communicate with the outside world, without making myself vulnerable to personal judgements.

101 Things aka You Don't Know Me Like That

Inspiration 'Get Back" Ludicris. "Get back, get back you don't know me like that"

What I'm Listening To - This list took 3 cd's worth of time. So I started with Step in the Arena by GangStarr, then moved to Blue Funk by Heavy D. and finally Mecca and the Soul Brother by Pete Rock and Cl Smooth.

Question(s) I Asked Myself Today: 1."What's with all the white women?" There was a meeting of all the senior level people at work today and all of them were white women. I was looking around for some color but I couldn't find any.
2. "Why the hell did I decide to write this? This is taking forever." I asked myself this about halfway through today's post.

I stole this idea from a bunch of blogs I have been reading. Everybody is doing the 101 things about me, so I thought I'd give it a try. I'll try to tell things that most people in real life don't know about me, but as I run out of ideas it might get a little mundane. If anyone wants to reveal anything about themselves, feel free to add a comment or a link to your blog. You're about to get to know me like that:

1. I don't like Tupac. I know that sounds a little sacrilegious, but I think he was overrated both in lyrical skills and his message.
2. I used to want to be Big Daddy Kane
3. I have had guns pointed at me 3 times in my life
4. I graduated "cum laude" from Savannah State University.
5. I almost never did any homework, I just picked up on things quickly.
6. I joined French Club in high school to get close to a girl.
7. I almost got arrested for smoking weed in a Marta(subway) station during Freaknik 96
8. My best friend has been in jail off and on for the last 3 years and I haven't gone to see him
9. I've seen people smoke weed, sniff powder, drop ecstacy, pop pills, and roll acid. But I have never seen crack in real life.
10. I love going to strip clubs.
11. I don't spend a lot of money in strip clubs.
12. I am cheap when it comes to myself and generous when it comes to others.
13. 10 years later I still want a '96 big body Impala
14. I have had relationships with people I worked with. It's not a good idea.
15. GangStarr was my favorite rap group in high school
16. I prefer that old school R&B to today's R&B.
17. I played high school football for one week until I realized the coach was a racist.
18. New York is still a part of me but I haven't been there since '92.
19. Buffy the Vampire Slayer is one of my favorite shows ever.
20. Even though I pretend I dont, I actually like some romantic comedies.
21. I don't think Halle Berry and Beyonce are as beautiful as everyone else does.
22. I have Glade plug ins all over my home
23. I have seen every episode of "Gilmore Girls"
24. Even though I said those last 5 things I am a heterosexual man
25. I once shacked up with a woman after dating for 6 days.
26. We stayed together for 2 years.
27. I have had my heart broken once (see #'s 25 and 26)
28. Since then I have a hard time expressing emotions.
29. I smoked a blunt with Goodie Mob at SSU's homecoming in 96
30. In college I used to rock Hilfiger with Girbaud. I also rocked a back pack and big ass headphones.
31. I fell asleep during my commencement ceremony.
32. The night before I got high and drunk with my cousins from Virginia.
33. All 3 of my cousins from VA are/were in interracial marraiges.
34. Their kids all seem to look like David Justice. (I know that's an obscure reference. Look here)
35. I like making obscure references.
36. When I was a kid, I used to have nightmares about Stephanie Mills.
37. I used to stay up late on Friday nights to watch this video show called Hot Traxx! in NY (thus the nightmares)
38. I also used to watch Knight Rider, Remington Steele, and Miami Vice every Friday.
39. My father used to smoke weed in the house when I was young, but I didn't realize that it was weed until I was about 18
40. I used to be known as RJ the DJ (My real initials are R. J.) and I made 8 track mixtapes at age 5
41. My grandmother still has those tapes in her garage.
42. I have had most of the game systems: Atari, Coleco Vision, Nintendo, Sega Genesis, TurboGrafx, PS1 and PS2.
43. I don't have an X box b/c i can't get used to the controller.
44. My brother, sister and I each had a hamster when we were young. My brother's was named Cinnamon, My sisters was Peach Fuzz, but nobody can remember my hamster's name. We do remember that he commited suicide though by hanging himself in his cage.
45. I have middle child syndrome. I feel like I didn't get the attention my brother and sister got.
46. I was glad I didn't get the attention they got. It allowed me to do my own thing.
47. My father was a drug addict. He died in '95 of cocaine induced cardiac arrest.
48. I didn't cry at his funeral.
49. I did cry 3 months later in the car outside of Frozen Paradise. It took it that long to really hit me.
50. I think that's the last time I cried.
51. Even though I used to blow trees, I never learned how to roll a blunt.
52. That was my way of making sure I wouldn't get addicted. I heard that smoking alone is a sign of addiction.
53. I had the same girlfriend for the last 3 years of college.
54. Everybody thought we were going to get married after we graduated.
55. Instead we broke up and stayed friends for awhile at least.
56. I used to be a klepto
57. I used to be a pathological liar
58. I used to be a (wannabe) hustler.
59. I used to write rhymes. My MC name was BME (Black Man Extraordinaire) or the Lyrical Assassin.
60. I still have the first rhyme I wrote in 10th grade. It's wack but it's still better than Nelly. (sorry to all you Nelly fans)
61. I was in Chorus in high school. I sang tenor. I was pretty good but I can't sing to save my life now.
62. My nickname in high school was Zamunda. You remember "Coming to America"? Zamunda was the country Prince Akeem was from. They called me that b/c I used to wear Africa Medallians and beads.
63. If I ever made an hip hop album, I would want production from DJ Premier, Pete Rock, Pharrell(for my first single), Timbaland (for my 2nd single) and Dr. Dre.
64. I am sick of albums having too many guest rappers on it. Not everybody in your crew can rap
65. I wish Jodeci would put out another album. We need some more baby making music.
66. I love being right.
67. I hate being wrong
68. I don't apologize when I think I am right. I guess that's why I'm not married now.
69. I lose interest in people easily. Wait a minute. Maybe I that's why I'm still not married.
70. I love spending time by myself. I need my space. No, that's why I'm not married.
71. I have self diagnosed myself as having Social Anxiety Disorder. I don't like being in situations where I don't know somebody.
72. I hate insects. In Savannah, I was introduced to the flying roach. What the f*ck is that about?
73. I once lived in an old house with a lesbian roommate.
74. That shit was nothing like the movies. I was expecting to see all kind of freaky stuff going down. Turns out lesbians are really just like everybody else.
75. I am grateful for that experience b/c I learned that lesson.
76. I once turned down a threesome with 2 of my female friends b/c I didn't want to ruin the friendship.
77. I used to be really stupid. I don't even talk to them anymore. I missed out on that experience for nothing.
78. When I was 19, I had a one night stand at Disney World with a girl from St Croix. At least that's where she said she was from.
79. I am extremely faithful when I am in a relationship. I've cheated once in all my years of dating. I felt so guilty that I cut it off very quickly.
80. I like oral sex; giving and receiving.
81. I had a girlfriend that liked anal sex, but I wasn't too excited about it.
82 .I have never said "I love you" when I didn't mean it
83. I have been stalked before. I came home one night to find my ex girlfriend burying chicken bones in my front lawn trying to put the root on me. That's a funny story I need to write about one day.
84. Me and my siblings have a "don't ask, don't tell" policy when it comes to relationships. We just mind our own business. Alot of people think we should talk about more personal things, but this works for us.
85. My mother has never approved of any girl I've ever introduced her to.
86. I have decided I am not introducing her to any girl I meet unless I am very serious about her.
87. I want 2 children: a girl and a boy. The girls name will be Aaliyah after the singer. I haven't decided the boy's name yet, but I was thinking Christopher after Biggie.
88. I am the oldest straight man I know without children.
89. Every now and then I regret that abortion Shay got when we were 17 even though it was the right decision at the time.
90. I can't have chocolate, peanut butter or anything with caffeine b/c it gives me migraines.
91. I miss my morning cup of coffee and my peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. (Not at the same time, that would be nasty)
92. I don't get sick that often. I catch a cold like every 4 years. I hope I didn't jinx myself by writing this.
93. I need to step up my tie game. There's too many other guys at work coming with the fresh ties trying to take my throne.
94. I'm not a sneaker person. I had the first pair of Jordans when they first came out, but every since then that's just not my thing.
95. I have issues with the Black church. For example, why is the pastor is living in million dollar house while the church is going bankrupt.
96. I can honestly say that I try to understand where people are coming from even if I don't agree with them. A Sag trait.
97. Another Sag trait: I can be too honest with people sometimes, and don't consider their feelings.
98. If I had a bed in my computer room, I don't think I would ever leave this room except to go to the bathroom.
99. I get obsessed with things easily. For instance I am now obsessed with reading blogs. Last year I was obsessed with downloading music, a couple years ago I was obsessed with independant films.
100. Music is the one obsession that I have had for my entire life.
101. I am done with this list.

It was written...

Go Shorty, It's Your Birthday

Inspiration - In the Club - 50 Cent

What I'm Listening To - "Bravebird" - Amel Larrieux

Question(s) I Asked Myself Today - Why is there traffic on 285 at 6 in the morning?

My phone rang at 5:45 this morning. I had just went to sleep a couple of hours before thanks to Nikki's blog. Damn archives kept me up all night. Anyway, I almost didn't answer it but I saw it was my brother. He knows better than to call me that early unless it's an emergency. So, I pick up the phone and mumble something incoherent into the receiver. He tells me that our sister is in labor and to meet them at Northside Hospital. At this point I am still a little dazed, but I managed to put on some clothes, brush my teeth and get in the car. About half way to the hospital, my brother calls back and says "he's here." I ask "he who?" He says the baby. I'm like whoa that was quick. My sister wasn't due for another 10 days. I finally make it around 285 and get to the hospital and find my brother and my niece and nephew sitting in the waiting room. We go back to my sister's room and I see this:

My perfect new nephew: Carlin Jaden. 6 pounds 14 oz, all his fingers and toes, and the cutest baby ever (until I finally reproduce.) Excuse the pictures, they were taken in a dark room with a cell phone camera. I'll post some digitals when I get a chance. Oh yeah, here's some pics of me holding the baby. Don't ask me why I am not smiling. I think I was too tired.

It was written...

Leave Me Alone

Inspiration: "Leave Me Alone" Michael Jackson. I know it ain't hip hop, but it's hard coming up with a hip hop quote for every situation.

What I'm Listening To: The Love Experience - Raheem DeVaughn

Question(s) I asked myself today: "Damn, did Noah just pass me in his ark?" said while driving slowly in the blinding rain on I -75 on my way back home.

What's up peeps? I just got back to ATL after spending the weekend out of town. I had a pretty good weekend of laying around and doing nothing. I took the day off from work and I hope that tomorrow I'll be refreshed and ready to get back to the grind. I promised you that I would give you an update on the stalker situation. All weekend I thought about how I could relay this story to you in my blog. I finally just decided to give you the highlights in our own words. Let's start with Friday.

Her: When are you coming over?
Me. I'm not.
Her: You said you would help me hook up my VCR.
Me: I can do that right now over the phone.
Her: Why are you so afraid to come around here?
Me: I'm not afraid, I just don't think it it's a good idea. You tend to get the wrong idea about things.
Her: What do you mean?
Me: I think you think that we are something that we are not.
(silence)
Me again: You know that we are not dating, right? I mean sometimes you act like think you are my girlfriend.
Her: No I don't! What are you talking about?
Me: Remember yesterday, when you blocked your number and called me. Then you accused me of avoiding you and hurting your feelings.
Her: I didn't mean anything by it.
Me: (sarcastically) I bet you didn't. Then why did you do it?
Her: I don't wanna talk about it. I swear that all you guys are the same. You only want one thing from females.
Me: Whoa... I don't remember ever trying to hit that. If that's what I wanted, don't you think I would be coming over tonight?
Her: Whatever.
Me: Don't whatever me. You brought this up, I'm just responding to you.
Her: (seductively) Well, how come you aren't trying to get with me?
Me: To be honest, I think you are kind of a stalker. If you act like this now, just imagine what would happen if we did become intimate.
Her: (angrily) Fuck you, I ain't no stalker. I can't believe you would say that to me. You better be joking.
Me: I wish I was but all the evidence is there.
Her: (even more angrily) Fuck you, I ain't talking to your ass no more.
Me: (relieved) I think that might be for the best. (Hangs up)

In the next 30 minutes she called me 6 times. I didn't answer the phone, but I got tired of my phone ringing so I sent her this text message:

Me: What do you want!?!?
Her: To talk about something really important and can't wait
Me: I'm not up for any of your drama right now
Her: This has nothing to do with that
Me: I'll hit you up later
Her: Call me, pleeeaaassseee!!!

I shouldn't have done it, but I called back.

Me: What's so important?
Her: I didn't like the way we left things
Me: I thought this had nothing to do with that?
Her: I lied, but I had to get you to call me.
Me: There's nothing else to say. Didn't I make it clear that it's not going to work?
Her: Yes, but I want you. You're not giving me a chance.
Me: I gotta go. I'm about to go out.
Her: Are you going out with a girl?
Me: That's really none of your business. I'm out. (hangs up)

I was telling my friend Jessica about the situation and she said next time she calls I should let her answer the call. The stalker called while we were on our way home from Cafe Intermezzo. The conversation went like this.

Jessica: Hello
Her: ....ummm can I speak to Terrance?
Jessica: He's busy right now.
Her: umm...who's this?
Jessica: Would you like me to give him a message?
Her: Just tell him I called and to call me back as soon as he gets this message.
Jessica: Okay, but I don't know how long we are going to be out.
Her: (hangs up.)

I think Jessica finally got this girl to leave me alone. Everything I tried didn't work, but I hope it is sinking in that we can't be together. I hate being deliberately mean, but honesty just didn't work. Anyway I gotta go. 24 is on tonight and I need to hit the grocery store before it starts.

It was written...

Hey Girl, Let's Go Have Some Drinks!

Inspiration - "Happy Hour" Jazze Pha and Cee Lo Hey girl?.(hey girl, hey girl) Let's go have some drinks! Apple Martinis, Cosmopolitans, Pina Coladas? I got a lot of dollars!

What I'm Listening To - Slaughterhouse - Masta Ace. This is a satire of a gangsta rap album, that is actually more gangsta than most of the stuff that was out back then. He managed to make fun of them but not lose his skills. I had the tape back in the day, but I need to find it on CD.

Question(s) I Asked Myself Today - 1) What does a brother gotta do to get some comments on his blog? I see other bloggers have like 30 comments a post, but I got none. Maybe I need to comment on someone else's blog so they will comment on mine. 2) Why does it sound like I'm begging?

What's up fellow bloggers? If I my writing seems a little tipsy tonight, well blame Cafe Intermezzo. I just got back from hanging out with Jessica and Kristie. It seems I am now a lightweight when it comes to the liquor. It was an eclectic environment so I decided to try something different than my usual Henny and coke. After a couple Amaretto's and one Grand Marnier, I was done. It was over for the night. I used to be able to drink all night long but it's been a while since I really drank heavily. This reminds me of the last time I got sloppy ass drunk.

It's no surprise I was hanging with Kristie and Eric aka The Kings of Drunk. They just have a way of getting you buzzed even when you don't intend to. Anyway, we went to this joint in Buckhead called Eclipse di Luna. It's a tapas bar, which apparently means that they sell small portions of food and lots of liquor. They had a live salsa band and the mojitos were flowing. I had never had a mojito once before. I remember thinking that sounded like a gay ass drink and I wasn't fuckin with it. Boy, was I wrong. By the time the first pitcher was gone, so was I. I was buzzin while the Salsa music played in the background. If it weren't for the next pitcher of drinks, I might have took my non dancing uncoordinated ass on the dance floor and cut a rug. I don't know how many I had that night, but let's just say I am glad I wasn't driving that night.

On the ride home, I remember riding through Buckhead and not recognizing where the hell I was. To make matters worse, I pulled out my cell phone and started looking for a booty call. I believe white people call it drunk dialing. Well let me tell you, friends don't let friends dial drunk. It's not a good look. I was rambling and incoherent and trying to run game which of course was not the right thing for a man in that state to do. I actually called a female friend of mine by mistake and had a 3 minute conversation which to this day I do not remember, but she won't let me forget.

When we finally got home, I staggered across the parking lot to my door. For some reason, I decided that I didn't feel like going in the house so I chilled outside and smoked a black. I finally got the nerve to step in the house and that's when everything started spinning. I haven't earled off some liquor in about 5 years, which is about the time I stopped the heavy drinking, but I felt it coming on. I also had the first signs of a hangover, a massive headache, but I was still drunk. What was I to do? Well, in my drunken state, the only solution was to take a shower. I figured that would sober me up. Long story short, I woke up about 2 hours later laying down with the water from the shower beating me on my head. I know it sounds strange, but that was the best shower I ever took in my life. My head wasn't hurting anymore and all signs of intoxication vanished. My friends all laugh at me when I tell them this story, but I have found the sure fire cure for a night of drunken debauchery: falling asleep in the shower. Try it and let me know if it works for you. Oh, I also have an update on the stalker that I will try to post some time over the weekend. I'm too tired to try to write it tonight. Stay tuned.

I wanna say RIP to my father who died on this date 11 years ago. I hope I have made you proud of the man I have become. Learning from your mistakes has definitely made me a better man. I'm glad we got a chance to really get to know each other before you passed. Love always from your firstborn son.

What's Beef?

Inspiration - "What's Beef" - Biggie "Beef is when I see you, guaranteed to be in ICU"

What I'm Listening To - "Reasonable Doubt" - Jay Z

Question(s) I Asked Myself Today - Does Cam really want it with Hov?

Everybody's talking about the new CamRon diss joint that's out today where he's going after Jay Z. (I haven't learned how to link music files yet, but you can find it on the web.) If you ask me, dude's in for some trouble. Jigga is the best rapper alive, and this is coming from the world's biggest Nas fan. As much as I love "Ether", Jay killed it with "Takeover". His whole body of work shows how much of a genius he is. I listened to Cam'Ron's joint and it just ain't up to Jigga's level. And in my opinion, bringing Beyonce into the beef is wack. She don't have anything to do with the beef. I can't wait for the response.

The other joint out is the "I'm not a writer" joint. What Jay-Z is doing is not biting. He is making references to other joints, but's that's hip hop. He is showing respect for the classics. That's what hip hop does. Sampling is a major part of the music. It's not like he is using the whole verses. It would be foolish to discount the rest of the song. Listen to a whole verse of any of the songs on that track and it is clear that Jay-Z is not a biter, he's a genius. You can't fault the man for paying homage to the classics. Anyone who is swayed by this track is obviously not a true hip hop fan(atic.)

Enough about the rap game, I got beef my damn self. I know a few of my readers will know who I'm talking about. I tried to turn over a new leaf in '06, but there's this dude at work I can't stand. Have you ever known someone who is so incompetent, that the only way he can get some shine is to try to down somebody else? Well, last year this cat made up some shit about me to try to get me in trouble and only wound up making himself look worse. Needless to say, Casanova is like Teflon, shit don't stick to me. I can do no wrong in the eyes of my bosses, so they told me what he said. I can't say shit to him though b/c I'm not supposed to know it was him. But I know and he knows that I know, so every time I see his punk ass, I just fuck with his head a little. I'm 'bout to lay down a freestyle diss track on him if he don't stay out of my way. Wouldn't it be cool if you could settle real life situations like rappers. I think it would go something like this:

2006 I tried to chill and lay back
But you keep talking shit so here comes the payback
Keep my name out your mouth or I'm a lose it
This is real life shit, it ain't about music
I stays on my j-o, y'all know the grind
This muhfucka musta lost your mind
To step to me grimy, thinking shit's sweet
Although I keep it corporate, don't make me turn street
Cuz you and me are not cut from the same cloth
Yall niggas is soft/don't make me go off
You can run to the boss, but I don't care
You can ask Bone Crusher, nigga 'I ain't scared"
I ain't never been/and y'all niggaz is irrelevant
Slap the shit outcha kid just for the hell of it.
Smile in my face behind my back you talk trash
Mad at me cuz I don't kiss ass
And I still get cash and respect from the masses
Y'all mf need to enroll in some classes
To be like Casanova - a foolish dream
Don't make me introduce you to the two extremes
Can be good as the best or bad as the worst
You need to pay attention to what I say in the verse
This is just a friendly warning to stop the snitchin
And don't ever try to be me, I'm the chef in this kitchen
Mutha Fucka

Yo, I am bugging out. I can't believe I just busted a freestyle on my blog. Don't steal my lyrics, I got the copyright on them wack-ass shits. By the way, the beat in my head when I was writing was Jay-Z's joint "La La La" (the Excuse Me Miss remix), so read it again with that beat for the full effect. Something's wrong with me, I have no sense tonight. Let me be out before I make a bigger fool outta myself.

It was written...

They Don't Dance No Mo

Inspiration - Goodie M.O.B. "people dance no mo' all they do is this"

What I'm Listening To - Tony Toni Tone - "Sons of Soul"

Question(s) I asked myself today - How many more days until Friday?

I was turning through the channels tonight and saw that "You Got Served" was on one of the Cinemax channels. That reminded me of a funny conversation I had at work a while back. I have a theory. Not so much a theory as a personal preference. I hate movies about dancing. I think they all suck. Just hear me out.

Exhibit A: "You Got Served" It's not so much the dancing that makes these movies bad, it's the message that dancing can be your salvation. These dudes was some hustlers who just so happened to dance or some dancers that just so happened to hustle. Every thing was all f*cked up until they won a dance contest. Come on, bruh! The whole contrived plot point of Marques Houston hurting his leg and Lil Saint getting killed was just stupid as hell. Now that they won this contest everything is going to be all right. That's just dumb. Not to mention, how exactly do you judge a dance contest?

Exhibit B: "Dirty Dancing." Every woman I know loves this movie. It's supposedly so romantic. What I think it is about is an old ass man trying to get with an underage girl. R. Kelly did that and is on trial. Once again, dancing overcomes all their problems. They dance good enough that the girl's father accepts everything he was fighting against for the whole movie. And have you seen Patrick Swayze? He has to be the gayest actor in Hollywood or maybe I just think that b/c he was cross dressing in "To Wong Foo."

Exhibit C: "Honey." I ain't going to front. Jessica Alba is sexy as hell. But when is the last time you heard of a famous dancer. Debbie Allen, right? Anyway, Honey helps out her community by organizing a dance benefit to raise money for a studio. Here we go again. Dancing saves the day. I guess all the thugs in the neighborhood are going to stop selling drugs and learn how to twirl really fast. Yeah, right.

Exhibit D: "Footloose." This one is a classic. Kevin Bacon moves to a town where dancing is illegal. Maybe there are some places like this in America but that premise just sounds ridiculous to me. Even worse, he rebels against this dancing ban and becomes a hero. A hero for dancing. None of the repressed town people thought about saying F*ck You to the town until Kevin Bacon comes in with his dancing. What about that scene when he is trying to teach that other guy how to dance? They have got to be the goofiest white boys in the history of cinema. I know this was the 80's, but the dancing scenes at the prom in this movie are freaking horrible. I used to like this movie when I was kid, but now it is just embarrassing.

Exhibit E: Breakin' 1 & 2. In 1984, you couldn't tell me nothing about Breakin'. I wanted to be Turbo. The scene when he was pop lockin with a broom was the sh*t. I even remember hanging out in the basement practicing my moves. I saw Breakin' (I can't remember if it was 1 or 2) a couple of years ago and I was disgusted. The acting was horrible, they made the white girl the star of the movie and the plot was stupid. It was similar to Honey, in that they had to save a community center from an evil land baron. And how did they do it: by dancing, of course. It's amazing how many movies are made that show dancing as a savior. The worst part of this movie though is the wardrobe. I think I said this about 20 times during the movie: "Why that nigga wearing a half shirt?" I mean dudes were rocking the most feminine outfits they could find. Half shirts, pink clothes, studded jewelry, and those roach clip feather earrings. This was just a terrible movie that made me think that I must have been a stupid kid to like it. Just a piece of advice, if you haven't seen "Breakin" as an adult, do NOT go get the DVD. Your precious childhood memories will be shattered.

There's a few other things that bug me about dance movies. They all basically have the same plot. They all have the same dance practice montage. They all come up with some made up adversity that the dance hero has to overcome. Now I'm not entirely opposed to dancing in movies. I actually think those Fred Astaire and Gene Kelly movies are cool. But those movies are different, they have dancing in the movie instead of being about dancing. This is just my own personal opinion but movies about dancing suck. Maybe I feel this way b/c I can't dance. I'm open to any opinions anyone has.

It was written...

Playing Around on the Computer at 2 AM

TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey
Name:	Terrance
Birthday:	11/25/1974
Birthplace:	Atlanta, GA
Current Location:	ATL
Eye Color:	brown
Hair Color:	black
Height:	5'9''
Right Handed or Left Handed:	I write with my right hand, but do everything else with my left
Your Heritage:	African-American
The Shoes You Wore Today:	Lugz 454
Your Weakness:	A pretty girl with long hair
Your Fears:	Dogs (I had a bad experience), and Guns (too many near misses for my tastes)
Your Perfect Pizza:	Philly Cheese Steak Pizza from Anthony's in Marietta
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year:	Get Rich or Die Trying
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger:	LMAO or ROFL
Thoughts First Waking Up:	10 more minutes please
Your Best Physical Feature:	Wait til you see my "oh"
Your Bedtime:	3 am on a good day, 5 on a bad day
Your Most Missed Memory:	Saturday Mornings watching cartoons
Pepsi or Coke:	Coke with Henny, Pepsi with Parrot Bay
MacDonalds or Burger King:	Burger King
Single or Group Dates:	Single
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea:	Luzianne
Chocolate or Vanilla:	Chocolate Girls, Vanilla Ice Cream
Cappuccino or Coffee:	Neither
Do you Smoke:	Black and Milds
Do you Swear:	F@#$ Yeah!
Do you Sing:	badly
Do you Shower Daily:	Yes, Sometimes twice
Have you Been in Love:	1 1/2 times
Do you want to go to College:	Been there done that
Do you want to get Married:	Yes
Do you belive in yourself:	If I don't, who will
Do you get Motion Sickness:	No
Do you think you are Attractive:	Yes
Are you a Health Freak:	No
Do you get along with your Parents:	We are very civil in a passive aggressive way
Do you like Thunderstorms:	no
Do you play an Instrument:	no
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol:	Henny at a Christmas party, but I don't drink like I used to
In the past month have you Smoked:	yes
In the past month have you been on Drugs:	Drugs are bad, mkay
In the past month have you gone on a Date:	yes
In the past month have you gone to a Mall:	yes
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos:	no
In the past month have you eaten Sushi:	Is that a euphemism?
In the past month have you been on Stage:	No
In the past month have you been Dumped:	I'm trying, but she wont dump me
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping:	no
In the past month have you Stolen Anything:	I refuse to answer on the grounds it may incriminate me
Ever been Drunk:	My name is Terrance and I'm an alcoholic
Ever been called a Tease:	Well, this one time... Never mind
Ever been Beaten up:	No, but Nicole F's boyfriend almost beat the shit outta me in 11th grade.
Ever Shoplifted:	Yes
How do you want to Die:	I don't
What do you want to be when you Grow Up:	I'm already grown, but if I could do it over again, I would be in the music industry
What country would you most like to Visit:	England or France
Weight:	Don't Know
Best Clothing Style:	Shirt and Tie
Number of Drugs I have taken:	2. Weed and Cocaine by accident. Damn girl laced my blunt.
Number of CDs I own:	Too many to count, especially if you count bootlegs
Number of Piercings:	None
Number of Tattoos:	None
Number of things in my Past I Regret:	I try not to dwell on the past, so I don't know.
CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!

Cuz Martin Luther King Had A Dream

Inspiration: "Dreams" - The Game

What I'm Listening To: After Taxes - Sheek Louch from the LOX

Question(s) I asked myself today: "Why am I working on MLK day?"

I had to work today. Working on holidays never really bothered me. Before I was on salary, I would jump at the chance to get time and a half. Even after I got promoted, it never was a big deal to for me to come in on a holiday and do nothing all day. But for some reason working today really bothered me. I know that theoretically MLK day is not just for Black people, but it was strange to me as I looked at my team and saw all the Black faces stuck at work instead of at the MLK day celebrations. That got me to thinking: Does MLK day still matter to Black people?

Out of the 15 or so Blacks working with me today, only one even brought up Martin Luther King. I know that Human Resources would probably frown on it, but we had a real dialogue about race and MLK's effect on where we are today. "William" (not his real name) is an older gentleman, and had personal recollections of the racism that we so often believe is in the past. He was quick to point out how he still makes his nephews watch "Eyes on the Prize" to establish a sense of history. Bottom line is William thinks that today's youth take for granted the many freedoms that Dr. King and others fought to provide to us. I have to say that I think he's right. Even I, who considers himself a conscious brother, find myself drawn into the complacency of my middle class existence. Living in post millenium Atlanta, I sometimes forget that although there are plenty of opportunities for young brothers, there is still work to be done.

Last night, I watched the Boondocks on the Cartoon Network. This episode imagined what it would be like if MLK was still alive today. Needless to say, he was unimpressed with the state of Black America. I know this is a work of fiction, but it kind of stuck in my mind last night and today. Integration has been rewarding for our community, but at what costs? Brothers now have the same capitalistic attitude that our oppressors used to justify slavery and Jim Crow. Is it worth it to gain financially, but lose out on our society? Have we overcome because we can buy a house and an Escalade? Should the images of Oprah or Condeleeza Rice overshadow the images of the displaced poor Black victims of Hurricane Katrina? What can we do about the state of Black people in America? I don't have any answers all I know is that for the first time in a while, I find myself thinking deeply on the subject of race.

It was written...

It Was One of Those Days

Inspiration - "Mona Lisa" - Slick Rick Well, it was one of those days -- not much to do/ I was chillin downtown, with my old school crew / I went into a store -- to buy a slice of pizza / And bumped into a girl, her name was Mona -- what? Mona lisa/ (what?) *singing* mona lisa, so men made you"


What I'm Listening To: "The Day After" Twista

Question(s) I Asked Myself Today: Do I really like the Black Rob album or am I just trying to like it b/c his last one was hot?

Operation: Piss You Off was a success. I felt like George Bush when he landed on that aircraft in a flight suit during the war. Mission Accomplished. But just like Bush, this was a short lived symbolic victory. I won the war, but I forgot about the insurgents. Yesterday, she was gone, but this morning she's back already. I'll have to regroup and come with a new warplan later. Let me just catch y'all up on my weekend.

I went to see Hostel with Jessica yesterday. That was a seriously demented movie. It's like a mix between a porno movie and a horror flick. It wasn't scary or suspenseful at all, but it had some of the grossest killing scenes I've seen. I won't give away too much about the movie in case you haven't seen it, but that part with the eye was nasty as hell. Jessica watched the whole thing with one eye covered. It was pretty funny since it was her idea to go see it.

As far as the rest of the weekend, I really don't have much going on. I'm going to try to catch on my sleep. I was looking on the web and have self diagnosed myself with Delayed Sleep Phase Syndrome. If you don't feel like reading the link, basically it means my natural sleeping patterns are the opposite of normal people. I like to sleep during the day and can't sleep at night. I've been like this since I was in high school, but I never knew it was a real sleep disorder.

I also need to go out and get that new Anthony Hamilton CD. Someone burned me a copy, but when the album is that hot, I gotta go get the real thing. I also want the Biggie Duets album, just b/c it's Biggie. I eventually need to go grocery shopping too, but I think I'll do that after midnight when nobody else is in the store. Football is on today and I'm going to watch, but it just ain't the same without the Falcons. I'm rooting for the Colts to win it all now. I used to be a Tampa Bay fan and I don't think Tony Dungy got enough credit for their success a few years ago so I hope he gets a championship now.

Other than that, I am just counting the hours until 24 comes on at 8pm. 2 hour episode tonight and 2 hours tomorrow. I'll holla at you later.

It was written...

P.S. A couple of people have asked me why I call this blog It Was Written. The title comes from Nas' second album. I just always liked that phrase. It sounds like some prophetic, Nostradamus type stuff. It makes it seem like what I write about is actually important. Also, this is in the form of the written word. So, there you have it. It was written...

Operation: Piss You Off

Inspiration - No hip hop quotable today, this is from real life.

What I'm Listening To - The Main Ingredient- Pete Rock and CL Smooth

Question(s) I asked myself today: While watching CSI tonight I asked myself "What kind of sick shit is infantilism? " Of course I had to look it up.

Welcome to day one of Operation: Piss You Off. I told you a couple of days ago about this potential stalker I got. The honest approach didn't work out. Nevertheless, I decided that I am going to get rid of her once and for all. What's so gangsta about my plan is that I'm going to make her think it's her idea. Let me update you on the progress that has been made so far.

Step One: Make her think there is another shawty I'm interested in. This one was easy. Call waiting did it for me. I put her on hold for an extended period of time. I was really talking to my brother but I kind of implied that another girl was on the other line. I came back to her line and started acting distracted. I could almost hear her thinking "who was that bitch?" I was hoping she would ask b/c I already had a vague answer ready for her. "Oh, that was this chick from my job." That would have been cool, but instead I had to move on to step 2

Step Two: Say some shit to make her mad. I let it slip that a friend was coming over tomorrow and I wouldn't be able to talk to her. I know how jealous this girl is. She wants to be my only friend and if I spend time with someone else, she takes it as a personal attack. I followed this up by talking at length about how banging Amerie is. That's right, she even gets jealous of celebrities I will never meet. This led to step 3

Step Three: Don't react when she gets mad. This one was harder b/c I always have to be right. I take great pride in winning any disagreement, but for the greater cause, I just let that shit go and refused to engage in any argument. I think this pissed her off more than anything. I told her that I am not going to sit on the phone and argue with her and if she has a problem with it, she will just need to get over it. She can either calm down or I'm out. I just knew the ultimatum would work, but I underestimated her stalker-acity. She pulled a 180 and I was back at square one. Or should I say step 4

Step Four: Tell her some foul shit about myself. I had to be subtle with this move. I want to get rid of her, but I ain't trying to have the cops on my ass or a f*cked up reputation. So I had to play it smooth. Right about now, I have her believing that I got a bad drinking problem. I told her a few true drunk stories that actually happened over the course of 10 years, but she thinks all them shits were recent. I also got her thinking that I am legally married and separated. Basically, I'm hoping she will start thinking that I'm not boyfriend material. The seeds have been planted but if that doesn't get rid of her, I'll have to move on to step 5.

Step Five: Change my phone number and move. I'm just playing, I'll just have to try the truth again. I might not have been as clear as I should have been. I didn't want to hurt old girls feelings, but it might be necessary. I just can't have random chicks going "girlfriend" on me. I just have to make sure she don't catch me at a weak moment and become an "Overnight Celebrity." That would really f*ck things up. I'll let you know how it turns out.

It was written...

When I'm Alone in My Room

Inspiration: I Need Love - LL "When I'm alone in my room, sometimes I stare at the wall"

What I'm Listening To: Nothing

Question(s) I asked myself today: Just keep reading. There are too many to list here

I hate the silence. I can't even sleep without the TV on to distract me. When it's too quiet, and I'm alone with my thoughts, I start to think about anything and everything. Here are some of the random thoughts I had tonight while I was laying in my bed:

What is Pat Robertson's problem? If you don't know about this read this. Why does this guy think he knows what God is thinking?
Speaking of God, I wonder what Heaven is like.
I wish I believed in reincarnation.
Do other races spend as much time thinking about race as Black people do?
Maurice Clarett = Marcus Vick. Both of these guys have blown all their chances to be star athletes.
I wonder if Dave Chapelle is really crazy, or if he is just somewhere counting his money and laughing at all of us for obsessing about him.
I do not care about Jessica and Nick. Or Brad and Angelina. Or Halle and Eric. Or Superhead and the whole hip hop community. I don't care who is dating who.
Why does Entertainment Tonight and all of those other shows get into celebrities personal lives?
I can't stand when people act like they really know celebrities just b/c they see them on TV.
I also don't understand the appeal of getting a celebrities autograph. What's the big deal?
Sanaa Lathan is a really cool person and I want her autograph.
Why do Black people love court shows so much? I mean Judge Hatchett, Judge Mablean, Judge Mathis. Enough is Enough. Maybe it's just me but I want to stay away from the court house as much as possible.
I like when Maury and Jerry Springer show white people making fools of themselves.
Does this make me racist? If not, this will.
Why are there so many Mexicans at Wal Mart? Why do so many Arabs or Persians run convenience stores?
Oh my God, I think I'm racist. No, I'm not. Well maybe a little.
I really do respect peoples differences and I don't have a problem with other races. Except...
I have never dated anyone from another race. Unless you count "Amerie", she is Black and Korean or "Halle" she is biracial (Black and White.) But they were more Black than anything else.
What makes someone Black? I don't know, this is getting too deep for me. I need to turn the tv on or listen to some music. I don't feel like getting up and I can't find my remote.
Magic Johnson does NOT have AIDS. It was some kind of global conspiracy to raise awareness (and condom sales.) It worked too. I hate conspiracy theories even when it's my theory.
Remember Illuminati? Back in the day, smart college kids and street thugs really thought Illuminati was running the world. I think secret societies really exist, but you'll never find out about them b/c they are secret.
George Bush doesn't care about Black people. George Bush doesn't care about poor people. George Bush is a good leader for his people, but not mine.
Talib Kweli had a line on The Beautiful Struggle that went something like "the muhf*cing Democrats be acting like Republicans" I think that's true, so I have to ask: Will it really matter if the Democrats take back the White House and Congress?
Barack Obama is cool, but what does he really stand for politically? I'd be lying if I said I knew.
I should read more, I have a degree in English. I just don't feel like it.
If I hate the silence so much, why am I just sitting here?
Okay that's enough thinking for one night. Time to get up.

It was written...

Check Yo Self

Inspiration Check Yo Self - Ice Cube ft Das EFX "you better check yo self before you wreck yo self"

What I'm Listening To - Change It All- Goapele

Question(s) I Asked Myself Today - Is this girl f*ckin nuts???

Before you start thinking I'm bout to talk sh*t about someone else, this one is all about me. A couple things happened this weekend that made me realize I need to check myself. Before I get into that let me tell you some of the good things about this weekend. Saturday night, I went to see King Kong with Jessica. At first I didn't want to go b/c I got the bootleg on my computer, but I am so glad went . That was one of the best movies I've seen in a while and definitely needs to be seen on the big screen. We had a good time hanging out just the 2 of us for the first time. Sunday, I chilled for most of the day and then beat Eric in Madden '06 later that night. Now it's 2:30 in the morning and I am just sitting here reflecting on the other stuff that went down this weekend.

I told you in my last post that I had to help someone move. It was going well until I slipped and banged my back on 4 stairs trying to carry a mattress. Check Yo Self, Casanova. The clumsiness ain't cool. On top of that I also cut my leg on a nail that was sticking out of a dresser I was moving. I seriously need to check myself. I knew I didn't want to help them move, but I did it anyway. That's my fault. I need to learn how to say no. Luckily, my back is okay and I didn't need to go to a doctor.

That was bad enough, but this weekend I realized that I have a potential problem with this female. All the signs are there. Can you say stalker??? I know from experience how this goes down, but I don't know how to stop it. Basically this girl I am (or was) friendly with is acting like she thinks she's my wifey. Just doing things like whining when I get off the phone, asking who I'm talking to on the phone, getting mad when Jessica came to my house Saturday. I'm not trying to play the innocent victim here. I know that the Casanova charm can be overwhelming to the ladies, but I've never even been on a date with her. Check Yo Self, Casanova. You gotta stop letting these ladies hang around when you aren't interested. My ex told me today that I lead these women on by being nice to them and inviting conversation. I would never tell her but she's right to an extent. What I see as innocent conversation, they are seeing as something else. I better run a check... Gotta go get 3 hours of sleep before work, so I'm out.

It was written.

Allergic to Wintertime AKA Cooler than a polar bears toenails

Inspiration: 1. Fireman - 1. Lil Wayne. "Weezy- allergic to wintertime. Hot!" 2. ATLiens- OutKast "Cause I'm cooler than a polar bear's toenails Oh hell, there he go again talkin that shit Bend, corner's like I was a curve, I struck a nerve And now you bout to see this Southern playa serve"

What I'm listening to - Nas- Illmatic "Yo, they call me Nas, I'm not your legal type of fella Moet drinkin, marijuana smokin street dweller who's always on the corner, rollin up blessed When I dress, it's never nuttin less than Guess"

Question(s) I asked myself today - Why did I tell them I would help them move?

It's cold in the ATL. I know if anybody up north is reading this, they probably think I'm crazy. I think I've been in the South too long, cuz I can't take this like I used to. When I rolled out of bed this morning, I damn near froze but I refuse to turn on my heat and make the pimps at Georgia Natural Gas even richer. I got too much to do today. I gotta help someone move this morning and then watch my sister's kids this afternoon. Moving sucks. I made a vow that the next time I move, I'm paying somebody to do it for me. I'm not looking forward to lifting heavy ass furniture and boxes in the 35 degree weather but I gotta do what I gotta do. I wanna take my nephew and niece to the new aquarium downtown, but it's probably going to be too crowded. I was supposed to go out of town this weekend, but I had to push it back b/c all this stuff came up at the last minute. Anyway, let me get my day started. Before I go here is a pic of me and my niece from last year.















It was written...

Happy, Happy, Joy, Joy

Inspiration - That song from Ren and Stimpy

What I'm Listening To: "For the Grown and Sexy" - Sleepy Brown

Question(s) I asked myself today - Why did my last post sound so angry?

I reread yesterday's post and realized that I sounded ridiculously angry. I'm not really like that ( at least most of the time.) So, today I decided to talk about happy things. Here are some things I am currently happy about in no particular order:

I am happy my favorite show 24 is coming back on January 15th. Can't wait to get addicted again.
I am happy my other favorite show "Lost" is coming back next Wednesday.
I am happy that Sprint has some cool ringtones now. Right now I got Nas and Outkast on my phone.
I am happy that I have worked at the same place for 5 years. It sucks not having a job.
I am happy that I still get excited about music
I am happy that ___ loved her Christmas present
I am happy to be alive and in good health.
I am happy that I know alot about some things.
I am happy that I know something about a lot of things.
I am happy that I have never been arrested, even though I could have been a couple times.
I am happy that I can appreciate good TV, even if it doesn't come on UPN. I would tell you some of the shows I'm talking about, but I might lose my ghetto pass.
I am happy that I have a few good friends.
I am happy I got to see the Falcons play at the dome twice this season.
I am happy I can still download for free with Limewire.
I am happy that I decided to be happy today.

Enough happiness for one day. I'm off to watch the end of the Texas-USC game.

It was written...

You Lied About The Lies That You Lied About AKA Shut up, B*tch

Inspiration - 1. LL Cool J "That's a Lie". If you don't remeber this song, it basically consists of Russell Simmons talking some outlandish sh*t and LL calling him a liar. It's not very good, but it serves the purpose of this post. 2. Lil Kim "Shut Up B*tch" - You'll see that this one is self explanatory if you read a little further.

What I'm Listening To: Late Registration - Kanye West

Question(s) I asked myself today - I wonder if this muhf*cka can tell I really don't want to hear this sh*t? Keep reading for the explanation.

WARNING: The following is a rant. This situation got on my nerves and I felt the need to express myself using colorful language. If you are easily offended, you might want to skip this one. Aiight, lets go.

OK, I get it. Sometimes you gotta lie. I've even been known to lie my way out of some f*cked up situations. I'm with you. If you gotta say that's not your weed, that's ok. If you tell your girl you were over your cousin's house, I understand. Tell the cops that you were home all night, you gotta do what you gotta do. I can't knock the hustle. But then you have cats who will just go out of their way to tell you some unsolicted sh*t. Today, I will tell you about one of these types. I'll call him "John," just in case someone reading this knows who I'm talking about. I don't want to put homeboy on blast.

I had been at work for about 5 hours when I finally took a break. The black & mild was calling me so I went out to the back, lit up and checked my messages. 2 minutes later, John came outside to puff on a Newport. I gave the international what's up head nod and this muhf*cka took this as an invitation to tell me his f*ckin life story. Mind you, I still got my cell to my ear but he started talking anyway. First off, John tells me about the time he got arrested and did a 3 year bid for armed robbery. Shut up, B*tch!!! You ain't been convicted of no felony, if you did you wouldn't be working here. I know this b/c I do some of the new hire interviews and I know we do background checks. Whatever, I'll let that slide. You want to act tough, do what you do. Next, this nigga starts in about how he don't need this job b/c his homeboy fronted him some weight and they about to be big time in the dope game. At this point, I asked myself "I wonder if this muhf*cka can tell I really don't want to hear this sh*t?" I couldnt believe the bullsh*t he was telling me. Lying muhf*cka! Why are you telling me this?

By this time, I was done smoking and was ready to jet. I told him that I would holla at him later, and headed to the door. This nigga stopped me and said "hold up I gotta tell you something." All my instincts told me to just take my ass inside and get away from this liar, but instead I said "what's up?" Dumb ass move, Casanova! John starts looking around like he don't want nobody to hear what he was about to say, and says you know _____? I f*cked her last night." I intentionally left her name out b/c this is nobody's business but her own, but ______ is a lesbian. Out of all the women in the building, John decided to lie about hitting off a lesbian. She is not one of those trendy bisexuals, or girls who are experimenting, she is a full fledged, gay pride marching lesbian. Shut Up B*tch!!!. First of all, I don't care who you get down with, and secondly, quit the blood clot lying. Stop lying on your d*ck, we ain't in high school no more.

I don't understand why dudes feel the need to try to impress me. Don't worry about my opinion of you. I sure ain't worrying about you. So all you pathological lying ass muhf*ckas out there, SHUT UP B*TCH!!!

It was written...