Just Might Be OK

Inspiration "Just Might Be Ok" Lupe Fiasco - "Maybe it just might be ok/After all/Sun don't shine/On these days"

What I'm Listening To - "Once Again" - John Legend

Question(s) I Asked Myself Today - "How long does it take to get bedsores?"


I told y'all yesterday, my whoa is me (how come nobody called me out for not spelling it "w-o-e") moments don't last long. I'm good today. Anyway, so I'm getting the whip fixed at a substantially lower price and then I'll probably trade it in later. I'm looking at a 300M. I want a SUV, but as Bloopty will tell you, I can't drive, so that might not be such a good look. I can see myself trying to fit into a parking spot and tearing up somebody's ish. Or not paying attention and running over somebody and not even knowing. But really, I'm just being cheap. I don't want an SUV car note.

I didn't go anywhere on my mini vacation, but I have made the most of it with sleep and all. I been doing the whole sitting around being a bum thing. I can dig that. I really needed a break from thinking about work and these 4 days off (including the weekend) are doing it for me. I been wearing out my On Demand catching up on movies that I didn't have time to watch before. Over the last couple of days, I must have watched 6 movies on Starz, HBO, and Showtime. Flight Plan was my favorite of them. In addition, I watched the entire 2nd season of "Weeds" yesterday in between my many naps. That shit is wild.

It's Halloween, and I haven't bought any candy to give out yet. The last 3 or 4 years, I haven't had any kids come to my door. Maybe, they came when I was at work, but I remember when I was a shorty, I would go trick or treating from like 3 in the afternoon until 9 at night. We used to hit every door in every apt complex and come out like bandits. I guess it ain't safe for these kids no more. They are having a Halloween costume contest at work, so I might go check it out, but I probably will just be lounging around the crib until they call and tell me the car is ready.

Anyway, the sun is shining today, not literally, but I think it just might be OK, after all. Rob Mack, that Lupe reference is for you. LOL. Hope errbody is aiight. I'll be checking you out later if I can wipe the sleep out of my eyes long enough to come back to the computer. Have a good one!

It was written...

Quick Question

This came from a phone conversation I had last night. For the intents of this discussion, assume that neither one of these people are using, pimping, or exploiting the other one and they are in a loving, serious relationship.

Ladies, would you ever give your significant other money? I'm not talking about once you are married and your funds are his funds and vice versa, but like if you were dating a man and he needed money, would you let him have it? If you did, would you look at him as less than a man?

Fellas, would you ever ask your significant other for money? If you didn't ask, and she offerred it would you accept? Would that make you feel like less of a man to take money from your woman?

My answer was that I would not ask for nor accept the money. I am way too independant to borrow money from anyone, much less my woman. I would do whatever I have to do (within reason) before I would take it. I was told that was my foolish male pride speaking, but I'm curious as to what you guys think about it. Now discuss in the comments section.

It was written...

Three Divas, Buck Passing and Sexual Harrassment

Yesterday at work...

Three Divas

Yesterday at work all the managers were taking a picture together. It's a rather menial task. Show up, smile and leave, right? I get there at 12:30 and stand in the front with the rest of the vertically challenged managers. Then the divas took over. White Diva who is taking the picture decides that we should all face sideways and do some crazy shit with our hands like we at Olan Mills. Black Diva decides that enough of her is not showing in the picture and wants to sit down so you can see her face more clearly. Gay Diva doesn't want to stand in the back because you can't see his chin. We rearrange where we are sitting/standing 6 times and finally White Diva takes the picture. Black Diva looks at the picture and decides we need to take another one because someone was blinking. We take another picture. White Diva doesn't like that someone (ME) wasn't smiling. We take another picture. Gay Diva is bitchy because you can't see his chin. We take 4 more pictures. I finally say that I have to go to another meeting so pick one of these and be happy with it. It's now 1PM. It took 30 minutes to take a picture. As I leave, White, Black and Gay Divas are arguing over which picture to use.

Buck Passing

I wrote some employee reviews on September 22nd. I had to wait for my manager's approval before I submitted the raise requests to payroll. Almost everyday since then I have been asking her about them. She seems to have some ulterior motive for delaying, but she wont let me in on her plan. One of my employees asks about his review, and I tell him that we are waiting for approval as my manager instructed me to tell him. My manager's manager asks me about the reviews yesterday. Asks when am I going to be able to finish them. Seems like my manager passed the buck onto me, when I was finished with my part a long time ago. I forward her the completed reviews from September 22nd to show her that I was finished a month ago. My manager's manager calls my manager (confusing enough?) into the office and berates her in my eye sight. I just "accidentally" threw my manager under the bus for passing the buck. OOPS! LOL!

Sexual Harrassment

I'm hanging out in the lobby talking to a couple of people. I get on the elevator still chatting as I'm waiting for the door to close. This girl walks nonchalantly by the 2 females I was talking to then sees me in the elevator. She changes her casual strut into a Top Model walk switching her ass and says "Heeeey Raaassshhhaaaannn" I give her the head nod and what's up like I'm too cool to notice what just happened. Later that afternoon, she comes to my desk on the third floor and strikes up a conversation. She is bending down showing me her magenta bra and touching me on the arm. She tells me I have good hair and tries to rub my head. She invites me to a party this weekend, which of course I politely decline since she is a subordinate. She finally leaves and one of the women I was talking to earlier says "You know that's sexual harrassment right?" Can men really be sexually harrassed? I'm damn sure not about to file a complaint.

It was written...

Two Words: Two Tags

Inspiration - "Two Words" Kanye West feat Mos Def and Freeway "Two words, United States, no love, no brakes/Low brow, high stakes, crack smoke, black folks/Big Macs, fat folks, ecstasy capsules/Presidential scandals, everybody MOVE/Two words, Mos Def, K West, hot shit/Calm down, get back, ghetto people, got this/Game ball, lock shit, dump off, cock shit/We won't stop shit, everybody MOVE/Two words, BK , NY, bedstuy/Two hawks, too hungry, too many, that's why/These streets know game, can't ball, don't play/Heavy traffic, one lane, everybody MOVE/Two words, Mos Def, Black Jack, hot shit/Calm down, get back, ghetto people, got this/Game point lock, long pump cocked/We won't stop, everybody MOVE"

What I'm Listening To - Quan "A Long Time Coming, Vol 1" mixtape

Question(s) I Asked Myself Today - "Where she at?"

I'm still fighting my lack of blogspiration, so today you get 2 memes. Feel free to steal either one.
The Two Words Tag (All answers must be in two words)

1. Explain what ended your last relationship? Constant incompatibility
2. When was the last time you shaved? Yesterday Morning
3. What were you doing this morning at 8 a.m.? Sleeping Homey
4. What were you doing 15 minutes ago? Reading Blogs
5. Are you any good at math? Except Calculus
6. Your prom night? Didn't Go
7. Do you have any famous ancestors? Not Sure
8. Have you had to take a loan out for school? Still Paying
9. Do you know the words to the song on your myspace profile? Song Deleted
10. Last thing received in the mail? Trish's Card
11. How many different beverages have you had today? Just Water
12. Do you ever leave messages on people's answering machines? When necessary
13. Who did you lose your CONCERT virginity to? New Edition
14. Do you draw your name in the sand when you go to the beach? That's Corny
15. What's the most painful dental procedure you've had? Wisdom teeth
16. What is out your back door? Balcony/storage
17. Any plans for Friday night? Not Yet
18. Do you like what the ocean does to your hair? Low Caesar
19. Have you ever received one of those big tins of 3 different popcorns? Whack Gift
20. Have you ever been to a planetarium? Nerd=Me
21. Do you re-use towels after you shower? Uhh, yeah
22. Some things you are excited about? Nas' Album
23. What is your favorite flavor of JELLO? Vodka Lime
24. Describe your keychain(s): College/Work
25. Where do you keep your change? Wine Glass
26. When was the last time you spoke in front of a large group of people? Work Meetings
27. What kind of winter coat do you own? Pea Coat?
28. What was the weather like on your graduation day? Hellishly Hot
29. Do you sleep with the door to your room open or closed? It's open

The Incredibly Weird What If Question Meme

1. You can flip a switch that will wipe any band or musical artist out of existence. Which one will it be? Man, just one? I am a music snob and I know it, so I would want to get rid of a bunch of cats, but for now I'll say Fifty Cent. He can't really rap and he seems to be just a big asshole that people boost up all the time.

2. You have the opportunity to sleep with the movie celebrity of your choice. We are talking no-strings-attached sex and it can only happen once. Who is the lucky celebrity of your choice? Without hesistation, Gabrielle Union

3. You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who do you pick? Amerie or if I could travel back in time, Lauryn Hill circa 1996

4. Now that you’ve slept with two different people in a row, you seem to be having an excellent day because you just came across a hundred-dollar bill on the sidewalk. Holy shit, a hundred bucks! How are you gonna spend it? Let's see... I need some new clothes cuz all mine are too big. I guess I would go to Dillards and get some more dress shirts for work.

5. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go? New York City

6. Upon arrival to the aforementioned location, you get off the plane and discover another hundred-dollar bill. Shit! Now that you are in the new location, what are you gonna do? Go buy some bootleg mixtapes.

7. The Angel of Death has descended upon you. Fortunately, the Angel of Death is pretty cool and in a good mood, and it offers you a half-hour to do whatever you want before you bite it. Whatcha gonna do in that half-hour? Let everybody I love know that I love them.

8. You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What’s it gonna be? I want the power of invisibility, so I can sneak in and out of wherever I want. I'm nosy so I could learn everybody's secrets.

9. You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again? This one is too hard, 30 minutes? Shit, I don't know.

10. Rufus appears out of nowhere with a time-traveling phone booth. You can go anytime in the PAST. What time are you traveling to and what are you going to do when you get there? How about the beginning.. Garden of Eden. Warn them about the snake.

11. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? August 24th

12. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world! Bitchin’! What country are you going to live in now? If I can parlez vous Francais, I'd be an ex-patriate in France.

13. The constant absorption of magical moonbeams mixed with the radioactive vegetables you consumed earlier has given you the ability to resurrect the dead famous-person of your choice. So which celebrity will you bring back to life? Notorious BIG, I need another album or two out of him, and not that recycled, remix shit that Puffy keeps putting out.

14. What’s your theme song? Just To Get By - Talib Kweli

It was written...

My Mind Spray

Inspiration – “Come Clean” Jeru the Damaja “You wanna front what?/Jump up and get bucked/If you're feeling lucky duck/Then press your luck/I snatch fake gangsta MC's and make em faggot flambé/Your nine spray my mind spray/Malignant mist steadily pumps the funk/The results you're a gang stuffed in a car trunk/You couldn't come to the jungles of the East poppin that game/You won't survive get live catchin wreck is our thing/I don't gang bang or shoot out bang bang/The relentless lyrics the only dope I slang/I'm a true master you can check my credentials/Cuz I choose to use my infinite potentials”

What I’m Listening To – Skyzoo and 9th Wonder – “Cloud Nine – The 3 Day High”

Question(s) I Asked Myself Today – Why am I awake and listening to hip hop at 5 AM?”

My insomnia is kicking back in. It’s 5 AM and I am wide awake and listening to some underground hip hop and catching up on all the blogs I have been neglecting over the last couple of weeks. Anyway, here is my version of the random post that everybody and their mama seemed to do on Monday.

Is it me or does old girl from Flavor of Love kinda look like the kid from Mask?

Why am I still the topic of your blog posts? You aren’t that cryptic.

D’angelo Hall needs to shut the hell up and start covering some wide receivers. You lucky Mike Vick and Alge Crumpler represented cuz Hines Ward destroyed you.

32 days til my 32nd birthday. What am I going to do? Any suggestions?

What’s up with the throwing up?

No matter how much you hint around it, I am not having sex with you. It ain’t ever gonna happen.

I’m not ever gonna see that money again am I?

Slow down, you ain’t Superwoman!!!

What you gonna do now that she’s leaving? Ain’t nobody else gonna put up with your triflin’ ass.

No, me and her will NEVER be together. I’m gonna need you to focus your matchmaking skills somewhere else. One of us would be murdered if we ever got together.

Damn, I can actually cook sometimes.

You tricked me into going to sleep. You ain’t slick. LOL

What the hell is a “hiring holiday?” Just call it what it is: a hiring freeze.

I suck at returning phone calls.

I need to go check out the fam in Savannah. I can’t remember the last time I went home.

Throw some D’s on that bitch…

Shhh!!! Don’t tell Tenacious but I like that new Justin Timberlake song with Timbaland.

Umm. I’m a dude, you a dude. Why are you asking me about that? You are now officially suspect.

I tried not to turn on the heat, but its 33 degrees outside.

If the idea of random posts is to be random, why am I trying to think of things to write?

Is that a piece of weave in the elevator?

Pull your pants up homey. You at work.

I just looked at the picture again… I don’t see what you see.

I suck at surprises, please tell me what it is.

If it ain’t one thing, it’s a motherfuckin nother – Snoop Doggy Dogg “Pump Pump”

I need a new signature drink for when I go out. I’m getting tired of ordering Henny.

Thanks for listening. I know I might have been overreacting, but that’s what was on my mind for the last couple of days.

Thank you for just being you. That’s the realest random thought I could have.

It was written…

So You Wanna Be A Neo Soul Singer

Part 1 and Part 2

Settle down class. We are now going to talk about the third aspect of Black Hit Records 101: How to be a Neo Soul singer. If you notice, I say singer and not star, because for the most part, even though you have more talent than lots of your peers, you will not sell that many records. Don't let that discourage you though, because you can gain a loyal following and even get your records on 106 and Park. Well, not the countdown, but you can be the new video of the day. Like any genre of music, there are some rules you have to follow in order to be successful in Neo Soul.

Aspiring R&B singer # 1 - What's the difference between Neo Soul and R&B music? Isn't it just a pretentious name that someone came up with to divide us?

It may have started that way, but you can definitely tell the difference. For instance, Neo Soul music utilizes far more live instrumentation than regular R&B. But we don't have time to go over the differences. For the purposes of this class, I'll need you to just accept that it is different.

Aspiring R&B singer # 1 - But...

Not now, let's move on. The first thing you have to do if you want to be a Neo Soul artist is cultivate your look. Neo soul is about being different. I would suggest doing something different with your hair. Grow an afro, loc your hair, get those braids that Thelma wore on Good Times when she was going to marry that African prince, tease your hair so you look like Sideshow Bob off the Simpsons. This will set you apart from the thousands of aspiring R&B singers. It will give you that distinctive Neo Soul look.

Aspiring Neo Soul artist # 1 - I've already started growing my hair out in a half fro like Three Times Dope back in the early 90's. What about that clothes?

Great question. Clothes are just as important to your image as hair is. I would suggest that all women go for the earthy, no muss no fuss look. Wear flowing shirts or dashiki type garments. It gives you the image that you are not caught up in materialism and that you are approachable. For men, it's a little trickier. There are two looks you can go for. One is the regular joe approach. Wear your old beat up jeans and a t-shirt with a message on it. But make sure that it's clever. For instance, if you still have one of those Frankie says Relax or Rolling Stone shirts from the 80's, that would be a perfect fit. Make sure the shirt is about 2 sizes too small. I would suggest Smedium.

Aspiring Neo Soul artist #2 - Where can I find those if I don't have them?

I would suggest a trip to your local Salvation Army or a thrift store. It is a good investment in your career. The other look you can go for is the ambiguously gay, metrosexual look. Raid your sister's closet and find a blouse or some pants that are too small for you. Top it off with a fedora or some kind of head wrap that men don't usually wear. The women will think you are sexy, just ask Maxwell.

Aspiring Neo Soul artist #2 - Is it that easy? Just wear women's clothes?

They say clothes make the man, but it takes a little more than that. It takes months of practice, but you have to perfect your "I'm so sincere" look. Raise your eyebrows and look vulnerable. Clutch your heart and shake your head. This is a staple of the Neo Soul genre.

Aspiring Neo Soul artist # 3 - These are some great tips. How about accessories?

For both men and women, accessories are the key in perfecting your image. You should all start out with buying jewelry with an Ankh on it. No gold, no platinum, no diamonds. Just sterling silver. And when you are performing, make sure you have some incense handy. It doesn't matter what kind, my own personal preference is CocoMango, but any kind will work. Also, light candles whenever possible. It gives off a feeling of intimacy that Neo Soul is known for.

Aspiring Neo Soul artist # 4 - I thought you said that Neo Soul artists have the most talent. It seems like you are just telling us how to give off the right look.

Well, some of you do have talent, but others don't. It's just more acceptable for Neo Soul artists to be different. Even if you can't really sing, your quirkiness can overcome that. The key is to walk the line. If you don't have a traditionally good singing voice, you can trick people into liking you by being weird. Go into your poetry journals and find the piece that makes the least sense. Then find some talented musicians and put it to a bass riff. People wont understand what the hell you are talking about, but they wont want to admit it. They will give you props for "being deep" even if you are too deep for them.

Aspiring Neo Soul Artist # 3 - What about influences? It seems to me that most neo soul artists sound like an old singer from the 70's.

I have 2 words for you. Steveland Morris. Better known to the world as Stevie Wonder. You need to study Songs in the Key of Life and emulate his style. Another artist to copy would be Curtis Mayfield. His falsetto is the basis for many successful Neo Soul singers.

Class: AAAAHHH.

I have one final tip for you. Embrace the musical aspects of Neo Soul. While you may have grown up on hip hop, you have to be very careful which influences you allow in your music. You can make references to rap, but they have to be limited to East Coast hip hop circa 1988. You know Tribe, Latifah, Black Sheep. This shows that you have reverence for the artistic side, and that you don't pander to trends.

Aspiring Neo Soul artist # 1 - Does this make me a music snob? I mean I like some of the music I hear on the radio.

You can like that in private, but when out in the public eye, you have to maintain your sense of musical superiority. Only tour with other Neo Soul artists, and if anyone asks whats in your ipod, you better not say Nelly. That would blow your credibility. You'd be better off saying that you are listening to The Eagles or Muddy Waters. Anything other than what is popular today.

Okay class that's all the time we have for today's class. If you have any questions, please email me at Mo.Deniro@BlackMusic.com. I'll see you all back here next week when I will show you all how to write a hit Black song and how to crossover to the pop charts.

It was written...

So You Wanna Be An R&B Singer???

See Part 1 - So You Wanna Be A Rapper???

Okay class, let's get back in your seats. It's time to talk about R&B.

Aspiring Rapper # 1 - Do I need to be here for this? I'm a rapper.

All of you rappers should stay. Today's R&B music has strong roots in rap music. It's almost to the point where you can't have one without the other.

Aspiring R&B singer #1 - What do you mean? I mean, I sing, I don't rap.

Well, class, let me tell you what I mean. Singers are alot like rappers now-a-days. If you listen to what is selling, you may not be able to tell the difference. There aren't too many acts that still use live instruments in R&B anymore. You're more likely to hear a sample than a guitar or drum. And some of these samples that today's R&B acts use are lifted directly from old hip hop songs. That's a trend that doesn't seem to be going away.

Aspiring R&B singer #2 - Oh, you mean like Ashanti?

That's a perfect example. Just about all her samples can be traced back to hip hop from the 80's or 90's. Lesson #1, find a hot beat that people liked before and recycle it. If you sing over the track instead of rapping, it makes it a totally new song. You in the front... how come you aren't taking notes.

Aspiring R&B singer #3 - I already know all about the rap and R&B connection. I could teach this class if I wanted to.

Really, well let's see what you got. Come on up here. What's your name?

Aspiring R&B singer # 3 - I'm Tyrese.

Thanks, Tyrese. I thought I recognized you. Please continue where I left off.

Tyrese: It's all about image. The days of the smooth R&B singer are long gone. That went out with BoyzIIMen. Today you gotta be street, just like the rappers. It's like when Puffy switched up Jodeci's image. He made those 4 R&B singers from North Carolina look like New York rappers. They still had the skills, but the street cred is what set them apart from the pack. If you look at the popular R&B cats today, you see that they all seem to have an edge to them; wearing platinum chains, saggy jeans, excessive tattoos. They almost look just like rappers.

That is a good point, Tyrese. What other knowledge would you like to share with the class?

Tyrese: Let's talk about lyrics. You can't sing about love anymore. That subject is taboo. The hip hop generation has taught us one thing. Love is for suckers. Your songs should either be about sex, the streets, or the club. If you wanna make love songs, you may need to look into Neo Soul or Adult Contemporary.

Aspiring R&B singer # 1 - That's not true. There are some people that still make love songs.

Tyrese: You can use the word love in your songs, but the attitude and meaning is really going to be about sex. You can't put your woman on a pedestal anymore. The purchasing public isn't going for that. I love you is just code for I wanna screw you. What do you think, Dr. Deniro?

I would tend to agree with Tyrese. I use people like Ne-Yo as an example. "Sexy Love" is more a song about attraction than love. It's a fine line though. Can anyone name a hit R&B song that was not about sex, the streets or the club in the last year? That will be your first homework assignment in this class. By the way, Mary J Blige doesn't count since she has been around for almost 15 years. I'm talking about new artists here. Tyrese, please continue. Your insight is amazing.

Tyrese: Well, the final piece of the hip hop/R&B connection is collaboration or as the rappers call it...collabos. Before you can make a name for yourself in the R&B field, you gotta make your talents known. The best way to do this is to jump on a song with a rapper from your record label. Is it shameless cross promoting? Yes! Is it effective? Hell yes! The fact is people don't necessarily buy your records strictly for your talent. They buy based off who you are affiliated with. Even if you are just singing a hook that a 8th grade chorus student could do, getting co signed by an established artist can do wonders for your career.

Thanks, Tyrese. I would like to add one other element of rap & B. That's the mixtape. I know most people think of rappers when they hear mixtapes, but that is a burgeoning industry for R&B singers too. You can sing over other people's songs that you wish you wrote, and show your versatility. With the lines blurring between rap and R&B, you would be wise to take advantage of this avenue. Let's move on to something else now. We talked about the hip hop image, but there's another image that sells.

Aspiring R&B singer # 1: Are you talking about sex again?

That's right. Sex Sells. So you should wear as little clothes as possible. If you look good in your video, that can help you overcome other less important shortcomings like singing ability. Let's use Ciara for example. If any of you closed your eyes and listened to her sing live, you wouldn't let her sing at Karoake, much less give her a record deal. But she was smart. In her first video, she wore an exposing bathing suit and danced like a stripper. She accentuated her positives, and hid her negatives with slick production. That really works. It's not a coincidence that a lot of the female singers out today, all have a, dare I say, promiscuous image. They are selling sex to a hot beat. There are a few exceptions like Beyonce that can really sing, but even that is not enough. She cavorts around in various stages of undress in her videos as well.

Aspiring R&B singer # 4 - What if you don't have the body to do this? I mean Kelly Price did all right for herself.

If you remember, when Kelly Price came out, her song was hot for months before the video came out. Her and her people tricked the American public into liking her first before they saw her. And when we did see her? The only thing that people talked about for months was her weight. I'm not saying there are no exceptions to the rule, but the exception proves the rule in this case. Now, before you go saying that Dr. Deniro is sexist, there are some men who do the same type of sexual pandering to become sucessful. Our esteemed guest lecturer Tyrese for example. Does he ever wear a shirt? Same thing with Marques Houston and others. They are selling sex to sell records. It's just a fact of life in today's R&B. Any further questions before we move on to Neo Soul?

Aspiring R&B singer #4 - What if I just can't sing or write lyrics but I still want to be in the music industry?

This is a great question. There are many R&B singers that just can't sing. How do they continue to sell records when there are so many more talented people that can't break into the industry? The answer is simple. You gotta dance! I'm not talking about a run of the mill two step, you gotta find a hot beat and dance your ass off. You would be amazed at what an image can do for you. If you look good and dance hard, people wont question your subpar lyrical content or your mediocre singing skills. I mean, does anyone actually think that Janet Jackson has a good singing voice? Is Omarion really the second coming of Marvin Gaye? I think not. But they are great dancers and they look like they are having a great time. That means more to the general public than you could imagine. If worse comes to worse, you can always lip synch at your concerts. Let's take another short break and then wrap up our Black Hit Records class with Neo Soul. See you in 5 minutes.

It was written...

So You Wanna Be A Rapper???

I’m biting off my own self this time. A while back I wrote a satirical piece about a class for stalkers. This time I’m going at the music industry. Check it out.

Good Afternoon, Class. I’m Dr. Deniro. I assume everyone is here for Black Hit Records 101? Good, lets get started. In this course, you will learn how to make a hit record and get thousands if not millions of adoring fans. I’ve broken this class up into 3 sections: Rap, R&B, and Neo Soul. If you came here looking for how to breakthrough in the rock or pop music scenes, I suggest you drop this class now. We haven’t quite mastered those fields in a long time, with the exception of Hootie. Our area of expertise is with the contemporary Black music fields and we have an abundance of knowledge to share with you. So, you with the black fingernail polish and you in the shiny suit, you guys can leave now. Now that they are gone, I want to give you an overview of what we will be covering. I’ll attempt to answer any questions you have along the way.

The first thing we will cover in this class is how to make a hit Rap record. First thing, I will be teaching you is how to spot trends. This isn’t as easy as it seems. Half of making a hit record is copying what’s already out. But you have to be careful. For example, right now, if you wanna be a star, you should be from the South, or at least pretend to be. I would suggest listening to some TI or imitating Lil Jon’s synthesizer sound as a start. If you watch Rap City’s Top 10, at least 8 of the songs are gonna be from Southern rappers. You would be wise to emulate their style even if it’s not yours. This is not a new thing. A few years ago, sounding like you were from the Midwest was a surefire way to sell records. The same thing with NY and California. The important thing is to recognize what’s hot, and getting in where you fit in. Yes, you in the front row. Do you have a question?

Aspiring Rapper #1: What if you aren’t from the South? How do you make a hit then?

Great question. It doesn’t matter if you are actually from the South, Just do a collabo with a Southern rapper and you can claim their style. It worked for E 40. And do you really think Jim Jones listens to Southern rap music? It just works for record sales.

Aspriring Rapper # 2: Should I worry about a certain style of rap being over exposed? Eventually won’t people get tired of hearing only one type of music?

The most successful rappers are able to adapt to the changing tastes of the rap audience. Look at Ice Cube for example. He was a pioneer of that West Coast gangsta rap. He realized that he had to adapt and started working with the Bomb Squad outta New York. When that West Coast was resurrected with Snoop and Dre, he then switched back to being a West Coast rapper. Now a days, he is riding Lil Jon’s coattails for hits now that the South is running things. You may not have bought his album, but I bet you listened to his music in the clubs.

Another secret to being a successful rapper is money. I don’t care if you just got fired, owe your bookie $10 K, or are collecting welfare, if you want to be a successful rapper, you have to act like you have money. Materialism has been running rampant since Puffy hit the scene. You have to up the ante. If the next rapper talks about having a platinum chain, then you have to have a titanium ring. Don’t be afraid to get outlandish with it. Put diamonds on anything that will hold them. Mention an obscure type of liquor that nobody has heard about yet. Customize your car in a completely excessive way. While it may not make sense to you to have diamonds in your teeth, if you wanna sell records, you gotta do it. That’s what them Texas dudes are doing and you see how they shut down the rap game in ’06. Bottom line is this: Rap fans listen in an attempt to escape reality. It is your job as a rapper to let them live vicariously through you.

Aspiring Rapper # 2 – I don’t know how comfortable I am portraying that image. Doesn’t this contribute to the lack of morals that our youth are facing.

That may be true, but you have to remember the Rappers Code. Now I expected you to already know this before enrolling in this class, but we’ll review it. Can somebody tell me the rappers code?

Aspiring Rapper #3 – I am not a role model – Charles Barkley 1992

Very good, does anyone have anything else to add?

Aspiring Rapper # 4 – I rap about what I see, I am the ghetto CNN. – NWA -1991

That’s right too. You can’t worry about what anybody else gets from your music. Your job is to entertain and sell records. Rappers are only responsible for themselves and their economic well being. This leads me to my next point: Drugs sell themselves.

Aspiring Rapper #1 – What do you mean by that?

Quite simply, the core of your audience has either seen drug dealers, wanted to be a drug dealer or actually dealt drugs in their lifetime. Rappers have to have that larger than life Tony Montana/Frank White persona. If you look at some of the recent popular rappers, they all use drugs as their subject matter. Look at Jeezy. His entire album was about selling cocaine, and his first album did 2 million and now he trying to do 3. If you are especially clever, then you can even mention drug dealing on supposedly wholesome R&B tracks. Look at Jay-Z! On Beyonce’s song, he said he “used to run base like Juan Pierre.” Because his simile was so obscure, most people didn’t realize he was talking about drug smuggling. Now that is clever. Who even knows who Juan Pierre is?

Aspiring Rapper #3 – Who is Juan Pierre?

He is a baseball player for the Florida Marlins and he is known for stealing bases. The simile is comparing Jay-Z’s aptitude for selling drugs to Juan’s aptitude for running the bases in baseball. I wouldn’t suggest any of you to try to do something like this just yet; that is an advanced example of talking about drugs on the record.

Class: AAAAAHH!!!

There are a few other things you need to do if you want a hit record. Make sure people can dance to your music. You may be a lyrical genius, but unfortunately that doesn’t sell. You have to get the ladies on the dance floor. This means that you have to dumb it down. Make sure you have a repetitive hook that people can easily remember. Hit songs are not meant to make the audience think, but make them move. Look at Laffy Taffy... or Shoulder Lean…or Chicken Noodle Soup. These songs are about dancing. You can expect to hear these tracks at 1 AM at the club. They aren’t gonna make you any smarter, but they will make you rich. You may lose your hip hop credibility, but really, who needs respect from some backpackers when you have loot in a briefcase?

Aspiring Rapper # 3 – Some of my favorite rappers used to have lyrics of substance and still get the crowd moving. Why can’t I do that?

I’m sorry, but times have changed. Kids now a days don’t wanna hear that Native Tongue stuff. It’s all about the beat, not the lyrics. De La Soul may have been the shit, but did they ever get rich? It’s all about priorities. If you want to struggle to make a living and constantly change record labels for the sake of your art, go right ahead, but I think you are in the wrong class. You may want to go check out “Hip Hop Purity” being taught by KRS ONE down the hall. This class is all about making hits.

I think we need a break. When we come back, we will go over how to make a hit R&B record. I’ll give you a hint: it doesn’t have a damn thing to do with talent. We’ll meet back here in 5 minutes.

It was written…

Uninspired

Apparently, I went on an unannounced Blog break. I haven't even looked at my blog since Friday. It wasn't intentional, I just haven't had anything to write about. I guess this is normal for most bloggers, but it's strange to me. For the last 10 months, I have done nothing but think about what I'm going to write, how I'm gonna write and how people are going to react to what I write. This weekend, I stayed off the internet all weekend, except to download music. That meant no IM conversations, no blog reading, and no looking up random thoughts that pop in my head, which happens all the time. I wish I could say that I did something exciting this weekend that took the place of my computer time, but I really didn't. All I did this weekend was go out to dinner with a friend on Friday, and drive aimlessly around the city on Saturday. Sunday, I got called in to work because our phone system wasn't working and missed the beginning of the Falcons debacle against the Giants, but other than that, I just chilled and watched movies all weekend. Nothing exciting at all. Please forgive this rather pedestrian post, but I have nothing to talk about. Judging from my reading this morning, I ain't the only one. Seems only a few people have updated. Perhaps, I'll get out of this blog funk that seems to be going around the blogosphere tomorrow. Y'all have a good Tuesday and if anybody has any topics for me to write about, please feel free to share. I'm just not feeling very inspired right now.

It was written...

Once Upon A Time In The Projects, Yo!

Inspiration: "Once Upon A Time In The Projects" Ice Cube - "Once upon a time in the projects, yo!/I damn near had to wreck a ho/I knocked on the door - "Who is it?"/It's Ice Cube, come to pay a little visit to ya/And what's up with the niggers in the parking lot/She said fuck em, cause they get sparked alot/I sat on the couch but it wasn't stable/and then I put my Nikes on the coffee table/Her brother walked in he's into gangbangin/cause he walked up and said "what set you claimin"/I don't bang I write the good rhymes/The whole scenery reminded me of Good Times"


What I'm Listening To - Ice Cube "Amerikkka's Most Wanted" and "Death Certificate"

Question(s) I Asked Myself Today - "Why, when I woke up yesterday, my blog was taken over by an Italian porn site?" Did y'all see that in the morning? I had to republish to get rid of it.


I never lived in the hood. I admit that most of my so called street knowledge comes from early 90's hip hop, but even I have a project story or two. I was listening to Ice Cube and the title "Once Upon A Time In The Projects" got stuck in my head, so here is my ghetto story.

It was July 4th, 1997 or 1998. For reasons that will soon reveal themselves, that night was kind of fuzzy. I do remember that I was hanging out with my homegirl Boo Trotter. She had family in the projects, or what passed for the projects in Savannah, Georgia. Since I was young, dumb and thought I was invincible, I didn't think it could possibly be a bad idea to hang out in Yamacraw Village.

I picked up Boo in my VW Fox and after stopping off to get a big ass bottle of Bacardi Limon and two red solo cups, we headed down MLK Boulevard (which is probably in the hood no matter what city you are in) to kick it with her peoples. We were tossing back the rum as we rode and listened to No Limit. I was already buzzed by the time we got to Yamacraw and found a place to park. I can't remember what time it was, but the sun had long since set. We found her cousin's apartment and posted up on the stoop, inebriation working its way through my veins.

I was a fish out of water, but the alcohol made me blend in and forget that I didn't know anything about the projects. In that very moment, I might as well have been a lifelong hood resident. We kicked it hard, drinking and reciting Mystikal lyrics that were blaring from various apartments in a "Do The Right Thing" type battle. We ate cheap meat that was purchased from the Korean Market and charbroiled to perfection on cheap grills and placed on cheap paper plates. We blazed a blunt with the local Tony Montana, who was known for crack sales and his propensity for violence. Before I knew it, my big ass bottle of Bacardi Limon was damn near empty, and I don't recall a bit of chaser. Needless to say, I was gone.

I don't know if it was the paranoia setting in or not, but I started to notice some crazy ass looks penetrating me. In my mind, they were saying, "this nigga don't belong here." Perhaps, it was b/c I was not rocking the standard white tee and black jeans uniform that the Yamacraw crew was wearing, or perhaps because they just never saw me around, but I started to feel unwelcome in the projects. I told my homegirl Boo, and she told me that as long as I was with her, there was nothing to worry about. That put me at ease as I continued to take in my surroundings. At least until the Bacardi caught up with me and I had to empty my bladder.

I asked Boo's cousin if I could use the bathroom and she told me it was broken. She directed me over to the alley behind the apartments to releive myself. I don't even really do public bathrooms, so the idea of peeing outside didn't appeal to me, but I couldn't hold it back. So, I sauntered over to the alley, in my best I'm tough, I'm from New York so don't fuck with me strut. So, I'm peeing and what do I see in the alley? A damn crackhead!!!

Ayy, Playa! You got that hard?

Nah, man. I ain't got shit!

The crackhead starts walking towards me while I am in midstream. I'm looking at this cat like "What the hell?" I don't know where this cat came from, but he was so stealth that he could have been an assasssin if the crack didn't call him. I finished up my business, adjusted my Polo gear and left the alley before he could get too close. Keep in mind that I was drunk off my ass, but I had no idea where was at that moment. I'm looking around for Boo and her cousin, but I couldn't remember which apartment was theirs. As I am staggering around the projects, I hear gunshots and hit the deck. I thought I was in the midst of a drive by or something, but it turned out to be just regular July 4th shooting up in the air. Great, now my Polo gear is fucked up, cuz the projects don't have grass, just dirt. I brushed myself off and eventually found Boo. Of course, she thinks it was hilarious and gets me another drink to calm my nerves. This was the last thing I needed.

I sat on the steps, sipping a Colt .45, and watching a spades game a few feet away. There is more gunfire, but by now I am immune to it and realize that for some reason, niggaz just like to bust shots to commerate holidays. (I never fully understood that one.) There was lots of loud shit talking during the game; I mean this was the most intense round of spades I had ever seen. They were playing for money, and since I wasn't playing, they asked me to be the bank, which in my drunken state, I agreed to. Thug team # 1, reneged, sending thug team #2 into an uproar. It started out with yelling and threats and ended with both sides pulling out guns. They stood there in a Mexican standoff, pointing at each other and guess who was holding the money. Your's truly! At this point, I just wanted to get out of the projects with my life, so I did what any self respecting man would do. I put the money on the table and ran like a bitch. LOL. I hauled ass to my car so quick, you woulda thought that I was Carl Lewis. When I saw that no one was chasing me, I just sat in the car and waited for the scene to die down.

Boo came to the car and told me it was all good, but I had enough. I ain't cut out for the project life. We got in the car and rolled out. One final reminder of why I shouldn't have been in the projects? On the drive home, I realized that somebody stole all my CD's out of the car. Apparently, I was that drunk that I forgot to lock my car doors. After that experience, I made sure I never went back to Yamacraw again.

What's your project story?

It was written...

Truth or Dare/ The First Meme

A couple more truths before I move on... and the dares well, I havent done them yet. We'll see what goes down.

TTD truthed me with this one: t. cas - since you always talking about you cant drink like that.. what's your drink of choice & how many glasses does it take to get you drunk?

I don't remember saying I cant drink like that, I just don't anymore. I had my times back in the day. When I was your age, I was straight alcoholic status. Now, I drink once or twice a month, and I hardly ever get drunk anymore. When I do, I stay in the house. My drinks of choice are Hen and Coke, any type rum, especially Parrot Bay or Malibu. I'm also partial to Amaretto on the rocks and Grand Marnier after dinner.

Rob Mack hit me with this one: Truth for you: You ever remember giving a chick a lame "playa" line, and the shit worked? If so, talk about it briefly.

I can't really think of a time. I usually meet my women through mutual friends or back in the day at work. I don't have to do the playa lines, which is a good thing, cuz I have no game... at all. Once I know a chick, I can spit with the best of them, but on the approach I'm always conscious of coming across like a lame. I even wrote a post trying to get some tips from the ladies about what works. Can I just say that they were no help? LOL. Check it out right here.

The First Meme

1. Who was your first prom date? I didn't go to my prom, but I went to the prom with Shay at her school.
2. Who was your first roommate? Charis. We were mad cool until she moved her girlfriend and her girlfriends son into the crib.
3. What alcoholic beverage did you drink when you got drunk the first time? I didn't get drunk until I was legal. I think we were drinking E and J
4. What was your first job? Saint Joseph's Hospital. I worked in the dietary department pushing carts of food and washing dishes.
5. What was your first car? 1987 VW Fox. It was burgandy with rust spots on the top. I took my student loan check and got it painted Midnight Blue and got a Rashan X airbrushed front license plate with a Tiger on it to represent my school. Couldn't tell me I wasn't the shit.
6. When did you go to your first funeral? My grandfather died in 1984 so I was either 9 or 10. It was a military funeral in Beaufort, SC. I remember feeling proud when they did the 21 gun salute and gave my grandmother the flag.
7. How old were you when you first moved away from your hometown? I moved to ATL when I was 25.
8. Who was your first grade teacher? I wanna say it was Mrs Silverstein but that may have been 2nd grade. I was still in New York at the time.
9. Where did you go on your first ride on an airplane? February 1st, 1986. When I moved from NY to Savannah. We were all supposed to go, but there was some hold up. The rest of my family came down the next week, but I was stubborn and convinced my mom to let me fly down by myself. When I left NY, I had on a bomber jacket and it was snowing. When my grandmother picked me up in Savannah, it was 85 degrees. I remember all the flight attendants were calling me brave for flying by myself. I also got lost in the Charlotte airport for my connecting flight. I was wandering around with my boom box until someone helped me find the right gate.
10. When you snuck out of your house for the first time, who was it with? Woulda been with Shay. I didn't really sneak out that much, cuz there were too many people in my Grandmother's house growing up. I didn't have my own bedroom, I slept in the living room and my Grandmother would always "pretend" to get up and get water or a blanket from the hall closet and see what we were doing.
11. Who was your first Best Friend and are you still friends with them?Gautam in New York. We lost touch when I moved to Savannah, but our moms still keep in touch. We had a true rainbow coalition of friends growing up. Me - Black, Gautum - Indian (from India) Timmy - White, Ira - Jewish, Marsha - Philipino, etc. I came back to NY to visit and everybody had started congregating to their own race by that time. It was pretty sad that the innocence of youth was shattered by race.
12. Where did you live the first time you moved out of your parents house? In a crappy apartment with Charis.
13. Who is the first person you call when you have a bad day? I'm probably already on the phone with Trish. Good day, Bad day, Anyday
14. Who's wedding were you in the first time you were a bridesmaid or a groomsmen? In 97, My moms got married the day before my College graduation. I was so mad at her b/c she stole my moment and got all the gifts from the far off relatives.
15. What is the first thing you do in the morning? Turn off the first alarm and wait for the next 2 to go off.
16. What was the first concert you ever went to? It was either New Edition or the Eric B and Rakim, Public Enemy and The Beastie Boys. I remember the Beasties Boys got arrested for coming out on the stage on a giant penis. I didn't tell my mom about that part and she was furious when she saw the news.
17. First tattoo or piercing? Don't have either one
18. First celebrity crush? Vanessa Williams - Miss America.

It was written...

Da Hell Was I Thinking???

I was bored tonight so I messed around with my template. The colors are a shout out to my college, Savannah State University (GO TIGERS!!!) Since I am not a technical person at all, there are still some bugs to work out. For instance, my comment pop up box is huge and the chat box won't fit on the side bar. Also, if you click on a link, it opens in a new page. Tell me what you see that's messed up. I may or may not keep this, but if anyone has any tips on how to make this stupid template better, please don't hesitate to share. Hope you all are having a great weekend and I'll finish my truth or dares sometime this weekend.

I Dare You To Tell Me I Ain't The Truth (updated)

Here is Royce's Daughter's Dare. She dared me to take pictures of the crib as is before I cleaned it up. More to come. So keep checking back

Synsational wants to know the truth about why its hard to meet people outside the blog. I am antisocial because people get on my nerves and because I have Social Anxiety Disorder (self diagnosed.) I am not comfortable talking to people I dont know and I have a strong dislike of rejection. Its easier for myself to not put myself out there, than to get shot down. I think the blog has made it easier to connect with people on a purely intellectual level.

Nikki thinks I removed her question, when in actuality, she commented on an old post. She wants to know how many women I have said I Love You to in the last 8 months. The answer is 2. It has been way more than 10 times. She also wants to know if I told my moms ten times in the last 8 months. I don't think so. I think I talk to her like once a month, so it would probably be like 8 times in the last 8 months.

Mocha asked me about when I met her and Miz JJ.. Apparently I was thinking something, but didnt tell them what it was. So here is my internal dialogue.
"They stood me up..again"
"I'm just gonna go home.. oh wait, they calling me now"
"Look at Mocha and JJ.. damn they fine"
"Mocha's shirt is ummm revealing"
"JJ's lips are ummm WOW!"
"Stop staring Rashan"
"Talk to them both"
"You are talking to much to JJ"
"You are talking too much to Mocha"
"Aww, fuck it. Just chill out"
"Look at those fake lesbians"
"Black girls from Canada talk like White girls from America"
"They are hella cool"
"The night is over already?"
"Man, we should have went to Strokers"

Is that good enough for ya, Mocha?

Thee Modern Isis wants to know Since you are a sarcastic person, what is the most sarcastic thing you have said that got the most surprising response. I had a friend that I went to high school. I used to like her back in the day, but I had moved on and then she started digging me. Anyway, we were working together at the hospital and she used to do touch me on the shoulders or grab my hands and stuff. One day, I said, if you want to touch me so bad, I got something for you to touch. I was just being an ass... but to my surprise she was willing. We went down to an empty office and well you know the rest. That wasnt the most sarcastic, but it was the most surprising reaction. I can't even pick the most sarcastic comment. Sarcasm is a second language for me.

Tenacious dared me to take a picture of the infamous Al Qaeda. For those of you not familiar, he is a colleague that gets on my last nerve at work, never does any of his own work and even tried to get me fired last year on some bullshit. I played it off like I was taking a picture of our United Way Bake Sale. I know it looks like he is posing for the camera, but he actually walks around with that sappy grin on his face all the time, especially if there is food around. I told him today that he couldn't have that piece of cake he wanted because it was prepared with pork grease. The dummy actually believed me.



I did Trizzy's dare yesterday eating 3 times in one day. Check yesterday's post for photos. In turn I dared her to post an audioclip. Here was our first attempt, and the second attempt is on her blog.

Honey asked If I could do anything today and know that no one would remembeer it tomorrow... what would it be? I would wipe out the credit agencies like in Fight Club and give everyone a fresh start. Some people come in with advantages and I want to even out the score.

Organized wanted me to tell the story of "She who will not be named" from my first post... Just b/c of time this will be a short recap...

If you been reading the blog, you know how it ended, but here is how it started. I met her back in 1999 in Savannah at work. We flirted around a bit but she had a boyfriend. She used to hang out at the crib with friends then eventually started coming around by herself. Eventually, she broke up with her boyfriend and got with me. 6 days later she moved in with me. We were together for 2 years. Because of some alleged legal issues, (read the last paragraph of the link for details), we moved to Atlanta together. I thought we were cool, but apparently I was just comfortable (2 income households will do that to you). The first breakup was pretty dramatic in retrospect. On her birthday in 2001, I had bought her a tennis bracelet and some matching earrings. She saw the jewelry box and thought I was gonna propose to her and panicked. Said she wasnt ready to get married and blah blah blah. I was like ummm this aint an engagement ring (although I admit, I was thinking about it.) Anyway she said she needed some time to "work on herself" (translation: fuck somebody else) before she could move forward with me. A couple days later we got back together but it was never the same. We finally broke up for good a few months later. I was crushed, b/c this was the first time that I had ever been in love and I didn't really understand at the time why we broke up. I have better clarity now. Anyway, we reconnected earlier this year, but that was ill fated as well. It did however give me that proverbial closure that people talk about.

MORE TO COME!!!!

It was written...

Truth or Dare

Once again, my post is inspired by Trizzy, who got the idea from Xavier. They are playing Truth or Dare blog style. Being the adventurous spirit that I am (LOL), I chose Dare. My mission for Wednesday is to eat 3 meals. That may not seem like much to you, but I only eat once a day, twice if I am extremely famished. To top it off, I have to take pictures of me eating as visual proof. I will be posting those pictures as the day goes on.

I want to include the rest of you in this game. Hit me up in the comments and say Truth or Dare. I will respond with a question or a dare and you can post yours either on your blog, or in my comments for my blogless readers. If you accept a truth or dare, then I will accept one from you, so keep checking back to see how I respond.

Now, for some of you freaks out there, I gotta have some ground rules, so here are some suggested guidelines.
Let's not ask to see pics of each other (completely) naked. The idea is to get to know each other better, not embarrass each other.~
Ask interesting questions~
If you do a dare, it has to be something that can be easily shown by posting a pic online~Let's not get crazy with the dares :D

Now that the disclaimers are out of the way, lets do this. Truth or Dare?

Meal # 1.. Golden Grahams










Meal # 2 - Chik Fil A Combo #1 with a lemonade










Meal # 3 - Leftover Buffalo Wings from Fridays. I did it with 37 minutes to spare.









It was written...

What's Your Type?

I had a conversation last week with Trizzy about types. Does everybody have specific qualities that they look for in a mate? I know for me, I usually end up dating the women that look fairly similar. But what do you do when you are attracted to someone who is not your usual type? Using myself for an example, I usually am attracted to one type of woman more than others. They are generally short, chocolate, not too skinny. That's been my go to woman since college. That's not to say that's all I have dated, but in looking back at some of my old pictures, my so called type is evident. I don't even know if its a conscious thing, but it's there.

It's not only the physical qualities that are similar, but also certain personality types. For example, a lot of the women I date have a tendency to be involved with the church. This is ironic because I haven't gone to church regularly since I was 17. I'll let you amateur psychologists analyze that one. LOL. Also, they have to be intelligent and be able to hold a conversation. With the exception of Stalker #2, all my girlfriends have been smart. Finally, dealing with me, a woman has to have a sense of humor. I am always joking about something, and I can't deal with someone who takes everything too seriously.

I think that as I get older, I don't only allow myself to be attracted to one certain type anymore. It used to be that I wouldn't date anyone taller than me, but that requirement is gone. I think at this point in my life, I only have one deal breaker. I refuse to talk to or go out with dumb girls, no matter how sexy they are. That's my only non negotiable now.

So, that begs the question, what is your type? I don't mean your ideal Hollywood celebrity type, but the one that you actually meet and go out with. Ladies, do you go for suits or thugs? Fellas, do you only date women with a certain body or hair type? Do you always go for the same type of guy/girl or do you have various tastes? What's your deal breaker? Hit me up in the comments section.

It was written...